The Story Too Cool To Have A Title

By Demolition

Chapter 2 – Life Is Like a Badly Written Fan Fiction

A/N: I don't own Saiyuki in any way, shape, or form. Man, this disclaimer really gets to me… Shows me just how little I really am in this world…

Charlie: No… It's too easy…

Demolition: …Sometimes, I hate you.

Charlie: Just sometimes?

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"Heatherstone Road…" The girl replied, eyes roaming from face to face to the gun pressed against her skin and back again. "Who are you?" She asked hesitantly, her voice both excited and fearful.

"A better question is who are you?" Sanzo replied coldly. Hakkai stooped down and ripped the girl's back pack from her back, making her arms bend painfully.

"Hey! Watch it!" The girl squealed, rubbing her shoulder.

"Sorry," Hakkai apologized before opening the navy bag and pulling out its contents.

"Hey! That's my bag! Keep out!" The girl shouted indignantly. About to say more, a sharp push of the gun still resting in her forehead shut her up.

"I'm not going to ask again," Sanzo hissed, "Who are you?"

"Katelyn Joy Aidan Waterloo," The girl replied, glaring. "And, if I'm not mistaken, you're Genjo Sanzo. The guy rudely going through my personal belongings is Cho Hakkai, and the red-head is Sha Gojyo. The one eating a pine cone is Son Goku. And I'm not a demon, so get your banishing gun off of my forehead," Catching the group of guard, Sanzo's hold on his gun faltered. Hakkai dropped the physics book he had pulled out. Gojyo chocked on the smoke from his freshly lit cigarette. Goku continued happily chewing on a pine cone.

"Who the hell are you?" Sanzo asked in amazement.

"Oh, for God sakes, just call me Kate," the girl replied, swatting Sanzo's gun away.

"How do you know who we are?" Gojyo asked, astonished. Kate shook her head, seeming to come to a realization.

"I don't know how Brittany discovered what my favorite show was, nor how she managed to find such talented actors and authentic weapons on such short notice," Kate said, leaving the thought unfinished. The pudgy girl looked quite pleased with her cleverness at being able to figure this out.

"Who the hell is Brittany?" Sanzo demanded, threatening with his gun again.

"That's an odd codename for Kougaji…" Gojyo muttered to Hakkai, who nodded in agreement.

"Give it up," Kate replied, grabbing the gun out of Sanzo's hand. "Cut the crap. You don't have to keep up the act."

"Watch it with my gun, kid," Sanzo warned, making an angry grab for it while mentally kicking his own ass for letting his guard down for one measly second.

"Oh, come on! It's just a bunch of blanks," Kate retorted, holding the gun just out of Sanzo's reach.

"No, it's not. Give it back," Sanzo growled, making another grab for his gun.

"Would you please just drop the act? The gun is full of blanks. I'll prove it, too," Kate said, whipping the gun away from Sanzo and aiming it at a tree across the house-lined street.

"Don't do it, kid!" Sanzo warned.

"I would advise against it," Hakkai agreed, grinning at the situation.

"Jesus Christ, Brittany must be paying you well!" Kate sighed. With a frown, she steadied her hand and pulled the trigger.

Nothing.

Blinking, Kate pulled the gun closer to her face. Inspecting it closely, she found what the problem was. She fiddled with a little switch before returning the gun to its prior position.

"Safety was on," Kate explained, grinning sheepishly at the guys over her shoulder. She took careful aim and pulled the trigger, again.

The tree disintegrated. Kate blinked in awe and surprise, the gun now hanging limply from her hand. Smirk on his face, Sanzo reached out and plucked the gun from Kate's chubby hand. Kate stared blankly at the priest for a few moments before turning back to stare at the spot the tree had been. Sanzo inspected his gun closely, obviously looking for evidence of tampering.

"There is no safety on my gun," Sanzo commented coolly, shining the barrel with his sleeve. Kate grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"So…" Kate started, "I guess you guys are the real deal…" She rocked back and forth on her heels, hands clasped behind her back.

"Sure are," Gojyo replied, puffing on his cigarette and inspecting his surroundings. These houses were much better looking than anything he'd seen in Shangri'La. Interesting colors, interesting shapes, interesting everything.

"Right," Kate said, drawing the group's attention back to her, "Then, how'd you get here?" She inquired.

"Beats me," Sanzo retorted, still playing with his precious gun.

"Whatcha gonna do now?" Kate queried, now rocking from heel to toe.

"Well, since we obviously have no idea about anything in this place, I propose we stay with you," Hakkai suggested. Kate stopped rocking. She gazed upon Hakkai with tears in her eyes.

"I propose… you," was all that Kate had gathered from that last bit. She threw herself at Hakkai, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Oh, I accept! I accept, my beloved!" Kate cried, much to the surprise of Hakkai (and the amusement of the other three men).

"O-okay…?" Hakkai, for once, seemed to be at a loss for words. Kate released her grip and stared starry-eyed up at Hakkai.

"So, where's my ring?" She asked expectantly, holding out her hand.

"Ring? What ring?" Hakkai replied, looking to Sanzo and Gojyo for help. Goku was really no use, as he had found a berry-bearing tree.

"My engagement ring, you silly goose," Kate prompted, hand still outstretched. Hakkai took a swift step back, suddenly realizing what was going on. Gojyo snorted in laughter and Sanzo even cracked a smile. Well, it was more of a smirk, I suppose.

"Engagement ring?" Hakkai repeated. "Um, I'm sure you're a nice girl and all, but I'm just not ready for that sort of commitment," Kate's hand fell to her side, though her facial expression did not change. As the outstretched hand fell, the other hand pulled back and slapped the human-turned-demon hard across the face. Caught off guard by the weirdness of the situation, Hakkai blinked, rubbing his raw cheek carefully.

"Well, if you weren't ready for this level of commitment, you shouldn't have proposed! Jerk!" Kate scolded. "I am, for the record, a very nice girl." Hakkai shook his head.

"I never proposed to you," The demon replied defensively.

"Then why the hell did you say 'I propose to you'?" The girl demanded, hands on her hips, seemingly towering over the poor demon.

"I said, 'I propose we stay with you,'" Hakkai clarified, glaring at Gojyo, who was on the ground, clutching his sides, laughing his ass off. Kate blinked, looking down at her feet as a blush of embarrassment spread across her face.

"Whoops," She muttered in apology, "My bad,"

"Your bad, indeed," Sanzo stated, finally putting his gun away. "So, show us where we'll be staying," He commanded, kicking Gojyo in the side to force the halfling up.

"Just so we get things straight," Kate said, not moving, "No one can know who you really are. You can't act like you usually do. This world is a hell of a lot different from yours, and there aren't many who'll believe your story,"

"That's rather cliché," Hakkai commented softly.

"Damn right it is," replied Kate, motioning for them to follow her as she made her way to her house. "It's like my life has turned into some badly written fanfic."

"Does your house have food?" Goku asked, "'Cause I'm starving!" Goku trotted along right behind the girl.

"Yeah, but there's not much, so you can't eat a lot," She answered, leading the group across the front lawn while snatching her back pack back from Hakkai, who had returned all that he had taken out.

"Awww…" Goku whined, pouting. A light, computerized tune began playing, startling the group.

"Calm down, it's just my cell phone," Kate said soothingly, giving Sanzo a look as the priest's hand had found a grip on his gun. Kate dug around in the various pockets of her book bag as the music repeated itself. Finally, she pulled out a small, silver flip-phone, with a little charm of Itsuki Naoya from Aquarian Age Juvenile Orion dangling from the retractable antenna.

"What's a cell phone?" Gojyo asked Hakkai, who shrugged.

"Aw, crap, it's my mom," Kate grumbled, flipping the phone open. "You guys need to be quiet, okay?" Silent nods from the four males showed her that they understood. She brought the phone to her ear, pressing a button as she went.

"Hello? … Hey, mom, … I was sitting outside. … Yeah, just sitting, … Was I? … Oh. Sorry, I totally forgot. … Oh, right. … Forgot about that, too, yeah. … So, when will you be home? … Not until eight? When's Dad going to be home? … Not until nine! Why so late? … We're going where for a week? … Why? … Well, yeah, but- … Oh. … Okay. … Bye. … Love you, too." She flipped the phone closed, a frown on her face.

"What's wrong?" Hakkai asked, watching as Kate pocketed the phone and produced a set of keys. She said nothing as she roughly shoved the house key into the lock, viciously turning both key and door handle and throwing the door open.

"Nothing," Kate finally replied, kicking her shoes off and plodding up the stairs. "Close the door and follow me," She commanded from the top of the stairs. Gojyo, Goku, and Sanzo hurried up the stairs while Hakkai closed the door after removing the key from the tight grasp of the lock.

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A/N: Oh yeah, I don't own Aquarian Age Juvenile Orion, either. And if you've never heard of it, shame on you! Go out and buy it, now.