Author's Note- I haven't had my computer for awhile so most likely I'll be having lots of fics out in the next month. Please review, even if its complaints I want to hear what you have to say. REVIEW! PLEASE!
Timeline-This is set after Buffy is resurrected. She and Spike have not yet begun to see each other.
XxX
And I can't stand the pain and I can't make it go away.
-Simple Plan
Buffy was patrolling, she hadn't been able to sleep more than ten minutes at a time. She was too afraid of waking up in a box….again.
It was a slow night, no beasties to kill.
"What are you doing out?" A voice behind her said.
"I'm the Slayer, it's what I do," She responded, turning around, "You know hang out in cemeteries,"
"Well, yeah , its just getting late is what I meant," Spike told her.
"Can't sleep,"
"I know the feeling,"
"Yeah," Buffy said awkwardly, " Wanna go to your place?" She asked.
Spike shrugged, "Sure," He led her silently to his crypt.
"Want a drink?" He asked getting out a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Buffy surprised Spike by saying yes. Twenty minutes later, they were drunker than hell. Buffy started laughing for no reason.
"Wanna hear something funny," She asked between giggles.
"Sure,"
" When I sacrificed myself, some of it was because I wanted all the pain of living to stop. I thought if I died, I might not be sad anymore," She burst out in fresh peals of laughter, "Damn, I'm such a selfish bitch. Now look at me! My equally selfish friends brought me back, because they were hurting!" Buffy started laughing again.
Spike wasn't laughing.
" That's not true, is it?" He asked seriously.
Buffy stopped laughing, " Why does it matter?"
"It just does," Spike got up and started pacing.
" I thought you would understand," Buffy said in a hurt voice.
"I understand luv," He reassured her," Its just…when you were gone I, we are were a mess. You held us together. When you died, it was like a big part of us died, too. We didn't know what to do without you,"
Tears were streaming down Buffy's face.
"I just hurt so much and I just wanted it to stop," She whispered.
" I was there, I'll always be here," He said holding her.
Buffy believed him. At night you could believe in anything, it was morning that was the problem.