Broken Glass
Chapter Twenty-One

'That look in his eyes…' Kagome thought and her heart started beating at the memory. He'd looked so intense. 'There was something there in his smile,' she realized. 'But what?'

She sat on one of the stools watching her mother make Souta a snack. The said boy sat next to her, kicking his feet against the wall in a rather aggravating way. Kagome cringed every time her little brother's foot connected with the wall. She sighed and gritted her teeth.

"Cut that out," she demanded.

"Make me," Souta declared and stuck his tongue out at his sister. Kagome growled but ignored him. He grabbed the snack that his mother offered him and dashed off to return to the video games that Mrs. Higurashi had so unjustly torn him away from in the name of nutrition.

Mrs. Higurashi began cleaning up. "Anything I can get you, Kagome?"

"No, Mama, thank you," Kagome murmured. She rested her head against her folded arms and leaned forward, back arching.

'I wish he'd just tell me why it is that he has to stay away from me. What is he doing? What's going on?' The thought wasn't new to her. She'd been thinking about it a lot lately.

'I don't care anymore! I just want to be with him! Why does he have to stay away? Why won't he share his burden?'

She stood and walked away from her mother, moving towards her room. Once there, she clicked the door shut and sat before the window he'd appeared in a couple of days ago. She rested her head on the windowsill like she'd been doing in the kitchen and sighed wistfully.

"I just want to be with you," she whispered quietly, her eyes damp with fresh tears. "Why must you keep it all to yourself?"

'Why won't you let me help you?'

She stared out the window. The sun was blocked by clouds, and it was raining. Water droplets pelted against her window and she watched their lazy paths downwards. Her breath misted the surface of the window. Blue eyes stared blankly.

'Do you believe me to be so incompetent that I can't take care of myself?' she thought with a small frown. 'I may be fearful of many things, Inuyasha, but I am not so weak that I can't take care of myself.'

She stood up and fisted a hand, her jaw set in determination. The years of torment from her classmates had been a living hell, she knew that. They'd made her wish she was dead. But they'd also made her strong and independent- though she seldom showed such a side to herself. If Inuyasha was under the impression that she was a weak and simpleminded fool, she would not stand for it.

She grabbed her coat.

"Kagome?" he asked again, his eyes wide in surprise. He blinked and shook his head, wondering if he was hallucinating. He stood up straighter and took a step away from the girl. "What are you doing here? You're wet."

Rain drizzled behind her, but the porch offered her a temporary shelter. She looked at him, her eyes never wavering. The intense look in her eyes shocked him. She smiled gently, her lips curving upwards into the tiniest of smiles.

"Inuyasha…" she whispered. Her jaw was set and she looked absolutely serious. Her blue eyes penetrated his soul. He took another step back and opened the doorway to her. Kagome walked in, standing there with her arms crossed.

Now that she was here, she felt a sudden wave of apprehension. What was she doing here? How could she think those thoughts like she had before? She felt ridiculous now.

"Kagome," Inuyasha said gently, his voice the same soft tenor as before. "What is it? What are you doing here?" He helped her out of her coat before she could protest, and walked to the living room. He returned shortly with a blanket which he draped over her shoulders. Kagome blushed. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Kagome said, her voice meek. She mentally cursed herself for feeling so helpless near him. 'He must think I'm a weak, defenseless girl.'

He led her to the kitchen and made tea. "Here, I don't want you to catch a cold because of me," he said gently. He didn't tell her about walking around outside in the pouring rain without a coat for a couple hours. No need to worry her. "What are you doing here, Kagome?"

Kagome blushed. "I'm sorry to intrude."

"It's fine," he placed a hand on her shoulder tenderly before moving along and pouring himself his own cup. He sat down across from her. He didn't deny that he liked Kagome being here, but he couldn't shake the reminder that he still had to deal with Naraku.

"Inuyasha…" Kagome whispered. He perked up, one ear lifting from it's drooped position. It flickered towards her and Kagome's eyes were captivated by it. She blushed and shook her head. "No, it's nothing. Sorry."

They sat in silence. 'How do I ask him? I can't just come out and say it…'

The silence seemed to stretch on until it almost became unbearable. The only sound was the pattering of rain and the sounds of liquid splashing in tea cups. Kagome felt her eyebrows furrow and her lips curve downwards in a frown.

Inuyasha silently stood and collected their empty mugs.

"Inuyasha," Kagome said again, standing and facing his back. The boy paused and one ear flickered back towards her. "I want to know."

His back went rigid, but Kagome didn't pause to think in fear of losing her nerve.

"I want to know everything. Tell me."

The lights flickered and went out.

A flame wavered as a match was struck against the surface of his skin. A match bed lay stupidly on the ground, snapped in half and utterly useless. A small hiss of surprised pain escaped his parched lips as the flame on the tip of the match flickered and ignited his golden eyes into an inferno of emotion.

Kagome watched him from the other side of the table as he lit a candle and blew out the flame on the match. The small glow of the candle outlined his silhouette, but the intense look in his eyes was gone. A small stream of smoke trailed lazily through the air before moving upwards and disappearing like a forgotten memory.

He continued this process, lighting the matches with the new flame in the candle because the match bed had broken in his sloppy attempts to light the match. He lit more candles, and the flames flickered in the dead room.

Blue eyes hidden behind a shield of glass watched his actions silently. Her knees were pulled to her chest and the blanket he'd given her was still draped over her shoulders. Another cup of tea sat on the coffee table, its white puffs of steam disappearing like the trail of match smoke.

"I'm sorry." Her timid voice penetrated the silence that had surrounded them. It cut through the tension that lodged itself in the room they occupied like a hot knife through butter. Inuyasha looked up and his golden eyes flickered in the tiny light the candles produced.

Outside, the early evening sky rumbled with dark clouds as they poured mountains' worth of rain into the suburban area they lived in. The slightly cracked window wavered the curtains that hung limply on the glass's side.

"Sorry?" Inuyasha questioned, his eyes looking at her across the coffee table. She sat leaning against the couch and he sat with his knees bent on the plush rug. They'd migrated to the living room where there was a fireplace and more candles readily available.

"You must think so little of me now," Kagome whispered, her eyes threatening to spill over with tears. "You must think I'm so vapid to have the nerve to come over here and demand you tell me everything about you… something that is none of my business."

Inuyasha smiled lightly and moved so that his face was bathed in the delicate yellow light of the candle flames. His lips were curved into a smile as he shook his head. "No, Kagome." His voice was smooth. "I don't."

They sat in silence as Inuyasha stood and retreated to the fire place. Soon the room was crackling with a fire, and its flames licked the surface of the brick fireplace. He turned back towards her. She hadn't moved and her tea cup remained untouched.

He sat beside her and released a small sigh. Kagome didn't move. "I guess I should start from the beginning, huh?"

Kagome's head whipped up. "Y-You're going to tell me?" she asked, her voice shaken.

He looked at her a long moment, half of his face in shadow. Instead of answering her question he turned his attention to the candles that sat before them and spoke. "I came to live with my grandparents when my parents left me on their doorstep."

He pulled his knees to his chest and sat in a similar position to Kagome. He was silent for a long time. "My mom gave me these dog tags," he moved a finger and tapped the said silver chain that looked more like a choker than a dog tag. "I guess she really felt I was a dog or something."

Kagome's eyes softened and she scooted closer to him. Inuyasha happily and silently accepted the offer of her support.

"I was a happy kid, actually. The fact that my parents abandoned me with my grandparents didn't really register until I was older," Inuyasha stated calmly.

"We need you to take him, Mom," A tall man with silver hair stated. His golden eyes were haggard and tired. "Dad, we can't take care of him. We can't give him the life he deserves."

The two said parents exchanged looks. "And why not?" the father inquired.

The young parents looked uneasy and a woman with long black hair took a step towards them before stopping. The infant in her arms shifted in his sleep before falling still.

"If you weren't ready for a child, you should not have had one," the father said tensely. The two new parents looked uncomfortable. "We will not take your child. We are too old to be raising a little boy."

As if awoken by that statement the little infant began to cry. His small mouth opened and he wept freely. His mop of silver hair fell in his eyes and his mutant dog ears went flat against his head. The parents did their best to soothe him but it was a long moment before the child settled down and fell asleep again.

"Please," the young mother wept. "We don't have any money to care for him. We don't have a house to live in. We can't raise him in this world. With you he at least has a chance!"

The elder couple exchanged looks but shook their heads. "He is your responsibility."

Two days later they found a ratty bassinet on their doorstep.

Inuyasha laughed bitterly. "When I discovered that my parents actually didn't want me, I started to get… angry at them. Why would they leave me? Wasn't I good enough for them?"

He looked at Kagome. "I had withdrawals for the first three weeks of my life." Kagome's eyes widened. He looked away from her, his golden eyes saddened. "Doctors have been unable to prove how much cocaine it takes to completely screw up a baby. My mom only used it a couple of times during her pregnancy but that was enough to get her little boy addicted."

He growled lightly and Kagome inched a bit backwards at the alarming sound. He clenched his fists and looked like he was about to punch something before Kagome placed her hand comfortingly over his. He looked at her again, his eyes wide in surprise but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Luckily, most babies exposed to that little cocaine do not have birth defects. But…" he trailed off before reaching up and touching the two dog ears on his head. "The doctors have a hunch that if my mom had not been doing drugs while I was inside her I might have had ears like my dad and my zadie."

Kagome felt something inside her shatter. If this was what the beginning of Inuyasha's life was like then the rest was obviously going to be bad. She squeezed his hand and sat close to him, offering him the little comfort she had herself.

"For the most part, though…" Inuyasha smiled lightly. "My life was pretty good. I was a happy child. I loved my grandparents like they were my own parents, and I befriended Naraku." A shadow fell over his face. "He was the only one who liked me. We met in the third grade and we'd been friends through to the sixth grade.

"He was exactly who I needed," Inuyasha continued on. "He understood what it meant to be different and lonely. When I showed him my ears he didn't care; he thought they were cool." Kagome's eyes strayed to the said dog ears. He either didn't notice or didn't mind. "We'd only known each other for two years when we became blood brothers… But, I was happy that we did."

Kagome stared with wide eyes as she took in everything he told her. She hadn't known. She'd known nothing. Looking at Inuyasha she felt her insides twist into knots. 'Do I really know so little of him?' she wondered sadly.

"I think I started getting angry with myself and others when I turned eight or nine." He shrugged. "I can't even remember anymore. It was kind of subtle, actually. I slowly would get angry at the simplest things… and when I got angry I really got angry."

Words lapsed into nothingness as Inuyasha thought about what to say next. His lips were pursed and he looked to be in deep thought. "I…" he finally said, his voice soft and unsure. "I'm the reason that Bubbie got hurt. I pushed her down the stairs because she wouldn't get out of my way."

Kagome suppressed a gasp and Inuyasha slammed his eyes shut. He didn't want to see the look of disgust on her face. He couldn't handle it. He was telling her what he needed to tell her to free himself from Naraku's blackmail. If Kagome knew about him… about what he'd done, then even if Naraku did tell her, Kagome would already hate him.

'It's better this way. If she hates me… then that just proves that I'm destined to be alone,' he thought bitterly with a deep frown.

"Inuyasha." Kagome's soft hands released his hands and touched his cheeks as she rested her forehead on his shoulder. "It's okay now."

How could she say that? Kagome didn't know anything. She was so innocent… and wonderful. He didn't deserve her. But she deserved the truth.

"Once I told Bubbie everything that I was feeling. I was feeling alone and hopeless. But not depressed." Inuyasha frowned. "She took me to the doctor and that damn quack put me on Doxepin."

He clenched his eyes shut and snarled lightly. "I hated the fact that Bubbie couldn't deal with my problems. Her solution was to put me on drugs. She didn't try to address my problems. She didn't try to help me. She just 'let the drugs do their work' as she called it."

He licked his lips. "I wasn't depressed… but I started getting depressed. I felt so completely hopeless and frightened… I felt alone, even with Naraku there."

He shook his head. "When Bubbie learned that I actually was feeling depressed, she had the doctor increase my dosage each day. It was horrible. I started feeling worse. Which is kind of stupid because the drug wasn't supposed to do that, right?" He didn't wait for Kagome to answer.

"Then she sent me away." Kagome felt as if something had been ripped from her when he spoke those five words. Sent away? Hadn't he moved? She asked this question and he shook his head. "Bubbie and I didn't move, I was sent away… to Spring Creek Lodge."

Kagome looked confused. "Spring Creek Lodge? Was that your school in Montana?"

Inuyasha shook his head again. "Bubbie called it a boarding school… but it was really a youth reformation center." Kagome's eyes widened. He looked at her seriously. "I did horrible things, Kagome. I deserved to go there."

Kagome looked like she was about to say something, but he continued. "When I first got there I hated it. I hated my bubbie for making me go… but after a couple of months I was glad that she did do so. I was… lost. And if she hadn't put me in there I don't know where I'd be now." He smirked mirthlessly. "Obviously still with Naraku doing God knows what."

Kagome nodded her head meekly and was unable to meet his gaze when he spoke, "Do you hate me now?"

She snapped her head up at his question. "No," she whispered, "I could never hate you."

'We'll see how long that lasts,' he thought sadly with a small, emotionless smile on his lips.

The way the program worked involved different levels. Each person earned a certain amount of points for doing good things and lost points for disobeying the rules. Once you reached a certain amount of points one could progress to the next level. Once the tenth level was reached the program was complete and the person could return home.

Inuyasha was on the second level and had been so for five months. "When am I going to get out of here?" he asked himself with a frown. He hated it here. He despised it.

They were currently in the cafeteria. Due to his level status he was allowed to put ketchup and mustard on the hotdog he was served.

Those on level zero had plain hot dogs. Only once you reached the first level were you permitted to use condiments. Second level was dessert and other such things. Three was basketball during free time instead of reading a book inside the dorm room. Fourth level was the ability to write letters home. Fifth was the ability to call parents or guardians and speak to them once a week. Sixth level was a longer phone call twice a week. Seventh level was the ability to go to the game room and play video games and such. The eighth level enabled the parents to come and visit. The ninth level allowed the child to leave the reformation center in order to visit their parents.

Once the tenth level was reached, the child had completed the program and was allowed to go home. One simple mistake, however, sent a child down at least one level. Completing the program within the first year was impossible. Inuyasha was painfully aware of that.

He ate his hot dog silently as their 'teachers' circled them, eyeing them like hawks. Inuyasha lowered his hat down over his eyes. The adults of the center knew of his ears-Bubbie had made sure of that- but the other delinquents with him did not.

As he attempted to scoop some peas into his mouth his spoon slipped from his hand. Sighing, he stood, grabbed the spoon and moved to the garbage can. Throwing said plastic spoon away he grabbed another.

Turning around, he came face to face with an administrator. He stood board stiff and stammered to say the required greeting. "Good evening, sir, how may I be of service?"

He may be a delinquent, but Inuyasha wasn't stupid. You didn't taunt the administrators or the teachers here. Never.

"Did you ask permission to leave your seat?" Inuyasha knew at once that he'd made a mistake. He hadn't. He shook his head. "Do you know what this means, Inuyasha?"

"Yes sir." Inuyasha felt sick to his stomach.

"Very good." The administrator turned on his heel. "Return to your seat. You may have your hot dog for now… but the minute the hotdog is finished you are on level zero and are forbidden to have condiments with your lunch and forbidden to eat desert as well."

"Yes sir," Inuyasha said bitterly and marched back to his seat. He enjoyed his last hotdog with his beloved condiments. He wouldn't get one for a while.

"Dinner is over!" a voice called out over the boys. "You are all dismissed to your bed chambers."

All the boys stood as one and moved, their faces monotone and their voices silent. They marched in single file. If one boy strayed from the line they dropped two levels. No one dared the wrath of their temporary guardians.

He made it to the room he shared with five other boys and each retreated to their own individual beds. Inuyasha slowly removed his clothing and dressed into his pajamas. He'd been here for over a year and he still hadn't progressed past the fifth level. He wanted to talk to Bubbie. He knew she would be feeling terribly lonely all by her self at home.

He looked out the window. Perhaps he'd never see his Bubbie again? He'd be forced to stay here until he was eighteen. At that point he'd be old enough to leave the place legally. But if he didn't complete the program…

'If you don't complete the program, Inuyasha,' he remembered his Bubbie saying, 'Don't bother coming home. You won't be welcome.'

That cut him deep. But he took it to heart. He'd change for his Bubbie. He'd change to make sure she'd never be hurt again at his expense.

He looked out the window. Suddenly it looked very tempting.

Inuyasha fiddled with the hem of his shirt, golden eyes downcast. Kagome watched him. "Inuyasha," she finally ventured, her blue eyes staring ahead of her as she rested her head on his shoulder. She could tell that sharing all of this was having its effect on him. "You don't have to say any more."

"I do," he protested and shot his head up. He had an intense look in his eyes. "I need to tell you so that Naraku won't be able to hurt you."

"What?" Kagome asked, flabbergasted.

Inuyasha looked away. "The reason I went away is because of Naraku." Suddenly it all made sense. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Naraku. "I have to tell you everything so that he won't have an opening to hurt you."

"Is it so terrible?" Kagome whispered, her blue eyes looking at him softly.

"You should be the judge of that, Kagome," he murmured, his eyes saddened. He fiddled with the ring on his right thumb. "Spring Creek was terrible…"

Kagome was silent; not completely understanding what it was Naraku was out to do but knowing that Inuyasha had to tell her.

"While I was there… I started to think a lot. Obviously I always think, but… there was nothing to do there. All you could do was think… or read. Whichever. There wasn't much to do but your studies and thinking, I guess is what I should be saying."

Kagome nodded.

"But… I mostly thought about Naraku. I guess," he trailed off and shrugged. "He was my first real friend. He made me feel like… I wasn't that much of a freak."

He looked at Kagome seriously, golden eyes hard with emotion. "He was someone I could depend on and he me. He gave me the security I'd been lacking in my life."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know exactly how it happened. Maybe it was subtle, maybe it wasn't. But… Naraku and I began to become worse and worse behavior-wise. The more I thought about it the more I began to think that it was Naraku's fault.

"I came to Spring Creek the beginning of my sixth grade year and didn't return until this January," he continued. "That's a lot of time for me to destroy the dependency I'd placed on Naraku. But Naraku seemed to have held onto the belief that we'd still be friends when I came back."

He clenched his eyes shut. "I betrayed him. I just suddenly stopped being his friend. Does that make me a bad person?"

Kagome was about to respond but Inuyasha continued. "I don't think Naraku is a bad person." Kagome's eyes widened as Inuyasha turned to face her. "I believe, Kagome," he said calmly, addressing her for the first time in a bit. "That Naraku is as lost as I am now."

"Inuyasha."

"Life was terrible those six years I spent there," Inuyasha said slowly.

"I… started getting really depressed." Kagome had a feeling where this was going. "I thought about different ways to kill myself."

Kagome's eyes widened. Even though she'd expected it… it didn't prepare her for the shock of him saying it so casually. His hands strayed to the wristband on his wrist, one of many he always wore.

She watched in startled fascination as he removed his wristbands to expose scars running across the wrists. Seeing them was more shocking then him telling her they were there. The scars ran along his wrists in criss-crosses of patterns, marring the otherwise perfect skin. They were lighter than his normal skin tone and looked as if they'd been cut deeply.

"They never healed," she heard his voice whisper out. "I went to the boarding school… I left because I was a screwed up kid."

He looked at her with serious golden eyes. "I drank… I smoke… I beat kids up for the fun of it all… and I thought it was fun. I thought I was cool. I broke the law multiple times, I picked fights, and I was an angry person. I… when I was there I tried to kill myself. More than once."

He'd attempted suicide more than once, it was true. And he'd tried different methods, too. Jumping out windows, cutting himself, overdosing on Doxepins pills. It never worked.

Kagome's eyes widened and, before she could stop herself, her hands had closed around his wrists. "Inuyasha… I…" She shook her head and cut herself off. She couldn't say it. She didn't know how to say it. "Inuyasha…"

What do you say to something like that?

"I'm… I'm glad you…" She struggled to speak. She licked dry lips. "I'm glad you failed."

He looked at her for a long moment, his golden eyes looking at her seriously. Finally, his lips curved into a small smile and he nodded his head. "So am I."

She'd just returned from the bathroom, where she'd been fruitlessly attempting to remove the milk from her hair. Her damp black hair hung behind her back in a sloppy and messy ponytail she'd done up herself. She sat down at her table to see that the majority of her lunch had been stolen while she'd been absent.

Kagome sniffed and resisted tears. 'Why are they so mean?'

She heard footsteps but didn't look up. It was just another person walking close to her to get her hopes up only to walk past her to someone behind her. But the footsteps stopped. Even worse. Someone had come to dump more milk on her head.

"Here," a small voice said and a carton of chocolate milk was placed before her. 'Huh?'

She looked up to see a little boy her age (or perhaps older?) with a Mariner's hat on and wisps of silver hair peeking out beneath the hat. Golden eyes looked at her.

"What? Come to dump more milk on my head?" Kagome demanded with a sniff. The boy shook his head.

"No," he said slowly, as if speaking to one younger than himself. "I got you milk because I don't like chocolate milk and it was the only one left. I also noticed that you're… other carton was used up." He blushed.

Kagome looked suspiciously at the milk. Why was he doing this? No one was nice to her. Why now?

"You don't have to drink it," he said, looking sheepish. "I just thought that maybe you'd like to have something to drink… since a peanut butter and jelly sandwich makes you thirsty."

"Thank… you…" Kagome said slowly, still disbelieving what was going on. The boy walked away and she didn't see him again.

"Out of my way," a boy with long silver hair snarled as he shoved a girl out of his path. The girl screeched and tendrils of brown hair fell across her face. Inuyasha growled and his golden eyes narrowed. "Know your place," he demanded.

He was in a bad mood. He'd been in a bad mood ever since the end of school. When he'd gotten home he'd gotten in another fight wit his grandma. It was becoming aggravating how infuriating the woman could become so easily.

As if to demonstrate his point in his anger, he'd been shoving numerous people out of his way. But it seemed this girl had a mouth to her.

"That hurt, you jerk. Try to be a little more polite, geez," the girl protested. It was night, but he could still see her maroon eyes glowing from the streetlamp down the street. Inuyasha growled and drew a pocketknife.

Before the girl could stop the wrath of an angry boy she felt a burst of pain overcome her stomach as a blade cut the skin of her stomach. She screamed in pain.

"Learn your place," Inuyasha snarled and walked away from the collapsed Sango. The girl watched him go, her blurry vision able to make out a wisp of silver but nothing more.

Naraku and a few others of his followers walked behind him as he moved. "So," Naraku said calmly, observing the dirt beneath his fingernails. "What now?"

Inuyasha shrugged one shoulder and pocketed his knife. He sniffed disdainfully. It didn't matter.

They turned a corner to see a young girl waiting at the bus stop. She looked down the street, waiting for the bus to arrive at the park-and-ride. Her mother was due to come off the next bus and they would drive home together-like every night she spent the day at her grandfather's house. She sat patiently, with her feet crossed at the ankles and her hands folded in her lap.

"Hey," Inuyasha heard Naraku say. "That's Kagome Higurashi. Perfect."

His friends seemed to stir to life at the realization that the most hated girl at their school was alone. Naraku took a step towards her, but Inuyasha frowned and grasped his best friend's shoulder.

"No," he said firmly. His cold voice halted the others. They looked at their leader with their eyes wide in shock.

"No? Why the hell not?" Naraku asked with wide eyes. "She's picked on by everyone. She'll hand over her money, if she has any, without so much as a fight. Come on, it's simple. It's not like it hasn't happened to her before."

Inuyasha snarled and pushed Naraku away from him. "No," he repeated.

With a disdainful sniff and a toss of long silver hair over his shoulder, Inuyasha turned on his heel and began to leave. His eyes glanced over his shoulder as he looked at Kagome one last time. He heard the footsteps of his cronies following him like brainless sheep and smirked. They listened to him. Of course they did.

"What the hell, Inuyasha?" Naraku asked with what would have been a pout on anyone else's face. "She was a sitting duck there!"

"I'm not going to steal from her," Inuyasha stated simply.

"Why not?" Naraku demanded to know.

Inuyasha didn't answer. He continued walking. 'Because, everyone makes fun of her. Everyone makes her life a living hell. I'm not some weak-minded fool who needs to make fun of that pathetic little girl to look powerful. I have bigger fish to fry.'

"Oh," Hiten said in a sing-song voice behind him. "Someone's got a crush on the bitch."

Quick as lightening Inuyasha had spun around and his fist connected with Hiten's face. The boy fell back in surprise. Inuyasha spat and growled.

"Shut the hell up," he snapped and continued walking, his pace quickening. They left Hiten behind to take care of himself and whatever damage he had.

"Lights out!" the administrator shouted from the other side of the door. The boys on the other side sluggishly moved towards their bed. A boy with silver hair hanging long past his waist stared out the window. Outside the silent night glowed with a surreal look.

The full moon glittered in the winter sky. The ground was covered with day-old snow. Christmas was coming, but he didn't really care. Hanukah had come and gone. He'd gotten socks and a CD player from Bubbie.

He sighed as the bedside lamps clicked off and the room was shrouded in darkness. He sighed. He wasn't tired.

Golden eyes reflected the glow of the moon as he silently took his nightly dosage of Doxepin. He stared at the bottle before setting it next to his clock. Setting the alarm, he pushed his back against the hard mattress and attempted to ride the waves of sleep to dreamland.

The tides never reached him. In fact, it seemed that he was stuck in a desert instead of near the water.

Hours passed. He was aware that his fellow dorm mates were asleep. Standing, he retreated to the bathroom. Clicking on the light he stared at his figure in the mirror. Dark golden eyes stared back at him.

'This is who you've become,' he realized with disdain. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt like a failure. 'Here I am at a damn reformation school. I had to go here. I've hurt so many.'

He stared at himself as unruly silver hair fell in his eyes. He frowned. "No more," he declared and grasped the scissors that rested on the side of the sink in case boys needed to trim their hair. The administrators didn't cut their hair for them but Ricky, a boy in his room, had received scissors for his birthday and thus had donated it to the rest of the boys as well.

The only reason his dorm mates and himself were allowed to have the scissors was that they'd all signed agreements to never raise them towards an administrator. The boys could be trusted, for the most part, since they'd all gone beyond level five—a trusted level. Besides, none of the boys were depressed—or so they thought—and therefore no attempts at suicide were even fathomed.

Before he could think twice about it, lumps of long silver hair fell to the ground in heaps. He stared at himself as he cut every tendril he could reach. His hair was still unruly and uneven. He looked shaggy. But he felt lighter.

'I'm starting over,' he declared to himself. 'I'm turning over a new leaf. I'll make Bubbie proud.'

He brushed his now short hair from his eyes. The golden eyes seemed brighter now- he could see them better too. The chin-length locks of hair framed his face and he smiled. The smile was hollow, however. Completely empty.

He stared out the window. The others in the room were sleeping-some were even snoring so occupied in their dreams they were-but he was restless again. He'd been spiraling down a constant pit of depression lately.

The ground below his window seemed extremely tempting. Slowly he cracked open the window and climbed onto the ledge. 'Anywhere is better than here,' he thought. He didn't stop to write a letter. No one would mourn his death.

He jumped from the window.

"He broke his foot, that's all," the administrator said over the phone with Bubbie the next day. The kind-hearted lady checked the clipboard she held. "He was sent to a local hospital. The bill will be sent to you with the monthly report. No, he's fine. Just the foot. He'd passed out from the pain."

There was a moment of silence. "We believe that perhaps it was an attempt to run away. Yes. It happens often. Bars are being installed on the windows. They will be locked from the outside as well. It won't happen again Mrs. Cohen, I assure you."

The two continued to discuss with one another over the phone. "Yes, thank you Mrs. Cohen. We shall call you again next week with Inuyasha's weekly report."

The administrator hung up.

When Inuyasha returned with a cast three hours later she was waiting for him. "Let's talk, Inuyasha."

They sat together in her office. She checked her clipboard again. "I got off the phone with your grandmother a few hours ago. We believe your jumping out the window was an attempt to run away."

Inuyasha debated telling her the truth. Should he tell her it was an attempt at suicide? He shifted in his chair and gave her a one-hundred Watt smile. He'd learned long ago to smile like he meant it. No one questioned him that way.

"That's correct, ma'am," Inuyasha said delicately. "My grandma's birthday was coming soon and I was thinking of hitching a ride back home."

"You planned on running away over three states to get home?" The administrator seemed surprised. "Inuyasha, you're quite a character."

He beamed. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're excused." The lady seemed to remember something. "Oh, by the way… you're back on level zero again. I'm sorry."

Words weren't spoken between the couple. The minutes turned to hours, it seemed. In the darkness of Inuyasha's living room with only the accompanying candlelight to shed light in the room the two sat together.

Kagome sat with her eyes wide with shock. He'd told her so much. Yet she could tell he wasn't finished. Inuyasha's past was shrouded in darkness but perhaps… perhaps she could…

She gently shook her head and she felt Inuyasha's hold on her tighten. "Kagome, I…"

He had to be delicate with what he was about to tell her. "Do you understand why Naraku has been harassing me?"

Kagome gently shook her head, unsure what it was he was trying to say to her.

He struggled to find the words to say it. "He and I were really close before I went away." He waited for Kagome's acknowledgement, which came in the form of a nod. "We were almost inseparable. I think the reason he's around me so much is because he doesn't want to let go."

He gulped a lump in his throat. "I stopped being his friend so abruptly- and since we were so close it was hard for him."

Kagome nodded. "I guess I can understand where he's coming from, then."

His head inclined a small bit and he looked at her with unreadable golden eyes. "Kagome… the truth is that…" His eyebrows furrowed and he shifted his position. He grabbed her hands with his and looked at her seriously. "You… were the first girl I ever kissed… but Kagome… you…"

He squeezed his eyes shut and with some difficulty said, "But you weren't my first kiss."

Whatever Kagome thought he was going to say shattered right there. Blue eyes widened and the world seemed to go blank. It took her a few moments to register what it was that he'd just said and when she comprehended it her eyes widened further.

She worked her mouth. "W-what?"

Inuyasha's cheeks were red with shame and he ducked his head. "I'm bisexual," he murmured quietly, as if ashamed of the fact he'd just told her. Kagome stared at him. He fidgeted. "I… we… Naraku and I…"

He didn't have to say anymore. Kagome understood. She shut her eyes and shook her head. "You mean that…?" He nodded. She blushed brightly.

But she wasn't disgusted. She looked at him. His head was bowed. Did he think she was disgusted? Ashamed? She moved and wrapped her arms around him. Clenching her eyes shut, she held him tightly. Tentatively, as if afraid he'd be burned, Inuyasha's arms encircled her and he held her close to him.

"Inuyasha," she whispered. "It's okay."

Whatever else she could have said wouldn't have had the same impact as those two words. He lifted his head and looked at her seriously. "Kagome…"

She smiled and shook her head. "I don't care."

His eyes softened and he nodded his head.

They sat there for a long moment before Kagome dared to venture with a question. "Is that… is that the reason you thought that you couldn't hang out with me?"

"It was Naraku's fault." At the mention of his former best friend's name a shadow passed over Inuyasha's face. Golden eyes burned with a hidden fury as he thought of the said boy. "He… he blackmailed me. Told me that he'd tell you about my past if I continued to hang out with you."

"But you've told me now," Kagome insisted, a small bubble of hope rising in her chest. "Doesn't that mean he's got nothing over you now?"

He shook his head. "I haven't told you what he threatened yet."

Kagome grew still and looked at him curiously. He seemed to be struggling.

He licked dry lips and looked everywhere but at her. "When I tell you… you won't like me anymore," he confessed with sad longing in his eyes. Kagome shook her head. He cut off any protest she was about to make. "It's been years since then, and I still haven't forgiven myself. You won't forgive me. You'll hate me forever."

Kagome stared at him, wondering and fearing what Inuyasha was talking about. He looked so incredibly defeated-like nothing could ever make him smile again.

It seemed like he'd aged twenty years in this single night. His eyes looked dark and tired. His face was limp with his grief and it was tired. His haggard appearance nearly made her cry out in the pain he was feeling. It had taken so much courage to tell her everything and apparently he hadn't told her the worst of it.

This magnificent young man who sat before her, looking so utterly defeated, nearly broke her heart. What was it that Inuyasha was keeping bottled up inside? What was it that Inuyasha feared to tell her? He seemed almost surreal sitting there. A weight was on his shoulders.

"Kagome…" he trailed off, his voice was choked.

"You can tell me," she whispered, trying to reassure the broken boy. "I'll never hate you, Inuyasha."

He looked at her, his golden eyes burning. He struggled to speak. Finally, he looked away from her. His voice was so soft that Kagome almost missed it. But once she heard the words she felt like her heart was ripped from her chest and smashed on the floor. "I killed your father."

Author's notes: Okay I'm going to respond to a frequently asked question regarding Kagome remembering Inuyasha. He was mentioned in the flashback regarding Kagome's past but she does not remember him. The mentioning of Inuyasha was the narrator (myself) speaking and explaining where it was Inuyasha was. Kagome has no recollection of him.

Fanart:
(By me and Kiana)
www(.)deviantart(.)com(/)deviation(/)18311866

(By crysty100)
www(.)deviantart(.)com(/)deviation(/)18255882