Guest Ki: Chapter 36
The Great American Burger
As Barry, Ukyo and Nabiki moved through the market, three forms followed in the shadows.
"Ohohohoho," Kodachi chuckled. "Did you see the look on that grocer's face? Priceless!"
"He ready to kiss Ranma's feet," Shampoo added, with an uncomfortable shift. "Sometime it scary how too-too good Ranma is at being girl."
"Why should the pigtailed goddess not be the epitome of femininity?" Tatewaki Kuno asked.
"Because Ranma is boy," Shampoo said.
"Of course, Saotome is a boy," Kuno snapped. "What has that to do with her?"
"Don't mind Tachi, Shampoo," Kodachi sighed. "You wouldn't believe how many times they've tried to tell him."
"Don't call me 'Tachi', you know I hate that."
"You two fight, Shampoo go. Never see such people," Shampoo snorted. She gathered herself and leapt to a roof ridge. Kodachi followed swiftly. Tatewaki sprang up, managed to catch the low-hanging edge of the roof and followed, scrabbling onto the shingles. He had a brief altercation with the roof's owner who came out and caught him by the ankle.
"Get down from there, you young idiot!"
"Let go of my ankle, varlet! I must follow the directives of my loves."
"Let your heart fly away then. But keep off my roof," the merchant replied, trying for a better grip. Kuno finally kicked free and scrambled up, seeking his sister and the 'Chinese-takeout-girl' two roofs away. He gathered himself and surged forward.
The first leap was easy, a gap of only three meters. The second was a little bit of a problem. He had to leap to a higher roof ridge, then across to his goal. The first was a minor problem for someone in good physical condition, but a leap of five meters when wearing a hakama and shod in zori is a little chancy for the even best physical specimen.
"Woooof!
The two girls stopped their clandestine observation of a certain red-haired girl and looked around. "You hear something?" asked Shampoo. They shrugged and leaped to the next roof.
Hanging by his fingertips, Tatewaki considered his options. On one hand, it wasn't that far to drop; but on the other hand, being unable to follow his sister and her companion was embarrassing. 'I used to do this. No! Dr. Hashibara said, 'We are all defined by human limitations'. I simply over-reached myself. I, Tatewaki Kuno, over-reaching?'
"Hey, you need some help?" Someone below noticed him.
"Go away," Tatewaki replied tightly.
"Can I get you a ladder?"
"I am fine. Please do not disturb me. I am thinking."
Kuno originally admitted himself to the doctor's care when he began to suspect the vile sorcerer, Ranma Saotome, and the pigtailed goddess, Ranma Saotome, were in some incomprehensible way, the same person. The concept nearly sent him into hysterics. That he, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder and premier guardian of the Nerima Ward, would pursue a... a perverted transsexual. He thought again of the red-haired beauty that plagued his dreams and quailed. It could not be! Surely such beauty could not lend itself to such... such... Dr. Hashibara told him again and again that it was impossible for a man to change into a woman — at least without major surgery — that magic in general was utterly impossible. Therefore what Saotome was doing must be some slight of hand, a magician's trick to confuse Tatewaki's mind. The pigtailed one was simply a poor confused spirit held in thrall by his despised rival. Dr. Hashibara also said the surging power he felt in combat was merely adrenaline. A pity he wasn't here, hanging beside Tatewaki.
"Kuno!" A voice from below caused him to twist and look over his shoulder. Below, Akane Tendo, the Hibiki boy and his paramour and that enormous pig of hers stared up at him in fascination.
"Akane," he gulped. This was really embarrassing. He kicked his feet, looking for purchase. There was none. "Heh-heh!"
"Stay there." Akane leapt, using a tall wall, a roof and then a ridge, before landing lightly on the roof and walking to where he hung. "Give me your hand," she said without much enthusiasm.
"Surely, Akane, you do not expect a delicate blossom of womanhood such as yourself to have the sheer strength necessary..."
Akane got tired of his long-winded statement, reached down, grabbed his shoulder and heaved. The tough material of his kataginu held, and he found himself facing the dark-haired girl on the roof's slanting tiles. Her face held the tight, irritated expression he was familiar with. One wrong move and he'd be flying home. Nerima wasn't that far by 'air-Akane'.
He dropped to one knee. "My thanks, sweet dark-haired savior. Long had I hung above the abyss..."
"Kuno," Akane said, dodging an attempt to take her hand, "I saw you only five minutes ago. Why aren't you with Kodachi and Shampoo?"
"Alas, my sister and I were just engaging in a spirited conversation, when the gaijin girl made some complaint and left. I attempted to follow but met with a mishap."
"Oh, Kuno!" She smacked her forehead with her hand. Moments later, Ryoga was beside them.
"What's the problem, Akane?" he asked. He looked down on Kuno and smirked.
"Oh, Kuno's being stupid again," said Akane. "I think he's forgotten how to use his ki."
Ryoga glanced at Akane, then back at Kuno. The kendoist drew himself up and couldn't help but feel rather ridiculous. "Right! Well, now that you've done your good deed, I guess we can head toward the library again."
"In a moment. Kuno, where are Shampoo and your sister?"
Tatewaki started to answer 'How should I know, I was just hanging around', when movement caught his eye. Five blocks away, two lithe forms crouched at the edge of a roof. "There!"
"Well, go join them!" (BAM!)
Kuno felt himself lofted and, tumbling, caught a glimpse of Akane just recovering from the kick she had delivered to the seat of his hakama. As he hurtled through the air, he considered. This really should not be possible. Therefore, he must be hallucinating. It was simple, really, when you looked at it the right way. (WHAM!)
"Aiya!"
"What you said," confirmed Kodachi.
They stared at the legs and torso of what appeared to be Kodachi's brother. Either his head had crashed through the roof or... The legs kicked a few times before finding purchase on the asphalt covering the flat roof. With a jerk, Tatewaki Kuno ceased to trouble the noisy lady in the bath below and gave his sister a sour look.
"There are times, dear sister, when Dr. Hashibara's reasonable limitations go too far."
"Indeed?" Kodachi considered him. "That must be the most intelligent thing you've said in weeks." She smiled brightly and turned back to Shampoo. "What is Ranma doing now?"
"Ranma acting like brainless bimbo," Shampoo sighed. Ranma was doing a beautiful rendition of Shampoo at her worst. "Make junk dealer all hot and bothered. Get good deal, though."
"From where comes that odd screeching that grates on the ear like a shrill and strident sea bird," Kodachi complained suddenly. "No matter! They depart, let us follow." Shampoo and Kodachi leapt together, leaving Tatewaki stranded on his rooftop. Shampoo, a bottle of hair soap that is, sailed through the hole and ricocheted off Kuno's skull.
"My return to sanity sits not well, perhaps I need a vacation of a different sort." Kuno gathered himself and leapt in the wake of sibling and associate.
"God, I hate this," muttered Barry. At Nabiki's insistence, she used the girl-type to distract their targets during negotiation. The deals she got were quite remarkable, but Barry was really beginning to wonder about the body Ranma had gained from Jusenkyo.
Her cramping was mild, now that the brunt of the period had passed. During that time, Ranma girl-type had redefined PMS; now, flirting came too easy. She borrowed Shampoo's bimbo act for the occasions where she actually needed to say something. The men were thrilled.
"You do this better than Ranma, some ways, sugar," Ukyo said. She was subtly pleased at the discomfort Barry showed between performances.
"Gee, thanks." She glanced at Nabiki and shook her head. "How many more places do we have to do this?"
"You know what we need as well as I do, Barry," she replied.
"All right, how many more men do we have to impress?"
"Oh, is that what you were doing?" Nabiki asked innocently.
"All I'm doing is making eye contact and smiling," Barry protested.
"And sounding like you've got the mental capacity of a five-year old," snickered Ukyo.
"Hey!"
"It must be a guy thing, Ukyo," Nabiki said. "They want easy access and no commitment."
"Hey!" Barry started to get red-faced. "I am not..."
"Oh, hello, Mr. Yamanochi. I understand you're refurbishing your restaurant," Nabiki said smoothly. She smiled at Barry, who recovered and bounced girlishly with a blank, brainless smile on her face. Mr. Yamanochi's eyes bounced in time to certain anatomical features not far below the girl's head. "I was wondering if we could assist you by removing old equipment you wished to dispose of."
Akane landed next to Akari and shook her head. Baka Kuno! "I think the library is over there."
"Akane? Where's Ryoga?"
"What?" She whirled around. Ryoga was nowhere to be seen. "Oh, damn! He must have jumped down on the other side of the roof."
"Katsunishiki, up!" Akari commanded. Obediently, the huge pig sat down and reared his front up off the ground. As his head rose, Akari scrambled up his bulk and stood on his forehead gazing about frantically. "Oh, Akane! I can't see him anywhere," she cried. "Ry-oooooo-ga!" she called, her healthy lungs and farm-bred lack of inhibitions sending echoes from nearby buildings. She whirled, still searching the gathering crowd and the lower stalls and buildings nearby. Her skirt whirled as well, and Akane suddenly glared at several young men who were showing an open interest in what Akari wore under her skirts. Akari ignored them. Turning she called out again.
Barry twitched nervously as Mr. Yama-something edged over toward her. The longer she stayed in the girl body, especially under these circumstances, the twitchier she got. Being regarded as a sex object didn't sit well with her, and it wouldn't have mattered if Mr. Yama-whoever were as handsome as Fabio, rich as Rockefeller and smooth as Don Juan. No guy was gonna...
Suddenly she turned and cupped a hand to her ear. Faintly, she heard a girl calling in a manner she was familiar with from other locales. She grinned suddenly and ducked an attempt by Mr. Yama-whatever-his-name-was to put a hand on her shoulder. "I think I just heard my cue," she said.
"Cue?" Ukyo asked.
"Ry-o-ga!" Barry said, mimicking calling, using hands for a bullhorn. "Here!" Barry's wallet smacked into Nabiki's hand. She automatically checked the contents, eyebrows rising. "See ya later!" She was gone, a single leap carrying her to the top of a nearby roof and away. Three shadows broke apart as she passed, then followed.
Akane was terribly upset. She had, in her opinion, lost Ryoga. Focusing sharply, she sent out her ki-vision to search for his familiar aura. It wouldn't matter much which form he was in, she would be able to recognize him, if he was in range. He wasn't. Her range, she found, was severely limited by the crowds about them. The combined auras of the people surrounding them caused an almost foggy limitation to her skill. In the confusion of the market, normal vision had far greater range. It wasn't fair! She had this neat ki trick and it didn't do her any good at all. It didn't use light, could see in darkness and through buildings, yet she didn't have enough range to find one pesky, lost boy!
"Come on, Akane! Katsunishiki will track him down," Akari said, sliding down from her perch. "'Shiki! Leg up!" Her pig stood and cocked one leg to give Akane a stepping stool to his shoulders. Akari held out a hand.
Soon, both girls rode to the back of the building Ryoga and Akane had so briefly stood upon. Katsunishiki snuffled along, but found nothing at first. Akane sat, head down, thinking furiously. She had been trying for a method of long-range location ever since she learned the ki-vision. Barry encouraged her but had no idea himself how it might be accomplished. She had tried lens; she tried different methods of focus. She could now detect most of their enemies and all of her family and friends by ki. She had even worked out what Ranma's ki must be like from his personal belongings that Barry hadn't touched. That had made her work even harder. But she just couldn't see...
Wait a minute! Ki-vision wasn't vision. She thought furiously. Had she been limiting herself? Aura emanated from a source, each aura distinctly different. She thought of Ryoga's aura, warm, innocent in many ways, but with a nasty undertone of grief and depression. Hard brilliant centers that seemed to lose themselves, chaos...
Something pulsed against her aura like a drumbeat. "Turn here, Akari!"
"What? But why?"
"Just do it!" Akane focused on Ryoga and dared to hope.
"You see a really big pig around here?" Barry asked a young shopkeeper. Behind her, Shampoo, Kodachi and Tatewaki looked on. They joined Barry after she explained what happened.
"A pig?" The shopkeeper looked down at the open, smiling face before him and felt his mouth go dry. His eyes flickered to Shampoo, then Kodachi. He licked his lips then pointed to the left. "I saw a pig and two girls go by about fifteen minutes ago." He gulped as the wattage of the redhead's smile increased by a factor of twenty.
"Thanks," the redhead said perkily.
They all turned and departed, their tall escort with his bokken and hakama giving the young shopkeeper a warning glare. He came to the door anyway, but they were already gone. He wondered if they were new students at the university. He wondered if they'd be impressed by a Biology major. He sure hoped so.
"You see pig?" asked Shampoo when they temporarily lost the trail.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," muttered the Black Rose. "Shopkeeper, I'm looking for a tall boy with green eyes and a yellow and black bandanna. No, he's not my boyfriend. No, your son cannot be my boyfriend. The person I seek is being followed by two girls on a rather large pig. No, it is not a circus act. No, I will not buy that item for eighteen hundred yen! I saw the tag. Its proper price is five hundred, and it is vulgar besides! Peon!"
After gaining on them for several stops, the girls and pig had suddenly started moving in an almost straight line and at an increased rate of speed. "I'll go on ahead!" explained Barry, suiting action to words.
Kodachi started to follow but Shampoo stopped her. "You never keep up! Just follow! Ranma find us on way back."
"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" asked Kuno in an irritated manner.
"'Tis simplicity itself, dear brother. Ryoga Hibiki is lost again and the fair pigtailed girl is beside herself with worry. She runs to find him." Kodachi smiled as the concept percolated through Tatewaki's head.
"Hibiki must die!" Kuno surged ahead with a shout in Ranma's wake.
"What you do that for?" said Shampoo with an absolutely astonished look on her face.
"Things were getting boring. Besides, if Tatewaki is chasing Ryoga, he might spend less time attacking Ranma-darling. Ranma will be encouraged to avoid his female form and that means more time for us, doesn't it?"
Shampoo smiled slyly.
Akane jerked when a weight thumped on Katsunishiki's back and two hands used her waist to steady itself.
"Hi-YA!" Her elbow slashed back at where she felt her attacker's throat would be. It was blocked.
"Easy, tomboy." Barry grinned at her from within Ranma's girl-type. "You're trackin' pretty fast. Katsunishiki on the trail?"
"No, I think I figured out that long-range tracking technique I was working on," she replied. "Now will you please..."
"...shut up so you can concentrate? My lips are zipped!"
They rode on for several minutes, while Akane pointed to where she thought Ryoga was. Barry scanned with normal ki-vision. Away from the crowds at the marketplace, the potential range was much greater. Suddenly, Akane felt the form behind her stiffen.
"Good girl! I got him now. Keep following, using your new technique, just to be sure. I'm outa here!"
She felt the convulsion of muscle and ki, and Barry was gone.
Ryoga stood at the banks of the stream and contemplated his reflection. Around him, huge trees stood from the ground like pillars for the sky. He looked left and right and realized he was surrounded by water. "Of course. I did it again. Fifteen minutes ago, I was enjoying a shopping trip with my friends. Now I'm lost in this primordial forest." A single tear escaped to ripple the waters of the pool. "I don't deserve a relationship with anyone. How could any girl depend on me? What can I do to earn respect? I turn into a pig! I'm just a freak!"
Barry could feel Ryoga's ki building for a massive Shishi Houkudan. Considering that he was in the middle of one of Tokyo's famous natural parks, she didn't think this would be a very good idea. It was sure to draw attention, and the authorities would have to do something about it. She had to move fast. There was an expanse of water before her, a little too wide to jump across and no time to find a bridge. Glancing around desperately, she realized the enormous trees provided what she required. Bouncing between two trunks, she gained altitude quickly and leaped. Ryoga should be close. Very close, in fact! So close that this was gonna hurt when she smacked into his near-impervious hide instead of the soft, yielding ground. "Ry-oooooo-ga!"
"What girl would ever put up with a loser like me?" Ryoga demanded of the sky.
(WHUMP!)
Ryoga sat down hard, as the impact of something warm and soft, with interesting curves, suddenly occupied the space within the circle of his arms. Did the gods answer his prayer? He cradled the body so he could look into the girl's perfect face...
"Whoa! Oh, hi, Ryoga!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
Barry winced as she was deafened by the unexpected scream. After a moment of silence, she dared hope it would not be repeated. Opening the eye closest to the lost boy's face she peered into wild, staring, green eyes. "Ahhh, ha-ha! Is something wrong, Ryoga?"
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
Barry smoothed her bangs back into place and took stock of the situation. She was cradled in his arms and he had a pretty good grip. It might be that her proximity combined with his psychological state was causing Ryoga some problems. It was definitely causing her problems, as one of those good grips was her left breast. "Ryoga," she growled after the third, unsuccessful attempt to escape his clutches. "C'mon, man, get a... No, you've got a grip, dammit! Get a nosebleed and pass out already!"
Ryoga, lost in a hell uniquely his own where he walked down an aisle beside a happily giggling, girl-type Ranma, was unresponsive.
"Ryoga, this looks really bad; and if someone sees us, both our asses will be in a ringer. Nowlet go!" She tried to free her bosom, as this was the most painful — and most embarrassing — situation.
"I have found thee!"
Chills did not begin to describe the feelings that raced up and down Barry's spine.
"We're really close now," Akane said.
"Oh, I hope Ryoga is all right!" Akari trembled with emotion.
"Get away, ya moron!"
The sight that met their eyes went beyond anything Akane had ever experienced with Ranma.
"Stop it! It's not what it looks like!"
"Demonic and lustful vermin! I shall smite thee for taking such liberties with the pigtailed goddess. Cease thy despicable pawing of her creamy flesh. Only I should—! I mean…I shall surely punish your transgressions!"
Barry bounded along desperately, running on her hands, her body securely held by Ryoga's clutching arms. The lost boy, inverted, a hopeless look on his face, had no more flexibility than a stone. Only Barry's desperate maneuvers with muscle and ki kept them both from being struck by the slashing blows unleashed by the enraged kendoist.
It couldn't last.
"Surely heaven itself shall aid in smiting thee, you perverted demon!" (Swish! swish! swish! WACK!) Kuno's bokken snapped as it met the solid shield Barry threw up in desperation. "Hah!"
The weirdly inverted pillar of masculine and feminine aspects slowly began to topple. "Uhhh..." Barry had forgotten how close they were to the water. "Oh, shi—! (SPLASH!) Blurb!"
"Squeeee?"
"Damn! I should have thought of that sooner," Barry muttered as she fished the struggling Ryoga and his clothes out of the water.
"Hah! I should have known," spouted the Blue Thunder. "The Hibiki fellow is like unto Saotome, except he exchanges himself, not with a beauteous maiden, but with a pork roast." He stood, proud and heroic, just beyond the water's edge. "I suppose food is more practical as often as this one gets lost," Kuno added.
Barry grabbed Kuno by the throat and hurled him into the water. "Go soak yer head, ya microcephalic meat-for-brains!" snarled Barry.
Barry looked over the stacked cart and nodded in satisfaction. They acquired everything he needed and now it was time to put it all together. At a restaurant being renovated, they found the gas grills. At the junk dealer Barry visited earlier, they obtained some old, but sound, aircraft tubing; light, strong, structural material to build the yatai frame from. Machine screws and electrical wiring were reasonably priced. From the university administration buildings, shingles and several nice western-style, hardwood doors being replaced finished off the collection.
"Here you go, Nabiki." He counted out a thick sheaf of bills.
"Huh?" Akane looked at Barry, then Nabiki. "What's that for?"
"Akane, I couldn't have found all this stuff so quickly without Nabiki's help."
"But, I thought..."
"And to be honest, she saved the Saotome clan a bundle."
"But, what about all the stuff she put you through?"
"You were the one that splashed me. Ya shouldn't give yer sister ideas –she's impressionable. She also went to a lot of trouble. I told her what my budget was and what I was looking for, and she found it all. The deal she made with Mom was she would get one-half of the difference between what I expected to pay and what I did pay," Barry said patiently.
"She put you through hell!"
"No, actually she didn't. Those things were beyond her control."
"Akane, the man set the deal, okay?" Nabiki said.
"But, but..."
"Actually, the one strange note here was you, Akane."
"M-me?" Akane sweated.
"Yeah! All that nonsense at the park, and ya didn't once make an assumption of guilt on my part." He grinned. "And ya gotta admit, it looked plenty bad!"
Ukyo glowered and her hand twitched. She heard only snippets of what happened as she listened to Akari chew out Ryoga with a vocabulary she had to respect. Akari wasn't the little milksop she appeared to be.
"I mean," Barry said, teasing Akane as she stood with a shocked expression on her face, "if yer not careful, I'm gonna think ya don't like me any more!" (POW!) Akane's fist shot him toward Ukyo. (WHANG!) Her spatula sent him toward Akari.
(GRAB!) "Hi-YA!"
(THUD!) "Owie!"
"Honestly, Ranma! You'd think a girl could trust you not steal her boyfriend! I'm very disappointed in you." Akari shook her finger at his nose. "This isn't even the first time!"
Barry looked up at the circle of three faces, for a moment thinking it was a result of his concussion. He realized the girls had circled him.
"Feel better, now?" asked Akane, sweetly.
"Y-yeah!" he gasped out.
After readjusting his limbs and spine, Barry sent them all off to lunch and told them not to return until dinnertime. He planned to accomplish a lot between now and then. Ryoga started to offer his help, then turned red and couldn't speak. He turned purple at Shampoo and Kodachi's chuckles, then white at Kuno's mutter.
"Ryoga, go with Akari, fer kami sake!" Barry said. "When I'm finished here, we can have a rousing, no-holds-barred fight and ya can try ta beat the crap outa me."
"Y-you can bet on it," Ryoga stammered.
"As for you two..." Barry looked pointedly at Shampoo and Kodachi. "I'm gonna have words with you later." They had the good grace to look uncomfortable.
As the gang moved off, they heard the 'ching!' of Nekoken cutting through the tubing, which would form the frame of the yatai.
It was a beautiful day. Akari had a death grip on Ryoga's arm. Ukyo divided her attention between her future yatai and Ryoga's pale face. Akane looked at the ground and refused to do more than mutter angrily when Tatewaki spoke to her. Kodachi and Shampoo hung back from the others a bit, so finally, the Blue Thunder was forced to talk to Nabiki Tendo.
"'Tis an odd gathering we have here, is it not, Nabiki?" She glanced at Tatewaki and waited for him to further define 'odd'. "It seems that allies and enemies alike have joined together for some purpose, yet the purpose escapes me."
'You got that right,' thought Nabiki.
"That should not surprise me, I suppose," Kuno mused. "It seems I have missed much during the past two years."
Nabiki's eyebrows rose in surprise. Kuno was admitting fault? "What in particular, Kuno?"
He scowled. "The alliance between Hibiki and Saotome for one. How could I miss the signs? The pigtailed goddess enslaved by one to be used in payment by the other. Surely Saotome's bottomless stomach could only be fueled by... Why are you laughing, Nabiki?"
"Ha, ha-ha! For a moment there," she gulped, "just for a moment, you sounded so reasonable. Then you restored my sense of the ridiculous, in spades. HA, ha-ha, ho-ho!"
"I'm so happy to be of service, Tendo," he said frostily. "Especially since your own sister is held in thrall by..."
"My sister is fine, thank you," Nabiki returned icily, cutting him off, "or would be, if other people weren't interfering!"
"Indeed! I agree," Kuno said nodding.
"Idiot," Nabiki snapped. "You are one of the problems."
They returned to find a major transformation had occurred. The garden cart had been rebuilt with a long frame and extended floor, already covered by wood held down with screws. Four steel posts with broad feet, extended down to the ground from inside the frame, added additional support to the two wheels of the original cart. The roof was built and shingled. Sheet metal had been cut and shaped to form long folding counters attached with rivets and piano hinges. It was fairly obvious that counters and roof were designed to fold down and in, to enclose the yatai securely when not in use. From the bottom of the counters protruded oddly curved pipes, four to a side. Each of the pipes had a small square plate welded to the end with holes in each corner. One of the pipes had a circle of smoothly finished wood attached already. They were clearly brackets for seats.
Barry was lying on the floor of the structure, carefully soldering the connections to the lines that would carry gas to the grill. He finished his work, and brushed a mixture of soap and water around the connections before turning the gas on. After a long critical look, he seemed satisfied and sat up, finally noticing his audience. "Damn! Is it that late already?" He wiped his brow. "It didn't go as fast as I hoped, but it should be all finished tomorrow."
"Oh, my god!" Ukyo walked around her yatai. She tried to compare it with the yatai of her youth, but found her memories were confused. This looked smaller, but... She thought her father's yatai only served six at a time, and that standing... She finally stopped and stared at Barry questioningly.
He shrugged. "I made it a little larger and gave it some seats. I noticed that some of the nicer yatai down our way have them. The grill is set to the back. I didn't like havin' the propane tanks so close to the tractor engine. When I'm done, you'll be able to park the tractor, turn around on the seat and go right to work, never settin' a foot on the ground." He walked to the back and leaned over and twisted something, pulling upward. The back metal feet retracted. He did the same in the front, then hopped out and prepared to load the remaining materials into the aisle down the center of the yatai.
"Hey, Nabiki," he said, one hand on the steering wheel. "Where do I park it?"
"There's a service area next to my apartment, Ranma," she replied.
"How much?" he asked.
"Spoil sport," she complained. "Oh, how about..."
"How about you just write it off, Nabiki," suggested her little sister. She gave Nabiki a grim look. "Despite what Ranma said, if you hadn't invited Kuno here..." She jerked her thumb at Tatewaki, who sported a swollen face, a black eye and a sullen expression.
"Kami! What happened to you, Kuno?" Barry asked. He received no answer. "Akane?" he asked next. She shook her head. "Ryoga?" The lost-boy looked nervous but didn't answer. He looked at Ukyo, Shampoo and Kodachi, but they were gazing elsewhere. He turned his gaze to Nabiki.
"Oh, no! Not me!" the middle Tendo said, understanding the unvoiced question all too well.
"But that means..."
Akari did not feel at all guilty. "He was being obnoxious, Ranma. He kept insulting poor Ryoga and waving that stick of his around. But when he hit Katsunishiki with it..."
"It was not my intention to abuse your swine," Kuno said dryly.
"Well, you haven't exactly apologized, so neither will I!" She crossed her arms, looking every bit as stubborn and stiff-necked as Kuno.
Barry chuckled and shook his head. Akari was full of surprises. Maybe she wasn't such a bad choice for Ryoga. Oh, well… Suddenly he snapped his fingers. "Hey, Ucchan!" Ukyo jerked and almost came after him for the familiarity. "How 'bout we fire this puppy up and make some okonomiyaki?" He jerked his head at one of the coolers fitted beneath the counter. "Found a freshman I could bully into getting some supplies for me. Most everything is there, and I thought ya might wanna season the grill."
Ukyo looked as if she wanted to disagree with him. Finally, she shrugged and nodded. Barry opened the yatai for business in about five minutes. Then, while Ukyo began heating the grill and making sureBarry had bought the right oil for the job, Barry picked up a three meter piece of wood, six by twenty-five centimeters (2x10). Laying it across the seat supports, he soon had some makeshift benches and the gang crowded around.
Ukyo took her time. She would oil the grill evenly, slowly bring the grill up to temperature then cool it down and wipe it thoroughly to remove the used oil. This was repeatedthree times.Then, she began preparing the batter for her first batch on the new grill.
"Check out the pedal in the corner," Barry suggested. She stepped on it and watched a chopping block swing out from under the counter. It clicked into a locking mechanism as it came level. Barry pointed out the release button and admitted he salvaged it from the doors. She chopped her cabbage and minced her onions. She began smiling as she found it easy to pull out ingredients since Barry had duplicated the order of ingredient bins that she and Konatsu were familiar with from Ucchan's. And when she complained that she didn't have a selection of her special sauces, Barry pointed to a rack set into the roof on her left. "That's what that storage is for. My friend did the best he could at the store, but he can't buy your special sauces."
Cheap, prepackaged chopsticks were in a bin on one side of the cart and paper plates in another. Barry climbed aboard and opened the other cooler and pulled out bottled water. It was not long before Ukyo was humming as she sent excellent, if plain, okonomiyaki onto waiting plates.
Tatewaki bit into his and sighed. "I would apologize for my behavior in the mountains, Ukyo Kuonji," he said unhappily. "Had I been in better control of myself, I could have returned you to Nerima and spared you the anguish of further wandering."
Kodachi stared at her brother in disbelief. So did everyone else, for that matter. They waited for the other shoe to drop. Kuno could not be apologizing; he always found some way of excusing himself. The silence grew long.
"Ummm..." Ukyo shook herself and saved a 'yaki from burning. "I have to admit, it wasn't pleasant, Kuno. But I did it to myself. You might have got me back to Nerima, only to have me wander off again."
"I should have tried," he said finally. "Mine was a sin of omission perhaps, but a sin, none the less. Is there any service that I can perform in recompense?" He met her eyes levelly, apparently honest.
Ukyo sighed. "Kuno, I just can't bring myself to owe you something until I feel I can trust you."
"But it is I who owes you."
"These things don't work that way," Ukyo said, shaking her head. "Let's just say I forgive you, and leave it at that."
"Very well," Tatewaki sighed in turn, but did not drop his eyes. "There is, perhaps, something you could do for me?" Barry saw Ukyo stiffen and wondered what had happened up in the mountains.
"What?" she asked sharply. Kuno grimaced. Barry suddenly understood.
"He wants another 'yaki, Ucchan," Barry said in a stage whisper. Barry ducked away as she slung a throwing spat in his direction.
"With squid please," confirmed Tatewaki plaintively.
"Where were you, last night?" Nabiki growled as she walked out of her apartment the next morning. Next to the yatai, Katsunishiki twitched in his sleep. Ukyo had made him an enormous okonomiyaki to finish the batter and with the things he had scrounged from the market, he was content. Barry rubbed the back of his head and blinked at her for a few seconds. "Well?" she demanded.
"I was up on the roof, Nabiki." He stretched and yawned. "I don't sleep well anyway, and I talk in my sleep, in English mostly, when I do. I didn't want to give Kodachi or Shampoo any surprises."
"Oh?"
"Let's just say that, back home, we keep a stick by the door of the guest room, in case Akane needs to poke me out of particularly noisy dreams." He yawned again. "Was there a problem?"
"Kuno woke up, saw you weren't there and noticed Akane was missing. She was in the bathroom, but he didn't think of that. So, he started yelling that the three of you were off doing something improper."
"Huh?" The men had the living room and the girls were divided up between Nabiki's and Sakurida' rooms. "He didn't! And what did he mean 'the three'... Oh."
"What do you think?" Nabiki said in disgust. "Ranma, Akane and the pigtailed girl, of course. Good thing Sakurida is almost as good as Akane with her mallet." She chuckled slightly.
"How's your apartment?" Barry asked, dreading the answer.
"It's fine, thank you for asking," Nabiki shrugged. "I don't think Akane was completely awake when she came back. Kuno was lying there, face down on the floor, and she just walked over him."
"It's situations like this that help me understand why Ranma goes out of his way to rile that guy," Barry admitted, relieved that Nabiki's apartment hadn't been damaged.
"I just wanted to warn you that he might be a bit difficult first thing this morning."
"That's right. I can't let him wreck the yatai."
Nabiki looked back toward the building, then around the lot. "Barry, can you see if anyone is close enough to listen in on us?"
Barry yawned, closed his eyes and swept across their surroundings with ki-vision. He extended the range as far as he could go, looking in particular for power sources that might be connected to recorders or microphones. It took him some time and Nabiki began to get restless. Sensing this, when he finished, he began to softly snore as if he were asleep on his feet.
Nabiki immediately hit him. "Don't even!" she said, "I'm not in the mood."
"Okay. There are two devices near the rooftop, a bunch in your apartment, and three in the dumpster. The ones in the dumpster are dying batteries. Are the ones on the roof yours?"
"They should all be mine. Okay." She fixed him with a glare. "I want to know what your plans are for fixing all this."
"My plans?"
"How soon will you be trying again? What will you be doing differently? What's your backup plan, if you can't get Ranma back?" Nabiki's voice was flat and emotionless.
"You gotta be kidding, Nabiki. I don't know! When we get more information and it feels right, I'll try again. I certainly didn't do that 'astral projection' thing right last time! And how the hell do you determine when we can't get Ranma back?" Nabiki had trouble meeting his hurt look. "So far as I'm concerned, as long as there's someone here who wants him back, then it's not time to give up."
"That could take years," she warned him.
"Then it'll take years."
"What about the Saotome legacy? What about Akane? Is she going to grow old and childless, waiting for something that never comes?"
Barry stared at her. He didn't seem to breathe. He might have been engraved in stone. Tatewaki chose that unfortunate moment to roar out of the building to rail at him.
"Saotome! Lie not, you perverse fiend! What horrid dalliance did you have with…"
(POW!)
Nabiki hadn't even seen the flinch that indicated muscle in motion. It was as if someone had spliced a new frame into the picture. Scene one — Ranma at rest, arms at side. Scene two — Ranma with one arm extended. Kuno's impact with the lot's surface didn't throw up much dust as the moisture was condensing out of the air as the sun rose. After a moment, Barry looked aside at the unconscious kendoist. With a sigh, he stooped and cradled Tatewaki's head, while he touched the young man with sensitive fingers at forehead and throat. Tatewaki's eyes suddenly snapped open.
"What? How did I get...?" He surged to his feet. "How dare..."
"Kuno, I apologize for striking you in anger, not self-defense."
Kuno stared at him. Saotome? Apologizing?
Nabiki boggled and laughed. "Oh, my stocks and bonds! Everybody is acting strange this weekend." They stared at her, scandalized by the interruption. "If this keeps up, Ryoga will lose his lack of direction and Ranma will finally decide to marry... the pigtailed girl, of course!"
"Over my dead body," growled Kuno. He started for Barry, only to find himself stopped by a foot. "I suppose," Kuno demanded around the leather, "you will apologize for this, too?"
"Nope! You were attackin' me this time."
"That makes sense." Kuno slumped back to the ground.
Barry looked over him at Nabiki and shook his head. "Don't ask me about tomorrow, Nabiki. I have enough trouble with today." He paused a moment more and added, "Hold that thought about Ryoga losing his lack of direction."
It was a long day. The yatai was structurally finished by lunchtime. The others crowded around and watched him work, using ki-techniques in place of almost every tool he might have used. They insisted he take a break and come to lunch with them. When he saw where they were going, he grimaced. "You deserve a break today," Barry hummed the commercial jingle. He knew, he just knew, they were trying to be nice, but it was his least favorite of the franchises. Not only that, but it was damned expensive!
He put up with it, but watched their faces to see if they really liked this stuff. They seemed to, but the comments were more about the style of cuisine, rather than how it tasted. After they finished and returned to the cart, Barry mentioned, off-hand, that for a real treat, they should try the Great American Hamburger. He watched their expressions.
"Oh, yeah," Ryoga said suddenly, "in America, they are different. Bigger for one thing and they serve them with cheese."
"That's only part of the secret," Barry said. "The amount of fat in the meat is the main one. Don't cook it rock hard; it needs to stay juicy. Using one of the fancy varieties of lettuce, fresh tomatoes, gourmet mustard, garnishes, if ya go in for that stuff, also makes a big difference. Topping it with bacon is good too." There were visceral rumbles from Shampoo, Akane and, surprisingly, Nabiki. Ryoga had been turned off by the bacon comment. "What! You guys still hungry?"
They all looked embarrassed. Tatewaki shrugged disdainfully. "As if I would ever eat food prepared by that cretin."
"Would ya eat if the pigtailed girl made it?"
"Of course!"
Okay, tell ya what." Barry rummaged around the cart and found a small pad and a pencil. He wrote furiously, ripped the sheet free and handed it to Nabiki. Then he pulled out the sheaf of bills he still had. "Take this, and if you other guys are willin' ta pitch in, see if ya can find all these. Nabiki, get what Americans call chuck roast, fresh, and have them grind it while ya wait. How many do we have?" He counted heads. "Does Sakurida want in on this, ya think; and what about Nagasameru and Shinzoo? Or did they already go home?"
Nabiki pulled out a cell phone. "I'll check."
In the end, they had twelve interested human digestive systems. Barry suggested about half a pound of meat per, which shocked the frugal Japanese. Animal protein was not usually consumed in such quantity. He shooed them off, planning to have fun himself. Taking some water to turn girl, she retrieved three manga previously purchased when male, took the pad and pencil and got to work.
Late in the afternoon, the Nerima Martial Arts Federation — as they decided to name it — with their associate members from other neighborhoods, strolled back to where Barry, still in girl-type, worked her own personal art form. They grew quiet as they approached noticing that something was different. Shinzoo and Ryoga lugged the cooler between them.
The center panels of the large wooden office doors were set between latticework and gave the appearance of pictures in frames, which, in a sense they now were. Each panel was deeply carved in a stylized fashion that blended line and form, and held one dominant figure. It was vaguely manga-like and depicted...
"Ukyo, is that you, there?" whispered Akane pointing. The end panel depicted a smiling young woman in an okonomiyaki uniform, crouching with a huge spatula. Despite the boyish garb, her femininity was apparent in every line and shadow. Ukyo blushed. The bindings she wore suddenly felt constraining. Along the side panels, Ukyo featured in scenes of various adventures shared with Ranma and some or all of the fiancées. Ukyo blushed deeper. She hadn't remembered the gown on Toma's island to be quite so... revealing. Nabiki was foremost there, smiling conspiratorially from the scene.
Beside her, Nabiki snorted. "I guess if there was any question of what he thought of the opposite sex..."
Akane blushed as well. She hoped, no prayed, that the other side of the cart would not include anything from the Ramen Noodle Wrestling. However, all the scenes seemed oriented to adventures shared with the okonomiyaki chef.
Shampoo traced the line of a depiction of herself and shivered. The wood felt smooth as silk and had no burn marks sometimes left by tools. The image did not capture her exactly, but rather transformed her into a cartoon reminiscent of... "Aiya! Is carved like animé! Shampoo look like sailor-sensei, but more curve!"
A red head popped up from the other side of the yatai. "Hi, guys!"
"Pigtailed one," exclaimed Kuno. "Well met! But where is the demon Saotome? If he harmed thee last night..."
"Get real," Barry said crossly. "Did it ever occur ta ya that, with the same family name, we might be related?"
Kuno blinked. If the idea had ever crossed his mind, he had forgotten it. "What degree of relationship?"
"Same mother… same father…" Barry said cautiously. Maybe they could approach this in a more circular manner, since the direct approach was useless.
"Uh, Ranma," Ukyo choked out as Kuno went into mind-lock. "What is all this?" She waved her arms at the cart.
Barry looked mournful. "I just wanted it to be special for you, Ukyo. I just… felt like it! I wanted you to attract the college crowd, too. Students go for manga, so..."
"You did these yourself?" Kodachi asked, finding herself in a gathering at the Cave of Lost Love. "I never knew you were so multi-talented."
Barry choked. She had been so focused on this surprise for Ukyo she completely forgot that part of her audience was potentially hostile. "I, ah... hired an artist. I had the photograph when we were all at the beach and I described some scenes to him. After that, it was just me and Nekoken."
"Is very good," said Shampoo. "How you pay for this, Ranma?"
Barry big-sweated. Was Shampoo wondering if Ranma had... ack! "Shampoo, what do you think I am?"
"Shampoo know Ranma pose for pictures for mercenary-girl, maybe pose as artist model?"
Oh, was that all. "Shampoo, when would I have time to do that?" She flinched as Kuno suddenly knelt at her feet and grabbed one hand.
"Tell me! Tell me the name of the so-fortunate artist, that I may patronize his works!"
"And hopefully get a few good ones of me, I suppose?" Barry smirked. "Look for a gaijin named Barry Barlowe, Kuno. He might be able to help ya out, I suppose. Ya better get on it soon, though. He mentioned his stay in Japan was gonna be short."
Kuno rose and suddenly drew a cell phone from an inner pocket of his kataginu and punched in a number. "Sasuke, take down this information..."
Barry shook her head and turned away. Sitting before the last panel, she cut into wood a memory of the time Konatsu joined Ucchan. Konatsu's gentle, smiling face shone in honest pleasure for the viewer.
Shampoo was not satisfied however. "Ranma... What artist get for all this? This lot of work for money you have left."
"Well, he took his preliminary sketches with him. Maybe he just wanted pictures of some pretty girls?" Barry said, as if thinking. "Guys are like that."
"Duh-uh!" Akane said. The look she gave Barry was significant. "Do you include yourself in that, Ranma?"
"Akane, I won't touch that." She moved swiftly to finish the panel. Tatewaki was still discussing methods of finding 'Barry Barlowe, probably a foreign-exchange student' and she wanted to be done before he was.
"Well!" Ukyo huffed as she circled the yatai for the fourth or fifth time. "I'll certainly have the most distinctive yatai in the city!" She ran her hands over the circular seats that now graced the posts. Each was colored in a yin-yang symbol. "Why...?"
"Let's face it, Ukyo. You and I are both just a little bit confused," Barry said, after rising to her feet and stretching to get the kinks out. "You were raised as a boy, and I turn into a girl. Even without takin' Konatsu into consideration, I thought it was... appropriate." She looked at the cooler. "All right! Ya get everything?"
"I think so," Nabiki said. "Are you ready to cook?"
"Let's do it."
Soon the aromas of sizzling beef and bacon began to waft across the lot. Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo and Nagasameru watched with clinical interest. Barry felt she was teaching them something new and was just a little bit nervous. She'd hate to think of what Akane might do to hamburgers. Yes, she was better; yes, she was trying. But she wasn't consistent enough yet to waste good, expensive beef. Nagasameru, as the local beef expert, nodded. "You certainly know how to trap in the juices and you've got the right amount of heat on." She indicated the lids Ranma had manufactured to keep the steam of the cooking burgers contained.
"Thanks. Why does everybody here overcook beef, anyway?"
"We're used to cooking chicken, and you have to cook chicken thoroughly or it's dangerous and generally unpleasant."
"We eat fish raw."
"Fish is fish and fowl is fowl, Ranma. And before you say beef is beef, remember that every other animal we eat needs to be thoroughly cooked — pork, rabbit, mutton. Only beef is better undercooked, and even then you have to be careful. Because if someone gets sick, beef will get blamed if it's not burnt to a cinder."
"There speaks the entrepreneur," Barry said. "I gather ya put yer two-yen in about the beef?"
"Of course. I've made hamburgers, but watching you is educational. I'm always open to new ideas in cuisine concerning my specialty."
Barry lifted a cover, quickly tested and flipped two quarter-pound burgers before replacing it. She shifted the bacon slices around, flipping them over as they curled. The bacon was more like what Barry knew as Canadian bacon. Ryoga stayed upwind of the grill, though Barry could tell the sizzle had his attention. She checked the burgers again.
Order up! Barry called raucously in English. She felt safe in doing so; the new book for English was a detective novel that included a scene in a roadhouse restaurant. "Yo, Ryoga! What's yer pleasure?"
Ryoga twitched but approached. "My what?"
"Moron," Barry shrugged, getting another twitch out of the lost boy. "What toppings?"
"Ah… catsup, mustard, lettuce, onions and pickles, please."
Barry spiraled the catsup and mustard, laid down several rings of sliced onion, then crisp leaves of lettuce and placed the pickles on that, before closing the bun. "Who's next?"
"Is this place open for business?" Barry flinched at the voice behind her. She turned, and blushed at the appreciative whistle she got from one of three young men who stood there. "Are those real burgers?"
"God! I haven't had a good burger since I left the States," said another. "How much?"
"Look," said the third. "Bacon! And American ketchup."
Barry found herself in the peculiar position of reacting to what she first thought was carnal interest in Ranma's girl-type, now facing the reality that these fellows were far more interested in what was on the grill. "Uh, umm... This is sorta a private party," she muttered, disconcerted.
"I'll handle this," said Nabiki, smartly. She stepped between the yatai and the men. "It is possible," she began, "that we might have a little extra. How much would you be willing to pay for an honest-to-goodness Great American Hamburger?"
"I... I'm speechless!" Nagasameru said an hour later.
All the hamburgers were gone. An auction had been held, with Nabiki as auctioneer, involving forty university students. She had auctioned whole burgers, then half and quarter burgers, to individuals who paid up to three thousand yen for one quarter of a quarter-pound burger. She flipped through the cash as the crowd moved away and smiled. Eighty-seven thousand yen... Not bad! She handed the cash to Barry. He looked at the sheaf of bills, then back at her. "Damned impressive! How do you do it?"
"Thank you. It's much the same as your martial arts, I guess. Look for opportunities to exploit, take advantage of an opponent's withdrawal, maintain contact, challenge but don't overextend..."
"If I ever try to challenge you at financial martial arts, have Akane smack me a couple of times with her mallet."
Barry counted out ten percent and handed it back to Nabiki, then divided what was left between the people Nabiki talked out of their second burger. Nine people, including Nabiki, smiled as they received eighty-seven hundred yen each. Kuno shrugged. He had eaten both of his burgers, delighting in the pigtailed girl's knowledge of authentic American cuisine.
"Well, I guess we just need to get Konatsu up here, now," said Ukyo almost sadly, running her hand over the wood of the cart.
"Don't worry, Ukyo, I'll stick around and make sure he's up to speed with the yatai," Barry began.
"Oh, no, you don't," Ukyo scolded. "This is my yatai! As his employer, I'm going to show him what to do." She hesitated. "Do you think Nodoka could take the lunch rush at Ucchan's?"
"If yer that set on it, I'll take tomorrow off and make sure Momma is up to speed at Ucchan's. Hmmm… Maybe I can get Pops to wait tables."
"Only if Nodoka can keep him out of my stock," Ukyo warned, alarmed.
Barry grinned evilly. "Ka-sching-ng!" She pantomimed the drawing of a katana.
"Oh. Yeah."
"Pigtailed girl!" Kuno slid over. "If I understand correctly, the weekend activities are at an end. Therefore, would you permit me to offer you and Akane Tendo transportation back to Nerima?" Tatewaki smiled suavely. "Sasuke would drive, of course." His arm swung toward the waiting stretch-limo. Sasuke stood beside it, clad in his familiar ninja gear. He smiled and waved nervously.
Barry considered the wisdom of being trapped with Kuno in such a vehicle then grinned. "Great! Thanks! C'mon, everybody; Kuno's giving us a ride! You too, Nagasameru, Shinzoo; it'll save ya part of the trip." People began to crowd in.
"I'll sit up front with Sasuke," Kodachi called. The little ninja looked at his mistress and sweated. "Don't worry, Sasuke," she said smoothly. "I just wanted to talk to you a bit."
"Excuse me," shouted Tatewaki. "I wasn't inviting... Oh, hell! Proceed. You will anyway."
"Ryoga? Akari?" Barry looked at those two and Katsunishiki.
"We'll be walking back, Ranma," Ryoga said. "Akari has to be back at the farm Monday. She'll drop me off. Could you or Akane..."
"Akane, Ryoga will need a guide Monday morning."
"Okay," Akane yelled from inside the limo.
"Sayonara, Akari! Come back up as soon as you can."
Nabiki and her roommate, Sakurida, peered into the crowded car.
"Say hello to Baradandya for me," called Sakurida, "and Keiichi, too, if you see him."
"We will," said Akane. "Nabiki, be careful!"
"Oh, I'll stay nice and low-key... at least until after the competition."
"See you in a couple of weeks."
Sasuke, shivering as Kodachi coiled comfortably next to him, drove off. From within the vehicle came a plaintive voice. "Why do I have to sit between this man mountain and the door?"
"Relax, Kuno," came a feminine reply, "It's only till we get to Nerima."