Guest Ki: Chapter 31

Sword Dance

Barry and Akane were up early the following morning. Nabiki was a late riser when possible, so the morning was a good time to discuss matters. Besides, Japan had half-day school on every other Saturday, and today was one of those days. Barry scanned the dojo for electronics, both passive and active. He found only one, a voice-activated pocket tape recorder taped to a rafter. Knowing it was expensive, he only spoke a single phrase into it before replacing it unharmed, but carefully turned off.

"Nice try, Nabiki!"

"What are we going to do," Akane whined despondently. "Why can't everyone just leave us alone so we can get Ranma back?"

Barry shrugged. "What can I say? I'd like to help Nabiki, but-"

"Its not like I want a martial arts scholarship!" she grumped, ignoring him. "Acting's nice…"

Barry grimaced and looked alarmed. "Why would you want to do that?"

The protest in his voice overrode Akane's focus. "What's wrong with being an actress?"

Barry tried to return to the subject at hand. "I'd think 'Romeo and Juliet would have answered that - Never mind! We need to figure out what to tell Nabiki to get out of this plan she has. Any ideas?"

"What did that have to do with acting?" Akane grumbled, aggravated.

"Sweetheart, that's a bad habit you have of getting side-tracked."

The short-haired girl snorted. "Be that way!" She sighed. "Ideas? Not really. I hoped you had come up with something."

"RRRrrrr… I'm older, not all-knowing!" He groaned. "She's your sister. What kind of thing would satisfy or distract her?"

Akane gave a helpless shrug. "Neither of us have access to that much money."

"Ouch!" Ranma's guest gave her a scandalized glare. "At least I only thought that!"

They stood silently for a few moments in contemplation. Akane broke the silence first.

"So… What's wrong with being an actress?"

"Not that again!"

"Well we're not getting anywhere on the real problem!" She stomped her foot as she shouted at him.

Barry rolled his eyes. "Let's just say I have my reasons."

Akane glared at him. "You've acted. You said you were good." She smirked. "Couldn't cut it?"

Barry glared. This was new. This anger. He took a deep cleansing breath. "Didn't want it, tomboy." The 'tomboy' was delivered like a slap. "My priorities were different!"

"Tomboy!" Akane snarled.

All the frustration of their interrupted research and training powered their aura into visible levels. Their eyes flashed. Fists clenched. Nabiki stood blinking in the doorway. They stared dumbly at her before postponing the argument by silent mutual consent.

Seeing that she was now observed, Nabiki shrugged and stepped forward. "Do you need to be so loud so early? Some of us need our beauty sleep... And don't you dare say that!" Nabiki pointed warningly at Barry whose grimly pressed lips had twitched in a sudden smile at her words. "What are you shouting about anyway?" Her expression betrayed no knowledge of the hidden tape recorder.

"What else? The competition, of course." Barry said, glibly.

"Are you in, then?" Nabiki drawled. Ranma? Glib? What is he hiding?

Akane and Barry exchanged a single glance. "Let's just say we're not out. I… We really want to pay Nikki back properly," growled Akane. "Nobody touches my sister and gets away with it!"

"Ranma?" Nabiki turned back to Barry. She had obviously taken Akane's remark as a conditional yes. It only needed a little encouragement.

"You're looking for commitment? From me?" he replied. At her glare he made a 'deflect-evil' sign. "We need some more time to work out the details, Nabiki. Ask us again this afternoon." He turned to Akane.

"Your mother's?" Akane asked. He nodded. "Later, sister."

Nabiki blinked. Had they learned teleportation or something? Where did they go? She shrugged. Akane was improving, so maybe Ranma had taught her his camouflage trick. She started to go for the ladder to retrieve her hidden recorder, and then stopped. What if they hadn't left? After a moment, she decided to wait until they were supposed to be in school. No need to hurry at this point. Mind always beat matter.

She sighed ruefully. It was funny though. It used to be that she compared men to the founders of Japan's industrial giants, like Honda, Mitsubishi and Matsushita, or the great industrial leaders of America's age of growth: Carnegie, Rockefeller and DuPont. More and more she found herself comparing her dates to Ranma as well. "At this rate", she muttered to herself, "I'll end up with standards so high, I'll never marry." Oh, well… She had had her chance with Ranma and let it pass by. At least her sister would be happy, she hoped.

The morning passed uneventfully, in general. It was only when they were leaving that they had a little trouble from Kuno, of all people.

"Fair Akane, I have come to speak once more of the proposition I laid at your feet but short weeks ago."

"What proposition would that be, Kuno," Akane asked cautiously. What ever it was couldn't have been important; but then that was true of most of Kuno's pronouncements. That did not preclude them being painful, embarrassing or annoying by degrees, however.

"My sister did interrupt us at that time… Perhaps I did not make myself clear," He preened in his elegant western suit which, Akane had to admit, made him more presentable. "I would be honored if you, Akane and the pig-tailed girl would deign to visit me…"

"Hey, ronin-san! How ya doin'?" Hated tones interrupted his invitation as 'the Saotome' made his appearance.

"Avaunt, demon!" His hand flung out in a dismissive warding gesture. "I have no business with you!" he exclaimed in addition and as usual, to no avail. "Would that I had the means to banish you to her benefit! Why must you trouble me, Saotome! What have I done to be so cursed?"

"Well… Try, siccing the entire male population on Akane when we were freshmen, constantly trying to molest her or the pigtailed girl, being a general jerk…"

"Besides that!" yelled Kuno, waving his arms.

Barry and Akane froze, then snickered. Did he just say…?

"I dunno, Kuno. Tell ya what! How 'bout I make a list, and if ya can un-bury yerself from the mountains of paper in a set period of time we'll let ya know," Barry said with a straight face.

Kuno seemed to actually consider that for a moment. He glanced harshly at Ranma. "Methinks you mock me…"

"Master Kuno! Please," Sasuke seemed to appear, though Barry knew he had been lurking behind the tall kendoist. "Let me speak with them. You know what Dr. Hashibara said about getting upset?"

Kuno waved at him dismissively. "Very well. Do what you must," he said impatiently. Sasuke turned to Akane and Ranma and motioned them a few steps away.

"My master is currently attempting to deal with the results of several years of ingesting Mistress Kodachi's special mixtures and the resulting… results," he said giggling inanely. "Unfortunately, his current specialist just does not accept the reality of Jusenkyo curses…"

"Hell, Sasuke! Kuno doesn't accept the reality of Jusenkyo curses!" Barry barked. He lowered his voice as the mentioned individual glared their way.

"What does that have to do with us?" Akane asked, honestly puzzled.

"Master Kuno has become… marginally aware of the situation," Sasuke explained. "At least to the degree that he knows that if Ranma is splashed with cold water, his pig-tailed goddess appears." Sasuke wrung his hands nervously. "Needless to say, this lack of common ground interferes with Master Kuno's rehabilitation."

"Okay," Barry nodded. "I can see that. You figure I can pop over to the doc's, do the 'girl thing' and let Blue Blunder over there get on with his life?"

"Exactly!" the little ninja almost caroled. "Could you? Please? Pretty pl—!"

"Jeez! Get hold of yerself!" Barry held up a hand. "Yeah, why not! It'll only take what, five or ten minutes?" As Sasuke nod-nodded, Barry frowned. "Why was he comin' on to Akane, then? She's not cursed."

Sasuke suddenly got very evasive. "Um… perhaps it was merely a part of his mania up to this point! You know how he's always been taken with you, Miss Tendo…"

"Sasuke!" they growled in unison and he flinched under their combined glare.

"Umm… Heh, heh, heh!" Sasuke looked like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was. "Perhaps this is not the best time to ask this..."

"Sasuke!" He cringed. "What is it he wants?"

"To be honest, it wasn't really his idea... Not that he wouldn't fantasize..."

"Sasuke!"

He fell to the ground and hid his head under his arms. "It is the esteemed doctor's opinion that if Master Kuno could choose between the two loves of his life, he could resolve much of his turmoil and aid his eventual recovery!" came the muffled voice.

"That was anticlimactic," complained Barry. "Not that it would do him any good; he can chose whomever, but no is still no."

"Exactly why was this so difficult to say, Sasuke?" asked Akane. The little ninja huddled more abjectly. "He's still hiding something, Ranma," she advised.

"I wonder if Ukyo knows a recipe for ninja okonomiyaki?" Barry said thoughtfully.

"With Konatsu around, it's possible," suggested Akane. "Of course, Konatsu's sweet. Maybe we can modify her crossdresser recipe? With Tsubasa coming around like he does, she's sure to have that one..." she continued clinically.

"One million..." whispered Sasuke, shivering.

"Oh? I'm sure she doesn't have that many recipes," Akane smirked.

"One million yen… each."

That got their attention. One million yen was over ten thousand American dollars. "One million yen? For what?" Barry asked quietly. He leaned over and picked Sasuke up by the scruff of his neck. Sasuke was fairly shaking himself apart, now, but remained silent. After a moment, Barry turned and looked around. "Where's Ukyo..."

"Dr. Hashibara, (gulp!)" If Sasuke were a deciduous tree, his leaves would have shaken off by now. "...wishestoobserveMasterKuno'sperformancewithbothhislovesto determinewhichoneheshouldchoose!"

"Excuse me?" Barry looked at Akane and then back at the quivering Sasuke. "Did you understand that?"

"Did you mean performance the way I think you did?" the now glowing, dark-haired girl demanded.

Barry growled. "He certainly wasn't talking about acting." Akane growled at being reminded of the morning argument.

In a very short time thereafter, two forms spiraled skyward courtesy of almost simultaneously planted punts.

"Nice form," commented Ukyo, walking up with Ryoga. "Was that Kuno? Who was that with him?"

"Sasuke!" growled Barry. He glanced at Akane. "Good loft ya got there. I can see yer not out of practice." She glared.

"Ranma kick little ninja?" asked Shampoo who joined them. "Ranma not kick very high. Maybe need more practice. Get soft doing ki technique all time!" Shampoo was a bit put out that Barry tended to avoid sparring with her.

Barry huffed. "What happened to yer grammar, Shampoo?" he demanded. "And I'm not going soft. It ain't Sasuke's fault he's tied to the resident moron! I felt sorry for the little dork."

"Was my brother here?" asked Kodachi, breaking away from a group of girls. It was surprising how popular she was sometimes. Barry had to admit she had plenty of charisma and could be a pleasant conversationalist. It was a pity she was nutty as a fruitcake. And that aura! Still, he was working on that...

"Uh... Yeah, Kodachi. He and Sasuke just left." said Barry.

She looked downwind. "Ah, I see... Oh, well... I had hoped to have a few words with Sasuke..."

"Sorry, Kodachi. He was rather embarrassed by something he said."

"Probably pertaining to Dr. Hashibara?" Her eyes darkened and an indefinable expression swept her fine-boned features. "The Romanov's had their Rasputin, and the Kuno's have their Dr. Hashibara!" she said cryptically to most of their listeners.

Barry understood the reference immediately. "So Dr. Hashibara has the approval of Principal Kuno and yer brother?" he asked the Black Rose.

"He's the chief psychologist of the psychiatric division of Kuno Industries," she said bitterly.

"Really..." Barry grumbled to himself. Just how much influence did this Hashibara guy have? It would have to wait. He'd make notes for Ranma and talk to Akane about it later, just in case. Maybe, he should buttonhole Sasuke as well...

Akane had been looking around at their friends and rivals. Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodachi, Ryoga… An idea was forming. She smiled gleefully. Maybe there was a way for them to help Nabiki in her revenge and avoid being directly involved! "Hey, guys. Did you hear about the martial arts competition?" Kodachi turned away to where Akane began explaining to Shampoo and Ukyo about the martial arts competition at Nabiki's university.

"Shampoo not... Er..." She glanced over at Barry. "I am not really interested in competing, Akane. I know how good I am. Already have degree from University of Beijing in Psychology and Political Science. Why I need..." She growled again at her own grammar. "Why do I need a scholarship to a Japanese university? It is not practical."

"I suppose I could compete in woman's kendo," Ukyo said thoughtfully. "I wonder if it's really to be kendo, or naginata?" She shrugged. "I think I could hold my own, especially if we train with that in mind." She shook her head. "I don't know what I'd do with a degree if I got one."

"They have degrees in International Cuisine, I think," offered Barry while staring off into space. There was so much going on; it was hard to stay focused. How were they going to deal with Nabiki's plans? "You always dreamed of owning a chain of restaurants, Ucchan," he added.

"Damn!" she exclaimed. "I never thought of that! It 'd be a lot easier to get financial backers with a degree and a successful business." She turned to Akane. "I'm in!"

"Is Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics involved?" asked Kodachi. "Not that I need a scholarship, but it's good to keep one's hand in."

There was a sudden pained silence in the crowd. They all looked at Kodachi, then at Barry, who still mused over competing strategies and objectives. He became aware of their scrutiny and flinched nervously. "What?"

"Kodachi is interested in the martial arts rhythmic gymnastics portion of the competition, Ranma," Akane said sweetly, as if to a two-year old. Barry barely controlled a blanch.

He turned to the Black Rose shifted gears and smiled. What did Akane think she was doing? "You know, it'd be interesting to see Kodachi compete, Akane. Uhh… After all, we know she's good, but how would she stack up to nation-wide competition without the... um, pre-event elimination?"

Kodachi eyed him narrowly. "Your attempts at subtlety are limited by the understanding of your audience, Ranma. Don't throw pearls before swine."

"Hey!" exclaimed Ryoga, who hadn't really been listening. He frowned at the younger Kuno. "Did she just..." His face reddened, and Kodachi stepped back and surreptitiously slid a ribbon out from somewhere.

"No, Rychan," Ukyo tried to calm him. "Remember, she went to St. Hebereke's? It's just a saying!"

Ryoga, Akane and Barry face-faulted. 'Rychan?' Ukyo didn't seem to notice her slip. She was busy glaring at Kodachi. "Put away the ribbon, sister, or I'll make you eat it!"

"Seriously though," Barry slipped between the two girls. "You are good, Kodachi. You don't need to cheat." He cocked his head. "You can't get much applause for standing up before an audience and hearing some judge declare a forfeit."

"Winning is everything!" Kodachi stormed at him. Again he heard the bitterness. "You of all people should understand that, Ranma! What do I need with applause from the unwashed? I am the Black Rose!" She left with a twist and an angry flounce, but there was the hint of tears. Barry barely restrained himself from reaching after her.

"What a fruitcake!" sneered Ukyo.

Ryoga and Akane looked worriedly at Barry, who stood with a confused look on his face. He turned to Akane. "Did I miss something?"

Barry sat in the guestroom after school. He had decided to set down his thoughts before they became further jumbled by events.

Journal: Ranma's Guest — Saturday, 14 September 1991 - Day 21

I'd almost rather have been sucked into a soap opera. I turn into a girl, get hit on (even by guys who know I'm not really a girl), am expected to fight monsters (I haven't yet, but I'm expected to), and deal with multiple fiancées that I'm not really affianced to but need to act like I am.

I didn't realize that Akane was interested in acting as a career. I strongly disapprove. But I think you and she are going to have to deal with this yourselves. I have my reasons for not liking acting as a career, but maybe Japanese theater and films are not as intrinsically perverted as Hollywood is. Tell her to look before she leaps, okay?

Tatewaki and his sister are seriously warped. I pity Sasuke. I sympathize with his loyalty. Sasuke put forth the idea that Dr. Hashibara, Tatewaki's shrink, needs to have the Jusenkyo phenomena demonstrated for him, as he is 'treating' Kuno's psychosis and related aberrations, one of which is the 'nonsensical' idea that people can change sex or species when splashed with water.

I'm real interested in meeting Dr. Hashibara, who, if I understood Sasuke right, also wanted Akane and the pigtailed girl to compete in an orgy with Tatewaki under the good doctor's discerning eye. There was no discussion as to whether the doctor planned to participate, but he was to 'aid' Tatewaki in determining which one of his loves he should focus on. You could imagine our reply. (Pow! Wheeee!)

Understanding that she had missed her brother, Kodachi made a further comment that mentioned Dr. Hashibara, likening him to Rasputin. Rasputin was a sort of a village hermit originally who captured the attention of the last Russian dynasty, the Romanov's. Though sometimes called the Mad Monk, he had never taken vows in any church, save the devil's if some stories were to be believed, for he had a truly unholy influence over some of the imperial family. Some sources claim his advice helped to bring about the Romanov's fall to the Communists. This man may be a serious threat to you and what you hold dear. A lot depends on whether he is a fool or a sly conniver. Jusenkyo could be a powerful tool to someone seeking personal power. Of course, Kodachi may have her own reasons for saying what she said. She is sneaky.

Now that I think of it, I wonder how many PRC agents have Jusenkyo curses? I'd ask Cologne, but she might have to kill me for knowing too much. You can decide whether I'm joking about that for yourself.

On top of all that, there's this Martial arts Competition that Nabiki plans to use as her vehicle of revenge and profit. (Never, NEVER forget the profit!) Akane got the bright idea of bringing your friends in on it. The idea was that Nabiki got her winners while we're left free to concentrate on getting you back. Only one problem:

"Ranma!" Kasumi's voice came faintly from somewhere below.

"Comin' Kasumi!" He closed the notebook and hopped to his feet. He'd finish his entry later. Hiding it carefully, he slipped down the steps. He slowed. Having Kasumi waiting for him and wringing her hands was not a good sign. "Uh... What's wrong, 'Sumi?"

"It's another fiancée!" she whispered, glancing over her shoulder.

Barry groaned and turned toward the wall. He should have known he would run into one of these. Fiancées plagued Ranma like fleas did a dog. Kasumi grabbed him by the pigtail before he could start hammering his head against the vertical surface.

"Stop that! It doesn't help," she exclaimed quietly.

"Have you tried it?" he asked smiling slightly.

"Yes!" came her short and unexpected reply. She didn't elaborate. "They are waiting in the main room. I've offered them tea and have some cakes baking." She looked almost grim for Kasumi. "I do not want any fights in my house, Ranma." Kasumi was wringing the edge of her apron. "You should see the size of the sword she's carrying!"

Barry took in the worry lines on her forehead and then spread his awareness to the room where the guests waited. A rangy older man sat beside a young, very fit woman. The two seemed to be in a quiet but heated discussion. Not far from them, Nabiki sat sipping tea and probably trying to figure the possible ways to take advantage of the situation. Beside the new fiancée was a curved sword nearly two meters long, a no-dachi. Its age was evident in the ki that sang through the metal. He watched as the girl broke off her discussion and placed her hand down on the hilt while looking about suspiciously. He was fairly certain that the girl did not sense him directly, but rather sensed the response to his observation in her sword.

A second critical examination of the girl revealed a build similar to Ukyo's, rangy and slightly broad-shouldered from the musculature needed to wield her chosen weapon. Her hair was pulled back in a long braid, and a set of single-edged knives was carried in bandoleers across her chest under the kimono she wore for the occasion.

"How much damage would another fiancée cause, Kasumi?" he asked quietly. "I've just managed to get my balance with three and a wannabe." Kasumi huffed silently but made no comment. "Let's deal with it now. Call Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi for me, and since it's such a nice day, let's move it out to the garden."

"Oh, dear," Kasumi exclaimed suddenly. "And it's been doing so well, too."

"Hey! I'll guard it with my life..."

"Don't you dare!" Kasumi went ferocious. "We haven't gotten this far for you to do something that stupid!"

Barry grinned, gave her a thumbs-up and entered the room. Kasumi hurried off to make the requested calls, hoping that Ranma knew what he was doing this time. The guests rose and they spent a few requisite moments bowing and introducing themselves to one another.

"I am Hotaru Mirotomanya of the Unlimited School of Steak House Martial Arts. This is my daughter, Nagasameru. Many years ago, Genma Saotome..."

"...Offered to give his son, Ranma, to you as an heir to your school."

The man was startled, but nodded. "For a Kobe' Steak dinner…"

Barry clutched his chest. "That much? Jeez! The old man musta been on a roll that day!" He shook himself. "At least that's better than a fish, a bowl of rice and two pickles!"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, thought so! Sold for food, again! To you and a couple dozen other folks that I know of..."

"Excuse me?"

The girl looked at her father sullenly and gave Ranma the once-over. She did not seem to be impressed. Barry felt an uncomfortable desire to try to impress her, but managed to contain it. She possessed the longer Japanese face with a delicate, straight nose and a firm chin. Her hair was black and fine and her eyes were dark, verging towards gray. She was, also, at least two or three fingers taller than he was.

"So you're Ranma?" she said almost insultingly. His eyebrow involuntarily rose. He was really having trouble here. He was sure that Ranma would have been in the middle of a challenge by now and he didn't care how good she was with that thing. He knew he could take her. Skills aside, her aura revealed she had no idea how to use her ki beyond an instinctive level. The only unusual thing about her was the strange response that flowed between her and her sword. He took a couple of deep breaths as Akane walked in. Well, stomped in, actually. Her aura wasn't visible but it could be felt and both he and Nagasameru felt it.

Akane met the new girl's eyes and glared. "Another stupid delay," she muttered. "Why the hell..."

Barry was actually relieved. This distracted him from having to deal with his own rising ire and affronted male stupidity. "Ah... Mirotomanya-san, I must explain that there are some obstacles to your intent. My father has not always acted in an …honorable fashion."

"What Ranma means, is that I have the principal claim and, after me, my sisters, as the Saotome's arranged to have our families united before we were born," Akane announced bluntly.

"Hey," remarked Nabiki, "leave me out of it!" She eyed the girl and her sword. "Or at least let me choose the weapons... like account ledgers at twenty paces!"

Nagasameru stared at the middle Tendo in disbelief, before turning back to the more obvious threat. The girls eyed one another critically. Barry felt the tension rise. He noticed how the taller girl's knuckles whitened as she shifted her grip on the hilt of the huge blade. He sensed the change Akane made in her stance, which indicated aggressive attack rather than a more cautious approach.

"Excuse me, but I thought only men were subject to testosterone jags," he injected sarcastically. He stepped into easy range of both and set himself. "Kasumi asked specifically that we are not to play in the house," he told the startled rivals. "You know, the nice girl that offered you tea?" he added to their guests. "She's in there..." He was interrupted by the very noisy entrance of two more of the girls in Ranma's life, Kodachi and Shampoo.

"No one shall take my Ranma-darling from me," declared Kodachi, ribbon twirling.

"Shampoo no take back seat to anyone!" snarled the Amazon, rather theatrically Barry thought. "You new fiancée? I, Amazon warrior! You want airen, you go through Shampoo!"

"What? What?" gargled Hotaru, eyes snapping from one beautiful, dangerous girl to the other.

"Get in line!" growled Akane. "I saw him, and her, first!"

"Sorry, I'm late," caroled Ukyo, sliding in from the garden door. "Is this the new girl? I don't know who you are, but you're not getting my Ranchan!"

Beautiful timing. Now to guide the action...

"As you can see, Mirotomanya-san," he said in a friendly manner. "It's not quite as easy as it may have seemed when you decided to come here."

"What? What?" repeated the dazed father. "Who?

"Definitely more appropriate than 'what'. These are some of the other fiancées my father has bound me to. The girl with the ribbon is Kodachi Kuno of Kuno Industries. Actually, she's the only girl I can't blame on my dad. Ukyo, over there with the monster spatula, is of the Kuonji's of Kyoto. She may be in a related martial art form to your own, and is definitely related in terms of how she became a fiancée. The purple-haired girl with the big clubs, bonbori, by the way, is Xian Pu of the Chinese Joketsuzoku, and Akane, who was a bit rude when she came in, is the youngest daughter of the Tendo house."

"Rude?" Akane stopped glaring at Nagasameru and turned her attention to Barry. "Rude? I have yet another of your father's little surprises barge into my house, talking about dragging you off, and I'm supposed to be polite?"

"Excuse me!" said Nagasameru gratingly, unconsciously echoing her father. "I haven't talked about dragging anyone off!"

"You not going to either," said Shampoo sweetly.

"Listen, bimbo," snarled the girl, looking down on Shampoo. "Don't you try to..."

"The cakes are ready," caroled Kasumi. Kodachi immediately captured one from the plate, giving Kasumi a surprisingly sincere smile, her ribbon on idle.

"Who you call bimbo!" Shampoo was outraged. "Hick country girl with big knife think Shampoo know nothing because Japanese not good?"

"How many fiancées do you have?" Mirotomanya-san asked dazedly of Barry.

So far, so good! Go for stage two.

"Not a clue. Have to beat it outa Pops some day." He stepped between Shampoo and Nagasameru, as they seemed about to open hostilities. Shampoo, clearing for action, accidentally backhanded him out the door and into the koi pond with predictable results... exactly as planned.

"Shampoo!" the other fiancées chorused in protest.

"I sorry," replied the embarrassed Amazon.

"I make it fourteen so far, including your daughter," Nabiki piped in from her seat below the action. "I'm running a pool to see how many show up before he gets married and makes it all moot. Want in?" At the man's glazed look, she added, "The pot's getting bigger all the time. I may actually have submit paperwork to the government if it gets much larger."

"Does that include you, Nabiki?" Barry asked in interest, rejoining them, wringing some of the water out of her shirt. Nabiki's comment was an added bonus.

"Well, I was, for a while there."

"What are you?" asked the shaken man, suddenly realizing that the tall dark-haired young man was now a much shorter, red-haired female...

"He's Ranchan, and I've known him since he was six," snapped Ukyo.

"He's Ranma Saotome," answered Kodachi haughtily, "the best martial artist I've ever seen."

"He beat Shampoo!" acknowledged Shampoo. " I best warrior of Joketsuzoku. By law, Ranma is airen."

"He is my fiancé by agreement of our families before we were born," declared Akane. "He's my fiancé! No matter what he looks like." Barry's eyebrow rose. That last sounded familiar. Was she taking a page from Ranma's declaration to the Golden Pair?

"Ranma? Why did...?" A new voice suddenly broke in. "Goodness!" Nodoka walked in, followed by a suddenly nervous Genma. "What's going on?" She eyed the tall Nagasameru and her choice of weapon with interest.

"Oh, kami! Is she...?" Mirotomanya-san quavered.

"Nah, that's my Mom!" Barry went over to peck her on the cheek. "Though I can see why ya might think she's one of the girls here!"

"Why, Ranma!" Nodoka blushed. "How sweet! Who is this?"

Barry looked pained. "Momma... This is Mirotomanya Hotaru-san and his daughter, Nagasameru-san. She's..." she grimaced and shrugged.

"Another one?" Nodoka sighed. Her face hardening, she turned back to her husband, who inconveniently vanished in the meantime. "Where did he go?"

"The man in the white gi?" asked Nagasameru, who broke off staring at the changed boy to answer. "Father, wasn't he the man who gave us directions here?"

"I'm surprised he showed up," smirked Barry in Ranma fashion.

Nodoka looked her 'son' over in distaste then glanced at Akane.

"Not this time," Akane said grinning at Barry. Shampoo looked like she wished she had the Jusenkyo curse of the invisible woman.

Mirotomanya-san leaned in close to Barry, taking in the lighter frame, the prominent front — made more so by Barry being in a cotton shirt rather than silk today — and the reduced height.

"You are...?"

"Ranma Saotome," answered the feminine form. "I can't really say I'm sorry this time, though." As the man stared, she added, "Ever hear of Jusenkyo?" Mirotomanya's eyes rolled back and he went down in a strange mimicry of Soun Tendo's first reaction to Ranma's condition. Barry managed to catch him just before he hit the floor. Soun walked in at that point and took in the situation.

"Ummm... Is something wrong?"

Mirotomanya came to and saw his daughter kneeling in wary watch beside him. Just out of arm's reach was assembled the 'loyal opposition', who knelt in a beautiful display of potential mayhem. This did not include the Saotome boy... ah, girl who sat in a loose masculine cross-legged sprawl. His... her mother was quietly chiding her for her lack of feminine modesty. Mirotomanya jerked upright.

"Nagasameru!" He jerked unsteadily to his feet. "I apologize for disturbing you and your house... I... Nagasameru, the car! We really must be going." He almost ran out the door.

His daughter lingered. "Thank you."

Barry snorted. "I should be thankin' you, fer not addin' ta the mess!" he said. "I hope yer boyfriend appreciates ya."

"Well... Let's just say, I appreciate Shinzoo a lot more now. Could I ask a question?"

"Ask away."

"How do you...?"

Barry summarized the Jusenkyo situation, climaxing it with some applied hot tea to change back to male. Nagasameru poked him in the chest then smiled lazily, causing both Akane and Shampoo to growl slightly and Kodachi to frown.

Ukyo snickered. "Having second thoughts?" she asked the girl.

"Ucchan!" Barry rolled his eyes at her and glared.

"You walked into Shampoo's swing, didn't you?" Nagasameru asked. "Just so she could knock you into the pond."

"Ya caught me out." He felt Shampoo jerk in surprise and caught her angry frown out of one eye.

"Thought so, I just didn't understand why before." She smiled slowly and smirked. "Well, If I decide my life is boring, I know where to come," Nagasameru said, rising to her feet. "I better go join my father before he comes back with talismans, a Shinto priest, a Buddhist priest, a Polynesian witch doctor..."

"He's a little nervous around magic?"

"You have no idea." She picked up one of the cakes that Kasumi had prepared and bit into it in an enthusiastic, almost boyish manner. "Mmmmm… Now I'm sorry I've got to go," she complained. She eyed the other girls and smiled. "Whichever one of you wins, could you invite me to the wedding?"

"I think we can manage that," injected Nodoka. "You have been most gracious."

The farewell was short but formal and Ranma's latest fiancée was gone.

Barry exhaled explosively. "Yes! We dodged the bullet!"

There were general cheers.

"Ranma!" Nodoka chided. "She seemed a nice girl."

"That was a big sword, Momma!"

"It's not how large it is, but how skillfully it is wielded," Ranma's mother said blithely. She blushed in the dead silence that followed. "Oh, my! That didn't come out quite the way I meant it."

With the threat to Ranma dismissed, almost everyone decided to stay for lunch. Ukyo alone bowed out, sighting her business as an excuse. Nabiki followed her out, discussing finances and investment. Ranma, sent out for supplies, caught a glimpse of them in animated discussion as he zoomed out.

Nodoka stayed for dinner as well. Barry suspected it as a silent rebuke to her husband who would have to find his own dinner that evening. Escorting her home, he got 'girled' when he jumped in front of the splash caused by a car in a puddle. She turned to find Nodoka meters away and looking embarrassed.

Shaking water from her arms, she grinned at Ranma's mom. "I thought you could still move pretty fast."

"Oh, dear."

"I'm proud of ya, Mom." Barry said. "Set a date and we'll go jumpin' rooftops some evening."

Nodoka blushed and laughed. "Perhaps I will sometime. It would bring back some happy memories..."

"Pops has gotta be friggin' nuts!" Barry complained to her, making her blush. It was a very companionable trip to the Saotome house and hot water.

Barry arrived back at the Tendo's, only to be waved down by Nabiki at the front gate.

"Hey! What's up, Nabs?"

"I just wanted to compliment you on how well you handled the new fiancée today," she drawled watching him closely. "Almost masterful."

"Lucky, you mean," he replied. "Good thing Nagasameru's dad was afraid of magic."

"That was a plus," she agreed. "But you managed to get all of the fiancées together in one room, organized to cooperate with one another, to keep you out of trouble. That's what I meant by masterful."

"Heh! We're practically in each others laps all week long with Kodachi and Shampoo at Furinkan, and the ki trainin' we're all doing," he said, looking down and rubbing the back of his head. "I guess it was either cooperate or kill one another off!"

"Amazing," Nabiki drawled. "That's pretty much the way my contacts here described it. But you got between and set ground rules. Amazon Month is a good example. How did you get my sister to go along?"

"Huh?" Ranma looked puzzled. "Akane?"

"She's been fighting her love for Ranma for two years. She finally admitted it to herself. But now she's got you."

Nabiki moved slightly into what Barry recognized as a stance for a static defense. Nabiki? "You tell the other girls that and see how long the peace lasts," he pointed out to her.

She ignored him. "I don't know who you are, but you're not Ranma."

Barry's stomach flip-flopped. His mouth felt dry. It would be Nabiki to pull this. He tried to bluff his way out. "Nabs... You feelin' all right?"

"Nice recovery. All right... What did I do the day you arrived? Be very specific." Nabiki's arms were folded. But despite appearances, she was well balanced and prepared to defend herself.

"Let's see... You poked me in the tits, complained about me being a girl and sulked a lot."Nabiki looked shaken."Later, you and Kasumi nearly raced one another to see who could slough me off on Akane before the other."

"You're good, but..." Nabiki rallied.

"Nabs! Drop it!" Barry growled. "If I'm actin' funny, it's partly due to circumstances you helped put in motion."

"If that's true, I'll never forgive myself," the middle Tendo said quietly. "But you are an impostor. Ranma would never do things the way you did."

"What about Zakonari? You know, the other guy after the Ramen Takeout Race?" Barry protested.

"I do not consider using half the ramen we won, and all that disgusting groveling Daddy did, to be an adequate solution."

"Nabiki! Even I have to learn from my mistakes!"

"True. And Ranma always has... except for a few blind spots that you don't seem to have." She smirked grimly. "Ukyo agreed."

"I... see." Ki-vision flowed out in a rush and Barry quickly found Ukyo in Nabiki's room. She crouched, sitting very still on the bed, holding a set of headphones to her ears. A look closer to home revealed the transmitter and its power source that Nabiki wore tucked in her bra.

"Very gutsy, Nabiki," he said quietly. Two problems, not one, and no easy way out. "Let's say you're right. Are you saying that Akane, who loves Ranma, would put up with the situation for no good reason?"

"She might if she thought it would protect the rest of us, and if she had no hope for herself," Nabiki shot back. "It would tear her apart but she'd try."

"Yeah, she probably would," mused Barry thoughtfully. "So would Kasumi, I think, if it was needed." He stiffened. Ukyo was exiting Nabiki's bedroom. "Nabiki, I gotta run. We're not ready to include the Amazons in this and I'm bettin' Ucchan's headed for the Nekohanten."

Nabiki stiffened at the sudden confirmation his words lent her arguments, bringing her arms up to deflect an expected attack, but Ranma's guest stepped out of range.

"Trust yer sister, Nabs. Tell her, 'Barry said to tell all'." He vanished.

Nabiki stood there for long moments, heart pounding. She had been sure she was going to be attacked. To be honest, she wasn't sure that payment wasn't merely delayed. She snapped her fingers. If this Barry person was chasing Ukyo, she could call the Nekohanten by phone! She hurried into the house only to bump into Akane.

Akane saw the look on her face and the emotions playing openly across it. "You figured it out?" she asked quietly.

Nabiki hesitated. She looked at her sister, who suddenly seemed so vulnerable, like she had when their mother had died. "Akane, who or what is Barry? And what happened to Ranma?"

"We're not sure, Nabiki. That's one of the reasons for the ki-training. We're trying to find a way to get Ranma back. Barry's harder to explain, but I don't think he's any happier to be in this situation than I am."

"Who else knows about this?" Nabiki demanded, moving closer to the phone.

"Only Ryoga," she said. "Ranma was worried Cologne would take advantage of the situation. Barry's talked about telling Ukyo and Kasumi, but..."

"Oh, brother..." Nabiki slumped against a wall. She thought about what might be happening in the night. "Ukyo's on her way to the Nekohanten for help. I think I blew it."

"Barry?" Akane asked, looking around.

"He went after her."

Barry dodged a vicious swing of the mega-spat. "Watch it, Ucchan!" he shouted. "This isn't a suit! You cut me, you cut Ranma!"

"That's right, monster! Use Ranchan as a shield," she snarled. "I know he'd understand. He's better off dead than possessed." A subtle flip of a wrist sent three spat-urikins his way, but Barry slipped aside. His object was to herd her away from the Nekohanten until he could explain. "Get out of my way, if you don't want hurt!"

She bulled straight ahead and he met her, catching her main weapon as she swung, and using it as a bumper to drive her back against a chimney. She struck with her feet and knees as she wrenched at her weapon.

"Ucchan, we need to talk," Ranma's voice said.

Sobbing, she released her mega-spatula and, taking a double handful of her throwing weapons, used them to slash like claws. Her opponent was forced to jump back or be disemboweled. As she gained space, she hurled them hard and fast and gasped as her spatula spun like a propeller, sending her lethal projectiles clattering in the gutters. She leaped forward into close combat again unwilling to give him the opportunity to use her main weapon on her. She struck four successive blows, all blocked, then discovered she held her spatula again.

She swung around, desperately searching for her opponent, and found him, standing easily, one roof over.

"Who are you!" she screamed. In the streets nearby, dogs began to wake to the fact that something unusual was going on, bringing lights on in quiet houses with their urgent warnings.

"Barry Barlowe."

Ukyo's face twisted as she mouthed the unfamiliar name. "Barry? Barlowe?"

"Were you expecting Micklepoop, the Zombie King? Get real!"

"What happened to Ranma?"

"I wish I knew. I fell off one horse and found myself saddled with another," Barry said sadly.

"What! You think this is funny?"

Barry suddenly was leaning and dodging, as more spat-urikins zipped past. Something needed to be done to diminish his threat in Ukyo's eyes. Suddenly, he was plucking the buzzing projectiles out of the air.

Ukyo had not been static in her attack. She used the rain of weapons as cover for her move past the young man. She gained one rooftop, then another, then bounced off a firm male chest and slid along the tiles of the rooftop on the rebound. A hand gripped her wrist, stopping the gut-wrenching chill of an impending fall, and pulled her to her feet. At the other end of the hand was the false Ranma. Ukyo's eyes bugged as he presented her with a bouquet of spatulas she had thrown.

Cursing, she slapped them aside. "You're just toying with me!"

Barry found himself under assault from her mega-spatula again and sighed. At least she hadn't brought any flour bombs, or Konatsu. She probably hadn't felt Nabiki's theory held much water. He stood his ground as Ukyo got wilder and wilder in her growing fear and anger. Barry, as Barry, would have been mincemeat long before this. If he had needed to deal with this when he first came here, Ukyo would have been seriously hurt as Ranma's training responded to the aggression rather than the person. Now, he tried to find some way to reach her, not merely to stop her violence but to try to ease her pain and fear. It was a violent mirror of Akane's emotions and every second brought greater doubt and greater self-loathing for putting her through this.

Ukyo suddenly felt buffeted, as if the wind had become alive and sentient. She felt her mega-spatula torn from her hands and dove for her throwing spats in the twin bandoleers. She came up empty. Ten meters away, the false Ranma dropped her weapons to the rooftop.

"Ukyo, please... Let's talk."

She turned and ran. Barry cursed and followed, heart lurching as she took terrible risks to cut down the distance between herself and the supposed sanctuary of the Nekohanten. When he caught up with her, she turned and tore into him with such desperate violence that he couldn't break off and both fell from a fortunately low roof into the alley below. Barry took the brunt of the impact, which only allowed her to get in a quick solid strike that brought a hot flash of pain along his ribs.

Desperate now himself, he slammed her against the wall and pinned her there as he tried to regain his breath. He positioned himself slightly sideways, one leg bent and hooking across her legs to prevent her from kicking, and her arms caught at the elbows to keep her from punching or clawing him with her fingernails. Stymied in every other way, she snapped at him with her teeth, wrenching at her restraints and crying wordlessly.

Barry was sickened. It was obvious what Ukyo thought. Her mind wasn't prepared to accept the truth. He tried to catch his breath. The tremble in her limbs was not simply fear, but was the result of Ukyo surpassing her physical limits. It was obvious she expected the worst.

Ukyo screamed, as the body that held her helpless suddenly seemed to vanish. She bounced painfully on her hands and knees as her thrashing propelled her from the alley wall to the pavement. She blinked back tears and lurched to her feet seeking her assailant once more, but of Barry Barlowe there was no sign.

"Ukyo, I'm sorry. Do what you have to do. I won't chase you anymore. I won't hurt someone Ranma cares for," the voice whispered in the still air of the alley. The cacophony of barking dogs that had followed their running battle began to die away. In the silence that followed, Ukyo fell back to her knees and wept, unaware of her surroundings. A scuffle and a yelp brought her head up, as a shadowy figure moved into the semi-light, an aggressive gesture sending a pair of other shadows scurrying away. Her spatula and a handful of the smaller spat-urikins clattered on the street near her feet. "Be well, Ukyo Kuonji." The shadow was gone again.

Painfully, Ukyo gathered her property and leaped for the roof edge, so near exhaustion that she almost didn't get enough height to pull herself up. She lay there, recovering, listening for some sign that she was not alone. Rising painfully to her feet, she leapt to the next roof, then the next, gathering speed. The Nekohanten was now only four blocks away, on the rise by the walkway over the canal. Barry watched her go sick at heart. It looked like they'd be dealing with the Chinese a lot sooner than he'd hoped. He turned back to the Tendo dojo. No sense in making them search for him.

He found Nabiki and Akane by the koi pond and dropped down beside them.

"Ukyo?" Akane asked quietly.

"I had to let her go."

"Had to?" Nabiki asked, disbelief evident in her tone and posture. Barry shuddered.

"She wouldn't listen. I would have had to drag her here by force," he said, feeling suddenly dirty. "I couldn't do that to Ukyo."

"Why not?" Nabiki pressed, but stopped when Barry turned away. She would have sworn he was about to get sick.

"We'll deal with the Chinese when they come. I'm going to bed."

Barry spent a restless night; his dreams plagued with imagery he rejected and waking moments filled with nausea over the way the confrontation with Ukyo had gone. He avoided Akane, though he was aware of her presence at least once through the night, on his way to 'worship the porcelain god'. Toward dawn, he slept finally, exhausted, only to awaken at the feel of cold steel at his throat.

Ukyo stood over him, her mega-spat firmly positioned to crush or cut his throat at the slightest wrong move. Her eyes were bloodshot, her hair tousled and dirty. Her grip on her weapon was strong and sure.

"Ukyo... You look as bad as I feel."

"You wanted to talk. Now's your chance," she said bluntly.

"Remember when Ranma went on the training trip?" he began. "It was to deal with me. Somehow, I got thrown in Ranma's body and started taking over at inconvenient times." Barry swallowed, very aware of the edge of the spatula. He quickly summarized the time up to finding Ukyo, dealing with the need to research and hunt for a way to return the young man to his body and life here, and the frustration in being interrupted by Ranma-esque situations. He spoke as honestly as he could, describing who and what he was and what he longed for. Barry couldn't tell if he reached her or not. The pressure at his throat remained constant.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Ukyo growled. "Why the act around Shampoo?"

"C'mon, Ucchan!" he said hoarsely as she pressed down a little.

"You don't have the right to call me that!"

"Ukyo... Shampoo was there! They're always drugging him or using magic. I didn't want to be carted off because they found me easier to deal with!"

"What's going on?" Akane walked in, clad in her pajamas. "Ukyo, be careful!"

"Ya gotta admit this is better 'n finding Shampoo in here, tomboy," Barry choked out. "Not so hard, Ukyo!"

"Barry, shut up!" Akane snapped. "Ukyo, you kill him and we'll never get Ranma back."

"It's only just dawn, dammit!" groaned Nabiki, padding in, in her bunny slippers and pajamas. "You kept me up all night!" She shook her finger at Barry in admonishment.

"If you set your damn bugs to wake you up every time I move, it serves you right!" Barry grumbled back at her, relieved as the okonomiyaki chef let up a little.

"You were listening in?" Ukyo demanded of her ally.

"Of course," Nabiki replied, yawning and rubbing the back of her head. "He told you some things I didn't know, but it's basically the same story I got from Akane last night." She stretched and turned her torso side to side to limber up. Suddenly, she looked sharply at Ukyo. "I gather you didn't talk to Shampoo or Cologne then."

"Do you trust him?" demanded Ukyo.

"Do I trust anyone?" countered Nabiki.

There was a long pregnant pause.

"Why is everyone in Ranma's room again?" Soun demanded. "Oh, hello, Ukyo. Are you angry at Ranma for some reason?"

Ukyo glared and then lifted her spatula, reversing and grounding it on the floor with a thump. "You could say that, Tendo-san," she growled.