Guest Ki: Chapter 21

School's in Session

They came over the wall and launched themselves up to the dojo roof. They ran silently and easily across the tiles and leaped to the nearest wing of the house. From there they went more silently still, not wanting to wake the sleepers in the rooms below. The quiet familiarity of the Tendo property did nothing to soothe either of the individuals who now stood above the room belonging to Akane Tendo.

To the one, the familiarity was forced, wrong. To the other it was confirmation that nightmares were not always banished by the waking of the dreamer. The taller form put a hand out to lightly brush the other's shoulder.

"Akane, I think we should talk, so we're on the same page tomorrow."

"I don't feel like talking." She shuddered at the familiar voice with the slightly alien manner of phrasing. When Barry wasn't trying to act like Ranma, the difference was worse than jarring. "I just want to climb into my own bed, pull the cover over my head and pray this nightmare goes away." She felt his nod through her hand.

"Why aren't you?"

"I've never tried to get in through my own bedroom window before, Barry-baka," she replied blushing. "Ranma does it all the time." She blushed again at what that remark seemed to infer.

"Akane, relax. I know all about you and Ranma. More than I need to know." He hesitated then offered, "Hear me out a minute and I'll show you how to do it."

"All right." She turned toward him. "What is it you want?"

"To go home!"

Akane shivered at the longing in his voice.

"Sorry." He drew in a breath. "Like I told you, We've got a plan." Barry took a deep breath.

"But until we get Ranma back, and we will get him back, you and I are going to have to pretend that I'm him." He watched her draw back distastefully. "Don't get the wrong idea, tomboy; I am not in the mood for a brawl right now. I mean, in the way everyone will be expecting you guys to be. We sort of winged it on that trip with Shampoo, but on a day-by-day basis, we've got to get this solid, or the other fiancées will think you've dropped out of the running." He paused as Akane sighed heavily. "What?"

Akane shook her head back and forth. "I just don't feel I can… I mean how can I hit you…"

"You did fine on the trip back there." He glared at her, daring her to argue.

"Well, I just couldn't leave Shampoo think…" she offered timidly.

"Exactly!" He grinned. She shuddered and looked away. "Now what?"

"When you're not 'in character', Barry, I don't think anyone would recognize you as Ranma."

"That's good. That'll help us keep track of our goals, ne?" He sighed and looked at the night sky so familiar to him; his home was nearly on the same latitude as Tokyo. "Every once in a while, I'll push buttons and you just let yourself act naturally."

Her face darkened. "You mean like my cooking." Barry heard her teeth grind. Unkindly, he laughed at her distress, almost pushing one of those fore-mentioned buttons.

"You have to admit, some of your mistakes have been spectacular." He grinned in an oddly Ranma-ish fashion and muttered about eggs and microwaves. "Actually, what I'd like ta do is get them all ta sit down and eat one of your meals now, wait for the compliments to start… then keel over like I've dropped dead!"

"Don't you dare!" Her raised voice started a dog barking and both fell silent, listening for movement below. "Don't you dare do anything like that. Don't… Do you think… they might like my…?"

Barry snorted. "Girls! Always fishin' for compliments!" He relented. "If Ranma were here he'd tell you, 'Read the recipe, read the labels, kick yer anger out to the dojo and, fer kami's sake, don't improvise till ya've been cookin' as long as Kasumi has'." Barry watched sadly as tears trickled down her cheeks and changed subjects. "Uhhh… Let's see about getting you into your room." He looked into the dark shadows beyond the roof's edge and grumbled, "I never did this with Gwen. Well, I never jumped rooftops with Gwen, either."

"Just get on with it!" she growled. She watched as his left hand met the edge of the roof, and his body tumbled out of sight. After a minute, he seemed to roll back up onto the roof tiles again. "Well?"

"I just made sure your window was open and checked for stray Kodachi's." He cracked his knuckles. "Nothing this time."

"Heaven help us all, if there were more than one Black Rose," Akane agreed. It would have been unpleasant had that individual been borrowing her room as she had when Akane was at Makiko's.

"Right. Now see the tile I used? If you think of it as a gymnastics bar; just grab hold and let yourself loop into your room."

"Barry," Akane sounded aggrieved. "I want to do it like Ranma does it."

"How about if that waits till daylight? I don't think you want to land on your head or sleep on broken glass, if you miss tonight."

"Ranma would have made me do it."

"Ranma is a far better judge of what you can and cannot do. Go to bed!"

"You sound like my father," she grumped.

"Your father? I'm certainly old enough." Barry grinned and shrugged. "Get on with you, girl."

She was stubborn though, a trait Ranma, always eager for a challenge, found appealing. She sought for an excuse to avoid taking his advice. "You really think we'll get Ranma back?"

"Hey! I can't leave till he does…"

"What? Is there some kind of link?" She looked alarmed and hopeful.

"Not that I know of, just a sense of responsibility. I want to make sure you kids are all right before I get on my way again."

"Back to your home and your wife," she stated. "Oh, my!"

"What?"

"Barry, what if Ranma is in your body?"

"That could make things… interesting."

"You're telling me. Grrr!" Akane suddenly glowed.

"Easy! You are way too sensitive, tomboy."

"Easy for you to… Oh, that's right. It's your wife," she finished lamely, appalled by her thoughts. "Do you think…?"

"Personally, after being in his hip pocket this long, I'd trust Ranma to come up with something. The biggest danger is that he'll manage to convince Gwen I've gone nuts and get me committed." He shrugged. "I really doubt Ranma will just jump into bed with my wife." He shrugged again. "Let's concentrate on what we need to do on our end of it to get him back."

"You want me to take Ryoga around to the local shrines, I know," Akane said. After an uncomfortable silence, she added. "How are we going to explain what we're doing?

"I don't know yet." He yawned uncontrollably. "But while we get caught up with schoolwork, we're going to have to dredge up everything we can find about possessions, auras, out-of-body experiences and anything on magic that we can pry out of the Amazons. That last is not going to be easy. Meanwhile, I'll keep poking around in here looking for clues" He yawned again and gestured helplessly. "With my talent with ki, once we have the translations of what you guys find, it should be easy to check them for authenticity and gather the info on how we can both get back to where we belong."

"Why don't I just go to the shrines myself; or you go, for that matter?"

"Can you read all those languages? Ranma's talent in that field is… limited. Ryoga, though, is one heck of a linguist." He hesitated as she yawned herself then, admitting with her body that she too was at her physical limits.

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" she asked as she recovered.

Barry froze, startled. The sudden change of subject threw him. To tell the truth, he hadn't really thought about it. "Well, the Saotome house is repaired and they do keep a room ready for Ranma." He checked his words at the uncontrolled, stricken look that flashed across her face. She was distressed, but couldn't properly explain why. "Why don't you just pass me up a blanket, though?" he finished. "It would be normal for Ranma to sleep right here, if the weather was decent. He's done it often enough."

Her face cleared a little at his words. She turned, took a breath and, before he could offer to spot her swing into the darkened room, was gone. Moments later he sensed her presence at the window and swung down far enough to retrieve the blanket she offered.

"Goodnight, Akane." The darker shadow in the window seemed to nod, but did not answer. He didn't speak any of the facetious additions so often added to that leave-taking. Neither of them had slept well nor had pleasant dreams, since their own personal disasters happened. He sought a reasonably comfortable spot on the tiles and tried, even though it was painful, to recapture a glimpse of his wife and son in his dreams.

Reflected light off a neighbor's window brought Barry awake, its reddish glare painful after the few hours of sleep he had managed. He sat up and unconsciously moved through a set of tai chi forms to loosen stiff muscles and begin the process of waking up. As he sat, meditating on the sight of the great red sun as it rose past the complex skyline to the east, he heard the faint movements of someone awake in the house below.

It almost had to be Kasumi. For most of two years, Kasumi had been a substitute mother for Ranma, helping the boy, who was often a girl, over some very rough times in her own particular way. The eldest Tendo danced to a natural cycle like ripples on a pond, regular, gentle… disturbed somewhat by the stones chance cast into her depths, but quickly returning to her serenity. It was not that she didn't have a temper; all of the Tendo girls had tempers, though they expressed them in different ways.

It had never happened to Ranma, but Happosai, early on, had received her wrath after a glomp and discovered his food to be bland, his sake and silky darlings suddenly missing and the furnishings of his room disturbingly and subtly out of place and orientation. Threats would not move her. It had made the old man so uncomfortable that he no longer disturbed her, unless he was in a particularly peckish mood.

After a moment, Barry rose to his feet and made his way to the edge of the house. He almost leaned over the edge to peer in and check on Akane. Reflecting, he realized it was unnecessary and if she were awake, might be misinterpreted. He utilized his ki sense, located her, noted the breathing and heart rate that indicated sleep and turned away. It was interesting and disquieting that the track of tears was also visible to the inner eye.

His feet landed softly on the first story roof and then onto the ground by the main entryway. Removing his shoes, he padded down the hall and around the corner to the main room. Expecting to find Kasumi busy in the kitchen, he jumped back as her head suddenly peeked around the corner.

"Ranma!"

"Shhh… Let's not wake anybody else yet. I thought ya might like a heads up on two extra mouths ta feed. How are you, Kasumi?"

"Worried about you and Akane," came the straight, frank answer. "Where did you sleep last night? You weren't in the spare room."

He pointed up to the roof. "On the roof. Drat! I left the blanket up there. Oh, well, I'll bring it down before breakfast, 'Sumi. Speaking of which, do ya need any help? With breakfast, I mean."

"Thank you, Ranma, that would be nice."

Ranma was a competent cook, easily able to assist Kasumi. This had been the result of his father's indifference to creating, yet desire for consuming, good food. Besides, it had cut down on the times they'd had to run away when the elder Saotome would give into his greed and steal something. Barry suspected that it had cut down on the number of fiancées as well. Barry let Ranma's body go through almost reflexive maneuvers in the kitchen while catching up on the home front.

Nabiki was at the university majoring in business and accounting, which she planned to augment with another degree in corporate law. The middle Tendo had many complaints about the size of her room and the habits of her fellow freshman, a political science major named Suka Asimoto. A neighbor had a new daughter, very cute, reminding her of Akane as a baby. Pantyhose Taro had stopped by looking for Happosai, but had been surprisingly restrained when Kasumi informed him that he had been gone for at least a week. Uncle Saotome had been over several times to play Shogi. But, in Kasumi's opinion, it had been too quiet around the house lately and her father had been growing reclusive. Now that Ranma and Akane were back, things would be more interesting and perhaps he would feel better.

Barry grinned. Taro was one of Ranma's most dangerous opponents, but even he behaved around Kasumi.

"Oh, Miss Hinako stopped by Friday with Akane's homework. She said she would visit your parents as well."

"Still hoping to catch Father Tendo, eh?"

"Well… Actually, I think she's going to be your homeroom teacher again," Kasumi replied, frowning. "You were supposed to have Mr. Hasegawa, but I understand he suddenly decided to take a sabbatical."

"Poor jerk." Barry considered this. Mr. Hasegawa would have been perfect to use as a study guide for some of the information he needed, a true academic, if rather distractible, with a passion for folklore and the arcane.

"Who's replacing him as history instructor?"

"A Mrs. Morisato," Kasumi replied. "I haven't met her yet. She's to take over the junior class in Miss Hinako's place."

Hmmm… No help, there; a new instructor and, knowing the Pineapple Fruitcake, at least as dangerous as the ki-vampire. Have to wait and see… Wait a minute…

"Ranma?" Kasumi's look made Barry feel distinctly uncomfortable. "Is everything… I mean you and Akane…" She wrung her hands faintly, looking distressed. "When she left she had such high hopes, but when I saw her before you went looking for Ukyo…"

Barry sighed. Actually, things had gone very well between Ranma and Akane. Unfortunately, things had not finished well for Ranma. "It's been pretty strange, Kasumi." He didn't think he could lie to her, not and live with himself. But he was reluctant to tell her what had really happened. "Ryoga showed up after he left here. Akane found out about P-chan."

"Oh, my!" Kasumi looked like she was about to cry. "W-what about P-p-chan?"

Somehow, Kasumi's absolutely rotten attempt at dissembling made him feel better. He wagged a chiding finger at her and smiled when she looked away embarrassed. "Hey! It was a good thing in the long run. Ryoga would have been found out eventually. Akane worked out her anger and everyone made up." He passed her some seasoning. "We even got a lot of training done. Akane's getting really good."

"Actually," Kasumi broke in, determined not to remain distracted, "I was asking about how you and Akane are doing?" She added the seasoning and returned it. "When you came back, Akane looked like someone died."

"No one and nothing died, Kasumi. Things are just a lot more complicated than we'd like them." He snorted. "Like that's anything new." He thought a moment more. "Say, with Nabiki gone, who is gonna keep the house accounts?"

"I was hoping Akane would," Kasumi said a little tightly "She has to learn sometime if she's inheriting the dojo." Her face lightened when Barry nodded.

"Yeah, she's good at math, and hopefully I can keep the extra expenses down this year with Ryoga behaving himself. Now if only I could convince Shampoo to use doors." He took the prepared plate of fruit and pickled vegetables and slid it into the refrigerator to keep while Kasumi moved on to the actual cooking.

"What about the other girls?" Kasumi asked reproachfully. "You really need to make things clear…"

"Kasumi," Barry sighed, "Shampoo will turn into a raving homicidal lunatic if I 'make things clear'. Kodachi is a raving homicidal lunatic! Ukyo… I need to sound her out on the adoption thing. She's kinda fragile right now." He couldn't look Kasumi in the eyes. "I don't want to set her off and maybe make it worse."

"But if you don't do something, you two will never…"

"Never say never, 'Sumi."

He glided to the kitchen door and listened carefully. He extended his ki sense throughout the house. Akane was still quiescent in her room and Soun was only beginning to stir. His search found two objects with wires that he traced back to Nabiki's room, but she had taken her eavesdropping equipment with her and the devices were detached and unpowered.

"What's wrong, Ranma?" Kasumi's voice was full of concern.

"Just paranoid. Akane and I are real tired of folks pushin' at us. We're friends of sorts, though ya wouldn't know it ta look at us. Our plans just don't include marriage yet." He grinned at her, while inside Barry felt himself shrivel. 'Why in hell did I have to get in the way!' he thought. 'Damn, damn, damn!' He sensed movement then and added, "I think yer dad is up."

"Yes. He'll do a workout in the dojo first and take a bath." She glanced at him pointedly. "Why don't you go get one while he's out there, so you're ready for school?"

"But…"

"Go get a bath!" she said sternly. "And don't forget about that blanket." She smiled. "Remember, you'll need to stop by your parent's house for your books."

"Oh, jeez! I promised to help Ryoga get ta school, too." He shot out the door of the kitchen and dodged past Soun on the stairs. Ignoring the older man's exclamation of surprise, he pounded on Akane's door. "Hey, tomboy! Get ready for school!"

Akane's wretched sleep changed into a wretched foggy wakefulness. Ranma's voice and the pounding on her door urged her up, and she slowly dragged on her running clothes for her morning exercise. As she began her warm-up exercises in the yard, a wet-haired Ranma skidded to a halt and informed her of the morning's schedule, including the fact that he had to pick up Ranma's books at the Saotome's. He hopped on one foot, pulling on the other slipper and added they'd be stopping after school at the Nekohanten to see if Cologne had returned.

Then he was gone.

She almost went back to bed. Every night since Himamashi's, she tried to tell herself that this was a bad dream and that Ranma was not gone and that everything would be better when she woke up. Every morning she woke up, half convinced that it wasa bad dream, only to have some remark of Barry's smash over her like a bucket of cold water. If only Ranma had been captured by some ninja cult, or imprisoned by some stupid matrimonially-inclined princess…

But there was no direct action she could take to rescue him (or herself) from the worry and doubt she felt. She clenched her fists and chanted to herself: 'From now on, we search for Ranma! From now on…" She jogged out the main gate and looked at the familiar streets, wondering what life would have been like without Ranma. That thought was like a spark. No matter what else, Ranma had happened. Nothing would ever be the same. She took three steps and leaped to a rooftop. Her morning jog was replaced by a Ranma-style obstacle course above the streets of Nerima.

Barry jumped lightly down and glided up the walkway to the Saotome front door. Ranma had thought long and hard about how he would treat his mother, now that she knew about his curse and he didn't have to hide anymore. Barry intended to follow his lead. He had stopped at an early opening baker's and a flower shop before coming here. He knocked and waited for an answer.

"Who is it? Ranma!"

"Mornin', Momma."

As expected, Nodoka answered the door. She embraced her son and pulled him gladly into the house. "Aren't you going to hug me back?" she asked almost shyly. He blushed. Ranma's mother was an extremely attractive woman about the same age as Barry's wife. He felt like he was taking advantage of the situation.

"Ummm… I didn't want to break anything." He waved the packages he held in each of his hands and cursed at how lame his words sounded.

"How sweet." She held out her cheek for a kiss in lieu of the hug. He winced as he played his role and she giggled. "Where did you go? When did you get back? Did you find Ukyo? What did she think about the offer to adopt her?"

"Whoa, Momma! I can only answer one question at a time," he smiled, speaking in a low voice.

"Dear," came a deep disembodied voice from further back in the house, "I think I'll visit Tendo today after I… (ahem!) …check out some of these jobs from the paper." Barry recognized Genma's voice and glanced quickly at Nodoka. Her face had resolved into a disappointed blandness that reflected her lack of faith in her husband. It tore his heart to see it. He glided in to pay respects to Ranma's father.

Genma sat sipping a cup of coffee, a paper open before him in much the same way Soun did in the morning. Barry was unimpressed. Ranma didn't read the paper often, but he knew what sections Genma liked. He had one of them, in fact. Barry felt claws of ki form in annoyance. Genma started as a square section out of the center of the paper suddenly shredded like confetti. He found himself looking into the scowling features of his only child.

"What jobs would they be, Pops? Taking up professional sports?"

"Ranma!" Genma boggled at the young man before jamming his glasses back against the bridge of his nose. "So, what the Master said was true."

He sweated, as Ranma's scowl became deeper. "The freak? He didn't leave Himamashi's without fixin' it, did he?"

"Oh, he's still there! They called you per an agreement you made. Happosai was in the background complaining quite loudly. You put the fear of the gods into him, son." He swallowed. "But at what cost to yourself?"

Trying to conceal nervousness, Barry straightened up. Genma Saotome had, after all, trained Ranma for ten years. If anyone were likely to notice any changes, it would be this man. He was also the one individual that he would never trust with the secret of Ranma's disappearance.

"This…" The bald martial artist indicated the shredded paper. "This could only have been done with the Nekoken." Suddenly he launched himself across the table, catching Barry about the waist, and trying to drag him into a submission hold. "Oh, son! Can it be true?" He sobbed in hypocritical theatrics. "Have you finally overcome the madness, the horror, the inhumanity after all these years?"

"Get off me!" Barry broke the hold and slammed Genma face down into the table. He turned an apologetic face to Ranma's mother. "Sorry, Momma, but I don't have time fer this. Where did Miss Hinako put my stuff?" He dodged another grab at his ankles.

"I put it all with your bag upstairs in your room, dear."

Barry felt Genma get a grip and let Ranma's reflexes flow more strongly. He reversed the hold and spun 'Pops' out the front door to land in a heap.

"Thanks, Momma!" He leaped up the stairs in two strides grabbed his bookbag and descended in a glide down the banister. Genma was just rising from his sprawl on the stoop, so he decided to use him as a stepping-stone.

"Isn't it a little early for school, dear?" Nodoka asked.

Barry turned, keeping Genma underfoot where he could keep track of him. "I'm helpin' Ryoga get ta school, Momma. He has a little trouble with directions."

"I see."

"Momma, we've got a lot of schoolwork to catch up and we've got a project that may take some time." Barry braced himself. Nodoka was weird in some ways, so he had to make sure that his actions were not misunderstood. "I'll need to stay at the Tendo's until we're done. I'm sorry if…"

"You have my full permission to court Akane—urf! Barry bounced hard on Genma's back.

"Butt out, old man!"

"Ranma, you should be more respectful of your father," Nodoka said sharply. "Address him as 'Honored Father'."

"Yes, Momma. Sorry, Momma." He looked down. "Butt out, Honored Father."

"Much better," Nodoka said approvingly.

"I'm not courtin' Akane, at least, not right now. We're in our senior year and we really oughta be decidin' about college and things like that. We're gonna be busy…"

"Ranma, in the name of your family's honor, I demand that you set a date—urf!" Barry bounced again.

"Honored Father," Barry said with extreme sarcasm. "You have no right to talk to me about honor. It was because of me that Ukyo went into a depression and wandered around out of her head for a month. Ukyo could have died. We were just lucky Ryoga found her. If she had run into the avalanche like we did, she would have. If she had gone a few more days up in those mountains without food or shelter she'd be in the hospital now." Genma grunted under his feet. A glance at Nodoka's face showed that it had gone white. "I don't even know if I want to tell her about the adoption idea right now."

"You were in an avalanche?" Nodoka quavered.

"I'm all right, Momma," he said gently, hopping off Genma. Barry looked at Nodoka and tried to see her as a raving lunatic ready to cut off her son's head if he wasn't 'manly'. He suspected that Genma had exaggerated that threat as he had exaggerated many things. "Some new ki techniques got us out of trouble."

He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Oh, jeez! I'm late! Tell ya all about it later!" He leaped away. Groaning, Genma rose to his feet and hobbled into the house. As he passed Nodoka, who was still staring after her son, she spoke.

"Dearest?" Something in the tone made Genma sweat.

"Yes, dear?" She pivoted slowly toward him, her smile never changing as her eyes caught his.

"You mentioned something about the 'madness, horror, and inhumanity' of the Nekoken and how Ranma managed to overcome it after 'all these years'." Genma stepped back swallowing. "Dearest, just what is the Nekoken?"

"Ummm…" A cold wind seemed to blow up Genma's spine.

Barry had banged on Ryoga's door only twice when it popped open.

"Why hello, Ranma."

"Akari? When did you get here?"

"This morning. I called last night and talked to Ryoga."

"I… see…" This was one determined lady. "Katsunishiki with ya?"

"Of course!"

They finally got to school. The sudden appearance of Furinken's two most notorious students would have brought out the gawkers anyway. But there was more, much more. The possibilities had just about hit maximum and Ranma and Akane weren't even through the gate yet.

Barry grinned and ribbed Ryoga again about how it looked like the girl-magnet moniker would have to be transferred from Ranma to him.

"What a reputation you'll have, man," he whispered. "Nabiki, Ukyo, Akari…"

"Will you shut up?" Ryoga swung a backhand.

"Ranma!"

"Oh, hell!" Barry flinched and glanced back at Akane and Akari who were sending glares his way. "You'd think that once a guy proved himself ta be straight…"

"Maybe Ranma has," Ryoga smirked at him, "but Barry Barlowe still has some proving to do."

"It's probably the eyes," Barry said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Ryoga tried to equate 'eyes' with Barry proving himself.

"The girls probably like your eyes, Ryoga." Ryoga looked like he was about to have apoplexy.

"Nihau!"

"Hi, Shampoo." Barry did a double-take. "Shampoo?"

"You like?" She twirled in place, showing off her Furinken uniform.

"It must be the eyes," Ryoga said, enjoying Barry's discomfort.

"Shut up, P-chan!" He massaged his temples and tried to figure out how he could work this into his overloaded schedule. He glanced back at Akane, who was doing a good imitation of a volcano preparing to blow.

"Grandmother send greetings. Come back early. Shampoo tell how airen help Shampoo learn correct Japanese custom. Grandmother say maybe Shampoo try Japanese edu-cation also." She suddenly snuggled up against him. "Shampoo want thank airen much-much. Want see how much?"

Ryoga snickered and turned back to Akari to give her a solemn goodbye. As Barry mentally and physically backpedaled, he saw Konatsu bowing to Ukyo and assuring her he would return with the grill at lunchtime.

"Ah, ummm… Shampoo, this is not the right way to go about…" He flinched away from a glomp. "Remember what I told you!"

"Shampoo remember," she said brightly. "Just want airen remember what could have been." The pink tip of her tongue showed between even, white teeth as she purred at him. He shuddered and Shampoo immediately apologized, thinking his ailurophobia had caused him to misinterpret her actions.

"Yeah, right," he replied unsteadily. He flinched again as Akane stomped up.

"What are you doing here, Shampoo!" she demanded.

"Go school, learn speak Japanese better." She smirked. "What you do here, pervert-girl?"

As Akane struggled for control, chimes called students to their homerooms. Barry reached out and took both girls by the arms, leading them toward the doors. He nervously tried to insert conversation into the rising potential for violence he sensed.

"Hey, at least Kuno won't be buggin' us this year," he offered as his captives boggled at him. "Since we don't have to fight our way to class, we shouldn't have much bucket duty either."

"Bucket duty?" Shampoo asked startled. "What bucket duty?"

Surprisingly, it worked. Barry slowly began detailing customs and actions that Shampoo should be aware of at Furinken. Deciding that identifying a common enemy might get Akane and Shampoo to tone down the animosity, he mentioned the principal. "He's the Pineapple Fruitcake in my book," he said darkly. "What ever ya do, Amazon, watch yer hair around him! He's a nut about long hair."

Akane nodded. "Sometimes I think he'd be happier if everyone was shaved bald." Shampoo's eyes went round.

"Why he do that?" she demanded then hesitated. "Is crazy man with tree on head?" They nodded. "How he become honored position?"

"Money," suggested Akane.

"Who knows, Shampoo," Barry said. "He was away for several years. Maybe before he left he wasn't as strange. Maybe he actually deserved respect once."

"He crazy big-time now!"

"How would the Amazons deal with something like this?" asked Akane when Shampoo voiced her disapproval. The purple-haired girl looked startled.

"Not know. Grandmother know." She looked thoughtful. "Elders chosen for life by very dangerous, very difficult tests. Must prove good enough to make decisions. Must later deserve honor of Matriarch."

"You don't know?" Akane demanded, focusing on the other girl's first statement. "I thought you of all people would know your own laws."

"Akane know all Japan laws?" came back the saccharin inquiry.

Akane, caught out, blushed. "No. I'm sorry. That was unfair of me."

"It okay," Shampoo said simply.

They came to the homeroom door and Barry waved them in ahead of him. Hiroshi and Daisuke watched like starving men at a smorgasbord as the girls passed by.

"Don't do it, Dai," Barry warned.

Daisuke jerked his hand away from Shampoo's backside. "You wouldn't hit me would you, Ranma?"

"Not me! Shampoo's another matter." They turned and looked at Shampoo who smiled at them evilly. "The uniform don't change a thing. Never touch an Amazon unless she asks ya to." He grinned at Ranma's friends. "And if she asks ya, ask yerself why she's askin' ya."

"Boy ask if want touch Shampoo?" Daisuke turned as the Amazon came back their way. He looked like he wanted to melt.

"Uhhh… Another thing, Shampoo, I think most of the guys in the school want to date ya. Ya can fight to defend yerself, but no killin' and no permanent injury. Try for painful and embarrassin'."

"Okay. Is like training challenge." She smiled evilly at Daisuke and walked away again.

"She wouldn't really have…" Hiroshi muttered as he watched the seductive sway of her hips.

"Ya really don't wanna know, man." Barry watched appreciatively. "She does that well though, don't she?" He coughed as he caught Akane's glower. Hiroshi nodded then turned in his direction.

"Hey, Ranma! I hope you know who's in homeroom this year…"

"Jeez! That's right," Barry exclaimed smacking a fist into his palm. "Kami! If Shampoo's still got her 'kiss of death' goin' against Hinako… Thanks, guys!" He hurried after the Amazon.

"Man, he's nervous-like." Daisuke commented.

"Oh, well. He'll find out soon enough." Hiroshi agreed.

Barry, Akane, Ryoga, Ukyo and Shampoo stood at the front of the room as Miss Hinako called the class to order.

"Great! Vampire-teacher is homeroom monitor," Shampoo grumbled in a whisper to the pigtailed young man beside her.

"Shhh!" he returned. "Ya ain't still plannin' on killin' her, are you?"

"Great-grandmother say must forgive. Not fair."

"Will you two be quiet? I don't want drained my first day back," growled Akane softly. She gulped as Hinako frowned their way.

"Mr. Saotome? I want you to take this seat in the middle here. Miss Tendo?" Hinako smiled at a student she honestly liked. "Please sit to Ranma's right. I've been saving these seats especially with you in mind." Akane glanced at Ranma, then Shampoo and took her seat. Hinako sucked noisily at a lollipop while Shampoo began to worry. Frowning she made several marks in a ledger. She turned to Ukyo.

"Are you all right, Miss Kuonji?" she asked gently. "I spoke with Miss Konatsu while you were gone." Ukyo nodded and gave her a little smile. "Please sit in front of Ranma." Ukyo nodded and took her seat, while Barry tried hard not to snort at the 'Miss Konatsu' error common in Nerima.

"Mr. Hibiki?"

"Y-yes, ma'am?" He sweated as she frowned at him.

"Where were you last year?"

Ryoga gulped. "I, uh… get lost real easy."

"Your test scores show that you can place as a senior, but your math work is below acceptable standards. I suggest you find a tutor among your fellow students or arrange for a professional tutor," she said gravely. "Sit in front of Miss Kuonji and try not to get lost anymore." He sat.

Then she turned to focus on the Amazon. "You are a new student?"

Shampoo nodded. "Am Shampoo," she told the little girl. "From China," she added.

Hinako looked at her more closely. "Oh, don't worry, dear, I remember you," Hinako smirked, slurping on her sucker.

Shampoo gulped. "Am sorry; Great-grandmother say Shampoo must forgive teacher."

"You do that! We don't want you to be delinquent, after all," Hinako caroled. She nodded as Shampoo, remembering the warning, cringed a little. "I don't have you in my little book here though." Shampoo opened her book bag and pulled out a set of documents. Hinako took them and scanned them in a manner entirely at odds with her appearance. "Oh… I see! Sham-chan, you should have taken these to the office before you came to class."

Shampoo winced at the 'cute' name Hinako gave her. Then looked askance as she heard a crunch. Miss Hinako looked sorrowfully at her lollipop stick. "Rats!" she muttered. "Does anyone want to show Sham-chan where the office…" Her eyebrows hit her hairline at the hormonal roar that came from the male section of the class. "Did I hear some ba-a-ad delinquents?"

To Shampoo, the little teacher sounded like a kitten growling, but the boys in the class sunk back shaken and pale. Ranma sat in his seat shaking his head at his classmates' manners.

"I'll show Shampoo the way myself! So there! Nyah!"

She grabbed Shampoo's hand and tugged her skipping out of the room. "Be back, so don't be bad, all you students, you!"

Akane grinned maniacally at the look on Shampoo's face as she left in Hinako's wake. Everyone started to talk, the boys about Shampoo, the girls about where Ranma and Akane had been the last two weeks.

Suddenly, Hinako's head popped back in the room. The silence was deafening. "Since English is first period, please read chapters fifteen and sixteen of Melville's classic, 'Moby Dick', while I'm gone. Bai-bai!"

Grumbling, they found the books, the chapters and began to try to pick out the meaning of the words. Barry simply stuck his head on his hand and looked over Akane's shoulder to get a general idea about what part of Melville's book it was. He had already read it... several times. Besides, Ranma would have shown little interest in English fictional literature.

Barry chuckled a little to himself. Ranma's life had been one of constant striving for personal physical excellence. He actually was a closet geek in a way, provided that the learning involved could be applied to improving his martial arts. It was one of the reasons he broke his 'no-fiction' rule with the Dragonball-Z manga and animé. Their energy techniques were so similar to his own kitechniques that he thought he might be inspired by the show. Of course, the entertainment value of the show had nothing to do with it. Not!

Shampoo returned to class, loaded down with a ton of books and papers and practically waddled to her desk. As Miss Hinako had not yet returned, the class grew less and less interested in the 'White Whale' and more so in gossip.

Akane tried to ignore the growing noise and grumbled her way through the indicated work, speaking the words to herself to make sure she understood their meaning. Barry knew that if she needed to, she could make herself clearly understood in any English-speaking land. She was one of Miss Hinako's best students in this subject.

Ukyo worked through her chapters with far less confidence. She was an entrepreneur, not a linguist.

As Barry expected, Ryoga was reading through at a reasonable pace, only occasionally mouthing an unfamiliar word. Barry suspected this would have been the case had they been reading Chinese, Urdu, Sanskrit or Egyptian hieroglyphics.

The sudden dead silence behind him made him turn to see what had gotten everyone's attention.

Shampoo had stowed away her study material and had read the two, admittedly short, chapters. She had decided to start reviewing the previous material in the book and her visible methods had shocked the rest of the class. She was tearing through the book, not with her bare hands, but scanning at a rate of about five pages per minute. Barry gaped. He was a natural speed-reader himself. But English was notShampoo's native language, and this was far beyond his speed. If she was really grasping the content of what she read, what it implied about Shampoo was more than a little intimidating.

Shampoo noticed his regard and faltered.

"Is wrong?" she asked worried.

He shook his head and carefully closed his mouth. "Ah… Let me think about it, Shampoo. Are you… really reading that fast?" He felt a bit of relief when she shook her head.

"No, Ranma. Just take pictures with mind. Read when dream tonight. Is Amazon learning technique." Barry stared at her and boggled again.

"Why don't they have us read something new?" complained Ukyo, not noticing the reduction of noise or Shampoo's statement. "What does 'terraqueous' mean?"

"What's a quahog?" Akane muttered. She glanced over at Barry, wondering if he might have a clue, scowled when she found him turned around facing Shampoo and then caught Shampoo's speed demonstration. She gaped.

Barry pulled his gaze away from Shampoo-the-martial-arts-speed-reader. He was peripherally aware that someone was sitting down in the empty desk beside him, but even with the information about Shampoo's computer skills, this demonstration had captured his attention. He wondered if this was part of a trap to entice Ranma into trying to learn some new technique from the old ghoul. If so, it was one that had him shaken as well!

"I think it's a fish of some kind that you can eat," Ryoga said to no one in particular. "They talk about 'crabs' and 'mackerel', too, and I know what they are."

Barry shook his head again dazed by the possibilities. He overheard Ryoga's answer and absently confirmed his guess. "A quahog's a big clam that lives on tidal flats on North America's East Coast. Ugly lookin' thing." He flinched as the entire room suddenly focused on Ranma Saotome. He sweated. Playing a dumb jock was going to be harder than he thought. "What!" he demanded defensively, with a scowl. If only he could learn Shampoo's reading technique, or better, get Ryoga to learn it, they could probably crack his and Ranma's location problems in a tenth the time.

With snickers, the class returned to their gossip and complaining, leaving Shampoo to her Amazon thing and Ranma to his shooting-off-his-mouth-again thing. Shampoo smiled slightly, coyly, and continued her reading.

"It is always such a pity to throw pearls of wisdom before a swinish audience," murmured a voice in his ear. His reaction to that familiar, dangerous voice caused his muscles to lock and shake for an instant, vibrating his desk audibly. Shampoo, Ryoga, Ukyo and Akane all turned from their reading to see why he had made such an odd sound.

"Aiya!"

"Damn!"

"Whoa!"

"What are you doing here?"

The object of their regard ignored them all.

"I've been waiting for you for weeks, Ranma-darling!" she said, resting her head on her hands on the back of her chair. Kodachi Kuno garbed in the green and white of Furinkan High School gazed at her lodestar with an entirely pleased expression glinting in her violet eyes.

Ranma lay tucked into bed, pillows under his knees and behind his back, when Gwen came in with some tea. He found himself flinching slightly, every time she appeared. Barry and Gwen lived with their six-year-old son in an apartment they had set up in the basement of her mother's house, partly from economics and partly so Gwen could look after her mother, who was terminally ill.

When they had reached home, their son, Brendan, had wrapped around his knees the minute he arrived. It had been with difficulty that he and Gwen convinced him that Daddy wasn't up to playing that day.

"You usually don't like tea, but here it is," she said. Ranma gawked at the huge, liter-sized mug, then nodded. America was sure different. He had nearly panicked when Gwen had pulled out onto the right side of the road. In Japan, cars drove on the left. The countryside was beautiful, another surprise. He had always thought America was some sort of over-industrialized garbage pit.

Gwen had suggested a hot shower to wash the dirt from his body and apply some therapeutic heat to sore muscles. Ranma understood the western concept of a shower and the idea appealed to him. A good soak in a furo would have been even more welcome, but Barry's memories revealed that most American tubs were little more than long hipbaths. He had been shocked at the shower situation; he nearly jumped out of his skin when Gwen had stepped into the oversized stall with him to wash his back.

But now he was finally getting comfortable. He did have rather more tea than he needed… He sipped and almost choked. This was tea? It was sweet for one thing… Alarms went off as Gwen sat down on the bed next to him.

"Are you feeling better, luv?" He shivered at the word. Normally, she called her husband 'sweetheart'. What was she up to?

She held out a prescription bottle. He vaguely remembered the doctor at the emergency room suggesting that he take one every four hours as needed for the pain. He had almost laughed. He had endured far worse than this from his own father. "You see this?" she asked.

"What about it?"

"I want you to take one and try to get some sleep."

"Huh?" Ranma glanced from her to the pills. "No way!"

"Yes, way," she asserted firmly. "You need to get some sleep and these will help you relax."

"Don't wanna," he said right back. He wouldn't be able to center this body and kick in the healing techniques unless he was conscious. He remembered what he and Barry were setting up to do when he got thrown into this. "Do we have any books on ki or…" What was that word Barry had used…ah! "…or parapsychology around?"

Gwen looked at him blankly.

He smiled tightly. She continued to give him a long, evaluating look.

"You are taking this medicine."

"Heh-heh! No, I'm not."

Suddenly, she got a soft, longing look on her face. To his extreme discomfort, she leaned very close. "Won't you take it for me?" she cooed at him. She moved closer still. Barry's body began to react to the display of affection. It was deja vu in a weird, slant-wise, sort of way. He and Barry had taken off for the wilds in fear of Barry's inadvertent use of Ranma's martial arts training and reflexes. Now he felt disaster looming as the result of Barry's marital arts training, ten years of marriage to this woman, in fact, with another eight before that exclusively dating her.

Ranma sought desperately for control. He tried not to remember what he had seen in the shower and what this body had thought about it. He considered making a break for it. He was dead meat if he didn't find a way back home, and soon!

He reached out and took the bottle from her fingers. Quickly, he uncapped it, coincidentally destroying the childproof lock. He flipped the pill in his mouth, chugged a gulp of the hot tea and swallowed painfully. She smiled, patted his cheek, winked and retreated. Things slowly went black from there.