Hidden Pain
Chapter 7: Friendship
After a few minutes of sobbing, Hermione picked herself up and went to her room. She shakily took off the shoes and dress and changed into her towel. Her face had turned black and brown with from the mascara and eye shadow. Sniffing, she wrapped it tightly around her and ran for the bathroom. As she stood under the warm spray, her salty tears mingled with the hot water. She buried her hands in her face as she broke down once more. After washing her hair quickly, she got out and changed into a lavender spaghetti strap and soft short lavender shorts. After towel drying her hair, she walked back outside and settled on the couch. Flicking her wand at the fireplace, she simply stared at the orange and yellow flames. She grabbed her big thick blanket and wrapped it around herself as she lost herself in the dancing flames. To soothe herself, she conjured a cup of coffee as she drank it in big shaky gulps.
She glanced towards Draco's room and saw that it was still shut. Tears welled up in her eyes and her body shook with sobs. She wanted to help him so bad; she didn't know what Harry and Ron would say though.
RON! Hermione sat up straight her eyes wide and knocked her cup of coffee all over the floor but Hermione paid no attention. She had been so busy worrying about Draco that she had forgotten about Ron's confession. Burying her head in her hands, she silently cursed at herself. How could she have been so stupid, so blind? He had spilled his deepest secret and she had simply run off. Not only that but it was after his arch-nemesis. She groaned; how stupid could she get? Harry and Ginny must be fuming at her right now.
Inside, his room Draco breathed heavily as he fingered his knife. He had heard Hermione run off 15 minutes ago. He glanced at his arm where a fresh cut had formed. He sighed and smiled. He felt happy for the first time in the day. Then his grin vanished.
He was happy because he cut himself. He couldn't sleep unless he cut himself. He couldn't function unless he cut himself. Hermione's words flashed through his brain; "You're letting a piece of metal control your life." In shock, Draco dropped the blood stained knife to the carpet as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Hermione had been right all along. He was letting that 3 inch silver piece of metal control his emotions. His breath came out in harsh forced exertions. He really did need help; how could he have dug himself so far into this trap that everything relied on the knife? He had pushed people away and relied on his own blood to cover the pain. But Hermione was right; he was sick and he needed help. Panting Draco sat down on his bed his body trembling. He had realized his problem; he had help. All he needed was to go and get it.
Walking carefully around the knife, he picked it up and then Draco opened his door quietly. He saw Hermione sitting wrapped in a blanket staring into the fire forlornly. He quietly walked out and walked over to her where he slid next to her on the couch. Quietly he wiped it with his undershirt and dropped it onto Hermione's lap.
Hermione looked up her eyes glistening with tears. She picked up the knife with a shaking hand and moved it to the table.
"Do you really mean it Draco?' whispered Hermione a tear falling down her cheek.
"Yes, I do Hermione, I mean Granger," said Draco quietly.
"You can call me Hermione," laughed Hermione softly.
"Ok Hermione," said Draco. Taking a deep breath he started spilling his feelings. "Look Hermione, I realized tonight that you were right those times in Potions class. You were right about everything; I need help. I was grown too reliant on the knife. I was beginning to pin everything on the knife."
A tear fell down Hermione's cheek as she got up and shook the blanket off her. Gingerly she knelt in front of Draco and took his left arm. She slowly traced the new cut with a polished nail.
"I can heal it," said Hermione standing up. "It's the muggle way but it will spare you from going to Madam Pomfrey. And Draco, don't worry. If you need help, I'm here."
Hermione disappeared into the bathroom and Draco watched her walk. For an unexplainable reason, he felt a feeling of warmth travel throughout his body when Hermione said that she would be by his side. Smiling slightly, he sat up as Hermione returned with a kit and sat next to him.
"Draco, maybe you should take off that blood stained shirt," said Hermione laughing.
Draco grinned and pulled off his shirt revealing his six pack stomach. Hermione's mouth went dry as she stared at his stomach. Blushing slightly, she took his arm and gently spread Neosporin over them. Draco looked at her carefully as she worked. Her clean hair fell upon her bare shoulders. When she moved, the whiff of jasmine entranced him. In spite of himself, he found himself thinking that she was beautiful. Her big brown soft eyes and soft fingers worked gently on his skin. Not to mention, her beautiful figure was attractive. Finally, she finished and stood up.
"They'll heal and then soon they'll vanish," said Hermione smiling. "If scars remain then I'll learn a spell to remove them so you won't have to see Madam Pomfrey."
"You would do that for me," said Draco softly staring her.
"Yes," said Hermione softly. She quickly turned and walked into the bathroom to replace the kit.
Draco stared incredulously. No one he had met had ever offered to do anything for him. For some reason, he felt uncomfortable.
"Would you like some coffee," asked Hermione as she came out again.
"Coffee?" asked Draco raising his eyebrows,
"It's a Muggle drink. It's very strong just to tell you," said Hermione.
"That's ok," said Draco leaning back. "And I would like some, thank you. I guess I owe you an explanation of why I've been acting like this."
"Ok," said Hermione trying to contain her excitement. She knelt down and picked up her cup. Her smiled vanished as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Hey," said Draco rather softly, "What's wrong?"
"Oh," said Hermione sniffling as she made the coffee," I just uh really hurt one of my friends. I really hope that he forgives me."
"Harry?" asked Draco accepting his cup. "Thanks."
"No, Ron," said Hermione. "He told me something really deep and I was so busy focusing on something else that I ran out on him"
"What did he say," said Draco curiously. "Hey, this stuff is really good!"
Hermione sighed. "He said that he loved me. But I was so intent on the fact that you looked so angry that I ran out on him."
Draco looked stunned. "Hermione, you didn't have to do that for me. I'm really actually very flattered."
Hermione blushed and looked down. "I just really hope that he forgives me."
"I'm sure he will," said Draco. "Tell me tell you my explanation. You deserve to know."
Hermione shifted closer and wrapped the blanket around him too. After taking another sip, Draco started.
"It's a rather long explanation. See, back when my mother and father went to school, my father was one of the most sought after guys. However, there was one guy who could really rival him and that was Potter's father, James Potter. My father used to tell me how popular James was with the girls. He hated him beyond anything. But my father originally didn't love my mother. He loved Lily Evans. She was his first love; they started dating in the 2nd year and went until the beginning of seventh year.
Now my mother loved my father but he only had eyes for Lily. However, my mother knew that James was in love with Lily. She wanted Lucius for herself. So, when she found out the James had become Head Boy, she forced Dippit, the headmaster then to make Lily Head Girl instead of her. My mom tried everything she could to make James and Lily come together. And she succeeded; in the middle of their seventh year, Lily broke her relationship with my father and went out with James instead. My father was heartbroken; he then turned to my mother. And soon, they fell in love and got married.
But my father never got over Lily completely. He wanted revenge; all the love that he possessed for Lily turned into hate for her and James. That's why he joined Voldemort. He knew that revenge would be inevitable if he offered his services to the Dark Lord. But what my father didn't know was that he could never back out. And slowly, my father began to sink into the Dark Arts. With the death of Lily and James my mother felt that maybe Lucius would change back into the loving and caring husband he once was. But he didn't. The coldness and harshness became his permanent features. Instead of explaining issues calmly, he resorted to violence as he had received from Voldemort and used when he was ordered. Voldemort became his life and his God.
He saw his past as a weakness. His former self became a mere shadow. He viewed his love, his laughter as weakness. That was the thing that brought upon Lily's betrayal and he completely destroyed that part of himself.
When I was born, my father wanted me to follow his footsteps. He hated any Potter; anyone that would remind him of his former love. That's why he hates muggleborns. They remind him of Lily Evans. As I grew up, I never got the love of my father or mother. My dad had molded such that she was too scared to go against any of his orders. My childhood was one that I can never forget. Every footstep almost killed me; I was so scared that I would knock something by accident or break something. If I did, my so-called father would torture me. And my mother didn't do anything but accept his decisions.
When I was 5, my father found out what my mother had done their seventh year. That's when everything turned upside down. I remember that night he came in; his eyes were livid and bloodshot. His face was set and his body was shaking with uncontrollable anger. He had grabbed my mother and slapped her with such force that she flew across the room. I felt as if I had been slapped as well. All the respect that I had put in him was destroyed in that one second.
As the time passed, I became stared of my father. I had to be HIS son. I had to follow HIS rules, HIS customs. I had to portray that façade that I have for the past 7 years. He taught me that MuggleBorns were scum and I was scared to tell them that they weren't. He molded me into the hard cold person that he had become and I was too scared to show my true side. I have been a complete bastard these years and I'll admit it.
But last summer, he started pressuring me to become a Death Eater. I wanted to become an Auror. I didn't want to support the Dark Lord. I'd seen all the death, all the despair he had caused and I was determined to abstain from being a part of all that. I told him that and he tortured me beyond anything I'd ever felt. I became so scared. Everything he said to me became an order. I had no say in what I wanted to do! I couldn't have the right to decide what I wanted to become, what I wanted to eat! He had no respect for my wishes. And I had nobody to tell. That's why I resorted to my knife. I'd cover the pain, the helplessness, and the anger with my blood. It became the only way I could survive. Otherwise, I felt as if I was being smothered."
Draco looked down at his blankets ashamed. Hermione sniffed as she stared sorrowfully at Draco. Slowly, she leaned forward at wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face in his shoulder as she started crying. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Draco stiffened for a moment but then he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his head against hers. It had been so long since he felt wanted and valuable. As the scent of jasmine overpowered him, he closed his eyes and relaxed. Soon, Hermione's eyes fluttered close and her breathing became regular. Draco removed the blanket and gently lifted Hermione. Carefully, he carried her to her room and laid her on her bed. He gently covered her with the soft comforter and then left after smiling softly.
He returned to his room and for the first time in many months when he lay down, he fell asleep immediately.
. & .
Hermione yawned and stretched as the first rays of sunlight hit her bedspread. Opening her eyes blearily, she looked around as he wiped her eyes. Suddenly, all the memories of yesterday crashed upon her. She smiled radiantly as she remembered Draco's promise. She skipped over to the window and pulled apart the curtains and opened the window. Breathing deeply, she pulled back her hair and grabbed her towel. After a quick shower, she changed into her black skirt that went mid-thigh, her white blouse, and her black sandals. She then threw her Gryffindor robes on and exited the bathroom. She was met with the sight of Draco who was sitting at one of the tables and reading the Potions book.
"Hi Draco," said Hermione as she passed by.
"Hello," replied Draco pleasantly. "We have about 25 minutes left for breakfast. I thought you might want to go quickly as you have to talk to Ron remember."
"Oh yeah thanks," said Hermione slowly, her high spirits ebbing away. She frowned as she heaved her book bag upon her shoulder.
"Hey don't worry about it too much," said Draco with concern. "Hey, if you'll wait a second, I'll walk with you."
"Ok,' said Hermione.
Draco ran to his room, fetched his bag, and together the pair walked down to the Great Hall.
"Hermione," said Draco softly. "I think you should go in first. Your friends will be rather very suspicious if we walk in together."
"Thanks Draco," said Hermione smiling sweetly.
Breathing deeply, she pushed open the door and walked over to the Gryffindor table. A few minutes later, Draco entered after.
"Um Ron," she said quietly with a note of pleading in her voice, "Can I talk to you?"
Ron turned around quickly and nearly spit his orange juice out of his mouth.
"There's nothing to talk about," he said coldly.
"Please Ron," begged Hermione as she grabbed his wrist. "You too Harry and Ginny. Can we go into the hall?"
Ginny gave Harry a pleading look.
"I guess so," said Harry stiffly as he wiped his mouth with his napkin. Reluctantly, they followed Hermione out of the hall and into the corner of the steps. Ron, Ginny, and Harry sat in a straight line and fixed their eyes on her.
"Look you guys," she started. "I'm sorry. For everything. I know that you guys have been suspecting me of having a relationship with Draco but I'm not. Yes, I called him Draco. We have become friend over the year. But there's' nothing more than that. I want to apologize especially to you Ron. I was extremely rude and extremely selfish last night. There was no excuse for me to do that and I really hope that you can forgive me. I can't tell you why or how I became friends with Draco. That is strictly confidential and I can't betray him like that.. All of you. I hope that we can be friends and that you'll not think of me as a betrayer for being pals with Draco."
Harry's expression softened and he got up. He gave Hermione a hug who gratefully returned it.
"I'm sorry Harry," she said.
Ginny was the next one who hugged Hermione and gave her a warm smile.
Harry and Ginny left and Hermione sat next to Ron.
"I know it will take time to not be angry at me. But I know that I fully deserve the anger. But Ron, I'm so sorry," said Hermione her voice breaking, "I don't reciprocate your feelings. I'm so sorry. I hope that we can still be friends though."
Hermione burst into tears and Ron's expression softened. Gently he gave her a hug.
"You can't help your feelings," he whispered as he rubbed her back. 'I'm just sad about last night. It will take some time to get over though. But I'd love to be friends."
Hermione smiled and wrapped her arms around Ron just as Draco walked out. As he saw Hermione's smile, he felt a surge of jealously and anger run through him. Quickly, he turned his back and walked down the stairs to Snape's dungeons. The bell would ring in one minute anyhow. Just as he predicted, the bell rang and Hermione and Ron separated. Smiling tearfully, she wiped her eyes and face and started walking with Ron to their Potions class.
Ron and Hermione separated towards their seats. Smiling, she slid in next to Draco.
"Hi," he whispered, "How did it go?"
"It went great! Ron wasn't mad when I said that I didn't love him back," said Hermione.
Draco turned so he was fully facing Hermione. She didn't love Ron? For the second time, he felt a rush of an unexplainable feeling of relief. Shaking his head, Draco focused as Snape walked to the front of the class.
"I know that there are only 3 days before students will be leaving but that doesn't mean that we will be fooling around," said Snape sternly. "I have decided that there is no use in starting something new. For the remainder of the 3 days, I have scheduled us to be at the library so you can write out your essay of the Lucky Potion. But if I expect the behavior that you would demonstrate in here."
The class gathered their bags and scooted towards the exit. Draco and Hermione grabbed their bags and walked together to the library.
"Hey, said Hermione as she fell in step, "I think maybe we could split up the work. I could do the uses and benefits while you research the cons and procedure. That way we don't research the same thing and have too much for one area and none for the other."
"That's a good idea," said Draco as he dumped his bag on the table.
Hermione carefully put her backpack on the desk and immediately went to the shelves to find the books. Draco sat down and took out the quills and parchment. In a few minutes, Hermione came back with a few heavy books.
"Whew," said Hermione plopping down next to Draco. "Ok, let's start!"
Draco opened the book and started reading. Halfway, he looked over at Hermione and smiled. He watched enraptured by the way she simply read. He watched her furrow her brows as she fathomed a bit of hard evidence. He loved the way she bit her perfect rosy lips when she furiously copied down the notes. He was so intent in observing her that he didn't realize that his quill had made a huge ink spot on his parchment.
Professor Snape was watching his favorite pupil with a half smile on his face. He could see the obvious attraction between Draco and Hermione. He had even seen the attraction at the Ball. Laughing to himself, he watched at Draco unknowingly was ruining his parchment.
"Mr. Malfoy," said Snape softly, "Maybe we could have a little more work and a little less staring?"
Draco jumped in the air and dropped his quill on his parchment. His eyes grew wide when he saw his parchment, which was covered with black stains. Blushing slightly, he waved his wand and made the marks disappear. For the rest of the period Draco kept his eyes on his paper and focused on taking the notes. At the end of the period Hermione pushed back her seat and yawned. She stretched her arms exposing her flat stomach. Draco found himself unable to take his eyes away.
"Did you get enough information?" asked Hermione as Draco stood up.
"Yes," said Draco showing her the 10 rolls of parchment causing Hermione's eyes to grow wide. He chuckled as he carefully folded them and put them in his bag.
"Are you going to the head rooms?' asked Hermione swinging her bag on her shoulders as the bell rang.
"No, I got to run to a Quidditch meeting," answered Draco.
"Ok, well then I'll see you sometime in the evening," said Hermione giving him a radiant smile.
Draco nodded and then rushed from the class in high spirits. For a reason he couldn't explain, he couldn't wait to see her again.
. & .
"Hey Harry," chirped Hermione as she walked up to Harry after Potions. "Going to lunch?"
"Yes, let's wait for Ron," said Harry packing his bag haphazardly. Hermione frowned and shook her head.
"Ready?" asked Ron coming from behind the bookshelf.
"Yes," answered Hermione.
Together, the triad walked down to the stairs towards the Great Hall. Talking animatedly, they sat side by side at the Gryffindor table.
"So, Hermione," said Ron spearing a potato on his fork, "I completely forgot to ask you; are you going home this Christmas?"
"Yes, I am. Why?" asked Hermione.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come to the Burrow but it's no big deal. Harry's coming but it's cool," said Ron.
"I'm sorry Ron," apologized Hermione.
"No big deal. I should have asked you earlier," said Ron.
. & .
Hermione sat at a table in the Head Rooms. Today had been one of the best days in her life. Knowing that Draco was feeling better made her feel like dancing. Just then the door opened and a tired looking Draco walked in.
"Hermione," he nearly screamed, 'I can't take it anymore. I'm already breaking."
Hermione pushed her chair back and ran to Draco in horror.
"Draco," she breathed as she led him to a chair. She loosened his tie and took off his robes.
"Hermione, I feel pressured about the match. I need that knife to feel relaxed,' said Draco helplessly staring at Hermione.
Hermione shook her vigorously and hugged Draco hard. "I understand Draco, I know the aftermath is hard. But you can't return to it. Talk to me; relive your strain by telling me. Yell at me, hit me whatever calms you down."
"I would never hit you," said Draco his voice low as he pulled Hermione's chin so he was looking into her eyes. Hermione blushed at their close contact and looked down.
"Why are you stressed?" asked Hermione softly.
"We're playing Gryffindor after Christmas. You know how good they are," said Draco passionately waving his hands around. "They have Potter! We've never won against them. All the pressure is on me. If I don't catch the snitch then I know we'll lose. I don't care if we win or lose; I just want to beat Potter once by catching the snitch. It would mean so much to me."
"Just try your hardest," said Hermione consolingly. "You should be proud that you even have the guts to go against him. I know you'll be great. Did you know that the seekers on the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw teams feigned sickness when they were playing Gryffindor?"
Draco laughed as she stood up. "You serious?"
"Yes," she said laughing. "Are you going home for Christmas Draco?"
"No," said Draco looking relieved, "my dear father has a place he needs to go to. Thank God. Are you going home?"
"Yes," said Hermione quietly as she saw his face fall, "but I'll here with you."
"You would do that?" asked Draco his face lightening up.
"Of course I would!" exclaimed Hermione. "I'll send them an owl right now."
"Thank you Hermione," said Draco. "This means a lot to me."
"It's no big deal," said Hermione sweetly as she skipped towards her room.
. & .
"Bye Harry, bye Ron, bye Ginny," said Hermione kissing each of them on the cheek as they boarded the train.
"Aren't you coming?" said Harry confused.
"Crap," thought Hermione. Forcing a smile she answered. "My parents are going to come here personally to pick me up."
"Oh," said Harry. "See you after Christmas. Bye!"
Hermione breathed a sigh of relief as she walked back inside the castle and into the Heads Room. They had bought her lie. Over the next weeks to Christmas, Hermione and Draco became even closer. They would spent hours just chatting about random topics. Hermione thought she had never been happier in her life.
. & .
"IT"S CHRISTMAS!" yelled Hermione as she leapt out of bed. She ran out of bed, past the beautiful Christmas tree that had beautiful presents, and into Draco's room. She jumped on the bed and screamed.
"DRACO" she squealed, "GET UP!"
Draco groaned and Hermione suddenly became aware of the fact that he was only wearing a pair of green boxers and she was only dressed in a black nightie that went only about 7 inches below the swell of her butt.
"I'm coming," said Draco as he got out of bed and staggered towards the door.
Hermione jumped off the bed and walked with him to the Christmas tree. She yelled for excitement and plopped down next to her pile of presents. Draco laughed as he watched her antics. Sighing, he sat next to her and unwrapped his.
"Oh Hermione," gasped Draco when he opened his present. It was a beautiful Rolex watch with diamonds surrounding the circle. "You didn't have too."
"I wanted to," said Hermione shyly. "I had to get something expensive. I mean you're really rich."
"Hermione," said Draco grasping Hermione by her elbow and pulling her to him, "That's nothing. You could have given me a rose and it would mean more than everything my parents gave me. It would mean more than all the expensive gifts I got."
Hermione stared into Draco's eyes with shock; she never had thought he would so modest about his wealth. She looked down. Then she innocently offered him a red rose. Draco burst out laughing, as did Hermione. She leaned her head back and laughed with delight. Draco fingered the rose as he took in Hermione. She looked so beautiful and natural in her nightie. She didn't wear the 10 pounds of makeup that Pansy did and she managed to look five times as beautiful. He felt the sudden urge to drag the rose down her beautiful face and kiss her. He shook his head as Hermione disengaged herself from his arms.
"I hope you liked the watch though,' said Hermione as she grabbed the small gold box.
"I love it," answered Draco with apprehension. Hermione had just picked up the box with his present. He held his breath as she opened the jewelry box. Hermione gasped as she saw the single diamond shaped in a teardrop molded in platinum hang from a thin platinum chain.
"Oh, Draco," she sighed when she saw the card, "I love it. But this must have been very expensive."
Draco leaned forward and placed his hand on her mouth. "No amount of money could replace how much you have helped me these past weeks."
He gently took the necklace and fastened it around her necklace.
"It's 11 Hermione," he whispered sending shivers down her back. 'The lunch is in one hour; we should be getting ready."
Hermione nodded and got up, leaving her other presents lying in the wrapping paper.
An hour later Hermione stood ready in front of the door to the corridor. She was dressed in a pair of low-rise skintight black jeans and a soft skintight cashmere green sweater. The necklace Draco had given her glittered at her throat. Finally, Draco came out and walked to Hermione. His hormones skyrocketed when he saw her and her jaw nearly dropped when she saw him. He was dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and had put on a light blue, light green, and white striped button up shirt over a thin undershirt. His hair was gelled and fell on his forehead.
"Shall we?" asked Draco holding the door open for Hermione.
"Thanks," answered Hermione as she walked out.
Side by side, Hermione and Draco walked through the corridors until they reached the Great Hall. Like the last years, there weren't many people at Hogwarts so there was one table set for 16 people. The 9 professors were sitting at the head and the students were settled around the other side. Nodding, the pair sat down side-by-side and continued talking. It was as if they were oblivious to everyone and everything around them.
"You know Severus," whispered Professor McGonaggal, 'I have never seen Mr. Malfoy so happy."
"I have never either," whispered Professor Snape incredulously, "Miss Granger must work magic. He's never looked so happy or so relaxed. You should see them in Potions. They're always chatting, laughing and joking around."
"I never thought that it would be Miss Granger who could touch him that much," whispered Professor McGonaggal as she stared at the happy pair opposite her.
"But I fear," said Professor Snape as he leaned towards Professor McGonaggal, "that there will be trouble with Miss Granger's friends about her relationship with Mr. Malfoy."
He didn't know how right he was.
A/N: Please Review! Same message as last time. The next chapter will be HUGE! Very very very very HUGE! TONS are going to happen.