The Count had always been aware of the Palace on some level, and he
had used its recreative powers, its connection to him, to shape the rooms
and create new styles.
Even now, away from the massive building, Ryu was aware of it. Not
consciously. Never consciously. But he felt it. And he felt the first spike.
It had him alarmed, it had him worried, and as the hours passed by, the pulses increased.
Something was happening.
Something was wrong.
And Tsuzuki was alone.
Rikugo had finally quietly offered to fly him back and he had taken him up on that offer.
The scene in front of him told him all he needed to know. Tsuzuki was pale as a sheet but his expression spoke of determination. Eyes glowed with a fire Ryu had always admired from far, a fire that had drawn the eternal being to this young shinigami like nothing else ever had.
"Tsuzuki..."
Touda's voice was gentle, calming, and he was holding his master in a protective embrace; full body contact. He was stroking over his back, his head, his shoulders, face against his master's head. Tsuzuki appeared so thin and small within that powerful embrace, Touda's much broader frame dwarfing his master.
"I can do this, Touda!" Tsuzuki whispered harshly. "I can!"
"You're hurting yourself."
"It was just... a shadow. I know nothing I see in here is real! It's just..."
Touda pulled him closer again as he shuddered. "I know. I know, Tsuzuki."
I never should have left, Ryu thought desperately. My fault... What did I do to him?
The masquerade came back to mind, the night when he had tried to help Tsuzuki forget all his pain for a while, to lose himself in the fun and games of the dance. Instead Tsuzuki had been confronted with the power of the palace in the shape of a shadow of his past. Muraki, a ghost and nothing else... it had tormented the young shinigami and nearly driven him over the edge.
I never wanted that, he moaned silently. Never! I would never want to hurt you, Asato. Your existence means everything to me.
"I'm not giving up," Tsuzuki continued, voice hard. "I won't let him win! It's Ryu's only chance and I won't give up already!"
"Asato..." Touda started, but Tsuzuki shook his head.
"No! It's a game Enma plays and I refuse to be a pawn! He has the chance to leave when I'm here and I'm not going to cower! It's his only chance! Their only chance! He deserves happiness..."
"This life, in this palace, is his punishment," the fire shikigami said softly, cupping his master's chin to make him meet his gaze. "I doubt happiness figures into it." Golden eyes met violet ones and Touda smiled softly. "I know punishment, Tsuzuki."
"But... just a little happiness..." Tsuzuki whispered, voice rough. "They both deserve it..."
Touda was silent, then sighed. "Yes, we all deserve happiness and mine was serving you. But my sentence was not put upon me by Enma-Daiou."
Violet eyes grew hard as steel and Ryu unconsciously held his breath, almost taking a step deeper into the shadows from where he was watching.
"I should have taken my chance then!" Tsuzuki snarled.
"Tsuzuki..."
"He wanted me to fight him! He was asking for it!"
No! The Count felt his face drain of blood. No, no, no! Tsuzuki couldn't have... The deal he had struck had been enough already, but if he heard this right... Tsuzuki had nearly fought Enma-Daiou over him?
"He's playing a game, Touda! He's waiting for me to fail and I won't let him win! Ryu deserves this! He deserves what little freedom he can get!"
"How do you know?" the serpent asked.
"Because nothing anyone could ever do would warrant this punishment!" Tsuzuki cried. "Not even Muraki's deeds! No one! He made a mistake and he has to pay for it with eternal punishment! It's wrong! All of this is wrong, locking him up in here!"
"You gave him a little freedom," Touda agreed, "but the price..."
"I can do it!" Tsuzuki insisted.
Ryu stepped forward, out of the shadows, drawn to the young shinigami like he had been so often before. He didn't care that Touda saw him without his mask, saw the real him, saw the red eyes and felt the demon's aura.
"Tsuzuki, no," he whispered softly. "No. You can't do this. I can't let you."
Those inhuman eyes met his own, glowing with an inner strength few ever saw. "No! Enma agreed to the bargain and I'm not backing out! I know the palace can make you see things..."
Ryu reached out, cupping the narrow face, smiling sadly. Touching Tsuzuki like this... His dream, his life, his wonder. But his love was held by someone else. Someone he wanted to be with, but he knew that it could never be.
Happiness was for other people.
Tsuzuki's eyes hardened even more as Ryu whispered the last words out loud.
"That's where you're wrong. And I'll fight for it. I'm not going to give in!"
"Tsuzuki..." the Count tried again, shaking his head. "Don't do this. Not for me... please..."
"You deserve it," the shinigami repeated firmly. He caught the hand cupping his face. "I know you do."
"You don't know anything about me."
"I know enough."
"You already put yourself up for a life sentence by trusting me to return when I leave!" Ryu almost yelled at him, desperate to make the young man understand. "If you stay here, it'll be hell for you. The palace doesn't simply stop projecting."
"No, but I can learn to bear it."
"No... that's so wrong, Asato. So terribly wrong..."
But the violet eyes didn't soften. They stayed hard and unrelenting. "I made a deal," Tsuzuki said coldly, stepping out of the embrace Touda still loosely had around him. "I can manage. I'm not a scared child!"
Ryu swallowed and glanced at the shikigami who had appeared in his Palace. Touda's eyes were cold, hard, and there was no sympathy for him in that expression. The hell serpent was only worried about his master, and Ryu knew that in Touda's eyes, he was to blame for the current situation.
"Leave," the demon only said tiredly. "I'm back. You can go now."
He turned away from the gentle aura of the shinigami he needed so much; yes, he still did need Tsuzuki's presence. Like balm on his soul...
"But... it's only been a few hours!" Tsuzuki protested, running after him.
Ryu shook his head. "I'm not going out again. Leave."
"Ryu..."
"Please, Tsuzuki. Leave." His words were soft, almost lethargic, and he felt so incredibly tired.
"No..." Tsuzuki whispered softly. "We can try again. Okay? I'll be back and we'll try again."
Ryu shook his head. "Just go,"
He felt the serpent's aura flare a little, felt it envelop Tsuzuki, and suddenly the two presences were gone. Ryu gazed sightlessly up the stairs, eyes swimming.
I tried.
I failed.
And in the process I hurt him again.
I'm so sorry...
"Ryu?" a voice whispered and gentle hands touched him.
Part of him had felt Rikugo arrive, had recognized him instinctively, and he wanted so much to sink into the offered warmth. But he couldn't.
"I need to be alone," he whispered, not looking at his lover, his back still turned to him.
"I understand," came the soft reply.
He swallowed hard and started to ascend the stairs.
He had failed.
And Enma-Daiou had won.
° ° °
Hisoka knew what had gone on and he knew what kind of deal Tsuzuki had made. At first he had been speechless, then he had yelled at his lover for being so stupid, and then he had looked into those deeply violet eyes that spoke of so much conviction - and he had yelled some more. Sometimes he thought that Tsuzuki was too gullible. He wanted happiness for others and he tried to help.
Hisoka sighed and looked at the man currently standing at the window, staring out into the rising winds. The afternoon had started with clouds, wind had come in, then a few drops of rain, and finally the never-ending strings of water coming down from the gray sky above.
Tsuzuki was a slender shadow against the window, dressed in black slacks and a rumpled shirt, the tie undone and hanging listlessly around his neck.
By now it was dark outside and the wind rattled at the windows now and then. It wasn't a storm yet, just... rain and wind. Hisoka didn't need to be an empath to know that Tsuzuki's emotions reflected that weather.
Dark.
With guilty underlining the storm.
With the rain of self-loathing beating against a shield that tried to hide his disappointment, his resentment, his anger. He tried so much to keep it from Hisoka, not to bother the young empath with the rampaging emotions, but it was a losing battle.
Like a thunderstorm it raged over Tsuzuki's mind and soul.
He hadn't made it through the forty-eight hours. Seventeen and he had collapsed under the stress of what the Palace had thrown at him.
Now he was miserable.
Feeling guilty.
Blaming himself for what had happened.
Only you, Hisoka thought as he approached the man. Only you. You care so much about everyone... you want to help... and it tears you apart to fail. You hurt because others hurt; you want happiness and all you get is more pain.
He placed a hand against the small of Tsuzuki's back and felt waves of that anxiety, of that guilt and blame, rise against his shields. He had gotten a lot better with those personal shields, almost perfect now, and he easily pushed the emotions of others away. With Tsuzuki it was different. He loved the man, deeply, without reservations, and he wanted to help, and that showed in his wavering shields. He wanted to feel him, wanted to experience him, and though the positive emotions were like balm and a much-needed caress, the negative ones were harder to bear.
"I failed him, Hisoka," Tsuzuki murmured, eyes still on the outside.
"No, you didn't."
"I knew there would be shadows. I knew they were illusions. I knew it all. I failed."
"Asato, that's stupid. You, more than any one of us, are sensitive to the candles and the Palace."
"And Enma knew it. He made that deal knowing I would fail,"
Tsuzuki's voice was almost monotonous.
"I did. I failed. Ryu's trapped in that place and he can't go out because I'm so... so... easy!"
The last word was spat and Hisoka felt a spike in those emotions. He wanted to withdraw his hand, but he forced himself to keep the touch there.
"You're not easy, Asato. Believe me. I'd know. You're the most complicated man I've ever met. You're compassionate and warm. You're powerful and you can be cold. You're very... empathic, and you want to help."
Amethyst eyes suddenly met his and Hisoka saw the power in there, the tongues of dark flames dancing in their depth, entwined with the memories of the nightmare.
"I let it get me," Tsuzuki whispered harshly. "I gave in. I'm easy!"
Hisoka whirled the man around completely and grabbed him by the upper arms. Emotions skittered over his shields like frightened beetles, hissing and whispering, but he ignored them all.
Tsuzuki stared at him, slightly shocked by the move.
"Hisoka?" he stammered.
"You listen to me, you moron! You're not easy, understood? You went through so much and came out alive! You are strong. So much stronger than anyone of us could ever hope to be! You are powerful and... and... you did what you had to do, faced down Enma-Daiou himself and you won! This was your first stay at the Palace, completely alone. Something was bound to happen!"
"Well, it did," the older shinigami muttered with a self-hating tone to his voice. "I lost it. Ryu's refusing to go out ever again. Rikugo..." There was a soft sigh. "I wanted them to be happy, Hisoka..."
The emotions changed and Hisoka recognized them. Disappointment coupled with failure, and the inherent need to help.
You're a shinigami. You bring death. But you want to help, to ease the burden, to bring happiness.
That contradiction in a man who was a walking riddle had attracted Hisoka to this person from day one. Despite the fight he had put up, despite what he had said about Tsuzuki, despite everything he had constructed as a front, he hadn't been able to turn away. He had looked into the amethyst eyes, felt those turbulent, contradicting emotions, had seen the display of power, and he had known that this was him. His partner. No one else.
"I know," he now said, voice softening. "And you've got the hardest head I know. You can be stubborn. So be stubborn!"
It was this stubbornness that made me fall for you. Hard. It was this stubbornness that wore down my shields. It was you, your iron will and your stupid smiles and hugs and this... this silly puppy dog expression whenever I agreed to do something with you... It was you, Asato. You can do this to someone.
"Go to him, talk to him, kick him out if necessary, but the next time
we've got a weekend or two days off, don't stop outside those gates!"
Tsuzuki blinked, then suddenly a slow smile crossed the pale lips.
Hisoka let go of his lover's upper arms, but his hands were caught and
he was pulled close before he could step away.
"Thank you."
Hisoka said nothing, just held him. "And if you want company, I'll be there," he simply whispered.
Tsuzuki hugged him tightly as an answer.
The emotions quieted, grew less sharp, calmer, like a gentle sea lapping against a shore. Hisoka waited a few more moments, then let his shields down a fraction, soaking up the warmth. He closed his eyes, relaxing into his lover's embrace.
tbc...