Hours later, I woke. I turned on my side. Beside me was Craig, lying on his back, his chest rising up and down rhythmically. Outside, it was still dark, and the rain had not ceased pouring. The full moon outside shone down upon me. The pounding, rhythmic sound of the rain slowly helped me fall back asleep.
When I woke the second time, my heart was pounding. I felt sick. I sat up all to quickly and rolled off the bed.
"Manny?" came Craig's voice from the bed.
"Yeah?" I replied, feeling dizzy.
"Where are you?"
"Down here. Where's your bathroom?"
"First door to the left."
So I sped off. I made it just in time to throw up straight into the toilet. I heard hurried footsteps come from behind me. I felt my hair being pulled back.
"Craig?"
"Yep,"
I breathed heavily as he massaged my back and neck. Tears began to form in my eyes, but I wiped them away fiercely. I leaned back, and Craig wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close. He kissed my neck and reached under me, picking me up and carrying me back to the bed. I couldn't help but smile as he lay me down and climbed on top of me, kissing my chest.
"I love you too," He whispered.
At first, I was confused, but I soon remembered that it was a response to what I had said just before we made love. I felt overcome with helplessness as Craig kissed me. My mind wandered. As the sun began to rise, it hit me that I would have to go home and make up a story about where I had been. I hated lying to Robert. I'd done it once before and he'd given me a shrewd, calculating look.
Craig had fallen back asleep. I seized my chance and rolled out of bed. I located my clothes and pulled them on. I crept towards the door and caught sight of a pen and piece of paper on the bedside table. I quickly scribbled my cell number for Craig to see. I grabbed one of Craig's jackets, which was lying on top of a large pile of clothes. I pulled it on before slipping out into the night.
I walked home in the rain. It was a long way, but I felt like thinking. When I finally got home, I was soaked from head to toe. I hung Craig's jacket out to dry, and tip-toed to the kitchen.
"Manny,"
"Robert!" I exclaimed, spinning around, "You scared the shit outta me!"
"Sorry, baby. Where were you?"
"Friend's house."
"Really?"
"Yeah. We got a little tipsy, and she didn't want to go home alone, so I said I'd stay with her until she fell asleep, and I feel asleep too."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"I was worried about you, baby. Why didn't you call?"
"Didn't think you'd be home."
"Manny, whose jacket is that?"
"My friend's boyfriend's. All hers were in the wash, and I didn't bring one, so she let me borrow his."
I sat down, sighing.
"Let's go upstairs baby," Robert said quietly.
"Okay."
I dragged myself up the stairs and changed from my wet clothes. As I pulled on one of my oversized t-shirts, Robert wrapped his arms around me, rocking me back and forth.
"We haven't made love in a while, you know."
"Five days is too long for you to go without sex?"
Robert laughed and pulled me to the bed.
"Robbie, it's five in the morning. Can I sleep?"
"Yeah, okay baby."
Robert was a true gentleman. As I lay there, his hands massaging my back, all I could think of was Craig. All the things we'd done together. I remembered when my best friend, Emma, and I had both thought he had liked her, not me. But when he asked me to dance, well, it turned out he didn't. He chose me. As I danced with him, my heart had raced and my head had spun.
And then he broke up with me. I was too young and sweet. I decorated his locker and acted like a little kid. And when he dumped me, something snapped. So I changed, completely. I started wearing clothes I'd never worn before, and I invited him to a rave. And I'd taken him back to my best friend's house.
He had told me it was over between him and Ashley, but it wasn't. So I dumped him. Yet, I always managed to take him back.
Then there was the pregnancy scare. And graduation, perhaps the most painful memory of all. He didn't utter a word to me. Not a word. But the wounds healed, I met Robert, and we moved away. Life had been okay without Craig. But now that he was back, everything was upside down. I eventually gave in to sleep. When I woke again, it was nine, and the sweet scents of bacon and eggs wafted in the air. I crept downstairs. On the table was a plate of food with a note next to it.
"Got called in again. I'm so sorry, baby. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
I sighed and looked up out the window. Standing there, peering through, was Craig. I ran to the door, swinging it open.
"Craig! What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
I looked down, shaking my head slightly. I felt his hand curl around my chin and pull it up.
"I love you," Craig whispered.
"Craig, do you know what this place is? This is my home. I don't know how you found it, but I live here with a respectable, kind man, whom I love very much. I'm marrying him in a month and a half, and we're talking about having kids," I told him.
Craig's face fell, "Kids?"
"Yes, kids."
I'd never seen him look so heartbroken. His eyes dropped. It was my turn to reach out and hold his face gently in my hands.
"What happened last night. -- it only happened because we were drunk. It didn't mean anything," I pressed on.
"No, Manny. It DID mean something. You know it did," Craig said.
I opened my mouth to object, but I was interrupted by Craig's lips slamming against mine. I nearly choked as he pushed me back into my apartment, his lips never leaving mine. He slammed the door behind him. The shock wore off, and I jumped up, wrapping my legs around him. All of a sudden, I needed him. With each second, our frenzied, passionate kiss grew deeper. Craig held my body so close that I felt every curve and contour in his. I reached my hand up to part his lips from mine.
"Craig.."
I never finished. I was at a loss for words. So I just kissed him again. He lay back on my soft, beige sofa, and I climbed on top of him.
"Craig, let's just..stay like this for a bit."
Our bodies spooned into each other. He wrapped one arm around me. His other hand gently played with my wavy, black hair. I closed my eyes and leaned back. All I could see were his eyes; his beautiful, deep, swirling eyes.
"Are you happy with this guy?"
"Yes."
"No, like the kind of happy that you are now?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I leapt up from his embrace. The truth was, I wasn't happy with Robert. But I wasn't about to let Craig know that.
"I'm sorry," he whispered."You should be."
"Now, seriously, what's that supposed to mean?""You always were a charmer! Charming me into things! And now I have this to carry around with me for the rest of my life! I'm getting MARRIED, Craig. Married! I can't do this anymore. Get out!"
Craig stared at me, mouth hanging open slightly.
"OUT!"
Craig stood, slowly, staring at me as if I were a lunatic.
"Don't ever come back! Do you hear me? Never! Go screw up someone else's life! I was getting on fine WITHOUT you, Craig! Why did you have to do this? Why did you have to make me fall for you AGAIN!"
"I didn't make you do anything," Craig roared back, "You chose with your OWN heart to love me again. You can't throw this away, Manuella Santos. As much as you WANT to, you'll never forget this. And if you marry that Robert guy, you'll have to live with it forever! Come live with me. Please. Leave this life."
"I have the life I want RIGHT HERE, Craig Manning. Right here! And this is SO like you. Charming your way into my heart. Who COULDN'T fall in love with you? You're the most gorgeous man I've ever seen, and you're sweet and funny. I LOVE YOU! I DO! But I can't! So please, leave. Now."
Tears began to flow down my cheeks. Craig came to hug me, but I pounded my fists on his chest and pushed him away.
"You look so beautiful right now, Manny. Please don't make me leave you," Craig said, his voice filled with emotion.
"Craig, go. Now," I ordered, my heart bursting. And he went. Not a word was spoken. He just left. The door slammed, and my hands fell to my sides. I slowly curled up on the couch, breathing deeply between each one of my sobs.