Oh my GOD! I absolutely HATE myself! Kay, while I was writing this chapter, I got this psycho long, totally crappy WRITERS BLOCK OF ULTIMATE DOOM. To make it quite simple, everything I've tried to write turned out sounding like the hellfires of damnation.
And we ALL know what that sounds like…O.o
In any case, after a full month of idle hand, I FINALLY pulled myself back up and began to write again. Unfortunately, my computer broke. Again. So I was writing the majority of the fic by hand in my notebook. So, it took me like 2 months, but I got the chapter done, praise God, and it didn't look too shabby. In fact, it was pretty good. I was proud.
So, I get to my mom's office one day after school when suddenly I realize that my notebook was gone. I could have sworn that I'd had it with me at school, but some time between school and my mom's office, it had disappeared. Where the hell had I put it?
I STILL DON'T KNOW!
Which is what sucks. So now I'm rewriting the chapter. The way I see it, there are 3 possible outcomes.
OUTCOME 1: This chapter will turn out better than the original and I will be happy.
OUTCOME 2: This chapter will suck so badly that I'll have to burn it using my handy dandy notebook burning kit. (ummm…yeeeahhh…O.o)
OUTCOME 3: This chapter will be EXACTLY the same as the original by some freak occurrence of nature making this whole rant pointless.
I believe that the third outcome is the least likely. In any case, as this was a rather lengthy chapter (or maybe it was just the numerous times I'd scratched out paragraphs at a time during my writer block period that made it look several pages longer than it really was) so lets get started on the WHOLE GODDAMN REDO.
OH, BEFORE I BEGIN, I HAVE A FEW IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE!
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT ONE: For those of you who are concerned for my safety whenever I mention my name on this site, let me make it very clear…
LINKA IRIS HAWTHORN, the name I use on this site, IS MY ALIAS. It is NOT my real name, nor do I intend to GIVE my real name except to those I really and truly trust. Thank you for anyone who has expressed concern over this matter.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TWO: As this fan fiction was written using a variety of unstable word processing programs, I, SushiChica am going to be spending a good amount of time reposting every single chapter in a cleaner, more correctly spelled and less icky format. This might take several weeks or several days or several hours or perhaps several minutes. Either way, This will be my main focus for now. I know that this next request might be asking a lot, but I'll go ahead and say it…
I would really really appreciate it if you read this fic all over again, from beginning to end, and see if, over the time, my writing has improved at all. This is very important to me, as improving is everything to me, hence my next announcement.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT THREE: I think I'm gonna get mauled for this but…well…recently, I received a review from someone with the penname of CidGregor. This is what he said:
"Okay. I have a lot to say about this fic, so bear with me.
For someone who hasn't even reached high school, I have to tell you your writing is really good. You write with greater ability than I did at that age, and heck, you write with better ability than many high-school-age fanfic authors I've read. This most recent chapter in particular is very good in this respect, especially the Rob/Star part. So be proud of that at least.
Secondly, your plot is nice. Not terribly original, but presented in an entertaining and engrossing enough way that it stays interesting throughout the fic.
However there are two things I must criticize, one small, one large.
Small: An issue I've noticed throughout your fic is how you spell the name of Star's people. It's 'TamAran' and 'TamAranian,' not TamOran and TamOranian.
Large: The "squads" thing, this randomly inserting people's pennames as cameo characters, is MAJORLY KILLING this fic. I am dead serious. I was enjoying the fic immensely until the 'squads' thing started happening, and I will tell you right now that I almost stopped reading after the most recent one at the ball. Stuff like that ruins an otherwise above-average fic, and I strongly urge you not to do it anymore, lest you ruin this otherwise very good story.
Sorry if that sounded harsh. I still think you're a really good writer, Sushi, and with a little refinement I think you can be a great one.
Feel free to check out my fics as well, if you're interested. I also write mostly Rob/Star.
Keep it up, and don't stop writing. You've got the gift.
All the Best,
CidGregor"
Now, as most of you know, when I get a review that criticizes something pointless or stupid, I usually tell the reviewer to go to hell or to jump in front of a car or something.
BUT…(prepares portable fortress so that mobs cannot reach her) I believe that CidGregor has a point. A very good point actually. So, as I go through the fic and fix up errors and the like, I will also be removing the squads. (Screams and hides in portable fortress as people come up to her screaming about how much they absolutely hate her) I'M SORRY, OKAY? But really, it does distract from the main story and when I stand back really look at the bigger picture, the squads are a bit…hmm…immature. I don't know, all I can say is that I know this is what's best for the fic. I AM keeping Samantha's lone parts in…the one at the mall and the one talking with me at the ball, but the actual SQUADS will be out. I'm sorry, please forgive me. The squads were rather time consuming actually, and it did take longer for me to post when they were in a chapter because I had to get all this information so it might be better off anyways. Faster, better chapters. Please don't hate me. (Runs away screaming as mob stares at her oddly)
For the few very faithful readers that are left, here's the next chapter…
Disclaimer: There are three basic facts of life.
1) SushiChica is an independent. Anyone who tries to compromise my personal vow will be terminated and fed to wolves. (Not to say that I don't need my friends like all the time, but I DO NOT APPROVE of people being control freaks over me and the like LIM…)
2) Nightwing is REALLY REALLY REALLY hot in the comic books, post- mullet stage and SushiChica will marry someone who looks exactly like him…and acts like him too!
3) SushiChica does not own the Teen Titans.
Dedication: To all my school friends. We separated June 15th, but I'm confident that we'll see each other soon.
Chelly
Mary
Christian
Weston
Adriane
Iana
Patrick
Ashley (7th)
Erika
Christina
Ashley (8th)
Kyle
Nicole
Michael
I'll miss all of you like hell. I luv all of you!
Beginning AGAIN…
From her position in the bathtub, Starfire could quite clearly see many of the odd decorations in the Titans' main bathroom, such as Beast Boy's water stained SAVE THE WHALES! AND THE OTTERS! AND THE DOLPHINS!… poster that went on to list many other sea animals that needed saving, as well as Cyborg's laminated reminder to himself to not take showers at risk of short-circuiting his systems (a special machine in the half robot's room took care of all hygienic maintenance). One thing that Starfire found herself unable to view, however, was the clock. She knew that it was likely to be well past 11 PM, but as to the exact time, the girl had no idea. Sighing, Starfire shrugged and sunk deeper into her warm watery haven. Using some herbs that she had gathered just before leaving Tamaran last, the alien had successfully conjured a makeshift Tamaranian herbal spa-like soak. How long had it been since she had needed one of these to cease her tension anyways? Surely not in the last year…
Blackfire…a tiny voice supplied, bringing memories flooding back. Of course. The last time Starfire had needed to relive such a large amount of stress had been when her sister was visiting. What an awful two day trial that had been.
Watching the plumes of steam rise from the murky, herb infused water, Starfire had to smirk. Why was it that whenever people from her past caught up with her, there seemed to be mass chaos everywhere? Why couldn't anyone positive, like Taurus, come from Tamaran to see her?
But Taurus is dead, Starfire bitterly reminded herself, holding back rare, hostile tears.
Blackfire and Scorpio. They were both so awful that they practically deserved each other. Why had they split, anyway? They had seemed perfectly content lip locking one another that heart-shattering day.
She'd been warned, too, which is what made it all so much worse. Seven out of ten of Scorpio's remaining brothers and sisters had offered the same bit of advice. Why hadn't she listened?
"Leave him if you know what's best for you." Hadn't those been Aries' exact solemn words? Aquarius, a bit more hot tempered than her collected older brother, had been a tad more blunt about it.
"X'hal! Are you retarded? Get away from him if you don't wanna get screwed over for one of his chicks on the side!"
Even sweet Cancer had warned her in his own way.
"Star…please…just don't get too close to my brother. I don't want to see anyone getting hurt, okay?"
"You don't know him like we do!" Gemini and Geminy had both pleaded relentlessly. "He's a bad person Starfire. Be careful."
Starfire was sure that Capricorn and even perverted Leo had advised against their sibling as well. And why hadn't she believed any of them? Because she had trusted her instincts, and they had been telling her that no one could be that awful. Scorpio's brothers and sisters had just overreacted a little. After all, Taurus had never said anything about him when she was still alive…
"That's because she hated Scorpio so much that Taurus couldn't even mention him without getting pissed off." Starfire remembered how Leo had responded when she had asked.
Taurus' family had always cared for Starfire as one of their own, so on what grounds could she believe that Scorpio was any different?
She should have listened. But…it was over now. Scorpio would be going home…soon. Everything would be okay again.
…Right?
Robin paced nervously outside Starfire's room door, a thin rectangular box and a tiny slip of folded paper in one hand, the other clenched in a fist.
"Give it to her…" The Boy Wonder had walked up and down this hall so many times he was surprised that there weren't holes worn into the floor. "Don't give it to her…" Walk, turn. "Give it to her…" Walk, turn. "Don't give it to her." Walk, turn. "Give-"
"What're you doing?" The familiar monotone questioned as Raven's dark from rose from the floor. Robin would have jumped had he not been trained to handle surprise attacks and the like.
"I'm…thinking." The Boy Wonder finally decided, attempting to inch the box and note in his right hand behind his back unnoticed.
"Sounded more like debating with yourself to me." Raven remarked flicking her hand in his direction as she turned away. "And don't think that I can't see…" Robin groaned as he felt the objects clenched in his fist, tugging then flying out of his hands and into Raven's. "A note an a gift? How sweet."
"Very funny." The Boy Wonder snapped, attempting to retain a sliver of dignity.
"Oh, but it is…" The empath's mouth twitched into something that resembled a smirk for a mere second as her eyes scanned the now unfolded note in her palm. "Dear Azarath, Robin, spent enough time with my thesaurus lately?"
"…I'm sorry?"
"'…the affection buried deep in the catacombs of my intellect…'" Raven looked up, expecting a clear explanation of how the hell Robin had come up with such a line without some assistance.
"Oh, shut up." Robin lowered his head, then suddenly lifted it again. "But is it good?"
"Excuse me?"
"Is…it…good?" The Boy Wonder annunciated slowly and clearly.
"I'm not deaf." Raven studied her friend, then sighed. "Look, it's just not very…you." Robin quirked an inquiring eyebrow.
"O…kay…but is it good?" The empath couldn't help but notice how much the Boy Wonder resembled a lost puppy as he persisted with his question. "Well? Would Star like it? Is it good? Is it good? Tell me Raven…"
"…Ugh! Shut up!" Raven gave the note a final glance before handing it back. "…You're a regular Shakespeare."
"Really? Thanks!"
Raven said nothing, but discreetly rolled her eyes in frustration. Some people wouldn't know sarcasm if it danced naked in front of them.
Starfire sighed delicately as she rose from the bathtub and reached for a towel, undoing the tub's drain stopper with her toes. Towel securely wrapped around her person and adding another to her lengthy auburn locks, she stepped onto the plush carpeting of the bathroom floor. Ah! There was the clock. 11:34 PM. Starfire yawned. Realizing the time made her want to got to bed.
And who could blame her?
"So you gonna stand here pacing all night or will you actually live up to your famed nickname and give her the goddamn gift?" Raven asked, finding herself more agitated by the second. Robin had taken up his strides once again and it was driving her absolutely mad.
"Not quite sure yet."
"Well make up your mind soon. It won't be long before she's out of the bathroom."
"I…" Robin looked as though he were on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Odd, for him. Raven couldn't help but pity the poor idiot.
"Okay, let's make this easier on you. Starfire is in the bathtub as we speak, doing some kind of Tamaranian herbal soak thing. Azar knows how long that will take, but it does give you a chance to sneak into her room and put your little peace offering someplace where she'll notice it. That way Starfire will have time to react before you see her, so when she rejects you she won't be too angry."
"…Thanks for the boost of confidence, Raven."
"Anytime." The empath noticed the look of hesitation still lingering in Robin's eyes. "If you can't even just drop her a gift without her knowledge, then you don't deserve her anyway. Out of your league, Boy Blunder."
Robin took a deep breath, then charged into Starfire's room without a word. Raven smirked.
"Good choice, Boy Wonder."
Beast Boy lay sprawled across the length of the couch, attempting to, for once, read a book. Well, so technically it was a magazine. To him, that was pretty heavy stuff. Had there ever been a game review so deep as the one he had just read?
"Blah…" Beast Boy groaned and threw the magazine aside. There was nothing to do when Cyborg wasn't around; no one to argue and fight with. How was the Changeling supposed to entertain himself for a whole night without his cybernetic friend to assist him in his demonic deeds? The Game Station, not to mention the whole blasted television had been blown to bits by the two female Titans' high riding emotions earlier in the evening, and that left Beast Boy with even less to do.
Suddenly, the Changeling grinned, rising from the couch and heading for the double doors to the main elevators.
Spying on Robin and Starfire was always a nice option to relive boredom.
Robin had scarcely put down the box and note in what he thought to be an appropriate place when he heard voices coming from just outside the door.
"If I may be so blunt as to inquire, why is it that you are crouched aside my bedroom door as though you were a common criminal, friend Beast Boy?"
"Star!" There was a resounding crash, as though someone had bumped into someone else and the two had tumbled to the floor. "I was…uh…checking the locks on your door! Yeah, um…just…making sure you were safe!"
"…There are no locks installed upon my door for emergency precautions friend Beast Boy, as you are well aware, so what is it that you are truly checking?"
"I…ugh…um…"
"Quite apparently, you have no answer for me. Leave now, please, so I may retire to bed."
"…So, no punishment?"
"…Not tonight, friend Beast Boy. Not tonight."
"Sweet!" Fading footsteps could be heard, and the door beeped as it began to slide open. Panicking as he suddenly realized he had no means of escape, Robin spun around madly looking for a place to hide. The room was too clean to provide any good concealment. At the last moment possible, Robin made his split second decision and took what seemed to be his only chance.
Starfire entered her room, bath towel slung around her shoulders as though she had been training. With a careless toss, it sailed into the laundry chute on the wall. All Starfire wanted was a good night's sleep. That news from the Tamaranian police wasn't exactly uplifting either…
"Eep!" With sudden shock, Starfire's foot skidded and sent her tumbling towards the floor. Catching herself just before she landed flat on her face as Kitten had only hours ago, Starfire rose to her usual, upright position and went back to the place where she had slipped to find the culprit of her almost-accident. A small, folded slip of paper caught her eye, sticking out like a red tulip in a sea of white daisies on the immaculate carpeting. Curious in spite of herself, Starfire picked up the paper, sat daintily at the edge of her bed, and began to read the letter written in a very familiar style of handwriting.
Dear Starfire
My
Starfire:
Dear Starfire,
(Here a few phrases had been crossed out and rewritten)
Earlier this evening, you asked me whether I thought of you as beautiful in appearance or beautiful in soul. Due to circumstances out of my ability to control, your question was never properly answered.
I now write to you to say that (Here, several things had been scribbled, crossed, and blotted out.) that you are both to me. I won't deny that you are beautiful. In fact, you're absolutely ravishing. Your eyes make me go weak at the knees, your hair is like a wall of flames, radiant and bright to match your optimistic personality, and your smile does something to by brain that I cannot comprehend. You are absolutely stunning to look at.
However, you also have the most beautiful personality that I believe I will ever know. Your honesty and optimism are truly a wonder, and I believe that it is you who pulls us through each and every battle, encouraging all of us other Titans with a smile or an uplifting remark. You're open and joyful and I-
(Here an entire paragraph had been marked up.)
Sorry, I'm not very good at writing letters…or…describing how I feel. The affection buried deep in the catacombs of my intellect are rather difficult to describe. Regardless, I think that, after considering everything, I've come to find that I care for you. A lot. You're a wonderful person, and I don't ever want to loose you. Perhaps I might go so far as to say that I-
WHAM!
"EEP!" Starfire jumped at the sudden crash caused by a large mound of something falling from the ceiling, dropping the note and flying back, her fists alight with starbolts and ready to fire.
"Oww…" A figure in the center of the room moaned in pain. "Star, take it easy, it's just me…"
"…Robin!" Starfire flew to her best friend's side, starbolts extinguished, a concerned look in her eyes. She extended a hand to help him up off the floor.
"Ahh…thanks Star…" Robin gratefully allowed himself to be lifted up.
"Robin what is it that you were doing on my ceiling?" Starfire, still rather shaken from the occurrence, took a few deep breaths to calm herself.
"I was…uh…um…looking…for my birdarang!" Robin supplied, wincing. It was quite possibly the worst lie he'd ever told.
"…Your birdarang? In my quarters?" The Tamaranianpointed upwards. "On my ceiling?" Starfire looked at him skeptically. "That is the second atrocious untruth that I have heard this evening." Correction. It was most definitely the worst lie he'd ever told.
"Okay, okay, I was in here…well…you found my note, so uh…yeah…I didn't really want you to know that I'd been in here so…I hid…"
"…On the ceiling." The Tamaranian girl's expression was quickly changing from doubt to amusement. She crossed the room and picked up the letter from where she had dropped it.
"Yeah…um…did…you finish that letter?" Robin pulled at his cape nervously.
"Not fully. I came to this point here but was interrupted by your sudden appearance." The Boy Wonder sighed as his friend pointed. She's come so close, but missed it by a mere two words…"However, I was unsure whether it was truly you who had written me this letter."
"…Uh…what?"
"Well…" Starfire seemed to be choosing her words carefully, as though not wanting to offend her friend. "It did not resemble…you."
So Raven had been right.
"How so…?"
"Well…" The Tamaranian seemed exceedingly hesitant to say what she had in mind.
"Just tell me Star."
"The wording used…it sounded so very much like that of…Scor…pi…o…" Robin felt sick to his stomach.
"I…uh…thought it sounded more mature in that…um…wording." Starfire shrugged.
"It sounded like that of Scorpio."
"Well…" Robin wracked his mind, attempting to think of a way to lighten the awkward mood that had settled in the room. "At…least he's going back tomorrow morning?"
"In actuality…" Starfire sighed. "The Tamaranian police cannot come until the morning after tomorrow. Scorpio will be here for a day longer than planned. I am sorry I could not to better."
"Ah, Don't worry. We can deal with him for one more day…" The tension between the two friends was uncomfortable. He had to change the subject. "You didn't, um, find the box did you?"
"Box?" Starfire looked utterly bewildered.
"Okay, uh…" Robin crossed the room to the alien girl's desk and picked up the slim rectangular box that he had set down a good twenty minutes earlier. "Here…" He said it simply, handing the box over to his friend.
Starfire was still slightly confused, yet touched that Robin had gotten her something. Slowly, she opened the box, yet as soon as she lay her eyes on what rested inside, she let out an ear-shattering scream and chucked it quite as hard as she could at the opposing wall.
"Starfire?" It was Robin's turn to be confused. He stepped towards her, but as he did she inched away, nearly whimpering. Something about that box had obviously frightened her. "Starfire…what's wrong?" He continued to attempt approaching her, and she continued to back away.
"Robin…it is very sweet but…you see…oh, Robin…why…?"
"What are you talking about?"
"It is…that is…I…I just…I CANNOT MARRY YOU ROBIN! I SIMPLY CANNOT!"
"…WHAT?"
AND IT ENDS! -Falls off chair- God I haven't pulled off a good cliffy in a while, but I think I just managed it there. -pats self on head- Hmm…when I really look at it…I think that everything up to the letter turned out better than the original copy. After the letter…bla. It got kinda crappy, and I know that the original is better. I hope you still enjoyed it though.
Whew! It's been a whole year since I've joined fan fiction, and it's amazing…all the changes that have been made, improvements, etc. In about two months, it'll be a year since I started this fic. I hope that I'll be able to finish it by then.
Well that's all for now, however I repeat my plea to you all:
I would really really appreciate it if you read this fic all over again, from beginning to end, and see if, over the time, my writing has improved at all. I would really appreciate if you told me whether I have improved or not in your review.
Thank you! I love you all, as usual, good night!
Love,
SushiChica
PS- I'm in the mood for long reviews. A long review would be nice (preferably about the fic…heh). Thanks again!
PPS- VERY IMPORTANT! When I was editing my fic and removing the squads, I had to delete chapter sixteen entirely. Now, the old chapter eighteen is now chapter seventeen, and this chapter becomes chapter eighteen. For those of you who have already reviewed chapter eighteen from last time, you are going to have to review anonymously, or else fanfiction . Net will tell you that you have already reviewed this chapter. I'm sorry to put such a burden on you, but I would still very much appreciate it if you would review anyways. Thanks again!
Edited 6/24/05