Author's Note: The "Footprints In The Sand Poem" was originally written by Mary Stevenson.

The house was quiet. The kids were in bed. The dishes were washed and the door was locked. It was after eleven p.m. and Jake had made his last call to check in for the night. Peyton, in her sleepwear of work out shorts and a tank top, sank on her comfortable king sized bed.

It was a normal scene you might see in any normal suburban teacher's house. It was a long day and Peyton had assumed her normal role of being a super wife, teacher, mother, big sister, coach, friend and chauffer. After working all day, she had driven the carpool for Jenny's game, made sure Amanda made it to her art course at the University and still managed to find time to have dinner with Brooke and Haley. She had spoken to Jake by phone three times and managed to do it all with a smile on her face.

But in all that, she had managed to do one other thing. A thing not too common or normal in suburbia. She had managed to look up her old friend, Rick, back in Tree Hill. She hadn't said much but he always had that uncanny way of knowing exactly what she needed…a pick me up. And he hadn't disappointed. For a cocky, over the hill, small town drug dealer, the man was very well connected. He had given her contact info of a guy he simply referred to as Tony. He gave Peyton the number and sometime between lesson plans and cheering on the girls' Field Hockey team, the young blonde had managed to make the drive to the "other side of town". Tony had been waiting for her and after handing him a rolled up wad of cash, he had given her the goods in the form of a plastic baggie.

She had shoved it into her purse and told herself over and over that she didn't really want it. She didn't need it. It was just a safety net, an insurance policy, a gigantic "just in case". She had told herself that all through school and the game and dinner. And when she found herself alone and most vulnerable, her strong inner voice faded out into the distance. The devil on her shoulder was telling her that a line or two wouldn't hurt.

Peyton stood and pulled out a random CD. She carefully spread the fine white powder onto it, using a rolled up dollar bill to separate the lines. Tears filled her eyes as her hands began to shake. One snort and everything would be okay. The pain would disappear…but for how long?

"Peyton, I…" Amanda spoke as she knocked and entered.

Her green eyes grew large as she saw the familiar sight before her. She knew what it was, she just couldn't believe Peyton was actually doing it.

"Amanda!"

"I…I'm sorry. I just came down to…Peyton, what are you doing?"

"Nothing. I…"

Peyton began to stammer as the tears fell. She was caught.

"Peyton", Amanda said, walking over to her.

The younger girl took the cocaine lined CD away and placed it beside them, pulling Peyton in for a hug.

"It's not what it looks like…"

"I know what it looks like", Amanda said softly. "I've seen it too many times. I've even done it myself."

"Amanda…"

"What are you doing? That's poison."

Peyton wiped her eyes.

"I know. I know. I…I just couldn't help it. I didn't mean for it to happen, I just…"

"It's okay", Amanda held her as Peyton broke completely down. "Just talk to me."

Peyton sobbed, taking a few minutes to gather her thoughts and find a voice.

"It's just…it's too much, you know? I can't handle this. I thought I could but I can't", she spoke in a soft voice.

"Handle what?"

"Everything. God, I feel like I'm going crazy. Like the world is so mixed up right now. You know, I thought I left all the bad stuff behind in Tree Hill. I thought this move would be good for Jake and me. It was supposed to solve everything but it didn't. It didn't Amanda. Because I think about losing my baby and the possibility of never having a baby everyday. I thought I was over that. Hell, I thought I was over my little habit here but I guess not either. And we move here and Jake is gone all the time and I miss him and it sucks. And as much as I love teaching and my students, it gets a little overwhelming at times. I see Brooke and Haley and they're so carefree and they seemed to handle their lives with ease and I'm like, 'God, what's wrong with me? Why can't I have it all together like them?' And after praying to have Jenny back and we get her and it's been so hard. I've always felt like her mom but I'm not and I have to realize that. But if I'm not her mom, then what am I? She doesn't even want to be my friend. Then my family…"

"Is this about your dad and the party? Peyton, I'm so sorry…"

"It's not your fault. I mean, I love my dad. I love him more than anything but right now I don't happen to like him very much. Trust is a huge deal to me and once that is broken, what do you have? No one likes being lied to. He lied to me. And it hurt. It still hurts. I can't deal with him now, maybe not ever."

"He lied about your mom not being your mom, huh?"

"Yeah."

Amanda shrugged.

"Maybe he had his reasons. Maybe in his own way he was just trying to protect you."

"I don't want to hear that."

"You'll forgive him in time. I know you miss and love the woman you thought was your mother, but your biological mom…well, she's still alive. She probably had her reasons too. If you just talked to her…"

"She came by the other day."

"Who?"

"Ellie. My birth mother."

"She did?" Amanda asked surprised. "What did she want?"

Peyton shrugged.

"To talk. I can't deal with her now either so she gave me this letter she wrote when I was like three months old."

"Did you read it? What did it say?"

Peyton sighed.

"Just that she was a messed up kid herself and she was giving me up to Larry, my dad, and his new wife because she loved me and wanted me to have a better life."

"I know it hurts, Peyton and the truth would have been nice but at least she did it because she loved you. Doesn't that mean something?"

Another avalanche of tears fell.

"I don't know what anything means anymore", she cried.

Amanda only hugged her tighter.

"I know what you're going through. I've been there. I know what it's like to be confused and scared. I know how it is to feel all alone. But you're not alone, Peyton. Jake loves you and Jenny loves you and I love you, too. You don't have to worry about being this super person all the time because you already are naturally. Just be yourself. That's enough for us. I mean, you have such a good heart and you're so pretty and smart. And you've changed my life, no you saved my life. You're the best person I know. Yeah things are getting rough and you might feel overwhelmed. Just take a step back and breathe. Do one thing at a time, one day at a time. It will be okay. You take care of everyone else, start taking care of yourself. You're only human. But this…the coke, Peyton, you don't need this. And don't ever think you do. You're better than this. Don't let this stuff control you. You have to control it. You know the drill, it'll feel good for a while, then the high wears off and you come crashing down and things are ten times worse than they were before. Drugs don't solve anything. People solve things. And if you're having problems or you're too stressed out, talk to someone. Me or Jake or Brooke or Haley. Even a counselor. I mean, maybe you should get a sponsor or something for when you're tempted. But I don't want to lose you. And I don't want you to see you throw everything away because of this crap."

Peyton closed her eyes. How could a 15 year old be so smart? And how could she be so stupid?

"I…I'm sorry…"

"It's okay. You're going to be fine, Peyton. I promise."

"You're right. Everything you said was right. I'm sorry you had to see this. I…I didn't want to disappoint you."

Amanda smiled.

"You never disappoint me. You're my hero, Peyton."

"Some hero", Peyton sniffled.

"We all make mistakes. We're all human. Sometimes we fall every now and then but getting back up is what matters most. Have you ever heard that poem about the footprints?"

"No", Peyton shook her head.

"This one group home I was in had this really cool like den mother. Her name was Sally and she really cared about the kids. And she read me Footprints. It's about this man who had a dream he was walking along the beach with God. The scenes of his life started flashing across the sky and for everything that happened, there were two sets of footprints in the sand. Then the man noticed that a lot of times there was only one set of prints. And it was only one set when the man had the lowest and saddest points of his life. So he asked God why He had forsaken him when he needed Him most? And God said, "I love you and I would never leave you. Those times you saw only one pair of footprints when you suffered the most, it was I that carried you'. I don't know if you believe in God and that might sound corny or whatever but it really helps. It's nice to believe in something. I know there were times when I lost all faith and hope in just about everything. And then you came along like my very own guardian angel. You're my set of footprints. You've carried me Peyton through the worse times. You've protected me. And if it's my turn now to carry you, then so be it. I don't mind. There's nothing wrong with that because you're still a great person and you're still my idol and I still love you."

Peyton burst into tears again. The warmth and sincerity. The genuine touches and looks. It was all she needed to hear.

"I love you, Amanda."

"I love you, too."

"And for the record…I didn't okay? I was going to but I didn't. I promise I didn't do any lines."

"I believe you. Just promise me you won't."

"I won't", Peyton wiped her eyes.

"Good", Amanda poured the contents back in the baggie and tucked Peyton into bed. "You get a good night's sleep and I'm gonna go get rid of this. Are you okay?"

Peyton nodded.

"Yeah…just, will you stay in here with me?"

Amanda smiled.

"You bet."

She smoothed Peyton's hair and watched the older woman quickly fall asleep. She walked back into her bedroom and opened the closet. Dipping her finger into the bag, she inhaled a line of coke. It felt good and she couldn't help but smile. She promised Peyton she would get rid of it and she would…one line at a time, she smiled as she snorted another before hiding it. Walking back into the master bedroom, she adjusted Peyton's covers and climbed in bed with her.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"Better", Peyton answered softly. "Thanks, Amanda…for everything."

Amanda smiled in the darkness as she took a deep breath hoping to ingest any residue left behind on her nose. Footprints, she smiled to herself. How gullible could one be? But it seemed to work so well every time.

"You're welcome. Anytime, Peyton, anytime."