The Romantic Rut

This takes place a few months after getting Blue Moon back on its feet; David and Maddie are back to business as usual. They have tentatively started up both their relationship and business again, but are still trying to find the balance between who they were and who they are to become.

Enter Gina James – a famous millionaire porn star who is looking to hire Blue Moon to find Tom Anderson, a man she met on the set of one of her films, where he was working as a crewmember. James says she's fallen for the guy after spending a memorable few weeks with him. After a quickie Vegas wedding, she woke up the next day to find her new husband missing, and has never seen or heard from him since.

Worried about him, James also wants to know if Anderson ever really loved her, and, if so, why he would leave so suddenly. She worries he might be intimidated by her "career" persona, and says she thinks he's worth giving that up.

Sensing Maddie's reluctance to take the case, James asks that they take the day to consider it.

David was hanging on Maddie's door, watching their new client (as intently as the rest of the men in the office were) as she left. With a contented male sigh, he closed the door with a click. "Well, well, well," he said, leering at Maddie. "That's what I call a case."

"Addison…" Maddie warns.

Pleased to have gotten a bit of a rise out of her – he could always tell just from the tone of her voice if he was succeeding – David decided to push her buttons even further. "Did you get a load of the stems on that tomata?"

"I'm not really in the stems business."

"Well, if you ever decide to be, I'd be completely supportive. After all, its naked, and fun, and I agree with both of you."

Maddie was ignoring him. He decided to try a different approach.

"Come on Maddie, I thought a good old fashioned romance like that would be just the thing to get your…"

Before he can finish, Maddie is jumping up – and down his throat. Right on cue, David thinks, looking at her with his trademark smirk. "Romance? Don't be ridiculous. That's not romance, it's rutting."

"So what would you call this bit of business we're involved in – a romantic rut?"

"There is hardly any comparison between a porn star wanting to locate some anonymous John from a movie set and what is happening between you and me."

"You're right. Gorgeous superstar, average Joe, two sides of the tracks – what's not alike?"

"Well, for starters, I'm still biodegradable."

"Ooooh….Do I detect a twinge of vanity?"

"Over those things? David, if those had been any higher she could have used them for a chin-rest."

"What a thought! You may be on to something there."

"Figures you'd be into that sort of thing."

"Who me? You know I only read playboy for the articles."

"And I only go shopping for the music they play in the department store. David, admit it. You are obsessed with sex."

"I prefer to think of myself as more of a connoisseur." Sitting on the corner of her desk, David leans across her to push the buzzer intercom on her phone. "Hey, Viola?"

"Yes sir?" crackled Burt's eager voice through the speaker.

"Get a hold of all Ms. James' greatest hits, would ya?"

"Right away, sir."

David lets go of the phone buzzer and leans back, studying her face.

"Are you out of your mind?"

"And here I thought that was one of your favorite things about me."

"You actually expect me to agree to take this case? That was the most indecent, pornographic, demeaning…"

"Fantasy."

"…load of feces I've ever heard."
"Feces? Says who?"

"Says me."

"You sure about that Mad, because we've heard some really crazy shi…."

"Shut up."

"Shut up!"

"Yes. Shut up. Close your mouth. Stop talking."

"Stop talking? But we're having a stimulating conversation here."

"If you seriously think I'm going to agree to help some oversexed…"

"She seemed perfectly sexed to me…"

"…overdressed…"

"…don't you mean underdressed?"

"…bordello rat…"

"Come on, Maddie, don't you mean 'bordello puss?'"

"…just so you can spend your days in porno stakeout drooling on yourself you are sorely mistaken."

"Stakeout! I hadn't even thought of that." He leans back over to buzz Bert again. Grabbing his wrist, Maddie demands, "What are you doing?"

"Telling Bert to get my goggles out of storage." Before he can finish pushing down the button, Maddie impulsively shoves the phone out of his reach and on to the floor, standing up to stare him down.

"We are not taking this case."

"Now Maddie, why are you so upset? Are you honestly going to sit there and tell me you never in your life went for the cheap thrill…"

"Of course I have – how do you explain our relationship?"

"…YOU? A Model?"

Maddie stops. Totally confused. "What does that mean?"

"It means that once upon a time you where at the top of one of the most decadent professions on the face of the planet, and you're going to honestly sit there and tell me that you never once in all that time took that path that leadest into temptation?"

"I never implied that I didn't."

"But you feel free, now that you've gotten it out of your own system, to cast aspersions…"
"Cast aspersions? Finally studying for that GED I take it?"

"…on other peoples' choices? That's rich." Feigning indignance, David turned away from her and stomped toward the door, Maddie following in hot pursuit.

"I'm not casting anything. All I'm saying is that there are certainly more respectable and decent choices to be made than selling your body for money."

Hand on the doorknob, David shoots over his shoulder, "Like selling your image for money?"

"What that woman does is unrespectable and immoral. You can hardly compare that to modeling."

Letting go of the knob, David turns to face her, leaning against the door. "Why not? Weren't you giving your body over to their ideals of what you should be? The perfect hair color, the perfect makeup, the perfect waistline – all someone else's choices, and not your own. All agreed to by you for a price."

"Go to hell, Addison."

"Lead the way, Ms. Hayes."

She stares him dead in the eye, fuming with more complicated things than just her anger.

"Do you wanna know what I think?" he asks her softly.

"Hardly ever."

"I think you're jealous." David smirks, waiting for the glorious rage to take over again. 'My god, she is beautiful,' he thinks. And so easy to rile up. Like taking candy from a baby.
"I'm what?" 'Boy,' he thought, 'she's fuming.' Each letter of the word "what" coming out as if the word were four syllables.

Leaning in closer, David slowly leered her in the face from eyes to mouth, while sliding his hand up the side of her neck to tickle that spot that made her just as crazy, but in a good way. "You. Are. Jealous."
Breathing an octave lower, Maddie stared at David's mouth, and didn't move. "Is that what you think?" she practically purred into his mouth.

That was it. David was lost, the game he'd started suddenly forgotten. Unable to think of anything to say, he simply nodded. "Um hmm."

"Addison, you belong in a cave," she murmured, moving closer to him, hips first.

"Well, I really do my best work in the dark. Though with you, I always did prefer to keep the lights on." Sliding his hand around to the arch of her back, he moved her in closer, nuzzling her neck.

"In fact," she continued, "I'd bet you find this whole conversation fun, don't you?"

Lost in the smell of her perfumed neck, David didn't notice the hand she'd had at his hip had snaked behind his back. "Well, it sure ain't fine." Lifting up from her neck, he stared at her face a moment, enthralled as she leaned in for that first sizzling kiss that always followed their best arguments when…

Next thing he knew, David was flat on his ass on the floor. Maddie had opened the door he'd been leaning against out from behind him. Landing in an unceremonious thud in the outer office, he stared up at her, confused.

"That'll be your cab," she said with a smirk. And shut the door in his face. Still sitting on the floor, David puzzled over what the hell it was she had meant.

The next day, Maddie comes in to an office buzzing with activity.

"Ms. Depesto, what's going on here?"
Phones are ringing, papers rustling, people wandering to-and-fro. Agnes lifts the finger she'd just jabbed into a blinking phone line to hold it up to Maddie, as if to ask her to wait a moment. She then says into the phone,

"Blue Moon Detective Agency,

We're working real hard,

We're working real quick

Please stay on the line,

If you're Tom, Harry, or Dick."

"Ms. Hayes! Busy busy busy!"

"I can see that. What's going on?"
"Everyone's gone crazy doing research for the James case." Maddie scans the office, stopping her gaze on a group of men who've gathered around McGullicudy's desk to study a centerfold from a back issue of Hustler with James' photo on it. "Yes," she says dryly, raising her voice in irritation. "Hard at work, I see." Oblivious to her entrance until that moment, the men fold up the magazine quickly and scatter, some picking up files, and acting as if they were reading those instead.

"And where is their leader, Captain Lecherous Lou?"

"You mean Mr. Addison? He's in the valley with Bert, interviewing witnesses."

"Addison and Viola in Pornocopia. Why am I not surprised." Agnes smiles and shrugs, holding the phone cradle to her chest.

"I can't believe I allowed him to talk me into taking this case. If it wasn't for needing the money…" Maddie stops. "Oh well. I'll be in my office." She turns to walk away.

Agnes watches her go, and then, motioning to one of the other girls to take over the phone, follows Maddie and quietly knocks on her door.

"Come in," Maddie says from inside her office.

"Ms. Hayes?"

"Yes, Agnes?"

"I know it's probably none of my business. I know I shouldn't say anything. But Mr. Addison…"

Maddie stares at her, a forced blank stare. Finally, she sighs, dropping her shoulders slightly. "What about Mr. Addison?"

"Well, it just seems like when that lady who was here earlier…"

"You mean Princess Pelvis?"

Agnes shrugged, and with a half-smile said, "Ms. James, yeah. It seemed like she was working awful hard to get Mr. Addison's attention."

"Him and every other man in the office," Maddie said sourly. She looked up from her paperwork, finally devoting her full attention to Agnes. "Are you worried about something, Ms. Depesto?"

Agnes paused, not wanting to push things further. Knowing Ms. Hayes like she did, she knew that that tone of voice, coupled with calling her by her last name, meant Ms. Hayes was bracing herself against a dose of truth. She'd have to handle this very carefully.

"Plenty of women flirt with David Addison, Ms. Depesto. That can't be helped."

"But things were going so well with you two…" Damn! Agnes thought to herself, wishing she hadn't just blurted it out like that. "I mean, you two have just seemed so, I don't know."

"Sedated?" Maddie finished wryly.

"Content," Agnes corrected simply.

Maddie sat for a moment, and considered what Agnes meant. Seeing her chance, Agnes dove right in to the thick of it. "Ms. Hayes, have you told Mr. Addison how you feel about him lately?"

Maddie looked down, and softly said, "He knows how I feel."

"Does he?"
"Look, Agnes, I know what it looks like, but this isn't exactly the first time David has looked at another woman; in fact, I'd be worried about him if he didn't – it's kind of part of his charm."

"But…"

"No buts Ms. Depesto!" Maddie said more sharply then she intended. After a beat, she quietly added. "But he always comes back."

Agnes turned to leave. 'Not again,' she thought to herself, and turned quickly back around to a startled Maddie, who had gone back to her paperwork.

"What if one day, he doesn't come back?" Seeing that she had Maddie's attention, Agnes moved to sit down. "Ms. Hayes, when I first met Burt, do you remember how he was sort of not interested?"

"I remember you chasing him about the office like Pepe le Peu and him running like that hyper little black cat."

"And how I had to basically pound it into his head that I was the right woman for him, no matter how scared he was?"

"You mean pound it into my office furniture."

"Well, that's just my point."

Maddie stares at Agnes. "You want me to have sex with Burt on the office furniture?"

Frustrated, Agnes stomps her foot. "Ms. Hayes…"

Laughing, Maddie holds her hand up. "Agnes, I'm sorry, I just don't understand what you're getting at."

"You have to tell Mr. Addison how you feel about him. Even if you think he knows."

Maddie finally really looked at Agnes, and for the first time really listened. Encouraged, Agnes adds. "You have to tell him. And then you have to show him." Maddie's eyebrows shoot up. Dead serious, Agnes continues. "And then, you have to tell him what you just showed him. Because, let's face it Ms. Hayes," Agnes leans forward, as if to confide in Maddie, who by now is leaning forward over her own desk, enthralled. "Men," she says simply, "are stupid."

Maddie blinks. Staring at Agnes, she starts to giggle. After a moment, Agnes joins in, and before long, the women are in hysterics. Meanwhile, in the outer office, all activity stops. A stunned group of Wobblies looks to the office door, intrigued with the unfamiliar sound of women's laughter.

"Oh Agnes, how did you get so smart?"

"Practice, Ms. Hayes. Lots and lots of practice."

"Show him, ugh?"

"Yep." Agnes gets up to leave. "And Ms. Hayes?"

"Yes?"

"The more specific, the better."

David and Bert in the Valley. While David interviews some actors and crewmembers – including one actress, in particular, who is none too fond of Gina James – Bert wanders onto a set, and finds himself smack in the middle of a shoot. The director, unsatisfied with the pretty but dull boy picked as the lead, spies Bert spying on the production. Inspired by Bert's "every guy" quality, the director orders that he be cast as the lead instead. Bert is taken away to make up and dressed like a midget version of Hef, surrounded by a bevy of lovelies, when David, finally finished with his interviews, comes to find him. Practically dragging Bert off set, we hear the disappointed Viola wailing, "I coulda been a contender!"

Back at the office, Maddie has resigned herself to the reality of the James case, even though she's not thrilled to be working on it. Busying herself with phoning leads, she's in the middle of her work when she's interrupted by her second knock of the day from Agnes.

"Ms. Hayes?" Agnes says, opening the door, "Ms. James is here to see you."

"Thank you Ms. Depesto."

Rising from her seat, Maddie motions to a chair in front of her desk. "Ms. James, how nice to see you again. Won't you have a seat?"

"Thank you. To be frank, I was shocked to hear you'd agreed to take my case. You didn't seem like you were too anxious for it last time I was here."

"Well, there's really no valid reason I shouldn't have. But I'm afraid I really don't have much news for you yet. We're still chasing some leads, and my partner is in the valley now, interviewing your …" Maddie searches for the word. "…peers."

James makes a tight smile and murmurs, "Of course." After taking a seat, she studies Maddie for a moment. "You don't think too much of me, do you?"

"I beg your pardon?" Maddie stalls, not quite sure how to be both honest, and diplomatic in her answer.

"I certainly didn't expect you to, you know. I mean, I had hoped you might be at least sympathetic, having come from such a glamorized profession yourself. But not many women outside of my particular business really understand how someone like me could do the things I do."

"Why do you? I mean, you could have easily done something more legitimate."

"Like modeling?" Maddie turned her eyes down, embarrassed to have been called out for her double standard the second time that week.

"Ms. Hayes, I'd love to sit here and say that I came from some shattered background or that I love to have free range sex or some such thing like that, but the honest truth is I wanted a career that could get me maximum results with little effort and allow me to retire before I was 45. It's a business to me, pure and simple."

"But there are so many other things you could have done. Surely a woman with your business sense …."

"Could what? Be the next Donald Trump? I don't think so. You and I live in the real world Ms. Hayes, and there's simply not that many multi-millionaire women entrepreneurs running around. Besides, this is as respectable a business as any. There are scores of people supported by this industry, and not just the actors. Crew, set designers, costumers, caterers – thousands of lives supported on a few short minutes of women like me pretending to be thrilled with a few moments of supposed passion."

"But how do you deal with the stigma, the judgment?"

"The hell with what people think. The reality of it is, this is an entire industry where it's the women who are in control. We make the most money, we dictate the terms of who we'll be with and what we'll do. We generate the cult following. Its really the most feminist enterprise going today."

"If that's the truth, why are you willing to give it all up for some guy?"

"Because I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I'm a very wealthy woman, Ms. Hayes, and I've earned my right to rest."

"Can't you do that with or without finding Mr. Anderson?"

"Certainly. But I'd be a liar if I said I really wanted to do it alone." James looked at Maddie, and quietly added, "Haven't you ever been in love, Ms. Hayes?"

Maddie bristles. "Yes of course."

"Have you though? I'm talking about an all-consuming, raging, hormonal, furious, passion – that 'can't live without you kind of love.'"

Maddie goes quiet. "That's not really the same thing." She finally says after a beat.

"No, you're right," says James. "It's not the same thing as the every-day average kind of relationship. It's better."

Maddie stares at James, suddenly struck by what she was getting at. Damn it all to hell, she was right: it really was like her and David.
James looked at Maddie, "Wouldn't you do anything for that love?"

Maddie stared back at James. "Yes. I guess I would." Standing up, she held her hand out to James. "Ms. James, I owe you an apology. I'm afraid I misjudged you."

James stands up, takes Maddie's hand, and smiles. "Thank you Ms. Hayes. You'll call me when you have news?" Maddie nods. "I'll show myself out." Maddie watches her go. After a moment, she grabs her bag, and heads out the door.

"Agnes, do you know where exactly Mr. Addison is?"

"He and Bert where supposed to be staking out some bar where Mr. Anderson supposedly hung out in the valley."

"If he calls, tell him not to leave. I'm coming down." Maddie leaves, shutting the door behind her.

"Yes ma'am." Agnes says happily.

David and Bert sit in a car outside the Capri Lounge, a non-descript, and almost innocent, looking place. Still muttering about his stymied opportunity at being a "porn legend," Bert is shocked when Maddie knocks on his window and sends him home in her car, telling him she's going to take over from there.

"Maddie."

"David."

He stares at her a moment. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, 'What am I doing here?' Ms. James is my client too, you know."

"All of a sudden you want in on this? What about all the deviant behavior we're supporting?" Maddie shrugs. "Wait a minute – is that the famous Maddie-Hayes-maybe-I-was-wrong-shrug?"

Maddie tries to sideswipe the 'I told you so' she knows is coming. "So how long have you been waiting on this guy?"

"Don't change the subject. Something happened."

"Nothing's happened."

"Oh something's happened alright. You're acting like nothings happened and the only time you act like nothing's happened is when something has definitely happened."

"I'm acting like nothings happened because there is no something to have happened."

"Right."

They sit in silence, Maddie looking around the area where the car is parked, David looking only to her. "So, have you talked to Ms. James today?"

"Now that you mention it, she did stop by the office, yes."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What happened?"

"I told her we were still working on things."

David stares at her.

"Well, we are, aren't we?"

David smiles his half smile at her – the one that implies he knows there's much more going on in this conversation than either of them care to admit. "It would seem that is what's happening, yes." Maddie looks back at him, and smiles herself.

Just then the lounge door swings open. Tom Anderson strides out, and walks to a nearby pickup truck. Seeing Anderson get behind the wheel, David puts the car into drive. "Show time."

David and Maddie end up following Anderson to his apartment – where they finally confront him face to face. Anderson admits to having run from James the night after their wedding because he was afraid he was falling for her.

Turns out James' jealous co-star– the one who David interviewed in the valley – hired Anderson to deliberately pursue James, get her to fall in love with him, and force her to quit the business. The girl wanted James out of the way so she herself could become the next big thing, and figured that if James broke her contract obligations she'd not only make the industry mad, but also end up in a lawsuit.

Anderson didn't want to help give the actress what she wanted, since he didn't want to help destroy James' career. He thought that if he simply ran away and told rival he didn't have any luck, it would all be fine, and James would forget him and continue to enjoy her success. He had no problem with who she was or what she did, and he didn't want to be the reason she quit. But Anderson didn't realize that James, herself, was ready to retire; more than that, that she loved him. Once Anderson hears this, he agrees to go and talk to James.

Once James and Anderson reunite, its clear that they only have eyes for each other. Words are barely spoken and it's apparent to Maddie and David that these two are going to stay together and give it a go. Another happy client served.

David sits in his office across from Bert, pointing a remote at the TV across from them. They are staring intently at the screen when there's a knock at the door. "Come in," the two say in unison.

Maddie opens the door, taking in the scene before her; on the screen is a shot of Gina James, in one of her "early" performances. "What are you two doing in here? Anderson's found, James has retired, and they all lived happily ever after. Case closed. Leave the woman in peace, already."

"She's in peace, alright," David retorts. In fact, I'd say she's down right euphoric."

Maddie crosses her arms. David glances at her, and then clicks off the tape. "We were just bidding our fondest farewells to Ms. James career. He toasts the screen with his chocolate milk. "Thanks for the mammories." David drowns the rest of the glass, while Bert stares at the screen, hugging the video box.

"I could have been a contender…" he mutters again. Clearly he's not done being bitter about his trip to the valley. David ignores him and looks to Maddie, who's nearly laughing, in spite of herself. "What's up?"
"You mean, other than your libido?"

"It shows egh? I knew pleats would be a bad idea." He reaches across the desk and smacks the zoned Bert upside the head. "Yo, Bert. Vamoose." Bert stares at David blankly, and gets up to leave. As he passes Maddie he mutters, been a star…" The door clicks behind him.

Maddie turns to David. "What's his problem?"

"He's upset I tore him away from a potential career as a male lead down in the valley."

"Like Agnes would have ever let that go down." She waits. "Speaking of Agnes…" Maddie moves forward to sit on the edge of David's desk. "She said something to me the other day, and well, David…"

"Yeeees?"

Suddenly shy, Maddie says quietly, "Well, you know how I feel about you, right?"
"Do I ever, and great you do."

"I'm being serious David."
"So am I. There's very few things in this world I prefer to having you about me."

Maddie decides to ignore him and just move on. "I mean, you know that I … well…"

David leans forward. "What?"
Maddie looks him in the eye. "I like you."

"Gee willikers Ms. Perkins, I like you too."

"I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've said I love you, I've said I hate you, I've said I want you…"

"…always my personal fav…"

"…but I realized I've never said I liked you. And I do."

Bemused, David looks at her, shaking his head. "Well, I like you too, Ms. Hayes."

Maddie moves from the side of the desk to sit on David's lap. She leans over to nuzzle at his neck – his very own version of her similar soft spot. "Maddie," he croaks, "what are you doing?"

She moves up the side of his neck to say in his ear, "Well, I've told you, and now I'm showing you."

Cuddling deeper into his lap, she continues her kisses on the side of his neck. Visibly shaken, David attempts to continue the banter.

"Oh I get it sort of like that game, show and tell. I like that game." He turns his face into her hair and breathes deeply.

Maddie finally moves her lips to the front of his mouth, and kisses him softly. "I do too. Maybe we should play it more often."

She smiles at him, and David smiles back, and they kiss again, this time a bit more deeply. Things are just getting interesting when Bert knocks perfunctorily and barges in.

"Mr. Addison…" Interrupted from their kiss, Maddie and David look up, but don't move from the position they're in. Bert is immediately embarrassed. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," desperate to look anywhere but at the very happy couple, Bert colors to the ends of his hair. "I didn't mean, I mean, I didn't think…."

"No need, Mr. Viola. I was just getting up." Maddie goes to get up from David's lap, and he holds her down a moment longer to naughtily whisper in her ear, "Don't you mean off?"

She smiles at him wickedly and whispers back. "We'll finish with that later."

Quickly kissing him one more time, she gets up to leave, smiling at Bert. At the door, she stops and turns round to David once more. "Why don't you stop by for dinner later, I have more things to show you."

Breaking into a big smile, David replies, "I'm looking forward to it." Maddie smirks and walks out, singing softly under her breath.

"Mr. Addison, I'm so sorry, I just wanted to pick up the rest of those tapes so I could bring them back to the production house…"

"Oh yeah. They're over there. Excellent work on this one by the way, Viola."

"Thanks, sir." Bert gathers up the tapes in a haphazard array, and makes his way back to the door.

"Oh, and Bert?" Viola turns. "Thank the Mrs. for me." Bert looks at David a moment, then over his shoulder out toward where Maddie has disappeared, then back to David again, and finally cracks a grin.