Guest Ki: Chapter 20

Learning Curves

Near the end of the trip, Shampoo came over and grabbed Ryoga by the ear. "Need talk with airen, pig-boy. Go sit with pervert-girl and spatula-girl." She gave the ear a good twist and Ryoga was given the choice of starting World War III, or accepting. Holding his ear, grumbling about overbearing females, he retreated to where Akane and Ukyo gossiped with one another. Fortunately, they didn't hear him. Shampoo turned to the young man she believed to be Ranma. "Why airen take pervert-girl to woods?"

"Training," he admitted. It was part of the truth. If Ranma had had other plans, Barry wasn't going to dredge them up for Shampoo's benefit. "Akane's father is the other half of the Anything-Goes school. Akane is his heir and needs to be taught the full set of forms. Ya hafta admit my life is hectic, Shampoo. If somethin' happens ta me and Pops, the school dies with us."

"You finish, you come with Shampoo, yes?" she asked a bit breathlessly, as if there weren't a brain in her skull. Barry decided to play a card he had held since returning to the dojo. Nabiki had even given him a good deal on it.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Invisible neon signs seemed to flash, 'BIMBO!' 'BIMBO!'

"I know yer not a brainless doll, Shampoo," he said irritably. "Quit actin' like one." The Amazon looked at him doubtfully. "Nabiki has a nice computer, doesn't she?"

"What mercenary-girl have do with airen and Shampoo?" She didn't like where the conversation was going. She tried to steer it back to relationships — hers and Ranma's.

"She has a friend that showed her how to call up keystrokes that were made on her computer. She checked it right after ya left her room." He let her mull over that. "I always wondered why yer Japanese never improved either." He glared at her. "Care to tell me why ya been actin' like a bimbo all this time?" Shampoo blushed and became very interested in the condition of the floor near her toes. Her hair obscured her face making her look innocent and fragile. Barry got annoyed. "If yer gonna act like that, go back and sit with the girls."

Shampoo's hands came up to cover her face and her shoulders shook silently. Barry tried not to let his concern show. It was probably another act. This 'little flower of China' was as lethal as an entire Special Forces team. He gritted teeth. She was also a young woman with her own set of doubts and fears trying to do her best in an unfriendly world.

"Shampoo, we all have our little secrets," he said steeling himself. "But I wonder if I ever knew who ya were. I mean sure, yer a great martial artist, ya have purple hair (all over, he had noted at the bar), yer dad's nice but awfully quiet and yer great-grandmother is a ghoul who can be pretty nice or pretty damn scary."

Shampoo remained silent.

"But who is Xian Pu?" he asked pronouncing her name as Ranma had heard it said in her dialect. "She seems ta be someone who's willin' ta kill my friends if she disagrees with them. She seems ta be a brainless twit who acts like a pervert magnet. She seems ta be a girl who's willin' ta use magic and poisons and potions ta force me to do somethin' without carin' whether I want it or not." She glanced at him from under her bangs. "A friend just wouldn't do that kind of thing."

"Shampoo not want be friend! Want..."

"It's the same thing. Maybe more so," he said more gently. "If a guy can't trust a girl ta be truthful with him, he's not gonna treat her seriously."

"What about girl trust in boy?" Shampoo demanded, eyes flashing.

"That's right," Barry said smiling, "It's exactly the same thing."

She frowned and seemed about to speak several times. Finally she huffed, disconcerted. "Why you no ask before?"

"I notice yer still not answerin' now." She looked stubborn, for which he was thankful. A stubborn, cranky Shampoo was much easier, if not safer, to deal with. "Think about it. I said it before, I'd like ta be yer friend." He looked her straight in the eye. "I'll add this… Ain't no chance I'll ever be anythin' else, unless that comes first."

"It not that easy."

"Sure it is." He grinned. "Friends help one another."

"Huh!" she vocalized disdainfully. "Know how airen want Shampoo help!"

She glanced back to where Akane whispered to Ukyo. Ryoga seemed to be taking a nap. Of course, he might have heard something racy instead. Barry had overheard enough girl-talk from his wife's friends and still blushed in memory of some of the things discussed. Akane looked tired but happier than she had for a while. The Amazon turned her gaze back to the pigtailed boy and glared knowingly.

"What?" he asked. He understood her dislike of her rival. What did that have to do with their discussion? Shampoo continued to glare at him, but the intensity faded as he continued to look confused.

"All right, what Ranma mean?"

"Well, for example," he said considering, "maybe I could look inta why ya can't do ki-blasts? Maybe I could find…" Shampoo had gone white and the intensity of her glare had returned full force.

"Stupid Ranma!" she hissed, tearing. "If G-great-grandmother not know, how you th-think you do better? Shampoo no do ki attacks. Astral too weak." Her fists clenched and for a moment, he thought she would hit him. "Is just other reason why Shampoo need Ranma for husband!"

"Say again?"

Shampoo suddenly dropped her face into her hands again, her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. "Is shameful thing," he caught between gasps.

He looked back toward Ryoga and the girls. They hadn't noticed anything, but Ukyo was smiling slyly at a reviving Ryoga. She said something at which Akane blushed. Ryoga boggled and fainted again. Barry shook his head. Maybe he'd get out of this one without a pounding. He patted the Amazon on the shoulder and cursed when the movement almost turned into a caress.

"Shampoo from old-old family. Ling-Ling, Lung-Lung and Shampoo last of line. All other gone. None do ki attack; is… imper-fection in way made. If airen strong, maybe make up for Shampoo. Maybe Shampoo children have ki-strength of husband, line no end."

"A real Amazon princess?" Barry laughed softly and held up his hands when she glared. "Hey, I'm flattered. I thought you gals were a matriarchy?"

"Yes. But Matriarch chosen for strength, skills… Chosen by tests for life as leader. Is great honor, great responsibility, too. Shampoo family always part of leadership…"

"Till now." Barry said. Shampoo hung her head in shame. Barry was thinking rapidly. He couldn't believe that every member of the present generation had this problem. His curiosity was twitching like mad. He reached over suddenly and took her hands. He had found with Akane and Ryoga that touch improved the clarity of the ki-sense.

"Wha—!" Her soft sighing query warned him he had made a mistake. He glanced up and saw her eyes huge, fixed on his face full of hope and hunger. He hated to do it, but…

"Aw, jeez! Never mind! Why you gals hafta take everythin' so seriously!" He used the armrest as leverage and flipped out of his seat into the aisle. Muttering, he stomped to the back of the car passing Ryoga, Ukyo and Akane in the process.

"What's wrong?" asked Ranma's fiancée.

"Shampoo has a real problem," he grunted, continuing past.

"The bimbo always has a problem," snickered Ukyo. Akane's lips twitched.

Barry stopped and glared. "Yer all gonna eat those words," he quietly informed them. "Appearances can be decievin'."

He moved further back; glad they were on a late train. The packed crowds of rush hour would have been unbearable. Besides, it would have caused a fuss if he'd just vanished into thin air on a crowded train. Using the masking of the 'quiet thief technique' designed by Ranma's father, he snuck back hoping Shampoo would, out of pity or convenience, return to her seat with the other girls and let Ryoga escape.

"Is it just me or is Ranma acting strange, Akane?"

"Well he's been a bit off since the Ramen Noodle Wrestling," Akane admitted nervously.

"The what?" Ukyo stared at her companion. "What's that?"

"You don't want to know," said Ryoga in a strangled tone as he revived once more. "I sure don't want to talk about it!"

Ukyo looked at Akane and an eyebrow twitched up. "This must be good."

Akane tried unsuccessfully not to blush.

Ukyo's face suddenly tightened. "Did you and Ranma…?" she began.

"What? No!" Akane choked. 'Would they have?' she wondered. "No, it's just that… you don't wear very much when you wrestle in a pool of ramen…"

Ukyo frowned, trying to understand. "Wait a minute… You don't wear very… What kind…" She found herself caught between her own glare, Akane's blush and Ryoga's pale face, again. "Maybe you better start from the beginning."

Barry grinned, wondering how Ukyo would take this story. It didn't really matter, though. Mega-spat or not, Akane was in little danger from the okonomiyaki chef anymore. He passed silently to where Shampoo sat slumped and depressed in her seat. He was determined to discover the truth about her inability to do ki. Besides, maybe there was some way to tweak this for Ranma's benefit.

Barry moved on to come up beside Shampoo. He turned his ki sense on the girl and tried to make sense out of what he saw. Like Ranma's girl-type, she had a decidedly 'yin' color to her aura, which was strong and clear, very balanced. He tried to find the exact area, which Ranma, as a girl, used to produce the ki attacks, but failed. Was it missing?

He backed away puzzled. Maybe if he were in girl-type? He looked out the window, but for a change, the night was clear. Then he noticed a fellow passenger had brought aboard a nice cold soft drink at their previous stop. He sauntered over.

"Could I buy that off ya?" The man looked around unsure as to where the voice had come from. "Oh, sorry." The passenger jerked as a good-looking young man seemed to materialize before his eyes. "Um… Could I buy that off ya?" He stared for a moment before offering the cup with a trembling hand. "Thanks!" The young man handed him several fifty-yen coins. Then, popping the plastic lid off, the young man stuck his fingers into the drink. Suddenly, young dark-haired man became young red-haired woman. She winked at him and faded out of sight.

Barry chuckled and wondered what the poor guy would do with this story. Probably nothing. It was too weird for anyone to believe, if they hadn't met up with Jusenkyo, Ranma Saotome or the totally weird martial artists that hung around him. Girl now, she snuck back to Shampoo.

As she examined their respective auras, she overheard Akane and Ukyo in the seats further back.

"How small did you say that thing was?" Ukyo said, her eyes wide. Akane held up her hand.

"Each piece was about as big as the palm of my hand. Too bad the ramen stained it. Once you got used to it…"

"Ranma's not the only one who's acting different," Ukyo said eyeing Akane speculatively. "I can't believe… I mean the Ranma I know would never have let you…"

"I was challenged, Ukyo. Ranma was smart enough to butt out this time."

Barry grinned. Had Ranma known how positively insane it would turn out he would have stuck his foot in it for sure.

"I'm just surprised he didn't… you know, go girl, dye his hair, get a mask…"

Akane grinned. "Warm ramen, remember? Just to make sure though, I asked Himamashi-san if he wanted Ranma and Ryoga to act as crowd control." Ryoga looked aghast at her words. "I didn't tell them, of course; but I felt if Ranma thought he could officially protect me from all those perverts around the ramen pool, he'd stay male and out of my way." Barry chuckled to himself. Akane had manipulated them magnificently.

"Poor Ranma," Ukyo chuckled. She glanced at the pained looked on Ryoga's face. "And poor Ry-chan," she added, patting him on the cheek. Ryoga blushed but surprisingly didn't jerk away.

Barry pulled his attention back to the sulking Amazon, locating in Shampoo the lines and focus, which Ranma used to project attacks when in girl form. They were oddly distorted, in some way fuzzy and out of focus where they should have been clear and strong. It was damned odd. As it involved the aspect of her aura connected to emotions and perceptions, he wondered why she wasn't as nutty as Kodachi with a ki structure like this.

Ukyo turned back to Akane.

"So, who challenged you?"

Three rows away, Shampoo stiffened and drew up her feet, curling into a tight ball. 'Obviously,' Barry thought, 'I'm not the only jug with big ears… God!'

Her new position caused the lines of ki to shift as well. All the fuzzy ends to her emotional ki lines suddenly lined up as if the demarcation were a sword strike across her body. He looked closer. Her ki was, in some indescribable way, restricted. The end effect was similar in some ways to the 'ribbon of light'. Regardless of whoever or whatever had done this, it was part of Shampoo's aura now, living leech-like off the Amazon's own ki.

"I… she…" Akane struggled with herself. She had beaten Shampoo and she was proud of her victory. But somehow, her competition with Shampoo had changed. She did not want to shame the other girl and suspected that Ukyo's response would be noisy and biting. Ukyo's time spent in boys' schools and in male situations had made her sense of humor as coarse as any man's in some ways. She decided to sidetrack a little.

"Understand, Ukyo, the training Ranma gave me was very intense…"

"C'mon, Akane! Who'd you beat?" Ukyo smirked, expecting some stupid embarrassing thing like a cross-dresser or an irate animated tanooki.

"I even learned the Kachu Tenshin Amiguriken…"

"You what!" Ukyo was no longer smiling. "But you'd have to be…" She suddenly realized who Akane's challenger had to be.

"And I was very lucky," Akane added. As Ukyo tried to grasp the idea that klutzy Akane was now good enough to challenge Shampoo, the latter suddenly unfolded and stood up, almost hitting the stealthed Barry in the nose.

"No need make excuses, Akane," Shampoo said. "You beat Shampoo in ramen fight. Fight good, use good strategy." Then she grinned wickedly. "Not work next time."

"No, it wouldn't." Akane smiled. "Next time, I'm going to have to be much better, if I don't want my head handed to me on a platter."

"Pig-boy, Ranma say nothing happen in woods; you there all time. Is true?" she demanded.

"Heh, heh-heh, ummm… yes?"

"Ryoga!" exclaimed Akane exasperated. Ryoga was a worse liar than Ranma, if that was believable. She hoped she could explain this without destroying the train.

"Akane," Ukyo and Shampoo said almost in unison.

"Look! It was all just a misunderstanding," Ryoga said, sweating at the looks caused by his lost wits. "I mean, it looked really bad when I found them together in the sleeping bag…"

"What!"

"Airen no want pervert-girl!" Shampoo snapped.

"Airen no want bimbo," snarled Akane right back. "But that's not an issue here. Nothing happened, more's the pity." She gauged her available avenues of escape. She didn't see Barry around and she might have to take on both girls at once for a time.

"Evil woman try steal…" Akane's words brought Shampoo up short. "What you mean 'nothing happen'?"

"Nothing happened. I tried to swim a mountain lake. I was freezing to death. Ranma was asleep. And you know how he sleeps!"

They looked at one another and nodded.

"Like log."

"Ranchan'd sleep through the end of the world, if food or martial arts weren't involved.

"I did get warm, though," Akane added introspectively. She found herself sighing in unison with Shampoo.

"Know feeling. So warm…"

"If Ranchan didn't sleep with his window open…" growled Ukyo, darkly.

"Maybe airen glad invite wife in?" suggested the Amazon with an arch look. The other girls groaned and rolled their eyes. This was typical Shampoo. "This body give much pleasure. Ranma so… big." She swayed suggestively.

Ryoga grabbed his sore nose and bolted, saying something that sounded like, 'Way too much information!' Shampoo folded gracefully into the empty seat.

Akane found herself growling and mangling the armrest with her hand. Then Ukyo put her two-yen in. "Big what, compared to whom?" she demanded.

Shampoo went livid and jumped back to her feet. "You say Shampoo with other men? Is lie! You take back, spatula-girl!" Akane suddenly got it. Shampoo was baiting them again. "Ranma plenty big enough!"

"Most men are, I suppose,"Akane said slowly, eyeing the huffing Chinese girl. "Do you have to lie like that? It's why people don't respect you."

"Shampoo know! Shampoo compare airen with Joketsuzoku training film." The other girls looked at one another and back at Shampoo.

"Training films?" wondered Ukyo.

"Training films for what?" added Akane. "And don't you dare claim it's an ancient Chinese Amazon secret, Shampoo. Movies haven't been around that long."

Barry groaned softly. Ranma was quite normal — she should know. What Shampoo was talking about and how she had obtained her comparisons with Ranma, Barry didn't want to know. Like Ryoga had said when he nearly ran her down, 'way too much information.' She tried to ignore them as she observed and compared all three girls' ki with her own aura. All were strong, bright and centered, with Shampoo being the brightest, except for the blockage.

Shampoo sighed, deflating, and slumped into her seat once more. "IsAmazon husband-hunting technique!" She held up her clenched hand. One finger jumped up (no, not that one).

"One — Study culture of husband. Two — Learn how make husband desire wife. Three — Take husband back Amazon village. Four — Teach husband why Amazon way make happy. And five — Show husband why accepting Amazon way better than alternative."

Akane and Ukyo exchanged glances. "Seems reasonable," they admitted, almost in unison. "Actually, if you were husband-hunting outside your culture, you might have to do it that way," Akane added.

"What's this about films, though?" asked Ukyo.

"Use film, western culture. How woman catch, pleasure man." She named about six films, only one of which, 'Shall We Dance', was known to the other girls.

"That one's a little out of date," commented Akane.

"Hard understand, anyway. Why wife stay home, worry if husband sad, no ask why, no do something make happy?" She shook her head. "Not Amazon way."

"Hold on, Shampoo," Ukyo countered. "That still doesn't answer our question about how you decided Ranchan's a stud?"

"Three film show technique what… catch outsider male," Shampoo replied uncomfortably. She named them again.

Barry felt some familiarity with the names, but wasn't sure from where. He had done all he could to examine and compare the girls' ki. His next action would be to check with Cologne. There was an outside chance that what had been done was for some obscure nonsensical Amazon training. If so, he wouldn't get in the way, though privately he'd have some words with the little mummy.

"Film show how man like woman," Shampoo seemed to stumble a bit and looked embarrassed. "How do… sex…" Her audience's eyes went round. "Some Shampoo no want know. No do! Shampoo not want share airen, not want be share by airen." She eyed Ukyo and Akane as their hands clapped to their mouths to stifle 'Eeep's'. "Why you 'eeep'?"

"Oh, kami!" Akane whispered. Ukyo was beginning to shake, half from embarrassment, half from laughter. "No wonder you act the way you do."

They weren't the only ones going 'Eeep'. Barry had suddenly realized why one of the films was familiar, at least by reputation. He had never heard of a film named 'Vixen of Kyoto' in his own world, but Ranma's friends Hiroshi and Daisuke had enthused over the extremely pornographic offering not long afterRanma had first arrived in Nerima. The film coincidentally featured a… performer that remarkably resembled Ranma's girl-type, and it was one of the reasons Ranma initially resisted revealing his alternate identity.

"Shampoo…" A distressed Akane rubbed her temples as she tried to explain to an increasingly irate Amazon. "That kind of film is made for perverts. I…I mean… nobody watches those things or acts like that as a husband and wife."

"How you know?" Shampoo growled, poking a finger aggressively at Akane. "How you know how husband, wife act?"

"N-no. But I have my memories of how my mother and father acted. I know they loved each other," She flushed.

"You see only public face. In bedroom, maybe different…"

"Akane's right, Shampoo." Barry faded into supportthe short-haired girlin her argument. Regardless of his intent, there was an immediate combined shriek of surprise; and he was struck by mallet, a huge spatula and bonbori simultaneously. "That… hurt."

"Barry!"

"Ranchan!"

"Airen! Shampoo sorry." The Amazon frowned at Akane, who was still frozen in shock. "You call airen 'blockhead' again?"

"Oh, umm… You know how I am, Shampoo."

"Violent, pervert-girl, kitchen-destroyer," muttered the Amazon.

"Hey!"

"R-r-r-right…" Barry twitched an eyebrow at Akane before refocusing on Shampoo. "Whatever. But she is right, Shampoo. That kind of film is made for guys who don't want a permanent relationship. If that's what yer workin' from, no wonder ya act like a bimbo."

"Is wrong?" The query came out in a tiny voice.

"You betcha," he replied. "Where did you guys get this stuff, anyway?" he had a sudden horrible thought. "Not Jani-san, I hope."

"No, aunt catch husband by self, no ask special training."

"Good."Barry tuened away. "By the way, Akane, when we get in, I wanna wander over to the Nekohanten before we go home." He sensed a sudden shift in intensity in the other girls. "This ain't about fiancées, okay?"

"Can I tag along?" asked Ukyo. "I'm… not sure… I mean I want to besure I make it back home, if you know what I mean."

"Suits me. Ryoga's, Shampoo's, Ucchan's, then the Tendo's."

"Ranma," Shampoo's troubled voice interrupted the planning. "What type man, Amazon Husband Hunting training get Amazon?"

Barry considered. "Hiroshi, Daisuke, Kuno, Mikado, Happosai…"

"Eeuw!" Shampoo's face twisted memorably. "Shampoo need talk to Grandmother!"

The train pulled up to their station and the group disembarked. Barry finally had to take a grip on Ryoga's pack to keep the traumatized young man from wandering away. He was flinching whenever any of the girls came within arm's reach.

"Ya know ya girls should really watch what ya say around sensitive guys like Ryoga," the redhead warned them. "I don't want ta hafta carry him home." Ryoga's grateful look vanished at the mischievous look on her face. "People might get the wrong idea." Ryoga quivered in rage as she batted her eyes.

A mallet, a huge spatula and a bonborismashed down. Ryoga smiled at the girls. "Heh-heh! Had that coming!" He slung the unconscious redhead on top of his pack, shifted a few times to account for the balance and followed the others off the platform. It was several minutes before Barry was in condition to irritate anyone again.

"Oooh…"

Ryoga dropped back a bit to allow for some privacy to talk with Barry.

"Ryoga?"

Ryoga growled in reply. "Do you have to act like that? I mean Ranma's a jerk sometimes, but I don't think you need to carry the act that far."

"Sorry, P-chan."

Ryoga snarled and looked ready to murder the redhead. "I never thought I'd be glad to help Ranma and Akane get together." He trudged on intent on the form literally slumped across his shoulders. "Areyou planning on having Akanetake me tothe local shrine, tomorrow?"

"It wouldn't be a bad start." Barry shifted, pushed up and looked around. "Ryoga, where are we?" She slid off the pack and looked around some more.

"Oh, shit," muttered Ryoga. He had lost track of where they were! He glanced around desperately but saw nothing familiar. A faint green distortion began to form around his fists, slide up his arms... A small slender hand smacked him across the nose causing him to yelp.

"Stop that!" As Ryoga used two hands to shield his face from further insult, Barry nodded confidently. "We need to go that way." Barry pointed. They double-timed off in the direction indicated, Barry gripping Ryoga's sleeve. The girls had stopped and were just beginning to look around for the lost pair. They waved as they came into view and everyone returned to their course toward Ryoga's house. It was getting late and tomorrow was going to be something of a trial for them all.

Tomorrow was going to be their first day back at school.

Tomorrow, Barry would start to discover just how weird Ranma's life really was.