A Different Kind Of Love
By
kittynboots47834
I have fought against my better instincts and wishes. But fighting didn't help in what I was doing. The plan didn't help at all, it just backfired in my face. Taunting me throughout my whole life. It has always been there, growing. Growing bigger and stronger. I felt the rage and anger fulfill my heart and soul. The only reason that it did this was because I had let everyone down. It was all my fault. I fell for everything that involved my friends. Stupidity didn't even begin to cover everything that happened. I felt as if my whole life was falling apart, in front of my eyes. My friends and boyfriend were gone, completely out of my life.
I felt lost like a little kid without her mommy or daddy to be around to protect her. I was the fly that was being aimed at to be killed just for flying around. I thought that I was put on the earth to fix everyone's problem in life and I was wrong. I just felt that strength from within. Power and hunger for revenge took over. I was evil, unwanted, a monster. There was no one in this life that would want a monster as a friend or a girlfriend. No one. All anyone could think about was the things I had done in my past. Maybe the past does affect the future. Maybe I was evil and unwilling to let my friends live their life. My boyfriend left me because he was scared of me. Trying so hard to remember what I did, I forgot what I had done. I guess that was what I did to him to make him leave me. Everything that I did was wrong in his eyes.
Everything I tried to do, it never worked. The pain and rage was still there. I wasn't a human or a mortal, I was nothing. A body with everything lost inside it, no emotions whatsoever. They were gone, lost, just like before. I screwed up again. Losing everything I once had, I felt everything come back to me like a dog running for a treat from its master. But my master wasn't a human, it was God. He had led me back to the door with everything in it. My memories, emotion, everything was back. Maybe I hadn't lost everything. Maybe I have. I couldn't really tell what I was feeling or if I was feeling at all. But the guy that changed my life was Riku. Yes, he was from the military academy. He was cute, but very shy. Maybe it was the way I began to talk to him. We became best friends. Telling me everything about his life, I found out a lot about him. He had lost his family at the age of twelve. Coming from one hell of a car accident, he was the only one that survived. Surviving hell is what many people couldn't do. There was something about him. He brought a spark into my life. A bright and quiet spark. I guessed that is what I liked about him the most.