Guest Ki: Chapter 29
Right to Assembly
Barry's morning schedule was thrown off at the Saotome's by Genma's truly disgusting attempt to bribe him into keeping his mouth shut. Arms wrapped around Ranma's left leg, he was a heavy burden indeed to drag to the front door. Open aggression defused by the pitiful whining and pleas, Barry finally turned and acknowledged the man's existence.
"Pops, let me make sure I understand you. You want to me to take five hundred yen to keep my mouth shut around Mom?"
The senior Saotome shivered but nodded, as he flinched from the look he had seen in his son's eyes. "Your mother will kill me!" Genma groveled and his eyes darted from side to side. He intercepted his son at the gate after having spent an obviously extremely uncomfortable night wondering what to do about the latest revelations.
"Maybe. Considering what you've done, you deserve it." Barry glanced at his watch. "Look, I can't waste time on this right now; I'm gonna be late for school. Pull yerself together. Mom is no slouch, she probably already knows that something is up."
"We kept our curses from her for almost two years…"
"Ha!" Barry scoffed. "You'd like ta think that, wouldn't ya?" He crouched down to come eye level with Genma.
"As I understand it, she never visited the Tendo's in the ten years since we walked out on her. Then boom! She's around all the time. Now ask yerself; why was she so determined to look after Ranko? Why did Mr. Panda always getAkane's screwed up dinners? How many times did we barely change in time and not get caught?" Barry took a breath. "I think she was a lot more aware than you think she was."
"But why?" Genma was flummoxed. Taken as a whole it did seem unlikely.
"Keep guessin', old man. I hope it keeps ya warm on cold nights." Barry jumped over Genma to greet Ranma's mother before beginning the daily routine. Ranma's father continued to be a sore spot for him... at least partially because he superficially reminded Barry of his own father, and it really roasted him to watch him do this to Nodoka.
Barry should have realized that Principal Kuno had really meant something by the remark about the assembly.
"Over here, Ranchan!" From somewhere in the crowd, Ukyo's voice rang out.
Barry pushed between the milling students and saw that the girls arranged to save a seat for him near the front. They were standing, waving at him to make sure they had his attention. Ryoga, clueless as usual, was standing beside Ukyo looking around. If he read the lost-boy's lips correctly, he had just asked her whom they were waving at. The twist and bob of Ukyo's head clearly said 'Jackass!' He gathered himself and leaped. There was a quick shuffle as they tried to fight for position without seeming to, ending with him ensconced between Shampoo and Kodachi.
He was thrilled — not! The only bonus to the situation was that Akane was beside Shampoo and, due to their tentative friendship, would avoid open combat. Ukyo was beside Kodachi. Ucchan knew Ranma's opinion of the Black Rose all too well. If Kodachi didn't try to drug him, everything would be fine.
On the stage, folding chairs waited for speakers. The podium at the front was off center and a line with a ring hung down from the shadows above the lights. Obviously Principal Kuno was up to no good. Miss Hinako and Mrs. Morisato came out on stage then, the former moving to the podium and its microphone, while Mrs. Morisato sat down at one end of the row of chairs.
Hinako vanished behind the podium. Laughter came from the back rows. Barry could tell what was happening. The tiny teacher was jumping up and down behind the podium trying to grab hold of the microphone and bring it down where she could use it. Finally, she walked stiff-legged back to the chairs and snagged one, dragging it over to use as a stepping stool.
"You realize," she said from the chair's seat, "I could do this another way." She held out a coin. There was immediate silence.
"That's better," she declared, giggling. "All right, children, this assembly is called for the duly elected class officers to set policy for their departments and say a few words about how they feel their administration will affect all of you this coming school year." She waved her hand to silence the noisy speculation that broke out. "But first a word from the head of our scholastic family, Principal Kuno." She jumped off the chair and dragged it back to its place amid jeers and groans.
"Aloha, Eve-ry-bo-dy! Dis is gwona be a special year, yes it is! Lotsa fun t'ings fo' all you keiki an' wahini." He strummed his ukulele and danced a weird, knee-flapping, crab-like moonwalk, before leaping back to the microphone.
"Yo, Principal Kuno! Yer tree's flappin' in the breeze, man!" Barry called out.
The Hawaiian Fruitcake frowned. "You betta watch yo step, keiki! My tree is jus' fine where it is!" He patted his head.
"That's not the one I meant!" Barry bellowed back, making sure he was heard in the entire auditorium.
"Wa…?" Kuno looked down; then, tight-lipped, adjusted his clothing amidst the laughter of the room.
Barry sat back again, satisfied in the result. Arms folded to prevent the girls on either side from snuggling into him, he waited to see what Kuno would come up with. Based on Ranma's past experience, it would be calculated to infuriate the entire student body.
"Urrr!" Kuno growled around the mike, which he placed in his teeth while he was preoccupied. Finally he was ready to start again. "Firs' tings, first! Startin' in the spring semester, we be havin' mandatory surfing as part of the gymnastics curriculum. De pool, she be getting' one big face lift ova de winter and be a full, honest to injun, wave pool in time fo' de classes."
Barry yawned. Ranma would probably enjoy this, so there had to be some catch involved. He just didn't see what it was right off. He bided his time, sure that something unpleasant, or simply downright ridiculous, was coming.
"As part of de Biology department's 'Living Planet' experiments, de pool will be also a fully-stocked salt water aquarium to add to de fun…"
"That means a coral reef, sharks, stone fish, maybe a giant Pacific octopus or giant squid, poisonous sea snakes…" muttered Barry to himself, appalled. "Baka!"
"What you say, Ranma?" asked Shampoo.
"I didn't realize you could follow Daddy's twisted mind, darling," Kodachi said happily from her spot. "I have to admit, I've even seen the purchase orders with many of the items you mentioned."
"That's just great," Barry scowled. This meant extensive entries in the journal that Ranma might simply ignore. He'd have to put all sorts of danger signals around this one.
"De band is too lame. We be getting ukuleles jus' like dis one fo' de band and have some real fun! De theatre be performing de classic 'South Pacific' for de fall presentation..."
People of musical and theatrical talent groaned and began throwing wads of paper.
"... an' now, I proudly introduce the brand spankin' new school uniforms!" He jerked on the string and a framework dropped down. "Cabana sets for de keiki an' de pu-uas for de wahini! All in de new Furinkan colors: turquoise an' orange." There was a moment of irreverent silence. Cabana sets would of course turn the guys into kahuna-clones. The pu-uas...
A pu-ua is like a sarong that wraps around the waist and is worn with a matching breastband. At least that's what was shown. Barry knew the breastband was a modern contrivance. At least, they weren't grass skirts and leis. Shampoo probably wouldn't mind as she didn't use a bra, anyway, but most of the other girls were beginning to get upset. For some reason, he could hear comments mixed in with mentions of a certain pigtailed martial artist. Barry was eyeing the offering. No way was he wearing that suit! Its colors were almost deadly to the eye. He didn't think there was any girl in the school who would look good in those colors, either.
"There be a dance scheduled for the end of the year. A real luau, yeah! We have Hawaiian pig roast an' fire-walkin' an…"
Down the row, Ryoga shuddered. How the hell was he supposed to surf? The mention of the pig-roast didn't help either. He had nearly been one, too often. He felt a pat on his arm and looked over. His heart nearly stopped. Ukyo was, was...
Ukyo smiled at Ryoga reassuringly. She had missed out on sitting next to Ranma because of concern that Ryoga would get lost when trouble happened, as it inevitably did when Principal Kuno was involved. Kodachi wasn't much of a threat, provided she kept her damn drugs out of it, and Ranma had shown a clear ability to detect that kind of action these days. Ryoga needed her more than her fiancé did right now. She tried to imagine how a pig would surf and how it would be graded. The pork roast comment probably didn't help either. Poor Ryoga! She had an idea how he felt.
Ryoga smiled tremulously. Ukyo certainly earned Ranma's nickname for her. Ukyo looked away, a blush on her cheeks. Damn! Ryoga could be cute. His smile was actually better some ways than Ranma's.
"Oh! By an' by, de costume fo' de dance is traditional luau gear only." Kuno yanked his string again and a grass skirt dropped down.
Barry sighed, surged to his feet and jumped up onto the arms of his seat. "You Pineapple Wacko!" he said loudly but calmly into the silence his move caused. "No one's gonna put up with this nonsense, so why push it? What's with you? Isn't 'South Pacific' a show about American sailors during the War?" There was a sudden surge in sound; most of the students hadn't known that. "I hope yer not intendin' that that silly skirt is all the students are supposed to wear to the dance." More noise, higher pitched, added to the grumble. Suddenly, Principal Kuno was being seen as a pervert; even Hinako was frowning.
"There be de traditional leis," Kuno began with a leer, holding one up for inspection. "You can hide a lot among de flowers."
"The girls ain't gonna put up with yer nonsense, man," reiterated Barry. Behind him, he heard Hiroshi and Daisuke muttering to one another.
"Shampoo in a grass skirt, a lei and a smile... Oh, man!" They were immediately pummeled by several girls, while Shampoo turned around and asked, "Pervert-boys know what 'wedgie' mean?" They swallowed and subsided. Barry couldn't help bringing one hand up to his face and rubbing his forehead in aggravation.
"Oh! I almost forget! De keiki an' wahini who don't have de approved haircuts as ordered in last year's rule book, dey must wear one o' deez fine headpieces, yah!" He held in one hand a miniature palm tree, much like his own. In the other he held a pineapple.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
"Get him!"
The auditorium's occupants rose up to teach the goofball a lesson in rational thought. Miss Hinako looked at the throng, gulped and leaped to the front of the stage. Mrs. Morisato rose and followed in support. The two women looked woefully inadequate to dealing with the riotous mass of humanity.
"Stop right there! Stay back now! Rioting is delinquent and delinquents must be punished!" The students ignored her. "Happo-go-ju-en-satsu!"
The fiancées and, because of Ukyo's hand, Ryoga ducked while the first rank of students went sleepy-by. "Where's Ranma?" exclaimed Kodachi.
(KA-BLAM!)
"AAALLLOOO-HHHAAAaaa...!"
"Never mind."
The two teachers whirled around at the sound of the new threat, only to see Ranma, leaning calmly against the podium, with an air of innocence. There was no sign of Principal Kuno anywhere.
"Uh... I think the principal has stepped out for a moment," he said brightly.
The students, the focus of their anger removed, milled uncertainly about. Miss Hinako, tall and lusciously curved, straightened and looked suspicious. "Mr. Saotome," she drawled, "you aren't being delinquent, are you?"
Barry boggled a little at Hinako-adult. She was nearly six feet tall. Only a model's figure allowed her to transform yet remain decently (if skimpily) covered. "Ummm... Of course not, teach! Actually, I'm helpin' out!"
"Really..." She glanced back briefly to see Mrs. Morisato moving up behind her. "And how is that?"
"Well, ya don't want the students ta be delinquent, right?"
"Right."
"And anything that riles up the students ta act delinquent, IS delinquent, right?"
Miss Hinako put away her coin and smiled. She could see where this was going. Besides, Ranma had been very nice lately. She really didn't want to drain him. "Right," she replied.
Barry walked over to the items the principal had used as visual aids and looked back at the two teachers. "I thought I'd just get rid of all this delinquent inspirin' stuff and everybody would be happy."
They nodded silently. Mrs. Morisato smiled. "By all means, Mr. Saotome."
Barry grinned and launched the visual aids through the same hole Kuno had made when he punted him off the stage. The auditorium swelled with cheers, to which he bowed solemnly, before grinning and bouncing back to his seat.
Outside, at the top of a tree, hung a battered cabana-clad form. A lone flip-flop hung from a foot and a tiny palm tree's fronds swayed in the breeze. Caught by the seat of his shorts, Principal Kuno stared at the ground far below and sweated. Gingerly, he tried to grab the branch that held him.
"Dat one bad keiki, yah!" he grumbled. His efforts were shortly rewarded and he swung free and stood on a lower branch, looking like a cross between Tarzan and a beach bum. "De big kahuna RULES!" he bellowed, punching at the sky.
At that moment, the visual aids rained down, punching him out of the tree.
"AAAooo!" (WUMP!) Kuno was introduced to the ground. "Wipe out... owie!"
Miss Hinako stepped up to the microphone and spoke with tones that thrilled every male in the audience. "If everyone could be seated? Oh, and please catch your friends if they seem to be drifting around, would you?" Her eyes widened and she quickly caught the microphone from the stand. Suddenly she shrank to her pre-teen version.
"This gets to be annoying," she commented in a weird heterodyne as she shrank. "All right, all you boys and girls, now that the principal's part is over, we get to let you take over. Will all duly elected officers take the stage?"
Here and there, students rose and advanced on the stage using the stairs to the left and right hand sides. Barry recognized Sayuri, one of Akane's friends, and Kogara. A young man he thought was named Hiroko stepped up, as well as three other students he didn't remember the names of. After they sat down, there were two seats still vacant, one in the center of the line and one at the far end. Miss Hinako looked along the line, then back out to the audience. She shaded her eyes against the glare of the lights.
"Will Ranma Saotome please step up here?"
Barry jerked. What did she want, now? With a sigh, he rose to his feet and launched himself up to the stage. Miss Hinako squeaked, as he seemed to appear out of the lights. He caught her arm to steady her and apologized softly.
"Well... All right, but please use the normal way, next time? You're almost as bad as Shampoo was about doors!"
"Wadja want, Miss H?"
She stared at him, blankly then giggled. "Don't tell me that no one told you?"
"Told me what?" He was confused, but a feeling of dread began to prickle at his short hairs. She motioned him down and whispered hurriedly in his ear.
Only Kodachi seemed unaffected among the fiancées. She examined her makeup in a small compact and touched up her lipstick. The other girls watched Ranma and Miss Hinako with mounting curiosity. Ryoga just yawned. Barry was as adept at getting into trouble as Ranma. This was same old, same old to him.
"They did what?"
Three girls and a boy jumped. They watched the pigtailed boy straighten in shock and take a step back. Miss Hinako giggled again, nodded and handed him the microphone. Twirling away, she skipped to her chair and took her seat with an air of expectation. Ranma looked at the mike, the audience, the students and faculty on the stage and shook his head ruefully. Someone was going to pay for this.
He raised the mike to his face. "Excuse me, everybody. There will be a slight delay in the program." He turned on his heel and stalked back to the line of chairs.
"What going on, Akane," asked Shampoo. When she was perturbed her grammar tended to revert.
"How should I know?" They looked over to where Kodachi was sitting, a smug smile on her face. "Uh-oh!"
Ukyo and Ryoga had come to the same conclusion. "This looks bad," the former said. "I'm not sure what's coming, but if 'Rosie' knows and looks happy...?" She shuddered. They watched as Ranma spoke briefly with Hinako, then with each of the other students on the stage, all the while taking notes on a small pad he had borrowed from Mrs. Morisato. When he was finished, he tore off the notes, handed back the pad and stepped up to the microphone.
"I am," he said, "continuously surprised by Furinkan High. When I came here, it was from a trainin' trip that lasted ten years. Durin' that time, I worked ta perfect my Art, but sorta skipped the people skills. The last two years have been, uh... educational." He was interrupted by a ripple of laughter.
"Anyway, I tend ta miss a lota school, what with one thing or another, curses, trainin' trips, kidnappings, challenges, fiancée trouble... You know, what's normal for me!" There was another wave of laughter and a few groans. "Apparently, I missed more than a couple o' weeks homework, this time. I'm kinda curious, whatever possessed you people ta think I'd make a good Student Council President?"
Out in the audience, Kodachi could not restrain herself. She burst into laughter and everyone within a dozen yards of her wished they were back in their classrooms, tied to their chairs with steel hooks being dragged across the blackboards.
"The last person ta hold this title abused the office more than a bit," Barry went on, noting the laughter and assessing that Kodachi had a hand in this. "I don't plan to, save for one tiny little matter, which I'll get to after the other class officers who unlike myself had time to prepare for this moment, have had their say."
Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo and Ryoga gaped at Barry/Ranma. Kodachi laughed again and said in a satisfied tone, "At last, my darling is taking responsibilities that fit his abilities and stature."
Akane was appalled. 'Kami! Not another delay!'
Ryoga grimaced. Barry's experience might make him an effective council officer, but it would highlight areas where Ranma and Barry were very different. He had noticed that Ranma's guest had Ranma's mannerisms down pat, and even shared basic philosophical values; but different things were important to the men. And that was where Barry's act was going to fall apart.
Ukyo frowned. Were her classmates nuts? She thought Ranma was probably the nicest man and the strongest martial artist in the world. But elect him to a post of responsibility?
"First I'd like to introduce Kogara Daibunmasatsu, our kendo team captain and Activities Director." Barry looked back at that individual, who sat stiffly in his seat. "Daibunmasatsu-san?" He waved him to the microphone.
Kogara walked stiffly past Barry and seemed surprised that the other man did not criticize, belittle or otherwise attempt to make him look foolish. Gaining confidence, he stepped to the podium and began his report.
Barry sat down next to Sayuri and leaned over to ask her some questions. It was obvious he was keeping his attention on Kogara however. She looked surprised and answered back succinctly. He straightened and sat, leaning back insolently, looking more like a king on a throne than a student. Barry grinned to himself. The effect was quite deliberate. When it came time for him to speak, he wanted his audience defensive and bothered.
One by one, the officers were introduced politely and thanked by Barry after they finished. Finally, everyone had spoken, and it was his turn again.
"I'm going toss out an idea that some of ya are gonna hate like fury. When I returned from this last trip, I found that Shampoo was being... annoyed, the same way Akane was when I first arrived at Furinkan.Ya may not know it, but I still haven't forgotten or forgiven that bit of nonsense." He shifted. "Here's the idea: We're more than halfway through September. So, starting the first school day of October and running through to the last school day of that month, we're gonna have Amazon Culture Month." There was immediate uproar from the audience. Barry patiently waited out the student's cacophony.
Shampoo sat stunned in her seat. Ranma had said something of the sort when those boys first annoyed her, but she never thought he do anything about it. She glanced at Akane and was surprised by what she did not see. Akane looked thoughtful, not jealous or angry. In fact, the other girl met her eye directly and gave her a smile. Shocked to her core, she looked up at Ranma who seemed to be lounging insolently on the podium. Every atom of her was suddenly shocked, angered and appalled by his body language. Shampoo realized that, among other solutions, he might provoke the student body to recall his election. How typical of Ranma to avoid responsibility!
The noise finally calmed down enough to where Barry could speak again. He nodded to his audience, projecting a sort of condescending approval.
"What Amazon Month would involve would be we students at Furinkan living, as a community, under the same rules Shampoo and her people live under at home. Some of you guys want to get to know Shampoo? Here's yer chance. You gals think the guys have all the breaks? Here's your chance. Let's see what happens if, for one month, we play the game by different rules.
"Shampoo? Could you come up here?" Trembling, Shampoo rose to her feet. He wanted her to go up there? "Make no mistake, guys," Ranma was saying, "Don't think that Shampoo is some bimbo because she talks and acts differently. She's a class act." He waved her up.
Flushing at the rare compliment and summoning every ounce of courage her ancestors could bequeath her, she leaped up to the stage beside Ranma. "What you want I do, Ranma," she asked in a small voice.
"Easy, Amazon. I want two things. One — I want an honest assessment, based on the two years you've been here, of what the major differences are between your people and mine. Two — If they go for it, I want Granny ta get me a Joketsuzoku rulebook that we can use as a guide for this thing. Can do?"
"Yes," she answered a little breathlessly. She opened her mouth to tell him what he needed to know, but he indicated the audience. She stared appalled. "You want me..." she squeaked.
"Shampoo, yer heir to a long, proud tradition of leadership. Consider it a test run." She swallowed as he smiled. "You can do it, I have faith in you," he added.
Shampoo turned to the audience, which went silent. Her chin came up. Her eyes flashed. She smiled as she felt her audience's mood. "I am Xian Pu, of the Joketsuzoku of the Bayan Hara Shan. I train to be a leader of my people and wish to speak of the laws and ways my people use to live in harmony with one another. Among my people, the woman takes the dominant role. Though we bear the children, men teach and rear them, and care for the house and family belongings." She took a breath. "The reasons we do this are very old. Centuries ago, women, abused by men, learned the arts of war and drove the men from them, only allowing such men as were strong, to stay among them long enough to sire children for their people's future.
"We marry and are faithful to our husbands under laws that have existed for more than a thousand year." She grimaced and lost a little of her fluency temporarily. "You know us from Shampoo chasing Ranma. This very unusual and special problem; I cannot explain all right now." She bobbed in apology, changing from a dramatic, exotic warrior to nervous teenager and back again in a heartbeat. "Among Joketsuzoku, women, by custom, choose who we date. Women make... all the moves. Men try to attract women by quality of home and craftsmanship of tools and furnishings. Dating not done like Japan. We only... not long ago, get movie, TV, still new. Only few meeting place like restaurant. Usually, if woman interested in man and they go out, it woman's treat. Boys not respected as much, but more approachable. If man defeat woman inside of tribe it mean nothing, but often impress woman and influence decision to marry."
Barry broke in. "That's where I made my mistake. I should have gotten adopted by the tribe, then when I beat Shampoo she would have said, 'What you do that for, you goof!', smacked me around a little and gotten on with her life."
"You goof!" Shampoo smacked him. "You say try Amazon way. Man no interrupt woman in important talk! You get your turn later!"
There was a ripple of laughter.
"If try ways of Joketsuzoku, understand. No mean can date Shampoo." She sighed, glared at Ranma, then clarified: "It does not mean you may hope to date me. Woman set pace, but woman must say how far can go and what she mean. Cannot hide, play tease. It more honest. Besides, man could not tease to save his life!" She laughed with her audience.
Then a guy in the audience stood up and challenged, "What about Saotome? You can just go girl, and this doesn't even affect you!"
Barry stepped forward to answer, only to be waved back by Shampoo.
"Under Joketsuzoku law, Ranma is man no matter what form he be in…he is in," she declared. "He born man, he treated as man; even if he become woman because of water." She looked out at the anonymous figure. "I have curse. I turn into cat. If you don't like cat and know me, and hurt me with stone or kick like bad people do sometime, you claim you only hurt cat? Amazon law try see heart of matter. You try. Maybe you no like, but maybe see what hidden in heart." She scanned the audience then nodded to herself. "Thank you for listening." She stepped back and bowed slightly in the Japanese style to Ranma, then leaped off the stage to a scattered applause that grew loud.
"Thank you Xian Pu." Barry focused his attention on the assembly as a whole. "Well folks, watcha think? Gals, do you have what it takes to be an Amazon? I understand you don't have to be a warrior, even if they have the highest profile. Guys, can you restrain your egos for thirty days to see how the girls' hand plays? I figure it's gotta take guts to try this. Ya up to it?" He looked around and nodded to Sayuri. "Sayuri tells me, if I can get her the information by the middle of next week, it can be printed in the paper before the start of October. So let's put it to a hand vote. How many want to try Amazon Month? Raise your hands." His hand rose. He stepped into the shadows to actually see the hands in the audience.
A veritable sea of hands met his gaze. Down front, the fiancées were united, including Kodachi, in support of the idea. Even as he watched, more hands came up, if reluctantly. He suddenly realized that he was seeing the other side effect of the cultural phenomena of 'the nail that stands up will be hammered down'. The nail that refuses to be hammered down sets the level for all the other nails. Ranma's leadership created the possibility of change. He swallowed, trying to keep as calm a face as he could. Amazon Month. He had a feeling he just might regret this one.
Akane slumped in her seat, her hand high. She couldn't believe she was doing this. She was voting to play by Amazon rules for... for the bimbo! 'Well,' she thought, glancing sidewise at the Amazon, 'she isn't really a bimbo. And she is a nice girl, if you weren't scared to death that she would use some trick, magic or drug to steal your fiancé.' Besides, it would get 'Ranma' off the hook so they could research!
Barry seemed to finish counting the votes.
Shampoo sat, hand high, her eyes darting to either side of her. Akane? Ukyo? Kodachi? She didn't dare look elsewhere for fear of disappointment. That the other fiancées supported her was incomprehensible to her. Weren't they enemies? Honorable and respected enemies perhaps; but they seemed willing to support her in this. She didn't know how to take this. Ranma moved to the front of the stage and his face shadowed and unlit, gazed out over the audience. He stepped back a wry smile on his face. Would he smile if...? He opened his mouth to speak.
"It seems that, come October," Barry said formally, "I will greet you all as fellow Japanese Amazons." He stopped as Shampoo gave forth a single, purely teenage-girl yelp of joy. He chuckled to himself. She didn't know half of it, yet. Now for step two. "I think that a male council president would be ludicrous during that month, and I don't know much Amazon law aside from 'kiss of death' and 'kiss of marriage'." He tilted his head to one side. "Considering that we only have one student here who is an expert, I think it would be wise to consider her for the position."
"Point of order!" called Kogara from behind him.
Barry turned, frowning. He motioned the kendoist to the microphone.
Expectinga verbal or physical attack, Kogara took the podium slowly. "Within our present slate of rules, Mr. Saotome, we need at least two candidates for any position." He glared at Barry defiantly. "Those candidates must be offered from the floor." Barry simply grinned back.
"Okay, Mr. Daibunmasatsu." He borrowed the microphone and turned to the audience. "He has a valid point. Though I hadn't thought of it in terms of the constitutional angle."
Ukyo frowned. Something wasn't quite right here.
" Hey, Ranma!" bellowed Ryoga beside her, making her jump. "Since when did you care about government?" Ryoga grimaced. The idiot was going to give himself away at this rate. He was sure Ukyo was getting suspicious.
Barry blinked and thought fast. Damn! He had been slipping! Thank God for Ryoga!
"Hey, it sounded right, didn't it?" he asked defensively. The audience laughed and Ukyo smiled and snorted. Ryoga laughed nervously, not a bad recovery. Hopefully, Barry would be more careful now.
Kogara hung his head in disgust from his position at the podium. This was what beat his own bid for Council President? What a moron!
"Hey, Kogara! Wake up!"
Kogara jerked up to scowl at Ranma, who smirked at him infuriatingly. "What, Saotome?"
"Since ya came up with the idea, do ya have someone in mind? Or ya just gonna stand there?"
"It's inappropriate for an officer to propose a candidate."
"Okay, I guess that leaves me out, too." Barry cupped his hands and bellowed. "Okay, folks! We need a candidate for temporary Council President for the month of October. For this special occasion, please offer girl's names only!"
Akane jumped to her feet. "I nominate Shampoo!" She looked over at her astonished rival and saw Kodachi half out of her seat. Kodachi eyed her and half smiled.
"Much as it pains me to agree with my rival, I must second the nomination," Kodachi drawled. "Shampoo is obviously the only choice, under the circumstances." She lounged back down into her seat.
"Shampoo has been nominated and seconded," Sayuri said, stepping up to the microphone in her capacity as Council Secretary. "We need at least one other nominee."
"I nominate Akane!" Ukyo had jumped to her feet. Even if she was only nominally still in the game and Akane was her rival, she'd rather have Akane as Council President than Shampoo. The bimbo acted like she was royalty, sometimes. At least Akane knew she was just another student. Besides, Akane was the only girl popular enough in the school to compete with 'Miss Kitty'. Several shouts of 'Seconded!' sealed her fate.
"Jeez, Ukyo," complained Akane in a hiss, "don't do me any favors!"
Shampoo glanced at Akane and grinned. "Look like rematch?" she asked brightly.
'Oh, damn!' the short-haired girl thought, 'This is another Ramen Noodle contest.' "At least we don't have to change our clothes this time," she replied aloud.
"Or take them off," Shampoo added, innocently.
"Shampoo!" Akane found herself blushing. 'Damn!'
From behind them Daisuke drooled in recollection. "Shampoo..." he moaned. He did not respond, until too late, to the numerous glares and lethal looks directed at his perverted reaction.
Barry was disgusted. All his plans for nothing and Akane and Shampoo were in competition again. There was no way he could see that this could end except in more resentment and higher tension between the two. Wonderful!
"Are there any other nominations?" he asked hopefully. Akane leaned over and spoke in a quiet voice to Shampoo. Shampoo turned to her, nodded and turned forward again.
In the stone cold silence that followed, Akane and Shampoo rose to their feet and launched themselves onto the stage in unison, flipping, twisting leaps that landed them simultaneously. They took a long step into the light and turned, facing one another.
To Barry, this looked disturbingly like preparation for combat. He called them to stand beside him, hoping he could put off the hostilities until after Assembly was over. "Each candidate will give a short speech, following which we will hold the vote," he said grimly. "The candidates will wait in separate rooms while the vote is going on and will return after the vote is counted. There will be no combat. Understood?" he added threateningly, glowering at both.
They nodded, frowning at him. He was left with the impression that he missed a cue of some kind, but the audience relaxed. Fallout from high-level martial arts combat could be dangerous. The rumors of Akane's victory over the Amazon, accompanied by the way the two had moved to the stage, told everyone that the competition between these two had moved to a new level. They were glad for Ranma's intervention if it meant they had time to get out of the way.
He searched in his pockets for some change but came up empty. He glanced back at Hinako, holding his hand up like she did when doing her ki-move. She grinned and tossed him a fifty-yen piece.
"Call the toss in the air, Shampoo," he said. "Akane, you say whether the winner goes first or second. The coin arced into the lights.
"Heads!" said Shampoo.
At the same time, Akane said, "First!"
Barry let the coin hit the stage; he wanted no part of the outcome. It bounced, tumbled and rolled to a stop. They all looked.
"Heads?" he asked them to confirm.
"Heads," they said in unison nodding. Akane stepped back and Shampoo took the podium, once more.
"It funny how much easier is when competing for something," she said. "I not take long. I already say... said most of what needed be said. I was born and trained to be warrior and leader. Among Joketsuzoku, leader must convince as well as lead. Sometimes, leader must know when someone else have good idea and step aside to let other lead, support them. This is that way. I am stranger to you, maybe Akane better for this. I promise to help if you choose Akane during 'Amazon Month'. Think she make good Amazon maybe. Thank you." Shampoo stepped away from the mike and Barry felt the hair rise on the back of his neck. Was she campaigning for herself or Akane?
That girl stepped up and took her place at the podium.
"I don't think I need to take much longer than Shampoo did," she began. "You all know me. I'm the one Ranma usually has to pull out of one scrape or another, if he didn't get me into it. I've developed my skills lately and the next stupid 'Mystic Prince of Who-the-Heck-Cares' that tries anything, is going to pull back a bloody stump!" The audience shifted uneasily. It was not a good thing for Akane to be angry. "I am very proud of my skill in martial arts and consider myself a warrior." Akane said this proudly, her head high. "But a warrior isn't necessarily a good leader. My listening skills, if I'm part of the problem, aren't the best. I think Shampoo would be a better choice for Class President during Amazon Month. Thank you." She stepped back from the microphone, bowed and returned to stand behind Barry.
That individual looked from Akane to Shampoo, all warning bells going off at once. Each had essentially told the listening students to vote for the other girl. Each seemed calm and unconcerned about the election, almost meek. He sighed, expecting the worst. "Akane, you use the..."
"We'll wait in the girl's dressing room while they vote, Ranma," Akane cut him off. "We won't be fighting that way, today."
They walked off the stage together, leaving him mystified. Barry turned back to the audience, hand behind his head. "If it helps, guys," Barry offered, "I didn't understand that either."
"It's probably because you're a guy, Ranma," Ukyo shouted.
"Thanks, Ucchan." He spread his arms, going serious. "All right! This is how we're going to do it. I want everyone voting for Shampoo to move to yer left. Everyone voting for Akane move to yer right. Fill up all the rows. I don't want any spaces. We'll count filled rows then whatever partial row is left. If ya don't want to decide either way, come down front here in the center."
He turned to the other students on the stage. "Go ahead and vote if ya like. I'm not gonna bring 'em back in till everybody reshuffles."
Sayuri immediately rose and moved over to Akane's side, finding Yuka in the crowd and starting to chat. Hiroshi seemed to be dithering in the center. Barry saw Ukyo come over to him, frown at something on the floor, then swing her big spatula free. Soon, Daisuke was hurtling over to the Shampoo side while Ukyo went towards Akane's. Kodachi was already over in Shampoo's corner. Barry noticed that Kogara was keeping his seat. He shrugged. Like Kuno, Kogara was of the opinion that women were mothers, lovers or ornaments. He just had a different way of expressing it. A surprisingly small number of students were deciding not to decide. Slowly, the rows were filled and the auditorium grew silent.
Kogara came to the front and checked Barry's count. Barry marked down the filled rows, then started on the filled seats. Akane had fourteen filled rows and twenty-five filled seats totaling 445 votes. Shampoo also had fourteen filled rows, and fifty, fifty-one, fifty-three… fifty-five, fifty-six votes. What a squeaker! And what a relief!
"Kodachi," bellowed Ukyo, "that sumo wrestler does not count as two votes!"
"Can't blame me for trying!" came the unrepentant reply.
Barry groaned. A tie? How did these things happen? He looked at Kogara.
"You sure that you don't want to vote?" he asked him. Kogara smiled thinly.
"I disapprove of the whole idea, Saotome," Kogara replied. "I'm not getting involved."
Barry walked down to the front. "Anyone down here want to change their mind?" The fifty-odd students looked at one another. Gosunkugi sighed and wandered toward Akane's side. At the same time, an anonymous girl went to Shampoo's side. Barry saw a side door open up.
"Kodachi! What do you think you're doing?" he barked.
"Looking to see if any students left early, Ranma-darling. They do sometimes..."
"That is the street door, 'Dachi. You wouldn't be trying to slip in some ringers, are you?"
"Honestly, Ranma," she huffed. "One would think you didn't trust me!" She scowled at the laughter that followed briefly.
"Where's Ryoga?" He looked around, specifically scanning for the young man. "Lost again? Crap!" Barry counted one last time with a sense of futility. 446 for each side, 52 abstaining, probably several absent. "Let me guess, the President acts as a tie-breaker?"
Kogara nodded. "You got it right in one," he snickered. "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, Saotome."
"Thank you, very much," he muttered.