Hey! At this point I'd like to remind (or just tell- can't remember if I've said this or not) you that they're all around 18 in this fic. This is my last update till after my holidays, so i tryed REALLY hard to improve my writing style and produce a great chapter to make up for it.

Today I spent all of my holiday money on 6-10 of the Getbackers manga. My excuse was "At least I will have something to read when ever I'm bored."... but sods law always bites me in the ass...cause I read all 5 of them in 3 hours this afternoon cause I couldn't wait.

My self-control is really crappy.

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I sat in my living room facing the window,which was tall and old-still only single glazed. The flat was large but run down, and I had niether the will or the funds to change that.

I leaned forward slightly and let my forehead rest against the cool glass surface of the window.

I was lost. Not only within my own flat, but within my own head.

And this time, there was no one to find me again.

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Friday- 2 DAYS TILL X-DAY

"What's up, Rei?" Tala asked from behind me. I didn't turn to look at him. "I didn't hear you come back last night and I got worried. But then I kinda fell aslepp phoning around for you. Sorry about that. I seem really tried recently, even though all I'm doing is sleeping. Weird, huh?"

The coolness from the glass crept across my face and numbed my brain. I didn't want to have to think, but my mind just wouldn't stop working.

I wanted to stop working all together.

"Rei, has something happened?" I was dimly aware that Tala put a hand on my shoulder, so I pulled away slowly, making his out-stretched hand slip down my arm, coming to a rest at my elbow. He didn't move his hand away, and I felt invaded. "Where were you last night?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I stole a glance at Tala, who'd just got out of the shower. He had a towel wrapped around his chest and his red hair fell across his shoulders. He looked like a girl. Wet, helpless and concerned.

"Why are you acting like this? What the Hell has happened?" Tala's distressonly served to make him seem more like a girl.

"Get out."

"What?"

"I want to be alone." Each word was almost too painful to speak. I felt like this was the first time I'd ever spoken.

"I won't go anywhere until you tell me what's going on." Tala gripped his hand tightly around my elbow, but I didn't have the strenght to ull him away. I'd just have to push him away.

"I'm in love with Kai." There was a slight pause which created an uncomfortable atmosphere. Tala tensed a little. "Not you."

Tala too his hand away and I heard the front door opening a few minutes later.

Good. I wanted him gone.

I sat in the sinlence of my empty flat watching the people below go out their normel, daily lives- completely unafected by the pain I was feeling. I hated them. How I hated normal, happy people, who got married and had children.

I was the last Kon. The only male child to carry that name. I had to carry on the family bloodline and teach my children the ways of my people, so that we wouldn't die out.

But how can I carry on the Kon bloodline if the person I pine after can't have children?

Yesterday, after what happened with Kai, I was left lying on the floor. It was a girl from the class across the hallway that found me. She said she had a free lesson till the end of the day, and took me home with her.

She seemed quite innocent to look at- French I think she said. Matilda was her name- and after a while I recalled tat she was once a member of Barthez Battalion a few years back.

When she smiled at me- I forgot about Kai, and when she touched me- I forgot about everythng.

I'm not proud of myself. But at least I could now comfirm without any doubt that I wa gay. I had hated every minute being with her and not Kai. It felt dirty.

I don't understand why though. Kai has rejected me, so it wasn't like I was cheating on him or anything.

I was just cheating myself I guess.

My eyes priced and I blinked away any tears that I might cry.

What do I do now? I've got no where to run away to and no one to go with, but can I really stay here and face Kai everyday?

I don't even know how he's gonna act when he sees me. I already know he's rejected my feelings for him, and throwing up was a hint that he hates me for it.

I'm sorry. But I don't understand why I should be.

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The door opened and closed again, and this time I turned around- finding it was only Tala. He looked at me for a moment then walked into the kitchen- the air heavy between us even when we weren't in the same room.

I pushed my chair backwards and stood up. the ground below mt feet seemed to move about, and I ended up grasping at he window pane- agitated hands trying and failing to get a grip.

Just as I was about to fall, cold, boney fingers clasped around my ribs and guided me back down to my chair.

"I saw Kai," Tala said softly from behind me. "It's alright. We planned this anyway. If you still want to come with me, the train for Tokyo leaves on Sunday night. The flat has ben emptied and is completely ready for us to move in. I tink there some stuff for us too- like beds and cupboards and the kitchen is meant to be top of the range." Tala stepped into the newly made gap in-between the chair and the widow, and I looked up at him. "I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did."

Tala frowned and turned round to look out the window. He was wearing plain black trousers and a long white t-shirt, wit what looked like my school jacket on top. He'd gone to my school to find Kai.

"Did you ever stop to think that Kai is feeling that very same pain that I've inflicted to you?"

"No."

"He's kinda hurt, you acn tel just by looking at him." Tala turned to face me again. "But I don't think he's a lost case."

"It's a a lost cause, Tala. He was sick when I told him." I said bitterly. "He ran out with his hands over his mouth."

"Think what you like, but I think it's worth working on him." Tala said carefully, pain emitting from each word. He looked down. "He's the kind of person tat's never considered homosexuality before, so throwing it at him lie you did caused his shitty reaction. I think if you just gave him time to toy with the idea- he might actually give you a shot."

Tala quickly stumbled back into the kitchen and I just realized how much pain he must be in.

I stood up- swayed a little- and waled to the kitchen, to find Tala cying over the sink. He saw me and rubbed his eyes pointlessly.

"Did you ever like Bryan?" My question was frank, but at this point- the lying had to end.

Tala froze for a moment and looked down at his hands.

"Why do you always look at your hands when you're sad?" I continued. He dropped hi hands and turned to face me. "Why do you love me?"

"Being with you makes me feel alive. And no, I've never liked Bryan." He paused. "I look at my hands because..." Tala stopped suddenly and looked shocked. "How do you know that?"

"I've seen you a few times before."

"But I only do it when I'me alone!"

I said nothing to answer this and looked at him questioningly. He opened his mouth to speak, panicked, and ran past me out of the kitchen.

"Sto running away, Tala! That's not the way to deal with a problem!" I followed him out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, and found him sprawled out on the bed- crying into the pillow.

I'd never actually seen Tala cry before. I'd seen him try lots of times, but for some reason this was th first time he'd managed it, and it seemed like he was making up for lost time.

"Tala, I'm not worth it!" Any resentment I'd once felt towards him was forgotten like a bad dream, and all I felt when I looked at him was sadness. "Please don't cry."

Tala muttered something but I couldn't hear him.

"Pardon?"

"Where were you last night?" He rolled over and faced me. I sat down on the bed beside him.

"I was taken home by..." I started.

"The Barthez girl?" Tala said calmly.

"Err...Yeah actually. How did..."

Saw Miguel before Kai." Tala smiled as he recalled theire meeting. "He'd umped her yesterday morning and she didn't turn up to practice last night. He was worried so managed to get the key from her land lord, not expecting to be let in, but left when he heard you two 'talking' through the door." Tala actually laughed, which made me laugh too. "I think you pissed Miguel off a lot!"

"Tala wasn't the slightest bit upset with what I'd done, and seemed to understand she didn't mean anyting, just like I hadn't meant anything to her. Tala explained the word was 're-bound', and laughed the whole thing off. He'd stopped crying now and the air was calmer between us.

"I'm happy when I'm with you too, Tala." I smiled down at him, and he curled around me like a snake. "You make me feel alive too."

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Thanks for reading! Hope you liked! I'd love to hear what you think, so please review!