One of the coolest enemies in Muscle Fish is this lady named Garbage Gator. The most agreed upon iteration of her character throughout the canon is that she was once a regular little gator, carefree and unaware of the troubles of the world. But then one day she was stolen from her family by some curious little kid on a road trip and taken from her swamp up to New York city.

The kids parents eventually found the gator living in the kids closet and flushed her down the toilet. Which worked out pretty well for a little bit, the baby gator would waddle around the sewers and drainage systems looking for trash to eat up.

But then one day a scientist for a energy drink company found her and decided to use her to test to see if their prototype energy drink flavors were fit for consumption.

This also panned out well for her. She was well fed, and had a big enclosure about the size of a tennis court with all kinds of imported flora and fauna to make her feel at home. All she had to do was drink an energy drink a day, testing out new flavors and formulas, from one of those little hamster water bottles.

But then one day the CEO came to visit and said that it was kinda messed up that they were making an animal test out energy drinks so they, again, decided to release her back into the wild. Dumping her back into her home town in Louisiana.

This, obviously upset the now teenaged gator, and so she traveled by river and stowed away on a cargo ship to make it back to New York and her scientist family. Eventually she did but she couldn't figure out how the metro worked, because she was a gator, and lived in the sewers.

That's when she accidentally got into a dump site for radioactive sludge that Muscle Fish had lying around in some subterranean abandoned flood runoff area he was using as storage space for stuff he picked up while raiding bad guy strongholds and evil scientist labs. This, predictably, caused her to turn into some garbage monstrosity. Fusing her very body with all the dumb stuff Muscle Fish had lying around and made her pretty smart, as smart and cunning as a teenage girl.

Garbage Gator has a lot of set-up so she's only been used in a handful of reboots and video games. But the cool thing about her is that the reason why she's so pissed off and evil all the time is really Muscle Fish's fault. He probably should have sorted through his stuff better, maybe throw out some junk he didn't really need.

When Muscle Fish and Garbage Gator fight it's always a really cool sight. Like, Muscle Fish will karate chop her with his razor sharp scales and it'll cut open Garbage Gator but instead of blood and guts it's trash. Like old takeout noodles and soggy newspaper. A really cool and gross way to get around censors.

Sometimes I wonder if someone sliced my stomach open if all the food I've eaten will spill out of my guts like Garbage Gator. I don't really think it would be cool to get cut, it would probably hurt, but I'm always kind of interested in seeing how fast I digest food.

I'm thinking about this now because Waffles has chewed and sharpened her nails to really deadly points. She caught me a couple times on my left shoulder, but hasn't really drawn a substantial amount of blood. Just little scratches that wouldn't hold a candle to what Cliff can do when I need to help Lana round him up to go to the vet.

"What's so funny!" Waffles screeched from atop a filing cabinet, her back was arched and she had all fours planted and ready to pounce, "I'm not done yet!"

She leapt from atop the cabinet and tried to slash my face with her claws. I just leaned over a bit and slid underneath a desk in the corner, moving the wheeled chair in front of me as a makeshift shield.

"I'm just thinking about what my guts would look like if you tore them up," I admitted, the zikihow article showed that I should be a attentive conversationalist and answer questions asked to me, "I had deviled eggs for dinner last night, so I bet it'd be pretty gross."

Waffles landed safely on the ground, she leapt to do a 180 and face me, "Cowering like a little kit, you're NOTHING like your sister! I'll shred you, kittypet!"

I guess she's into Warrior Kitties. Lori used to like the series growing up, Lucy pretends to not like it but she retreads it every winter. That's cool, I guess.

"Er…" I manipulated the wheels to bat her hands away from my body, careful not to run over my fingers, "You know one of my sisters? Lynn, right? She didn't hurt you, did she?"

"WORSE! WORSE! WORSE!" She spat, her grabbing started to get frantic, "She caged me!"

I moved the chair over quickly and scrambled up to my feet, quickly grabbing her arms, "She put you in a cage!? That's horrible!"

Waffles squirmed against my grasp and I quickly let go, "Sorry! I wasn't trying to keep you from collecting your blood debt against…" I squinted my eyes and frowned, "my clan? Is that the right terminology? I've only read the first book…"

Waffles stopped biting my left hand, which was nice of her because her snaggle teeth are shaped.

She pushed up her glasses and tilted her head, "You have read Warrior Kitties? A BOY? Impossible!"

Her eyes narrowed into slits and she dropped on all fours again, "You'll pay for trying to trick Waffles!"

I quickly sat down on the chair and took a breath, at this point I didn't really care if she clawed my eyes out, I'm tired.

"Nope." I shook my head and winced as I cradled my left hand, "I wouldn't lie about something like that. I would have checked out the other books, but going to the library always made me uncomfortable. The librarian, Ms. Wetta, would always want to talk to me. I thought talking wasn't allowed in libraries…"

Waffles slowly got up, but she kept her back arched to strike, "You speak nonsense, rat-brain, talking is permitted by the two-legs so long as it is below a hare's whisper."

I wiped sweat from my brow and nodded, "Oh. That's good to know. I thought she was trying to trick me into breaking the rules so she could ban me from the library, because she thought I was annoying or something."

Waffles took a single chuckle through her nose and sat on the floor. She looked a bit more relaxed now so I tentatively took the moment to inspect my wounds, grabbing my backpack and taking out some torn out pieces of paper to wipe my small scratches.

"You are a curious creature, Lincoln Loud…" the young girl got up to sit on a large pillow in the corner of the room, taking out a old bottle of diet soda she has filled with water to drink from, "You fight like a Warrior but have the temperament of a rabbit. Not many can best Waffles in claw-to-claw combat, your sister, Lynn, is the exception."

I folded up the dirty paper and tied an old bandana I had around one nasty red line I had above my elbow, "Lynn likes to play a bit rough, but it's cool so long as it's on grass. I hate having to goalie for her when she practices street hockey. Asphalt hurts."

I cleared my throat and moved the chair towards her, "I am… sorry about Lynn locking you up in a cage. That was inhumane of her and I will try to get her to apologize to you."

Waffles squinted her eyes, "I don't want a apology," she spat, "I want a rematch."

It was my turn to laugh, I slapped my knees and smiled genuinely for the first time today, "That sounds fun! A grudge match! I can arrange that. Now that it's summer she should have a bit more free time."

"Waffles would very much like that." the girl swatted at the oversized dog pillow with her claws with odd high-pitched laughter.

I looked at her and couldn't help but feel some odd sense of recognition. I kinda know what it's like to have some big sister who doesn't really understand you, and I also know what it's like to have to deal with Lynn. But, there was something else in her eyes, this will to fight and scream and hiss against all of it.

I think she's stronger than me, but that bar is pretty much at ground level. Lori can bench press the couch, she says it's all in the calves. I don't know how that works.

"Well…" I gave a laugh as I set my backpack in its place around my shoulders, "revenge, from what I understand, is something that you shouldn't fight for. Instead of focusing on how Lynn wronged you and threw you in a cage while babysitting you- which I'm pretty sure is technically a war crime, you should use it as a opportunity to see how much you've grown since your last encounter."

I find myself slipping into older-brother mode with her. I've never babysat anyone who wasn't my sister, so I had no way of knowing if that was appropriate. So instead I'm trying to treat her as an equal, giving her advice that I wish I heard when I was her age.

Waffles nodded and curled up in a ball. She unclenched her jaw and smiled at me.

"You are very wise, Lincoln of the Loud clan," The girl spoke slowly, "I will sharpen my claws in preparation."

I nodded, "You do that. Make sure you throw some kicks in there too, Lynn never really anticipates those."

She let out a small laugh, "You do not have much loyalty to her, despite being of the same clan. That harrowing night, just one moon. You must deal with her every moon. For that, you gain my respect. I submit to thee wisdom."

It's kinda like talking to Lucy's friends. I nodded, not sure whether I should smile. I decided not to because I'm pretty sure she would take that as an insult or something. I'm more of a dog person, honestly.

I opened my mouth after a moment of silence, "Lynn isn't that much of a problem if you know her weaknesses, I'd let you know them but that would take out the fun of the rematch."

Waffles let out some weird sound, I'm pretty sure she's trying to purr but it sounds like she's doing a Yoda impression, "You know honor, but decide to turn your back to it in a fight. But you do not shy away from claws. You are an interesting boy, White-Pelt."

This girl is absolutely insane, but that's cool because every girl I've ever met is also insane. Granted I have not met that much girls.

"Thanks, Waffles." I pointed to the now dry wound on my scalp, "I guess my pelt is going to be red by the time summer is over, I can't even leave the house without someone wanting to beat me up. I guess I'm pretty annoying."

Waffles shook her read, rapidly, "Do not let yourself fall under the domestication of the kittypets, they seek to drive Warriors like us from the streets like vermin. But we will be free."

She stretched her limbs out and sat against the wall to face me, "I will rest easy knowing that I have a comrade like you, White-Pelt of the Loud Clan."

I got another friend! Or comrade. Both would be nice. I think I want to go with comrade since I don't have one of those.

Before I could open my mouth the lock was heard turning. I swirled the chair in attention, place my hands on the desk. I could hear Waffles hiss and in the corner of my eye she arched her back again.

"Hey," Becky peeked her head in, "are you still alive, Lincoln? I got you guys some food-"

Waffles voice jumped up an octave and she whined, "Leave us alone, Becky! We're playing Warrior Kitties!"

Becky blinked as I nodded to her.

She quickly hid her mouth to silently giggle, "That's fucking adorable. Lincoln, you're the best babysitter ever-"

"He is a WARRIOR!" Waffles screeched and threw the water bottle at the door.

"Okay. Okay!" Becky set a plastic bag on the floor, "You guys eat up, Auntie Pam should be here in, like, ten minutes so eat up."

She quickly shut the door and locked it again.

I got up from the chair to grab the food but Waffles beat me to it, galloping at it on all fours and ripping the bag open with her teeth.

"What is this?" She grumbled, "Soup? Soup is not a meal for a mighty Warrior!"

I blinked at the two black plastic bowls, it looked like it was Japanese. Probably expensive since it's so big and full of some kind of meat.

"Ramen." I sat next to the door and popped my bowl open, "it smells pretty good but-"

I held up the chopsticks to the light, "I don't know how to use these things…"

Waffles undid her lid and winced in pain as the hot liquid spilled out onto her fingers, "I'll not use the two leg's tools…"

She dipped her tongue into the liquid and hissed, "Too hot! Is she trying to kill us!?"

I pulled out my phone and looked up a video on viewtube on how to use chopsticks, "I suppose today is a good enough day to learn something new…"

I skipped the ads and Waffles positioned herself to my side to watch the video, holding the two sticks in each hand. We got the gist of it and started eating.

"This is very good." Waffles nodded at the bowl, her hungry eyes not leaving eyes food as she shoved it down, "I wish there was more meat."

I tossed my already empty bowl into the trash after wiping down the chopsticks to stow in my backpack for later use, "I think it was a substantial serving. I wonder how long it'll take to digest, though. I didn't chew those noodles long enough."

Waffles saw that I was already done and quickly slammed the rest of her Ramen, spilling some on her clothes.

She wiped her mouth with her arm and tossed her trash away, "Would you like me to slice your tummy open? So that you may eat your meal again?"

I laughed along with her and shook my head, "Nah, maybe next time."

The door shot open after the lock turned, some lady was here now.

"Waffles," she quickly snapped her fingers and Waffles ran towards her at attention, "Let's go."

Waffles turned to me, her voice barely a whisper as the lady put a leash around one of the straps of her overalls, "May the rays of the run keep you warm and your prey be abundant. I will see you on the streets, White Pelt."

I nodded as Waffles and the lady left the door.

The door closed behind her and I heard the lock again.

That is kind of troubling.

I took the moment to toss out the dirty napkins out of my backpack and check to see if that one scratch stopped bleeding. Luckily it did, I could probably walk around now without anyone getting to mad at me. But I should probably go home first to wrap it up properly.

Moments passed, I'd check my watch but I lost in the fight with Waffles just now. I wasn't about to root around in a storeroom to find it. That would be a particularly compromising situation, and I don't want to make myself out to be some kind of nosy twerp to Becky. Lori would kill me.

Someone was at the door again, they quickly undid the lock and practically jumped in.

It was Becky, she looked a bit troubled. I gave her a smile and held my hands together at the desk, hopefully she doesn't think I was rooting around in here.

"Jesus H. Christ, did Auntie Pam lock you in here?" Becky asked as she quickly went up to the desk, "I really hope that didn't freak you out!"

I shook my head and chose my words carefully, trying to imagine why that lady decided to lock me in here.

I came to a conclusion, "She probably was excited about her new haircut and wanted to walk around town with it. My sisters are like that sometimes, one time Leni got a Bob in 8th grade and spent the whole week taking photos of it. She got in trouble because she broke her phone after trying to take a photo on the watertower to get the best lighting."

Becky let out a sigh of relief, "Okay, cool. So you weren't scared?"

I rose my eyebrows, "I mean, sure. It was a little frightening, but the selfie turned out really good. And according to Leni, long hair is in right now, so I don't have to worry about her getting a haircut."

Becky rolled her eyes and laughed, "Yeah, yeah. Real funny, kid…"

Becky reached over and opened up one of the drawers of the desk to retrieve two motorcycle helmets and a messenger bag covered in pins that all had some weird anime boy on it.

"I, uh," I scratched my head, "wasn't really trying to be funny. I guess she could have been hurt, so maybe that was kind of mean of me-"

"Oh." Becky closed the drawer and handed a helmet to me, "So you weren't joking. My bad. Uh, yeah, I think I remember that haircut."

I took the helmet and quickly handed it back to her, "Um. I already have a helmet, it's on my bike. Thank you. I will be sure to put it on the next time I ride on my bike. Maybe next time my head won't get roughed up too much."

She didn't have the context for that, I understand that now. But before I could open my mouth she opened hers.

"Oh, so you rode your bike here? I was gonna give you a ride on my scooter. You guys still live on Franklin, right?" Becky put the helmet back into the desk, "I kinda wanted to see what Leni was up to…"

She's quizzing me again to see if I'm a good brother.

"Leni is taking more shifts at Lynn's Table along with more shifts at Reiningers. In her free time she has been devoting herself to social media stuff. She posts daily outfits and has a weekly viewtube series where she helps people of all ages pick out clothes to wear. It's pretty neat and she's met a lot of cool people. The most recent one is a lady from that vampire show. The one with the hair."

I faltered a bit at the end. I'm not good with names.

Becky listened on as she threw on her helmet, she had a pair of goggles on too that she got from her messenger bag.

They were pretty cool.

"Yeah, it's a replica of the goggles and helmet from efelceeel," she said, I have no idea what that is but nodded anyways, "But that's cool about Leni. I'm glad she's still passionate about fashion."

She hiked her thumb towards the door, "My shift is over, let's walk and talk."

I left the desk and followed her out the door. I could hear a ton of voices outside, by instinct I kept my head glued to the floor. I'm not too good with crowds in tight places.

Becky said some stuff to a person on the counter, I heard a voice call out to me.

I looked up, it was some guy with the worst facial hair in the planet.

"Hello." I greeted, I gave him a wave.

To my horror the front counter was filled with a bunch of teenagers. They all looked at me like vultures. It's the same look they all gave me whenever one of my older sisters invites friends over and I make the mistake of getting cornered. I wonder if this is how animals feel at the zoo.

"Whoa!" An acne scarred girl shot a finger at me with a gasp, "That's what his voice sounds like?"

Becky quickly grabbed me by the arm and stepped away from the group, "Hey, don't be a dick Whitney. He's shy."

While she was dragging me away the guy at the counter said something to me.

"Mad props for babysitting Waffles and leaving in one piece, little dude!" the voice announced, the store went quiet and all the eyes were glued on me, "Totally bad ass!"

Becky stopped and turned around to hiss at the voice, "Don't fuckin' curse, Tad, he's just a kid!"

I gave a wave to the guy as the doors closed behind me.

We were now in the flooded mall, the post lunch crowd was all here. A bunch of retirees and families deciding to take a trip to one of the few places of interest in town.

I had to speak up to be heard, "It's okay, Becky. I don't mind cussing, I'm just not allowed to watch R-rated movies with sex scenes in them. My dad says that I need to have the talk first."

Becky bent her back and turned towards me while walking to reply, "I mean, sure, yeah. I'm just pissed off at him for cussing because he's at the front desk and there were other kids in there. I know you're a pretty stoic kid, Lincoln, but I just hate it when he doesn't listen to me. Do yourself a favor and never get a high school boyfriend, or at least break up with him before you graduate."

I blinked.

"I'd write that down," I said as we weaved through the foot traffic, "but I kinda think keeping a diary is for girls, no offense. Also: I want a girlfriend. Not a boyfriend. I'm already a boy, seems kinda redundant."

Becky let out this wheezing laugh through her nose, "Jesus. Okay. I guess that certainly is one way of looking at things…"

Maybe some of Luan's comedy skills are rubbing off on me since I seem to make Becky laugh even when I'm not trying to be funny.

"I'm hearing voices, animal noises

The creme de la creme, the feminine abyss

And I'm reaching my threshold

Staring at the truth till I'm blind"

Threshold by Sex Bob-Omb