CHAPTER 1- THE LEGENDS LEARN HOW TO NOT BE DUMB
"Paul, take your sons and bring them in the red onion. The captain will tell you what to do later."
"Yo dude, who ya callin' son?"
"Joe, ask nicely."
"Yeah."
Paul told them to follow him and then grabbed one of the onion's legs. He started climbing it.
"Come here, Joe and Bob, this is the red onion. Grab one of the three legs and start climbing. I'll meet you inside. If you need any help with the climbing, call me and I'll be there."
And with that, he went inside.
"Yo bro, it's kinda small in there, ya think we'll fit?"
"I think we could, let's climb now."
They both grabbed a different leg and then started climbing it. Bob thought it was pretty easy, but Joe fell down.
"Ow, stupid onion!"
Bob was almost there, and stopped right before going in to take a look at his brother.
"How is it going, Joe?"
"What do ya think? I'm covered in friggin' brown crap and I'm bleeding."
Joe's body was full of mud and only a couple of red spots could be seen through it.
"Brother, that is not crap, it's mud. And the red stuff is just your skin... Get the mud off of you and try again. You'll get it sometime."
Joe went near another Pikmin who was watching the sky and grabbed hold of his hand. He used it for getting the mud off him.
"Hey, just what do you think you're doing?"
"You friggin' mental! Don't ask stupid questions if ya already know the answer!"
Bob climbed down the leg and went near Joe.
"I'm sorry, sir, he is new here and doesn't know anything."
"Whatcha mouth, boy."
"Quiet, Joe. As I was saying, he is new here and please excuse him. I'll tell him not do do it again."
"Fine. But next time I'm going to grab his neck, twist it, break it, step on it, burn it, eat it, 'release it' (if you know what I mean), make it go bye-bye, feed the remains to a Killer Butterfly, piss on it, and make the Killer Butterfly jump off an edge."
"Uhuh..."
"OK, sir, Joe will never do this again. Now, may I ask you a question? I noticed that you-"
"Did I SAY you could ask me a question?"
"Dude, again! Ya know the stupid answer and still ask the question! Fu-"
"JOE!"
"'Scuse me."
"OK, now you can ask me anything."
"Are you a bit-"
"JOE! I was going to ask you what you were doing, looking up at the sky."
"Well, I was in the look-out for Gold Flyer Pikmin. They are our enemies from when they attacked in the last cold war. They are the Orange Pikmin's friends and are almost impossible to defeat. They usually fly over these areas at this time, dropping stones containing micro-chips that enable them to know where we are, what we are doing, and what we are saying. Luckily, we have a way to destroy these rocks and make the Flyers and Oranges think that it was just a malfunction. The Flyers haven't been flying here since three days, and that's very unusual. Anyways... aren't you supposed to be somewhere?"
"The red onion! Joe, let's go! Bye! Say bye, Joe."
"Yo 'sup homie I'll see ya around the dumpster."
"Joe..."
The two brothers hurried over to the onion (well, Bob did, Joe was just sitting there and picking his nose) and climbed on the legs. Joe fell down, and Bob decided to call the Red Pikmin from before, but he realized that he did not know his name.
"Hey, Joe, what's the Red Pikmin called?"
"Didn't that guy call him 'Paul' or something?"
"Yes, right. PAUL! PAUL!"
Paul looked out a window on the onion and signaled them that he was going to be there in a moment, and a moment later he was there.
"Just hold on and climb. That's all."
Joe looked like he finally understood (wow).
"OOOH, we're supposed to climb! Why didn't ya tell me, dude!"
"OMG..."
Soon all three Pikmin were in the red onion.
In the red onion
While Paul, Joe and Bob were walking down a hallway, the two bros noticed many signs on many doors and other Pikmin.
"Hey, Paul, would you be kind enough to tell us two what those signs are for?"
"Those are to tell other Pikmin who lives in the room behind that door. See, this one says 'Da Hood'. OK, that was a bad example. This one says 'The Koopas'. The Koopa family lives in there. This other sign says 'Bathroom'. I think you know what that means... And don't call me Paul, I am your father, Luke!"
"NOOO! I mean, really?"
"Yes, Joe. I brought down a pellet, lifted and carried it back to the onion. I plucked the two seeds and you were born. Talk about reproduction... Yeah, so call me father or dad. Understood, sons?"
"Yeah, dude-dad. Man-dude. Dude-man. Yeah. Cool."
"... Understood?"
"Yeah."
Soon they reached a door with 'Main Hall' stamped on it. Paul opened the door and silently walked in. Joe and Bob did that too, and Paul close the door behind them.
"Yoyoyo 'sup!"
Every Pikmin in the room turned and stared at Joe, who started to pick his nose but stopped when he realized what he was doing (three hours later). An old Red Pikmin slowly approached the three.
"Ah, Paul. Good job, you can leave now. I'll take it from here."
"Yes sir."
Paul left and the old Pikmin signaled the two brothers to follow him. They opened another door and started walking forward.
"Well, you two must be Joe and Bob, is that right?"
"Yes."
"Hmm. Your father, Paul, is very very strong. He does well in the army, and so will you if you are like him."
"Army?"
"Yes, Bob, we have an army. The Captain will explain all this to you later. Meanwhile... want some ice cream?"
"Yeah!"
"WELL, SO DO I!"
The old Pikmin now had a very freaky look on his face. Bob and Joe backed off a little. They approached yet another door and the old dude opened it. Inside were many Pikmin sitting down and facing the opposite direction. They all turned and looked at the three, and then turned back and kept listening to the Pikmin that was standing up. He looked at Joe and Bob.
"Joe and Bob? You're late. Take a seat anywhere. NOW."
"Someone's in a bad mood..."
"I HEARD THAT, JOE!"
"Well, you heard wrong, then. YOYOYO!"
Joe and Bob walked in the room and the old Pikmin closed. His last words were "I'll be back..." The two brothers were freaked out. They sat down and looked at the Pikmin standing up.
"OK, since Joe and Bob are LATE, I'll have to explain everything all over again."
Moans were heard from the audience.
"Hey, it's not that bad. Especially for that Pikmin I see over there, picking his nose and playing a stupid game. OK, here we go. This is the year 2402 A.D. for us Pikmin. There are now over ten different kinds and colors of Pikmin, and those include the Green, Pink, Orange, Brown, Silver, Light Blue and Dark Blue, Yellow, White, Purple, Black, Gold, Flying Gold, Striped Black, and finally, us Reds. Twelve years ago, the Oranges wanted to control an island we now call Australia, but it was already owned by the Dark Blues. The Oranges asked nicely and threatened to start a war, but the Dark Blues refused to share or give away their land. So, the War of the Colors started. The Oranges won the first part of the war and controlled Australia. The Dark Blues were enslaved, and only a couple hundredths escaped and swam to the mainland. They asked for help from other colors and some joined them. Those colors are the Yellows, Light Blues, Whites, Golds, and us Reds. Meanwhile, the Flying Golds joined the Oranges. We call the Flying Golds the Flyers. The Flyers already owned Greenland, and the two colors wanted to control everything that was between the two islands. That is, they wanted Europe, Africa, India, and Indonesia. We fought hard and tried to defend those countries, but the advanced techniques of the Flyers and the Oranges were too much for us, and they conquered the land. Now they are going for the Yellows' land, Mexico. We are in Alaska, which is a place that is not wanted from the FOG (Flying Orange Gold). Our mission is to defend the land of the Yellows' and conquer back everything. And this is where we stopped, now EVERYONE should be listening. All 200 of you in this room will be trained and will become soldiers after you pass a deadly test, in a week. You pass the test, you will go in Mexico and fight with our other army who's soldiers are dying as we speak. We need lots of soldiers. We'll give you a day to do anything you want, and then you'll be trained. You are dismissed. Get out of my room and stop playing GameBoys."
Everyone in the room stood up and walked for the door. Joe and Bob were closest to it and got out first. There were ten Pikmin in a line handing out cards. Joe and Bob grabbed one.
"It says, 'You got room number 3278. Walk upstairs, turn right, forward, and it should be on your left. Open it and lock it. The keys will be inside.'. Let's go, Joe."
"Yeah, bro!"
They walked upstairs, turned right, walked forward, and opened room 3278. They locked it and turned on the light. It was a simple room, with two beds, a TV, and other stuff you find in simple rooms in hotels. Yeah. The two were very tired and went to bed. They fell asleep three hours later.
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