AN- hey...uhh...well I'm board and my friend said that I should try sitting down playing random music and typing something completely random...what ever I came up with is what I have for a story! As simple as that! Well...here it goes!
Bakura's Rant...
Chapter One: Food!
I am so fucking sick of being left home alone while Ryou goes of to school to get that damned education of his! I hate it! Why do I hate it? Because when he's at school I have no one to feed me...
Yes it's an odd little thing to hate but I can't cook...Ryou says he's going to teach me how to use the stove some day but for now I don't know how...
According to him I'm not allowed to teach myself to cook ether because the last time I tried he ended up cleaning deep fried kiwi from the ceiling...It's best if I don't explain that one...
But now just look at me! I'm sitting at home on my hakari's computer practicing my typing skills and trying to figure out something to do!
It's just not right for an evil saccadic Yami to be stuck alone in a small cramped house with nothing to do but make a virtual Journal! Why? Because there are so many other things I could be doing at a time like this! Like...like...like taking over the world! Again! Mua ha ha haa!
Yes I could take over the world while their al in school! The Ra-Damned Pharaoh can't stop me if he's in math class! They'll come out of school and home just in tine to find out they don't have a home! I could blow it up! Yah! With a nuclear missal! And bunny's!
Bunny's are evil...they have really sharp teeth and eat more carrots then what is healthy for one to consume...shouldn't their skin be like orange or something?
...maybe I could train an army of evil bunnies to attack Yami in his sleep and consume his flesh...heh heh heh...if he didn't have flesh then his bones would be naked...
ewww...naked Yami...that's a disturbing thought...
I like Ryou when he's naked...mmmm...Ryou naked and strapped to a bed...better yet Ryou naked and strapped to MY bed...yes...that would be a VARY good thing...
I would just love to take him, to grab him the minute he walked in through the door from school throw him onto the kitchen counter and ravage him! Yes that would be fun...mmm...I bet he tastes awesome...
I wonder what he does taste like...mmm...Ryou...
Ah crap...now I have a problem...Oh the hell with it! It's not like anyone's home to ask me about it anyways!
Damn.
I'm getting hungry, and Ryou left without making any breakfast for me to kidnap leftovers from! He was late for school and didn't have time to make anything...now I'm going to starve to death!
Well...not to death, I mean, I'm already dead but I'm still able to fell the pain from lack of food! I mean come on! I do have a body now and it does like to be fed! Damn body and it's damn needs...
Ahh damn-it! I just remembered that it's grocery day! Which of course means that there isn't anything in the fridge to begin with and that of course means that even if I could cook there isn't anything for me to make anyways! and that also means that once school lets out he's going to go out shopping for the groshers and wont be back until latter on! I won't be able to eat for forever!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WANT FOOD!
Yeah, yeah , I know that I'm over reacting but hell you would too if the only thing you could find in the cupboard that wasn't moldy bread or stale crackers was the chocolate sauce crap...which incidentally I am now eating...mmmm...chocolate...
The clock says that it's now one...only one more hour until school gets out...yep one more hour before my little Ryou gets out of school...and then he can get me food! Yeay! Food!
Though I'm still going to have to wait until he gets home.
I wonder what he taste like with chocolate sauce...uh...I really need to get laid...
I wonder if Marik is busy. He's not allowed to leave the house unless Malik is home...I wonder if he knows how to work MSN...
Uhh...Marik on MSN...that wouldn't be the best of things...I don't think that I'm gonna go finding that out!
...I don't even think he can spell yet!
Well, that's not vary much of a surprise seeing as he was only made maybe six years ago...
...I'm board again...and I'm still hungry too...I hate being hungry...damn...I'm out of chocolate syrup! I wonder if those stale crackers are any good...
In the real world
Sliding the chair out and moving into the small kitchen of the apartment Bakura found his way into the cupboard.
"Damn-it...there all gone too! Where the hell can I get some food! I'm hungry damn-it!"
"meow!"
"Go away Kura!" A large white cat now moved around the tomb robbers feet, shouting hurt mew's up to him as he finally reached deep under the sink and pulled from a it a bright red and orange box.
"Meooooow!"
A triumphant smile came to his face as he moved a hand into the box and pulled from it one of the small square crackers.
"Ha ha! Food! and their stuffed!..." Popping a few into his mouth and wrinkling his nose he moved to the fridge and grabbed the ketchup before heading back to the computer.
"Their crunchy...taste exactly like crackers...and have a center that could be passed off as dirt! Eeeeack! I hope this helps the flavor a bit..."
"Meoooow! Meow! Meow!" still frowning and attempting to ignore their fat cat he couldn't help but notice the creature curl up onto the small nest of clothes he had seen it spend the day making.
"Yeah, go take a nap Kura."
Back to the world of computers!
sorry I was gone for so long...Oh! heh heh heh, you can't tell if I'm gone or not can you? Well I was just gone for a few minutes to get the crackers...
They taste really bad...I wonder if I'm going to find out if the flavor improves upon droning in ketchup!
Hey! They aren't so bad with ketchup!
Mmmmmmm...thick tomato flavored bloodish liquid...
yeah, yeah I know that it doesn't taste anything lie blood but it sure as heck looks like it!
Hmm, the cats came to keep me company. It's big and white and fluffy...Ryou named it Kura after me, because the first day we got him he attacked Yami...
heh heh heh, stupid Pharaoh...
He's really heavy! Cats are never as light as people say they are! It's just like 'look at my kitty! Isn't she pretty!' and you'll see some five your old carrying it around as if it's nothing! Or the damn people in those animes where they run around with a cat on their head! That's fuckin' imposable! I know that if I were to run around with Kura on my head my fuckin' neck would break!
Just think about it! Ten pounds of flesh and fat ridding on your head! No that is not right!
hmmm...I'm running out of crackers... and the cat won't stop starring at me funny... Damn cat! I bet it wants my food! Well it' snot going to get it you hear! It's my food! Mine I tell you Mine, mine! Mua ha ha haa!
and for those of you wondering yes I do need to have my head examined.
The cats acting weird...it's like lying down and screaming in pain or something...maybe I should let him out...yeah that would probably be the best idea, HOLY FUCK HE'S HAVEING A BABY!
Back in the real world
Jumping from his seat at the key board he raced to the cats side and stared slack jawed at the thing now giving birth.
"crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap..." felling his stomach begin to turn he moved into the kitchen, grabbing the nearest oven mitt and towel before racing back to the scan of chaos!
"Fuck! No! Get back in there! Ryou isn't here to help you! No! Stop! Don't come out!" he dropped back to the floor as he watch the third little bundle of joy fall from it's mother...
Biting his lip he moved the first of the kittens onto the towel, watching as yet another one came from the 'heavy' cat...
"Fuck! How many things are there in there! Stop having baby's! You're suppose to be a boy! You're suppose to be my boy buddy for talking about how hot Ryou is with! Damn you!"
Ripping the oven mitt in half and lifting the kittens from their places on the laundry. He soon had them all placed happily onto the towel and cushioned mitten next to their mother for feeding...the cat had finally stopped spitting children at him...thank the gods!
"Ok...now what the hell do I do..." he looked around the house in search for some emergency number before coming to the conclusion that a mind link would work just as well as a phone...
/Hakariiiiiiiiiiii/
There was a deep sigh threw their link before he received an answer from his light.
/Yes Bakura/
/I have a problem...and I don't know what to do about it.../
/I'm not going to bail you out of jail again if that's the question/
/No, no nothing like that...hey! Why the hell wouldn't you/
/Because you could just return to the Ring and I wouldn't have to pay five hundred dollars! That's why/
/Oh...well...yeah…ok...I guess that would work.../
"Meow!"
"mew!"
"mew!"
"mew!"
"mew!"
/Oh! uhh...Kura isn't a boy/
/How do you know that/
/Because he just had baby's/
/HE WHAT! OH MY GOSH! How many are there are they cute? Is everything ok? Oh umm, umm...uhh...Give me ten minutes and I'll be right home I swear! Oh my sweet Kami this is great/
"Well...at least he's excited..." frowning still he glanced back over to his once male cat and it's four little squealing kittens.
"Right now, I hate you."
Thirty minutes later and the arrival of a vet, Bakura is about to be successfully fed as Ryou is now ordering pizza to celebrate the arrival of a bouncing bound of kittens!
"Well...at least one good thing came form all this, at least I'm finally being fed!"
"I don't see what's so bad about any of this Bakura."
"YOUWERN'T THE ONE WHO WATCHED ONE OF YOUR BEST MALE BUDDYS SHOOT BABY'S FROM IT'S ASS!"
"True...but their cute!" the light smiled as he raised his hands to his chest beaming over to the small box of kittens
"And they were born on your laundry..."
"I can bye a new uniform, I still have the one I was wearing."
"And they disturbed my eating..."
Ryou blinked as he took the bag that his Yami was currently holding into the air.
"Yami..."
"Ne?"
"These are cat treats..."
"..."
AN: well...uhh...that's it I guess...for now...the first chapter of many to come...I think...there is absolutely no point to this story like thingy! I just wanted to write something because I was board and have never done a comedy before...But hell if I can get so much a three reviews within the nest three days then I will continue to write it. Ok? Sound fair? Good! Then if you read it please Review! (( NO FLAMES!))