Chapter 2: A little crush?
So far:
Hermione had a nervous breakdown (due to NEWTs), threw her book at a wall and decided a walk outside might help. For some reason, Snape joins her and explains she has pretty much mastered her NEWTs already. He appears more despaired than usual but Hermione doesn't notice. Snape leaves after a small offensive remark by Hermione leaving her feeling slightly guilty and confused.
Three days later Snape finds out his baby sister, closest to him, has died of a mysterious disease. He arrives late for class, with an air of depression and arouses the curiosity of his students, including Hermione.
Hermione flicked through her book, not concentrating on a single word. Snape's performance yesterday was all she could think of. Her naturally curios mind would not rest until she found the source of his sudden despondency.
She sighed; the hair hanging over her face moved a little as she did so. It was hopeless trying to study while her mind was elsewhere. She closed her eyes shortly and thought of places in which she could research the cause for her professor's conduct.
She pinched a curled lock of hair (she had taken to her new look well) between her fingers and fiddled with it as she thought and then it came to her. It wasn't the most brilliant idea she had ever had but the first place she should look should be all this week's Daily Prophets. She gently closed her book and flung her hair back over her shoulders before hurrying past Harry and Ron, who were studying beside her, without a word.
They glanced up at her, then looked at each other and shrugged, returning to their own books and notes.
She jogged up to the girls' dorm, a slight buzzing feeling filling her head. When she pushed open the door, Lavender and Pavarti were sitting on the same bed talking together. Pavarti looked up at Hermione.
"Oh, Hermione," said Pavarti with a different kind of excitement. "I had a small revelation today! With your new hair, a café-crème colored lipgloss would go perfectly!" Hermione glanced at them.
"I'll keep that in mind," she nodded dashing to her bedside table with today's and yesterday's Daily Prophet underneath her books. She searched inside the drawers and managed to find the one for the day before as well, that left her with the four previous ones to find.
Her brown eyes flickered over to Pavarti and Lavender but she knew they didn't even bother getting the Daily Prophet just the Sunday version. Maybe Ginny had kept them...
She tucked the three newspapers under her arm and with a quick smile at the other girls; she opened the large wood door and walked back into the dimly lit staircase. She raced up the steps to Ginny's dorm with a little nervousness, what would she do if no-one still had them? She didn't let it get to her, just hoping Ginny would have them still.
She reached the door and knocked before entering.
Ginny was sitting on her bed in front of a levitating mirror, plaiting her long red hair that seemed to darken by the year. Other 6th years were there too, but she ignored them and started for Ginny.
She noticed Hermione in the mirror and turned her freckled face to her with a small grin.
Hermione replied with an unenthusiastic grin back. "Listen, Ginny, do you happen to have the Daily Prophetss from last Tuesday to Friday?" she was almost pleading which did not astonish Ginny in the slightest. She paused thoughtfully, squeezing her brows together.
"Actually," she said slowly, "I think I have this whole month's worth of newspapers-" Ginny had to stop because Hermione was now squeezing her with a quick hug. "Ooff! You seem happy."
Ginny got up off the bed, sliding and messing up the bedcovers as she did. She headed for one of the chest of drawers to her left, reached a hand for the third drawer and prised it open.
Hermione tut-tutted at the scene that lay before her: the drawer was filled with old sheets of parchment that looked useless and old newspapers. Ginny blushed a little. She grabbed the top 8 and looked at the dates on each. She took the ones Hermione wanted and put them into and small pile on top of the chest.
"What is this about anyway?" she asked as she found the final paper needed and put it on the top of the pile. She looked at Hermione and was surprised to see that she had already taken the Daily Prophets and was on her way to the door.
"Just some personal research," she said in a carefree tone. Halfway through the door she called "Thanks a ton Gin!" before she was gone.
Ginny frowned in confusion but would forget all about it a few minutes later.
Hermione started with the last, deciding to work her way forwards slowly. Just in case, she decided to skim through the title's of all of them, just in case anything with the word "Snape" came up in the headlines. It would save her a lot of time if it did.
...
After putting down the last paper, she decided she was going to have to do this the painfully long way.
She pulled back her hair into a loose ponytail to work better. She took a deep breath and started to search for his name.
Severus paced his study in quick long strides; his black cloak billowed out behind him and whipped when he turned to retrace his steps. Since this morning he had slowly regained the urge to keep living. His depression was still eating his insides but he was now becoming at least a shadow of his normal self.
He could not believe himself for his performance yesterday morning. He stopped pacing and frowned. He had completely lost all traits that kept the students certain that they should not mess with him. To prove him own point he thought of Miss Granger, he had lost character for one lesson and she had dared approach him with a personal question! The nerve.
He panicked a little at her last comment that she would figure it out anyway. Would she follow through? Would she somehow find out? He didn't want to think so, he convinced himself that that was impossible.
He shook his head to try and banish that horrible memory and glided to the potions table. There was always a potion that sorted every ailment. Every day usually ended up in him making a potion for himself. Tonight it was a Stress Release potion.
He pushed some of his smooth ebony hair behind his ear before reaching for his herbs...
Little did he know that Hermione was minutes from finding the cause for his depression.
It was only by chance that Hermione saw it. She hadn't even planned to look at the obituaries but as her as glided over from one page to the next she finally spotted the word "Snape". For one confusing moment, Hermione jumped to weird conclusion that Snape had died and now some weird ghost or look-a- like had taken his place.
A moment later she realised how stupid that idea was and looked closer at the name: Stella Snape.
Hermione had never heard of her, not that that was a surprise seeing as how well all the students knew Snape's private life. Was it his mother? His sister? His cousin? His wife?
She bit her lip and narrowed her eyes; she would have to find out more about this Stella person and exactly what her relation was to Snape. She found herself sure that it wasn't his wife, because at what time of the year would he get to see her?
She stood up. Tomorrow before breakfast she would look up the wizards' family trees in the library. She glanced at her schedule; there was Potions tomorrow. She would have hoped for a little more time than that until she saw the Potions Master again; that would have given her time to figure it out completely...
But for tonight, her work was done.
The next morning Hermione was so ensconced in the library that she missed breakfast and had to go straight to the dungeons.
She was cutting it very fine. Looking at her watch she saw that she might not make it. She ran the last stretch so as not to be late, hair and bag flying behind her along with her robes. Skidding to a stop just in front of the door, she saw people were just about to get settled and smiled in relief.
Pushing the shoulder strap of her bag into a more secure position, she sped over to the boys and sat down quickly behind her cauldron and desk. Harry and Ron gave her a quizzical look.
"Where have you been?" said Harry in an accusing tone. He leaned across Ron, as though it would help him hear her reply. He brushed back a black tuft of hair covering his face with his fingers.
"You've been acting secretive lately," Ron agreed, pushing Harry back into his seat as he did. "What's up?" He asked with more concern than blame in his voice.
"It's nothing," said Hermione, waved a hand like she wanted to brush the subject aside. Both the boys now scowled at her.
"Hermione..." warned Harry, "Don't think you're going to get past us that easily." A violent nod from Ron "Now, tell us, what exactly have you been up to? Where were you at breakfast today?" The frowns vanished from their faces as fast as they appeared. Hermione smiled to herself. There was almost nothing she could hide from the boys. At the same time, she felt like she should not give out the personal information of the least liked teacher in the school...
"Alright," she sighed, leaning closer and lowering her voice to nothing more than a whisper. "I have-"
"Settle down," ordered Snape from the front of the class. Hermione was forced to stop and gave them a look that said leave this till later then turned to face the Potions Master at the front of the class.
She stared at Snape, in her mind she was now starting to think of him as an object to be unravelled and studied or a book to be read.
Snape had returned to normal, the class could see. Some people were disappointed and others relieved that their professor was back to his predictable self. Hermione wondered whether it meant he had stopped being despondent or just pulled himself together and stopped showing his depression.
"The instructions are on the board, you know what to do," he glared at them all as if daring any of them to ask him what happened, like Hermione had done.
She decided on watching him until she had to go gather her ingredients, and resuming her observations when she returned. Maybe he would give a hint of what he was feeling if he let his guard down.
...
Snape did not like the way Hermione was acting in the slightest. Her actions were unnerving. Every second he looked up from his desk, the Granger girl would be staring right at him.
Had she found out about his little sister? If she had, how come so soon? No. She couldn't have; she was probably just either hoping he would drop some large clue for her or just trying to make him feel worried.
He was not in the mood for the tricks of a know-it-all student. But now he had to make sure that he didn't show any emotion on top of feeling like shit. But that wasn't too hard; it was one of the things he did best.
He looked up and directly at Miss Granger. She blushed and went back to her work, ignoring him as well as she could.
He realised that there might be no sufficient way to get her to leave his private life alone.
...
Hermione's thoughts drifted, the more she stared. She began to notice the little things no one else did, like how his hair was not greasy in the slightest. It was merely a trick of the light in the dungeon.
The way he moved was another unknown reflection of him; he walked cautiously and gracefully but with purpose. His large robes followed behind him and swept around corners as he strode among the tables. His pitch black eyes flickered across the room, coolly, searching for a reason to lose his calm.
She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she almost let her potion boil too long. Jerking back to reality, she listed to the left to take her cauldron off the flame.
It was a good thing she hadn't already had a grip on the handle because a second later she leaned a little too far and lost control of her chair.
She put her hands in the air in a vain attempt to straighten her chair, hopelessly, and there was a loud crash as the chair hit the floor, followed by a soft thud from Hermione's head colliding with the icy stone slab.
The whole class stopped what they were doing and looked up. Hermione lay on the floor beside her cauldron, face hidden by a mass of light chocolate curls. Her robes puddled around her and she wasn't moving.
The only people doing anything were Harry, Ron and Professor Snape. Harry and Ron were beside her in seconds holding her head up and checking to make sure she was alright. Harry was checking her pulse and Ron pulling back her hair to see if there was any bleeding.
Snape, however, appeared relaxed. He was there in a few strides and even paused to take her potion off of the fire.
"She's fine," he snapped at the boys, who he felt were making way too much of a fuss over a small knock on the head. Both of them glared at him with death wishes shining in their eyes. They had obviously taken it the wrong way, thinking that he was not bothered to take care of a student in need when he had simply meant she was fine.
He looked down at her. This was a good distraction for him. His classes were boring him more and more as the years went by.
His point about her condition was proven a second later when she started to stir already.
She lifted her head and rubbed it gently, sitting up. She blinked vigorously and looked up. The first thing she saw, or at least guessed she saw, was Professor Snape. She couldn't tell because her eyes were watering badly.
She groaned and pinched her eyes shut several times more. "Sorry, Professor Snape," she mumbled. He did not see the need for the apology but did not reply.
"Miss Granger, go to the hospital wing at once. Leave your things," he glanced at apathetically at the two boys, "I'm sure they will be taken care of." He offered her a hand to help her up out of common courtesy.
"Really, professor," she said anxiously, "I'm quite fine. That's not necessary..." she accepted his hand anyway.
He pulled her up off the floor and she found his grip to be abnormally strong. He released her a split second later. With a hard look her way he shook his head firmly.
"No. You just passed out. You must go to see Mme Pomfrey immediately," he replied sternly with as little feeling in his voice as he could. Harry nodded in reluctant agreement, as did Ron.
"But, sir-" she decided it better to let it drop when he gave her a poisonous look. Falling silent she skulked to the door resignedly. She found herself not wanting to leave, but she didn't feel as good as she had let on and felt an unusual urge to sleep.
Snape on the other hand was happy to be rid of her. Her disturbing staring had been making him infinitely uncomfortable.
As soon as she was gone, he turned on the rest of the class. "Well," he hissed dangerously, "don't just sit there waiting. Get back to work." He left the two to tidy up and resumed his pattern around the desks, inspecting everyone's potion down to the finest detail. There was a small instant where Snape felt maybe he should have sent someone with Granger to make sure she did not fall asleep on the way to the hospital wing. He dismissed the thought, knowing she would be smarter than to give in to sleep.
She had made it to the hospital wing just fine. But the second she lay down on one of the beds, she almost fell asleep before madam Pomfrey managed to snap her out of it.
A few doses of several different potions later, she had nothing to do but think. Staying in the Hospital Wing was lacklustre, way too tedious. She sighed.
Clutching the bright white sheets, she pulled them up to her chin. She was thinking about Snape. She half-heartedly tried to push the thoughts out of her head by habit more than wanting to.
She wasn't thinking along any specific lines, just about him in general. The way he walked, his piercing black eyes...
A horrifying thought crept into her mind. Was she starting to get a crush on him? She bit her lip and shook her head to try and clear her mind. But even when she closed her eyes, she could still see him, standing in front of her.
She could feel her heartbeat speed up the more she thought and a pinching feeling at the base of her throat that swallowing could not subdue.
With a deep shuddering breath, she pulled the sheets up right over her head but it didn't help. Realising that she was running out of fresh air, she pushed them back down again and closed her eyes. Maybe she could clear her mind of everything. The very idea that she now liked her professor was too much to handle.
Luckily classes would end in a few minutes and she could expect Harry, Ron and maybe even Ginny if they found her on the way. She decided to shove this weird feeling to the back of her mind and concentrated on her friends.
It was almost Hogsmead week-end, she contemplated. Maybe she should go buy a few more books, for distraction more than anything else. She could use a dream translation book, since she didn't take divination, not that she wished she did.
She pondered this for a short while and then her predictions came true as the door of the hospital wing burst open and Harry and Ron bounded over to her. She looked up at them and grinned.
They both snatched a couple of chairs and dragged them up as close to her bed as they could.
"How are you feeling?" Ron frowned anxiously, studying her to make sure she was not hurt. She giving gave them each a tender smile. It was sweet of them to be so protective.
"I'm fine, really," she argued, pushing herself up straighter in bed. Harry's hand pressed her back down by her shoulder. She frowned sarcastically at him.
"Lie down, you'll get better quicker," said Harry firmly. Hermione looked at them defiantly and pushed herself back up.
"I am perfectly alright," she snapped, without any real bite. "I think it was totally unnecessary for me to have to leave the class over a little bump on the head!" she scoffed. The boys looked confused.
"You wanted to stay?" said Ron, shocked at the very idea, "It was a perfect excuse to get out of potions! Does your health matter less to you than a potions lesson?" unable to come to terms with the possibility.
Hermione looked a little guilty, "Well-" she started, but Harry scowled at her, "no, I suppose not..." she said apologetically.
The subject of conversation quickly changed.
"Did you know, Snape's going away this weekend?" Ron said, sounding excited. "A whole weekend! I only wish it was on a day with potions..." he stared off into space, dreaming of the prospect.
"What? Leaving? Why?" asked a perplexed Hermione.
"No idea," shrugged Harry, "that's all we know. It's probably just some family emergency, you know."
Hermione put two and two together promptly. Her eyes grew and she mouthed the word "oh". Of course, it made perfect sense. She suddenly felt a wave of sadness for Snape, as though she was feeling his pain. It was probably the funeral he was attending. In the Library that morning she had found out their relation. Stella Snape was his younger sister and from the way he had been acting, she could tell they were close.
"What is it?" asked Harry. "What's with the funny looks?" Hermione could have slapped herself. She should learn to control her facial expressions better – that thought alone was enough to make her think of Severus Snape and his undeniable good ability to master his.
"Yeah," Ron added, making things only worse, "you were going to tell us the reason you've been so occupied recently. Is there a connection?" Damn it! She should have been more discrete. She decided it would be simpler to tell them now than dance around it for a while.
"Ok..." she sighed; the boys shuffled closer, "You know how strangely Snape was acting on Monday?" They nodded vigorously.
"I wondered about that..." said Ron, Harry shushed him.
"Well... I decided to do a little research of my own into the matter..." They were leaning further forward now with anticipation. She looked at them closely, "Please don't let on to anyone else including Snape that you know?" she pleaded.
Harry seemed to seriously consider it but Ron just replied with "Depends what it is that we're about to find out," with a small evil smile. Hermione gave him a sickened look.
"His little sister has died of some disease," she snapped at him. Ron flinched back as though she had spat in his face. He looked less pleased and Harry mimicked her earlier reactions with a small "oh".
"Hermione, I didn't know..." said Ron guiltily, "I didn't mean that..." She knew he didn't but his reply had struck a sensitive nerve. She looked at him and groaned in frustration.
"It's ok, really," she said but didn't look him in the eye.
She was getting defensive about Snape and she knew she would have to stop if she didn't want to give anything away. Her feelings were like a small fire that refused to be extinguished.
The second she got out of the Hospital Wing she didn't go directly back to the Gryffindor tower, but instead she determined to go outside and sit by the lake. She supposed it was in vein hope of Severus joining her as before.
Severus: a name that suited him very well and when she thought it she felt instantaneously uncomfortable. But the uncomfortable feeling was melting into a strange kind of excitement so that the name now made her shiver.
But her hopes of seeing him were dampened when she sat there for just under and hour without spotting him.
With a sad look around she got up and headed back to the castle.
Chapter 2 and the love is already in the air!
Please R&R!!
Kisses and Hugs to those who reviewed my last chapter.
Snakecharmer