Note: I don't own Wicked, Defying Gravity, or the orthodontist industry. I'm just using them to create a silly little song about teeth...
A BIG THANK YOU to Tucker's Mayflower for helping write this! And thanks for the awesome 'gumball machine' verse!
GLINDA
Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for
once, instead of chewing all of that bubble gum!
I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you
Hurt your teeth forever
I hope you think you're clever!
ELPHABA
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy, too
I hope you're proud how you
Would eat caramel with braces
To feed your sugary taste-es
BOTH
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now
GLINDA
Elphie, listen to me. Just call the dentist!
You can still have perfect teeth
What you've worked and waited for
You can have the perfect smile:
ELPHABA
I know:
But I don't want it -
No - I can't want it
Anymore:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of that dentist's game
Too late for extra flossing
Too late for more fillings
It's time to trust my instincts
And not get any drillings!
It's time to try
Defying dentistry
I think I'll try
Defying dentistry
And you can't make me floss!
GLINDA
Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of sugar:
ELPHABA
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot eat
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing teeth I guess I've lost
Well, if they're dentures
They come at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying dentistry
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying dentistry
And you can't make me floss:
Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
eat: together.
Unlimited
The menu is unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been
Glinda -
Sweets, the way we dreamed 'em
GLINDA
If we eat in tandem:
BOTH
There's no candy we cannot eat
Just you and I
Defying dentistry
With you and I
Defying dentistry
ELPHABA
They'll never make us floss!
Well? Are you coming?
GLINDA
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this
ELPHABA
You too
I hope it brings you bliss
BOTH
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend:
ELPHABA
So if you care to find me
Look to the gumball machine!
As someone told me lately:
"My teeth will look better if they're green!"
And if I'm eating solo
At least I'm eating free
To those who'd drill me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying dentistry
I'm flying high
Defying dentistry
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No dentist that there is or was
Is ever gonna make me floss!
GLINDA
I hope you're happy!
CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at them, they're rotten!
Get her!
ELPHABA:
Make me floss!
CITIZENS OF OZ
No one mourns the rotten!
So we've got to make her
ELPHABA
Ahhh!
CITIZENS OF OZ
Floss!