Leah (Rivendell)

Consciousness returned to me very gradually, like the trickling of sand in a timer. Slowly but surely, I became aware of my surroundings. First, it was my limbs and their aching heaviness. Then the uncomfortable awareness of my own heartbeat. A steady pounding rhythm that reached up my neck then down to the tips of my toes.

There was something else there too. A measured pointed beat, out of sync with the other. It remained locked in my chest and did not swoop through me with the rest of my pulse.

I could not put my finger on it.

Sound came through next. The soft hush of a gentle breeze blowing passed me, calming rather than brisk. My own breath as it tumbled into my lungs and out again, and a shuffling sound, like the soles of slippered feet.

Where was I? What happened? I was clearly lying flat in a bed. A luxuriously cushioned bed that felt like heaven after so long on forest floors. But how did I get there?

I pushed at my mind, it was like trying to think through thick molasses. Sticky and unwilling to give up the answers. It fought back against me, almost begging me not to remember but I pressed on until the syrupy thoughts yielded.

And bitterly regretted it.

All at once, I was assaulted with visions of an arrow puncturing Kili's chest. His dimming eyes, his pale skin, his rattled breath. Blood dripping from a poisoned wound. A broken arrow in the palm of a hand. The feel of Kili's life leaking through the gaps of my fingers. Again and again and again.

Dark, desolate and hopeless.

Kili was dead?

Kili can't be dead.

He can't be. He can't be. He can't be.

I shot up with a choked gasp, feeling acid burn its way up my throat. The movement caused my muscles to spasm, and an aching heaviness weighed around me. I would have collapsed back into the bed if not for the sudden appearance of hands at my shoulders. Strong, stable, which only made the shake in my limbs that much more noticeable.

"Shh, it's okay. You are okay," the voice was soft and distinctly feminine.

My breath came out in quick, vicious pants. I wasn't getting enough air in. I was going to be sick. I couldn't stop shaking.

The foreign beat in my chest increased along with my own. Before I could attempt to comprehend it, I felt an insistent tugging sensation. Like someone had reached out and touched my very soul, a calming hand around my heart. The feeling was vulnerable, intimate, and unlike anything I had ever experienced. My panicked breathing stuttered to a stop, and I covered my chest with my hand.

Kili?

Why did I automatically assume it was him? There had been no clue to suggest what the mystery sensation was. Yet something instinctual in me, automatically labelled it as him. It made little sense but the notion composed me.

"You are okay, tithien ven. Your dwarf lives, he was healed. All is well," the stranger rubbed soothing circles into my back.

Kili lives?

How? The last thing I remembered was the desolate silence once his heart stopped beating.

But wait, there was something else. A fierce white glow, warm but not burning. It had come from me, from my hands. Had I done something?

With my heartbeat slowing and my whirlwind of panic dissipating, I could finally get a look at my new surroundings. The room was opulent, with pillars shaped like vines and floating gossamer curtains leading to a balcony. Night had fallen while I was out, its darkness was held back by golden candlelight and the shine of the stars. If I squinted, I could detect a hint of orange on the horizon.

I turned to the woman holding me up. No, not a woman, an elf. Her hair was a dark ebony that fell down her back in waves. She smiled when she found my gaze more cognizant.

"That's better," she said, arranging my pillows so I could lean back, "My name is Rehtinde, I was one of the healers who attended you, and you are in Imladris."

Her voice was like a melody, she could calm even the most terrified of people, I imagined.

"Kili! I need to see him, please!"

"It is not yet dawn, your dwarven company is probably still asleep. You will see him, I promise, but Lord Elrond asked me to inform him when you awoke so he could speak to you."

I wasn't sure what he wanted to speak to me about, my stomach clenched at the thought.

The sweat coating my body felt all the more noticeable. When I looked down at my hands, I was happy to note the absence of blood, but I could still see small rust-coloured flecks stuck to my nail beds. Whoever had cleaned them had done a good job but not good enough. I did not want to talk to anyone until I scrubbed everything away.

Rehtinde noticed my eyeline and my desperate scraping at my fingers. "Though, I could delay the message a little if you would prefer to clean."

"Please," I said, voice small yet grateful.

Rehtinde helped me walk over to the bathroom attached to my new sleeping quarters. My legs were not strong below me and they had a very noticeable shake when I attempted to walk. A heaviness made my limbs feel like they were full of lead but I persisted.

My first proper bath in Middle Earth could have been heavenly if it wasn't for the knowledge of what I was washing off my body. I was more determined to scrub my skin red raw than to bask in the warmth of the water. Though I did allow myself to indulge in more soap than was strictly necessary, the sweet, floral scent was the kind of boost I needed.

Rehtinde had a dress ready for me once I was out and dry. Floor length with billowy, bell sleeves and a deep forest green colour. The material was soft and clean against my skin and I allowed myself a small moment to enjoy the sensation.

Then Rehtinde led me to a cushioned chair next to a small table in the corner of my room and went in search of Lord Elrond. It wasn't too long before the door to my room swung open and a tall, dark-haired elf stepped through.

"Well met, Leah. My name is Lord Elrond," he said "It is good to see you are awake."

My mouth went dry. I don't think I would ever get used to meeting book characters. It was like meeting celebrities, I didn't know how to act around them.

Behind him walked a very familiar face wrapped up in grey. "Gandalf," I sighed, it was good to see him.

"Ah, my dear," he walked towards me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You made us all very worried."

"What happened?" I asked, glancing down at my hands, knowing that they were the culprit.

Elrond came and sat in the chair opposite me. Gandalf followed suit with the only remaining chair.

"You have displayed some very powerful healing magic," Elrond explained "Many elves have this skill, but they pale in comparison to what you accomplished. The dwarf's soul had already passed into Aulë's halls, yet you managed to bring him back. That is no small feat."

I froze as he spoke. I had saved Kili? Healed him with magic, I did not know I possessed? But I didn't even know what I was doing.

"You must know that simply healing him would not have brought him back. Even our most skilled healers cannot bring someone back once they are dead. You did something else in order to bring him back to this world."

What did that mean? Thoughts of zombies and necromancy swirled in my head, and my stomach lurched painfully.

"When you healed him, you also reached out and tied his life force to your own. Your Fëar are now connected to one another," Elrond said

My hand covered my chest. That sensation was still beating away beneath my fingertips. So it was Kili at the other end. Our souls were connected.

"This means that your lives are now bound together," he looked me dead in the eyes imploring me to listen carefully "If one of you shall die, then so will the other."

"What?" I inhaled sharply. What had I done?

Gandalf saw my wide stare and clenched jaw and rested a hand on my shoulder. "This also means that he will live as long as you do. If nothing befalls either of you, then he will live an elven lifetime."

It hadn't even occurred to me before that I would live as long as an elf. In my mind, I thought that I was still a human underneath it all. If I had thought about it, then I would have realised that even if I saved Kili, he would die way before I did. Now, it seemed that it was no longer a problem. It made my head spin.

"How do you know this?" I asked.

"Elves have the ability to view the Fëa of others. When our healers viewed yours, they could see what appeared to be a thick 'rope' of sorts connecting the two of you. These connections are not a new discovery. In the past, elves with similar powers bound small objects, like plants, to their life force. So that they will bloom forever. But these connections look like mere wisps in comparison to the one you now share," said Elrond "In those circumstances, were the plants to perish the elf would not die. The reason that your life is now so intrinsically connected is that you bound yourself to another sentient being. You will not be able to bring back another person as you are already bound to the dwarf."

A rope-like connection? I searched for the feeling with my mind, willing it to make itself known. It took a few seconds, but then I found it. If I squinted, I could see it, glowing and golden, a tether between our two hearts. When I reached out a mental hand, I could almost feel it, like a physical, tangible thing. I gave it a tentative tug and felt the heartbeat on the other end jump in response.

"It shares some similarities to an elven marriage bond."

I coughed, feeling my cheeks warm. Elves equated sex to marriage as far as I was aware, and I had definitely not done that yet. I hadn't even kissed the guy.

"Except in those circumstances, the two Fëar combine to form something new. Your souls, however, remain separate," Elrond didn't seem to notice my red cheeks. "Also, if one were to perish, the other would live on."

"If their souls combine, then what happens when they die? I thought the Fëa was supposed to go to Valinor if you die, wouldn't that rip them apart," I asked.

Elrond didn't make me feel stupid for asking questions. He was very patient and didn't patronise me when he spoke. "Elven Fëar are tied to Arda. That includes Middle Earth as well as the Undying Lands. As they remain a part of this world, their Fëar are not separated. The partner who did not pass will always still feel the Fëa of the other…It can be a comfort as well as a heartache."

"I can imagine."

Elrond's facial expression didn't betray anything as he spoke, but I knew he had personal experience with what he was describing. His wife may not have died, but she was no longer in Middle Earth. It must be hard. To be able to feel your other half with you every day but you're not able to see them.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. There was so much information to take in at once, but it still wasn't lining up in my mind.

"But I'm not from here," I said "How do I have these powers?"

Elrond and Gandalf shared a strange look between them. "Gandalf has told me much about you, Leah. He has also informed me about the strange occurrences that you have been experiencing. The memories that were not your own."

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

It was Gandalf who spoke up next to me. "My dear, those memories were your own. You just could not recall them until you had returned here."

"Returned here?"

"Yes, Leah. Your Fëa, your soul, was originally from Arda," said Elrond

That is the last thing I expected them to say. My eyebrows shot up, and I looked between the two of them, waiting for them to tell me they were joking. Their faces remained deadly serious.

"How? I lived my whole life in another world," I sputtered.

"Was there an event that happened in your life, a tragic one, in which you were gravely ill or injured?" Gandalf asked.

Wait, how did he know that? "I was in a car accident when I was 6. It killed my dad and brother."

Gandalf and Elrond looked like they expected this answer. "Many different versions of us exist across many different worlds. It would seem the version of you from that world also died in that accident. Allowing the Fëa from this version of you to slip into that body," said Elrond.

My mouth fell open. Was he calling me some kind of body snatcher? Like I had stolen my body from someone else. Surely he must be mistaken. But then again, I remembered Mum telling me how the doctors had been astounded that both of us had survived. They had said that it was a miracle that we hadn't succumbed to our injuries. Mum and I healed from the crash in ways the doctors hadn't expected. Leaving only a few scars rather than life-altering injuries. Did that mean Mum was from here too?

"If that's true, why did my soul leave Middle Earth in the first place?" I asked.

"The only way for your Fëa to become detached from your body is by being slain. Your body remains on Middle Earth while your soul is supposed to pass into the halls of Mandos. Only yours didn't. It was placed in another world," Elrond continued.

Slain? I had already been killed in this world? That would explain all the nightmares then. Of me being a small child hunted down by orcs. It had actually happened. That was why the sight of the orcs had affected me so badly. The thought made me feel sick.

"I still don't see why I was placed in another world."

"I believe I may have an idea," said Gandalf from beside me. I looked up at him expectantly. "The elves of this world were once allowed to return to the earthly plain upon their death. They would be given a new body and make the journey back to Middle Earth. Only the journey was perilous and many elves lost their lives again before they ever made it back. The path was closed completely during the second age which meant that no elf could ever return. I believe that you were placed in your world as a way to circumvent that. A loophole so that you could be brought back when you were needed."

I let Gandalf's words sink in. This was too much to handle in one go.

"Is it the same with my Mum?" I asked "She came back too."

"We cannot be certain, but it would appear so if she too has returned to this world," said Elrond

"Have there been any signs of my mother near Rivendell?" There wasn't much hope in my voice. From the look on Elrond's face, I already knew the answer.

"I'm afraid not, my Lady. As far as I know there has not been a sudden appearance of another elleth near here."

Even though I expected it, it still hurt not knowing where she was.

"If you could tell me more about her–and yourself, for that matter–we may be able to determine more. Perhaps if we can figure out who you were when you first lived here, it may help us discover your naneth's whereabouts," Elrond said.

A small hope bloomed in my chest. If I could discover something about my past life, it could tell me about my family, who they were…or are.

Mum had told me that she could feel Dad through the connection between our two worlds, as if he lived. Dad and Lachlan's Fëar never followed us to earth, which means they must have remained here. The idea that they might still live in this world made my throat tight. But I refused to spark the flames of hope any higher in case I was wrong. I couldn't bear the devastation if it turned out not to be true.

"My mum's name is Ellen" I started, "But I realise that she was probably called something different here."

"That is probably true," Gandalf paused "Though Elin is the Sindarin word for star. Perhaps the names are similar."

I nodded, that made sense. "In the visions–sorry, memories–the people called me Liriel. That's close to Leah."

Elrond appeared pensieve, a hand reached up to his chin "Liriel? That is a Sindarin name, also. It is derived from the word for song."

With how much I loved to sing, the name fits me like a glove. Though I had a feeling that it was probably quite a common name, elves had a penchant for singing.

"In the other world, I had a twin brother. I assume that we were still twins here."

Elrond's eyebrows rose dramatically. "Twins, you say? Now, twins can be quite a rare occurrence among our kind."

My eyebrows drew together "Don't you have twin boys?"

Elrond let out a small chuckle "That I do. I was blessed to have them. Nevertheless, they are still rare and may help us determine who your family is," Elrond looked down, appearing deep in thought. He aired some of his thoughts as he mused. "So your name is Liriel… you have a twin brother… only you and your naneth travelled to this other world…."

He pondered for several moments. Then suddenly, his expression froze, and his eyes widened. He looked to Gandalf, who seemed to share his look of surprise.

"Elinneth?" he spoke barely above a whisper "No, that can't be."

I felt my breath catch in anticipation. Elinneth. Was that my mum's name? Did he know my family?

"Do you know something?"

Elrond's shocked face closed off when I spoke, and he gave Gandalf a meaningful look. "I cannot be sure. I would rather confer with others before telling you of my suspicions. Lest they be incorrect. I would not wish to bring you sadness if I am wrong."

My heart dropped a little, not wanting to wait another moment. But before I could embarrass myself by begging, Rehtinde appeared in the doorway.

"There is a group of dwarves demanding we let them inside, my Lord," she said.

Kili?

I willed our bond into existence, and I could see it flowing somewhere a little beyond the door. He was here. So close I could almost reach out to him.

My muscles seized, almost a flinch. Why was I suddenly scared to see him?

Maybe because I had gotten him killed. It was my presence that drew the killing blow. How could I face the dwarves knowing what I had caused?

Elrond rose from his seat. "We shall leave you to see your guests. I imagine you are as desperate to see them as they are you."

Gandalf gave me a grandfatherly smile before following Elrond's lead. They left the room together and closed the door behind them.

I felt frozen. At war with my own emotions. I wanted to jump to my feet and wrench the door open. I wanted to curl up in the deepest darkest room and hide my face forever.

The sound of the door reopening cut through me like a physical blow, and I stumbled to my unsure feet. I kept a tight hold on the back of my chair to keep me upright.

Only one head appeared around the doorway and closed it gently behind him.

Thorin

Upon seeing him, my composure crumbled. The sharp sting of tears built up in my eyes, and my bottom lip wavered. I had gotten his nephew killed. He had to watch Kili die, and it was all my fault. I covered my mouth with my hand, begging the sobs not to start.

"I'm so sorry," I gasped out. "It was all my fault."

Thorin was immediately taken aback, confusion clear on his face. He crossed the remaining distance between us, and when I refused to look any higher than his now clean boots, he placed a hand under my chin and urged me to look at him. "Leah, what in Durin's name do you mean?"

"It's my fault he died," I could barely get the word out. "If it weren't for me, he would not have been hurt."

"Leah, you are speaking nonsense. Kili is alive because of you," Thorin's voice was full of emotion "You saved him. My nephew, my own flesh and blood, died before my very eyes, but it was you who brought him back. I owe you more than you could ever know."

Thorin wrapped his arms around me and brought me into a crushing hug. "Thank you," he whispered.

A sob broke through once more. He shouldn't be hugging me. He should be screaming at me.

"But in the story, Kili was never harmed here. He died because I was there."

Thorin stood back. "Nothing is written in stone, not even this 'story'. Things have already changed as we did not, in fact, get captured by trolls as you said we would. Your story is only one version of events that could happen. Thousands of changes could happen with or without you," he said "From what I saw, Kili died defending a member of my company. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the filth that hunted us down. Do you understand?"

I stared at Thorin's face, dumbfounded. He was being sincere. He truly didn't blame me for what happened. Even after I told him I was responsible.

Maybe he was right.

I shouldn't be putting all the blame on myself. Even though my presence changed things, it was still the orcs that had caused it. Coming to this realisation felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest. I nodded to Thorin to show that I understood.

"Good," he breathed. "Now, I assume you want to see Kili."

I nodded, even quicker this time, nerves whipping themselves into a frenzy.

Thorin gave me a small smile before walking back towards the door. He spoke with someone behind it in a hushed tone before inclining his head to me and leaving. Then the door closed once more, and a new person occupied the space.

Kili.

Whole, healthy and alive. He had a new shirt, a similar green to my dress, clean and free of blood. There was a warm glow about him, in his eyes, his cheeks, in the smile he threw in my direction.

"Kili," I whispered, voice cracking.

This time I did not hesitate to move. I pushed off the chair and used the momentum to carry me to him. Kili caught me halfway before my exhausted limbs could collapse below me. I clung to him so tightly that my knuckles went white. My tears left a dark patch on his fresh shirt, but I cared very little.

"You're alive, you're alive," I said, more for myself than anything else.

Kili stepped back slightly and brought his hands up to my face. Being so close to him, the feeling of his heartbeat next to mine was nearly overwhelming. The bond binding us together seemed to increase in strength. I never wanted to be apart from him. Kili wiped a tear with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm alive because of you, Leah," His eyes roamed my face, trying to drink me all in.

"I thought I'd lost you," I said, the words barely above a whisper. The dark, roiling, desolate feeling from seeing him die bubbled back up to the surface, and I had to squash down the humming cry at the back of my throat.

"I'm not going anywhere now," he smiled "You're stuck with me forever."

I laughed through the tears. My chest tightened with the words I wanted to say to him. The words I needed to say. I lifted my hand up so that it rested on his cheek. He leaned into the contact with no hesitation, his own hand covering mine. He was so beautiful. I felt my breath catch.

"I…" I began, nerves trying to get the better of me. "I love you, Kili. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to tell you. But I love you so so much."

Kili stopped breathing for a moment, shock clear on his face. I could feel his heartbeat picking up alongside mine. Then his face broke out into the happiest smile I had ever seen. As if I had given him everything he ever wanted.

"Maralmizi," The khuzdul fell from his lips, and I felt myself go a little breathless.

"What does that mean?"

Kili somehow stepped even closer, his face mere inches from my own. His eyes flickered down to my lips and back to my eyes. "It means I love you," the feel of his breath against my lips made me shiver. "It means I love you with every fibre of my being, and no one could ever doubt it."

Kili closed the little remaining distance and kissed me.

His lips were soft against mine, and I gasped into his mouth. Kissing him felt like nothing else I'd ever experienced. It felt right, like coming home, like my soul had been calling out for him and finally found him. The bond was alive and flickering rapidly between us. Feeling Kili's heart next to mine seemed to amplify everything.

When we broke apart, I was breathless and more than a little giddy. It felt like I would never stop smiling. He leaned his forehead against my own and we stood there, breathing each other in.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he looked up at me with heated eyes.

"Maybe, we should do it again," I replied, leaning back in.

Maralmizi - I love you (with all my heart)

Finally, a kiss when they're both sober.

Obviously, I'm changing the canon up a bit. It doesn't say whether elf souls join together when they marry, but it seems like something they would do. Elves are odd that way.