AN: I do not own Harry Potter, so don't rub it in. Okay, this fic was posted for me by Lizard Lad. As his little sister I would like to thank him and… Blah, blah, blah… Let's get on with the story!
It was a dark and stormy night when Harry Potter lay, tossing and turning on his bed. He was having a bad dream. One of the worst he'd ever had. He murmured in his sleep. "No… Monkeys…. Stay away… Okay… You asked for it…. NO! …Put the mallet down!…"
"Harry! Wake up! You're having a bad dream!" Ron Weasley shook Harry awake. "Were you dreaming about the evil weasels again?"
"No, worse… Evil monkeys." Harry answered with a shutter.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Once, I had a dream about this evil girl with red hair that tried to kill me." Ron said.
"No, Ron, that was Ginny, and that really happened yesterday." Harry said.
"Oh, yeah, and she had a surprisingly tight grip." Ron nodded. "I still have the bruise on my neck." There was a loud knock on the door. "Come in!"
"Harry, you'd better come downstairs. Dobby is down there. Said something like, 'HARRY POTTER, SIR! MUST TALK TO HARRY POTTER, SIR!' you know, stuff like that." Hermione said coming into the room.
They all walked down The Burrow's stares to find Dobby looking around wildly. "Dobby! What's the matter?" Harry asked, kneeling next to the elf.
"I have some good news and some bad, Harry Potter, sir. The bad news is I just had a bad dream about an evil baboon, sir. The good news is I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico, sir."
"That's great, Dobby! But why'd you have to tell us?" Harry asked. "I mean, it's the middle of the night."
"None of you business, sir." Dobby said.
"Well… now that we're down here we might as well have pie!" Ron said opening the fridge door. Ginny leaped out, snarling. She grabbed Ron's throat and Ron started to scream. Then he stopped and said, "Your really getting better at this!"
"Thanks. I thought the it could have gone better though." Ginny said beaming. She then started to try and kill him again.
"I forget. Why's she so upset with him again?" Harry asked Hermione.
"He ate the pie she made." Hermione said.
"And she wants to kill him for that?"
"No. Then he rubbed it in her face. The pie I mean." Hermione said.
"Hey, if he's gonna eat her pie, he has it coming to him." Harry said wisely.
"Dobby must go now, sir, the other house elf's are making the start of year feast, sir."
"Okay. But before you go, could you paint my toenails pink? Oh, and soak my feet in salt water? I hear that helps get rid of blemishes." Harry asked.
"Umm… I suppose so, sir…" Dobby said. Dobby put Harry's feet in warm salt water (clean salt water of course), and after 5 minutes he took Harry's feet out. His feet were clean and unblemished. He then painted his toes pink.
"I feel pretty, like a princess!" Harry said, looking at his feet happily.
"I… Got… Away… From her…." Ron said stumbling over to them.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Harry said.
"Hey! You can't talk to me like that! I don't think I want to be your friend anymore!" Ron burst out angrily.
"Ron, you can't do that! You and J.K. made a contract that you'd have to be Harry's friend until the end of book seven!" Hermione said warningly. "You could go to jail!"
"Yeah, and you can't leave me at a time like this! Dobby has gone and I'm only starting to feel like a pretty princess!" Harry said quickly.
"Blah, blah, your needs." Ron said.
"Ron! Harry's going through a hard time right now! He doesn't even know if You-Know-Who is trying to find him still!" Hermione said angrily.
"Well, if he had killed him sooner instead of waiting until the seventh book, he wouldn't have these problems!" Ron yelled back.
"I am still in the room, you know!" Harry cut in.
"Yeah." Ron said before yelling at Hermione more. "And you went out with Krum!" Ron added.
"What IS your problem!" Hermione yelled.
"DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU!" Ron yelled.
"Please don't. I wouldn't know what you were spelling." Harry said.
"Yeah, Harry, I'll talk nice and slow for you." Ron said pulling a stupid face.
"That look really fits you, Ron!" Hermione said. "Maybe if you keep it that way long enough it will stick like that!"
"You think so?" Ron asked hopefully looking at himself in a peace of glass that lay on the table.
Five days later…. "I can't believe it stuck like that!" Hermione laughed.
"Oh, shut up, will you?" Ron said sadly looking at his face in a spoon. "It's bad enough the other girls didn't like it. Now I'm stuck with you and Harry making fun of me."
"No, not Harry. He's still at the SPA." Hermione said.
"Right. He almost lives there now." Ron agreed.
Wait! They agreed? It's a sine of the apocalypse! RUN! RUN, YOU FOOLS!
"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Ron and Hermione yelled.
Well, sooorrrrrrrrrryyyy!
"What a stupid writer!" Ron said.
Hey, don't make me make you fall into a bubbling vat of cheese!
"I'm tiered of your tyranny!" Ron yelled.
"Yeah, we won't stand for this anymore!" Hermione added in.
Oh, do you want to be dropped into a bubbling vat of cheese, too?
"Never mind." Hermione said quickly.
I thought not. NOW, FOR YOU RONALD WEASLEY!
(Bubbling vat of cheese pops up next to Ron.)
"Oh, think how many nachos you could make with that thing!" Ron said.
(Ron is lifted of the ground and placed in the cheese.)
Ron started to swim around. "Hey, this isn't so bad! A little like a hot-tub, really." Ron said and started to do laps.
NOOOOOOOO! His love for cheese has over come his pain! Until we meet again, human meat puppet!
(Poof! Fanfic writer leaves)
"Well… what do we do now?" Ron asked.
"Have a nacho party!" Hermione yelled.
Fin.
AN: Well, I think I'm getting the hang of this whole "Fanfic writing" thing. Again, I'd like to that my big brother, Lizard Lad. He posted this fic for me!