A/N: Just needed to say that my friend Mandy helped me on this one. And I'm going to reply to the reviews now.
Gottogirl- I'm happy you liked it. n.n And I hoped you liked what we did with "The Music of the Night". Thanks for reviewing!
Daisy Diva- Yay! You loved it! Thanks! n.n
Aidan- I'll try… okay… but I'm sort of failing at trying. And thank you. n.n
Masked Stranger- Yes, I realize that now. About time someone pointed it out to me. -.-;; Anyway, I can't wait to write that one!
Haunts- Thanks! Glad you liked it. n.n
Phantom'sBandieGirl- Chances are.. you don't want to know. I took this test thingy once and it said that Past the Point of No Return explains what's going on in my mind. n.n;; So… yeah. But I'm glad you liked Snore for Me.
Erik for President- -snickers- Heh heh… I made someone snort! XD
CHARIty- Yay! My friend and I are funny! n.n
Dana- I'm not replying to you because you help make them in the first place. -.-;;
Anonymous Reviewer- … too bad I don't know CPR… but yay! You liked it! n.n
BelacaniOnTheRez- … okay then…
Drakulya3000- n.n Of course we'll keep writing. And when you write those I'd love to read them.
Erik-Meister- Whee cupcake! –Dana and Kitsune fight over cupcake-
Onelastchance- Thanks. It took us about a few seconds to think that one up. XD
FIRMIN
"Mystery after last night"
It says "Mystified of missing scenes flight"
"Mystified" All the papers say
"We are mystified, we suspect low pay"
Bad news on soap opera scene
First Carlotta, now Christine
Still at least the show gets seen
On non-existant screens
What a way to run a business
Spare me this unending crap
Half the cast disappears
But the crowd still fears
Opera!
To hell with fucking scandals
Have cute sandals and you're sure to have a hit –admires own sandals-
ANDRE
Damnable, will they all walk out?
This is damnable
FIRMIN
Andre, please don't shout
It's stupidity, and the take is vast
Free stupidity
ANDRE
But we have no cast
FIRMIN
Andre, have you done the dew? –holds up Mountain Dew-
Ah, it seems you got one too –is jealous-
ANDRE
-drinks it- (spoken) Yeah, but anyway… -takes out note from Erik-
(singing)"Dear Andre, what a fucked-up sequence
Christine was, in a word, shitty
We were hardly bereft
When everyone left
On that note, everyone's a disaster
Must you cast them
When they're seasons past their prime?"
FIRMIN –takes out his note-
"Dear Firmin, just a brief reminder
My opera bitch has not been laid
Send her care of the Ghost
By return of post PTO
No one likes to fuck her
So monsieur, just do it now!"
FIRMIN & ANDRE
Who would have the balls to send this?
Someone with a sick-minded brain
These are both signed O.P.
ANDRE
Who the hell is he?
FIRMIN & ANDRE
Opera Pimp
FIRMIN
It's nothing short of shocking
ANDRE
He is cocking our position
FIRMIN
In addition he wants money
ANDRE
What a funny apparition
FIRMIN & ANDRE
To expect a large entertainer
He is clearly quite insane
RAOUL
Where is she?
FIRMIN
You mean Carlotta?
RAOUL
I mean, Miss Daae
Where is she?
FIRMIN
How should we know?
RAOUL
I want an answer
I take that you sent me this note
FIRMIN
What's all this nonsense?
ANDRE
Of course not
FIRMIN
Don't look there! –hides behind a pillar-
RAOUL
She's not with you then?
FIRMIN
Of course not
ANDRE
We're in the dark
RAOUL
Monsieur don't argue, isn't this the letter you wrote?
FIRMIN
And what is it that
We're meant to have wrote?
…Written
ANDRE
"Do not fear for Miss Daae.
The Stripper of Music has her in his pants.
Make no attempt to see her again."
RAOUL
If you didn't write it who did?
CARLOTTA
Where is he?
ANDRE
Oh, welcome back!
CARLOTTA
Your precious patron, where is he?
RAOUL
What is it now?
CARLOTTA
I have your letter
A letter, which I'd rather molest
FIRMIN
And did you do it?
RAOUL
I hope not
ANDRE
As if she would
CARLOTTA
You didn't send it?
RAOUL
Of course not
FIRMIN
What's going on?
CARLOTTA
You dare to tell me, that this is not the letter you sent?
RAOUL
And what is it that I'm meant to have sent?
"Your days in the Soap Opera are numbered.
Christine Daae will be playing on your behalf tonight.
Be prepared for a great misfortune…
… should you attempt to take her place."
FIRMIN& ANDRE
Far too much bitching for my taste
And most of it about Christine
All we've heard since we swore
Is Miss Daae snore
MADAME GIRY
Miss Daae has returned
FIRMIN
I hope we don't find out where
As far as we're concerned
ANDRE
Where precisely is she now?
MADAME GIRY
I thought it best she was alone
MEG
Why do you care?
RAOUL
May I see her?
MADAME GIRY
No, monsieur, she will see no one
CARLOTTA & PIANGI
Will she snore? Will she snore?
MADAME GIRY
Here, I have a note
NEARLY EVERYONE
Let me see it
-doesn't give it to them-
FIRMIN
Fuck you –snatches it-
"Gentlemen, I have now sent you several
notes of the most amiable nature…
… detailing how my theatre is to be run.
You have not followed my instructions.
PHANTOM
I shall give you one last cash advance
Christine Daae has returned to you
And I am fearful
Her snore should progress
In the new production of Il Muto
You will therefore cast Carlotta
As the genital stage toy
And put Miss Daae
In the role of the whore
The role which Miss Daae plays
Calls for charm and appeal
The role of the genital stage toy is silent
Which makes my casting
In a word, ideal
I shall watch the performance
From my normal seat in sex drive…
… which will be done by me
Should these commands be ignored…
… a disaster beyond
your masturbation will occur.
I remain, gentlemen,
Your obedient servant, O.P."
CARLOTTA
Christine
PIANGI
Whatever next?
PIANGI & CARLOTTA
It's all from a whipping boy to Christine
FIRMIN
This is insane
CARLOTTA
I know who sent this
The vicomte, her lover
RAOUL
Indeed! Can you believe this?
FIRMIN
Signora
Signora
ANDRE
You are our molester
FIRMIN
And always will be
ANDRE
Signora
FIRMIN
The man is your pad
ANDRE
We don't take orders
FIRMIN
Miss Daae will be playing
The genital stage toy, the silent role.
FIRMIN & ANDRE
Carlotta will be playing the whore
CARLOTTA
It's useless trying to tease me
FIRMIN & ANDRE
Tease her
CARLOTTA
You're only trying to tease me
FIRMIN & ANDRE
To tease her
MADAME GIRY
Who porn his nerd, beware to those
CARLOTTA
You have teased me
MADAME GIRY
What the stripper sees, the stripper blows
CARLOTTA
You have spooked me
FIRMIN & ANDRE
Signora, pardon us
CARLOTTA
You have replaced me
FIRMIN & ANDRE
Please, signora, we beseech you
RAOUL
I must see her
MADAME GIRY
This hour shall see your darkest fears
The stripper blows, the stripper cheers
RAOUL
Where did she go?
FIRMIN & ANDRE
Signora, play for us
FIRMIN, ANDRE, & CARLOTTA
Don't be a farter
RAOUL, MADAME GIRY, & MEG
What's the new bra size for the whore?
EVERYONE ELSE
Our whore!
DUDE/ MONSEIUR
Will you please outlive Miss Daae?
Miss Daae?