BlueWater5: Severus painfully knows the results of consequences, so he is far more perceptive of them now than he was before. The idea of history ever repeating itself bothers him greatly.

A5mia: Dawn is a little quirky and upbeat and is the kind of person who is willing to try and cheer someone up when they need it. She doesn't like seeing others miserable and in pain – there is more to this, which you will gradually find out when her past is revealed, which will also answer your last point. Severus is very thick-headed, so sometimes it takes several lessons for him to finally understand.

Authors Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

"But pains' like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface."

– Katie Kacvinsky

CHAPTER 25: Release

October 19th, 2002

[Harry Potter]

Harry,

See me in my office in an hour.

Bring your dragon hide gloves.

Severus S.

Harry crinkled his brow as the small piece of parchment burnt and dissolved before his eyes. He really didn't have the energy to see Severus today and after their concerning encounter with Hastwell and the Campbells, he didn't fancy having that conversation at that time. He knew Severus was going to have him help with brewing, but he knew that was a distraction of some sort.

He knew the man well enough.

After yesterday's horrifying scene with the clash of their two Houses, Harry really hadn't stopped thinking about Cyrus and the twins that had been constantly targeting him. He was quick to inform Dawn about what had happened, and she ended up having another stern talk with them, which she apparently has done so many times before. They had this conversation and he was informed of how powerful the Campbell family was within the Ministry, especially with the Board of Education. One irrational slip and many of the professors would find themselves under intensive scrutiny, including the Headmistress herself. Which also did explain why McGonagall was unable to do much at all. According to Dawn, they didn't have a kind reputation as a wizarding family and have climbed the ranks of the Ministry using the cunning a Slytherin would be jealous of.

But Harry needed to approach this professionally and he needed to discuss this with Severus as to what they should do. If they intended to fix the inter-house war between Gryffindor and Slytherin, the Heads of both Houses, with Harry's input, will need to come up with a solution and fast.

No student deserved to live in fear of being attacked, especially in a post-War world. The time of Voldemort has now passed and yet there were still so many more problems to fix.

Harry watched as several groups of older students made their way to Hogsmeade on that unusually sunny afternoon, reminding himself of the times he visited with Hermione and Ron at his side. Those times seemed so far away now, and it was difficult to believe there was a time when all they wanted to do was wind down before things took a nosedive for the worst. Before darkness and war took away their childhood.

He stopped at the kitchens before making a beeline to Severus' private quarters, which even now, still felt like an odd trip to make. He had been a handful of times, usually only seeing him in his office. But visiting directly within his private quarters was still a very strange experience given their history. His rooms were similar to the cottage interior of his countryside home, however darker and damper than what he last remembered. He was however thankful for the fireplace illuminating the room and the familiar photos sat atop the ledge. Harry couldn't help but smile that the man was willing enough to bring them with him. As visibly nonchalant as he was about it, deep down he was growing sentimental.

Severus entered the small sitting room and frowned at the tray of sandwiches Harry had since placed down on the table, "Stop bringing me sandwiches. I do not desire to loosen my buttons this close to Christmas."

"And I'd rather not have to find an anchor charm to cast on your shoes, so you don't float away on a windy day. Besides, you're not exactly one for elaborate dishes."

He noticed Severus' eyes boring into his own again. A small furrow of effort on the man's brow was telling him that he was trying to break into his mind again. This time he was trying without even asking him.

Severus, stop that.

It was a strange feeling being aware of such attempts now. There was a light ringing in his ear as if it were waterlogged, but his mind sealed itself off from the intrusion. There were no strange, foreign echoes, or feelings that were not his own. He couldn't control it, however. It just happened on its own accord, and he still couldn't figure out how this was all happening.

Pulling out his dragon hide gloves scrunched up within his pocket, Harry lifted them up to show the Slytherin, "I came prepared."

Nodding in amused surprise, Severus raised his chin, "Good. Follow me."

Harry followed Severus into one of the adjourning rooms, which he knew to be his own private Potions lab. On the workbench, he saw several various sized cauldrons gently simmering, giving off a strange array of blue and purple hues. The scents within the room were an odd mixture of things within the light fumes of the room. He could smell citrus, mixed with earthen scents of soil, and an odd tang of salt in the air. He glanced upwards to find a glittering charm on the ceiling which was observed to be absorbing the fumes. Given the location of the room, unfortunately, this meant no open windows to vent them. Severus, being as creative as he was, utilized charms specifically to accommodate. Besides the array of cauldrons, he could see several scraps of parchment with a messy assortment of words scribbled within. There were words crossed out, and red ink added to certain places rather feverishly.

Harry could never be a potions inventor – he didn't have the patience for any such thing.

Severus pointed to the mortar and pestle on the far side of the bench, "If you could place those gloves on, I need you to start grinding the unicorn horn. Finely."

Harry did so without question and got stuck into the task, "I gather not much luck with the potions?"

The man stared intensely down the cauldrons before turning to Harry with a slightly frustrated expression, "Not as much as I would have liked. Before you are attempts number sixty-one, two, and three."

"Blimey, sir, " Harry's eyes widened, "I guess it's the wrong time to ask what's wrong with it."

"Everything is bloody wrong with it, " Severus began stripping a thorned plant that lay in bunches on the other side, "Too many side effects. Some of the ingredients have been counteracting rather horrifically – One gave me bruises for a week. I have approximately seventy percent of a working potion, but it needs far more fine-tuning and substitutions. It is not doing its desired purpose, and very far from it, still."

"…I trust you won't kill anyone with it."

"I appreciate the boost of confidence, Potter, " Severus muttered.

Harry smirked, as he focused himself on grinding the horn as far as his wrists could tolerate. But as he continued, his smirk eventually faded, "I, ugh…I told Cyrus Hastwell that he needed to see you."

"Did he mention why he refused my assistance?"

"He just said you wouldn't…understand, " Harry recalled a little glumly, "I mean, he was rather vague with me about it. He hated the fact that I was there, but I wasn't going to leave without an answer."

"Every time I see him, he cowers. I've done nothing to him, and he somehow fears me – what nonsense!" Severus spoke rather bitterly, "My own Slytherin cannot even bear to look at me."

"I've tried to tell him to see you. I don't know why he is like that. Dawn says she has had difficulty engaging with him, too. He just doesn't want to talk to anyone."

"He won't ever confide in me if he is even refusing Dawn's assistance. What chance do I have?"

"Well, not with you snapping at everyone, he won't."

Severus heaved a heavy, tired sigh, "I will not force him to comply. He'll come to me when he's ready."

"Severus, he may not ever be ready. What did you use to do with Draco?"

"I was as harsh with him as anyone. You only saw what I wanted you to see – In private, I reprimanded him all the same, all whilst keeping my cover reasonably intact. But he was also my Godson, so there was somewhat of expected leniency."

"Well, Cyrus is your student – just, approach him…Preferably in a civil manner."

"I am civil, " Severus retorted with clenched teeth.

"I know you try to be, but sometimes you're not always, well….approachable, " Harry said, but quickly added, "And I'm saying this given our past history."

Harry's mind seemed to burn, thinking back on those times when he used to try to avoid Severus at all costs. For some understanding, he could empathise with Cyrus. Harry always felt as if no adult would dare take him seriously, so he felt the best thing was to avoid them all as he could. It felt no different from the days he endured that loneliness when he was at Primary School, and his cousin and his mates would bully him to the point that no one else wanted anything to do with him. He was bullied into loneliness, and he knew that Severus knew what that felt like, too.

As he resumed his focus, he could feel his mind grow numb and empty. The sounds of the simmering cauldrons were nothing more than minuscule echoes within the back of his mind. It was like everything around him had dulled down to a whisper, and he had no idea why.

But after a few moments had passed, it was then he realised Severus had been calling him.

"Earth to Potter!"

Harry soon stopped what he was doing and snapped his attention back at Severus who looked somewhat furious. "Sorry, I didn't catch what you said."

"Obviously. Harry, listen to me – " Severus rounded the table quickly and glanced into Harry's eyes in almost of a pleading manner, " – Do not use Occlumency anymore. Prolonged use can cause memories to become repressed. I lost precious memories because of it and the only good ones I hold dear is what I use for my Patronus. I do not want this for you."

Harry dropped the pestle, now losing all motivation for the task that was initially helping to ease his anxiety a little, "How do I stop it, though? I feel it just happens. I'm not doing it on purpose."

"I've been using it for years, but it is still a very new concept for you. Release the thoughts and memories you are holding back. Focus on recent memories and keep hold of what you have now. Keep your mind on the present."

Harry was quiet for a moment before his green eyes blinked back at Severus' dark ones, "Is this why I'm struggling to see Sirius? I'm forgetting people…faces…I can barely remember Cedric…Tonks…Remus…Hell, I can barely remember the faces of my parents anymore…"

Severus gently took hold of Harry's shoulders and looked into his eyes, almost fearfully, "You've been sealing your mind off from me. I know not intentionally, but you must refrain from doing so again. Your efforts cannot fool me, however, you've been blocking me for months. That, I am able to ascertain."

Harry glanced miserably away, "I just didn't want you to know about the elixir – "

" – That time has passed. You now know of its effects after overuse, but Harry, you mustn't seal away your mind. This has nothing to do with the elixir – I initially thought that was the issue, but I am now certain it is not. The longer you do so, the more difficult it would be to retrieve those memories again."

Suddenly, a hopeful thought sprang to mind, "You can dig through them, right? My memories? Like that I time I freaked out at Grimmauld Place, and you found that quidditch memory for me?"

"Not if you keep blocking me out, " Severus gently released his hold on Harry, "I cannot help in the way I effectively know how."

"Then how else?"

"…Talk it out. Discuss this with your wife. Your friends."

Harry clenched his jaw, not satisfied with that answer, "But I want to talk with you about it."

"I may not be the best person for this, Harry. You want to remember Lupin and Black? I am hardly the one qualified to assist. You are fully aware of this."

Harry sighed frustratingly, "The others won't understand."

"Enough of this, " Severus spoke firmly, "You're not a child anymore. Confide in them…Completely. I can only assist you so far."

Harry felt his insides twitch and a strong ache within his chest then proceeded to tear off the gloves, throw them onto the table, and run a hand over his tired face, "I'm scared to remember, Severus. Really scared. I want to remember, but I know it will hurt when I do."

Severus' face softened leaving those usual harsh lines on his face to vanish. His struggled, a hesitant pause lingered, "That, I know. Memories can be painful, no matter what emotions are behind them. It's better to have them and feel than never have them at all."

"I still don't know how you ever did it. After all that time."

"Sometimes I wonder that, too."

"What do you suggest I do?"

Severus paused for a long moment and drew in a deep breath as he did so. He seemed to be in two minds about something, and before he could answer, he winced at the mere thought, "You will not like my suggestion, but perhaps it may be a wise option to teach you Occlumency again. Or rather more a focus on Legilimency this time."

"No, we are not doing those lessons again."

"Given what we know now, I'd much prefer to approach it differently. This time my intention is not to have you block me, but much rather, the reverse."

"How is that even possible?"

"Frankly, I am unsure myself. But this will be a new experience for us both. Let's be miserable about it together, but it must be attempted. Do you want your memories recovered and intact, or not?"

"I do, but…"

"We will figure out a new method. Consider this – at least I am not attempting to train you to block Riddle out. Your life will not be on the line this time, nor mine."

"Well, I still feel like he's lingering there. I mean, not literally, of course. He's gone. But just the…residue of him, " Harry's lips subtly twisted in disgust at the mere thought, "It's just…It's not a great feeling knowing a piece of him was there."

Severus looked slightly revolted but instead gave a single understanding nod, "I may never have carried a piece of his soul, but I have had my mind repeatedly assaulted by him and tainted by his vicious curse. Consider that feeling somewhat of a familiarity. Much to my own repulsion."

Harry hesitated, "Alright. I guess we'll attempt those lessons again. Better than nothing, I suppose."

"It will not be the same as last time, I assure you, " Severus added.

"Yeah, and we won't be at each other's throats, for one."

Severus appeared to roll his eyes, "Good. Because I will not have the patience for that again."

Harry smiled, as his heart warmed to the idea that he would be able to recall lost memories again. He felt grateful, and a small spark of hope rekindled something that was once empty within himself, "Thank you, sir."

"Stop thanking me."

"But I am thankful, " Harry smiled again, causing Severus to visibly waver, "I'm just really happy you're here. I couldn't imagine being here and dealing with it all myself."

Severus appeared disarmed by those words, but he held a steady, glazed gaze, "If you're happy then perhaps I have done something right."

Harry tilted his head slightly, observing the man closely before him, "But I also want you to be happy, too."

A haunting sadness appeared to blanket the man's eyes, shrouding him with something that broke his heart to see. Severus seemed to avert his gaze at the idea of it, but there was no denying the emptiness there. Severus could only muster a small smile, but it felt so misplaced, "Such a simple thing, and yet, almost impossible to obtain."

"It's all going to be okay, Severus, " Noticing something at the corner of his eye, Harry quickly clasped the man's wrist which had begun shaking slightly at his side – something he's been so used to doing when he'd witnessed the man shows even the mildest signs of distress, or immense sadness and desolation. Over time, Severus appeared more comfortable with such a simple gesture and no longer impulsively recoiled from it. Now often Harry would notice relief overcome him when he did so, and it was the very least he could do to try and ease the man's worry. Once he held his wrist in familial comfort, Severus closed his eyes and Harry continued, "It'll get better. I know I have trouble understanding that, too, sometimes but…we're here. We're safe and alive…And we are not alone."

Severus opened his eyes and gave a single, shaking nod, "I hope you're right. I accepted the post to give my life another chance, or meaning, or something worthwhile. I do not know what I hope to gain from it all, but…I hope it is something good this time."

"Just good?"

"Good is enough."

Harry and Severus spent some more time in each other's company before he realised he was supposed to visit home to visit Ginny and Teddy. With an urged encouragement and a snarked eviction, he departed from the man's company within his quarters and made haste.

He loved every moment that he shared with Severus, and no matter how many times that may be, it never truly seemed enough. It was almost as if he was trying to make up for lost time. Not only for the time Severus had disappeared and became a recluse, but during the times of War when Harry had no idea of the extent of Severus' bravery, devotion and even suffering. The times they spent loathing each other, could have been better spent bringing out the best in each other. Instead, they let the worst overcome them, and thus were never able to let themselves see how good they could be.

For each other.

Harry had often thought of how young and stupid he was to think so little of him and allowed himself to oversee the good he knew he did, just so he could go back to investing time into hating him again. It made him so angry to think about, especially the moments he wished for the man's death. If he could have just apologised to him after that fateful Occlumency lesson, then perhaps they could have had a chance to mend things sooner, or at least learned to be more civil to one another.

But he knew deep down, Severus was in too deep with his role as a spy, and he couldn't bear to get close to him in that way. He knew that now. He knew why Severus was so determined not to allow that to happen because it would have made things far more difficult for him.

And Severus had admitted that, too. Painfully.

To think they could have been incredibly close allies and respected each other instead of the fiery hate they both adopted could have made all the difference.

It just really wasn't fair at all how their lives were paved before the War.

But now…Now Harry had someone in his life he loved like a parent and someone he could genuinely rely on. He cared for Severus so much and he knew Severus cared for him too. He only wanted for them both to be happy, but when Severus wasn't, Harry felt like he himself didn't deserve to be, either. But he hoped Severus would find it someday and realise maybe, life was worth living…If he could only learn to truly let go of the past and how much it shaped him. He just needed to stop blaming himself for things he had no control over and that thought alone ate him alive.

That much was obvious.

Harry had left the castle just after the evening feast, and once he reached the grounds' edge, he disapparated away, reappearing at the familiar secluded magical entrance point into Godric's Hollow. Striding with a new burst of energy, he found himself home at his own doorstep and entered the warm, familiar abode not wanting to wait another moment. His heart beat for home, and he was happy to return despite not being far from the last visit.

Peeking her head around the corner, Ginny grinned at the sound of the door and bounded towards him, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso and smothered him with kisses, "About time you showed up."

Harry grinned almost sheepishly, kissing her back, "I was with Severus, and I lost track of the time."

His wife smirked, "Perhaps I may have to get you a new watch for Christmas, or maybe one of George's that squirts water in your face when you run late."

Harry chuckled, "Don't you dare get me one of those, or else I'd have to practice my drying charms and you know I'm crap at those."

Ginny and Harry wandered to the kitchen hand in hand, and he could smell lasagne cooking. The melted cheese was mouth-watering, perking up his senses. His wife was visibly pleased with Harry's reaction, "Smell somewhat decent?"

"It smells really good, " Harry was really hungry now, even though he had been picking at food in the Great Hall barely an hour prior. But then he did a double take, "Wait…You cooked?"

Ginny looked very proud of herself, "I did! And I didn't blow anything up this time!"

He couldn't help but chuckle as he eyed the rest of the kitchen for any sneaky new remnants of food, "Ginny, that's great!"

"Well, I've been practicing. Teddy and I have enjoyed our kitchen pandemonium in the process, so at least he finds it amusing."

"So where is the little Niffler?"

"In his room playing with Fluffy. I didn't realise how much that thing molts. I could make another creature with the fur it leaves behind, " Ginny brushed a whisp of red hair away with the back of her hand.

Harry drew in a small breath, scanning the corridor ensuring Teddy was where Ginny had said he'd be. He looked back at his wife, removing all traces of the joy of being home before his face turned serious, "Can we…talk?"

Ginny's hazel eyes stared at him intensely, before softening upon his request, "Of course, Harry. You didn't travel home for us not to. I'm all ears, you know that."

Giving his wife a small weak smile, he slid into the kitchen chair and waited for his wife to join him. Clasping his hands together, he leaned forward onto the table in his bid to gather his thoughts, and any closer his head would have met its surface. "Ginny, you know that I've been having difficulty remembering things, yeah?"

She gazed at him sternly, "Only I keep reminding you."

That, he knew. Harry nodded, "Well, Severus is worried about it, too. I didn't realise how serious it was until he pointed it out."

"If Severus is worried about it, then yes, I'd say it's serious enough even for him, and that's already telling, " Ginny's voice trailed to a gentler tone, "What did he say about it?"

"At first he thought it was when I overdid it with the elixir, but now he thinks it's a stress response or something, " Harry bit his lip, feeling as if his stomach was about to do backflips.

Ginny's frown deepened, "...And?"

Harry drew in a shaky breath, "And he thinks my mind is using Occlumency to protect itself. He's been trying to break in, and yet he...can't."

His wife blinked heavily for a moment, and he could see the creases within her brows calculating what he had just told her, "Harry, how can that be possible? You've never been good with that, no offense. And he's an expert at it – "

"- I-I know. That's what has him confused. I mean, so am I, really. How can I not be aware I'm doing it? I don't understand this myself."

Ginny reached for his clasped hands and held them tightly with her own, "He has to help you, Harry. This can't go on...it's not healthy for you."

Harry's heart calmed down a little the moment she touched him. He slowly caressed her fingers with his thumb, drawing gentle circles upon her skin, "I know. He was...he was really worried. He's never encountered anything of the sort before."

"What does he suggest?"

Harry shrugged, "He's thinking for me to continue Occlumency lessons again. I'm hesitant considering how badly they ended, but…I'd very much like to recall what my family looked like. Or even what the hell happened before I show-downed with a possessed Quirrell. Or, what exactly happened at the Department of Mysteries. Or the Triwizard Tournament. Or even the bloody Yule Ball, or something. I'm forgetting so much, Ginny, and I hate it."

"Trust him, Harry. Trust Severus."

"I do trust him, Ginny. But I suppose I'm just...scared, " Harry felt a rising bitterness within his throat. He felt completely and utterly defeated in the hopelessness that has since overcome him, "What else is this stupid head of mine, hiding from me? What if I then remember something horrible..."

"Surely Severus will figure out a way to isolate them, or something. Mind arts aren't exactly anyone's expertise that we know of, except his. If anyone can find a solution, it will be him, " Ginny reassured, but she too looked worried. The lines in her face creased, reminding him exactly like Molly when concern gripped her, too.

"I hope so. I just...I just want to move on with my life. Instead, my mind is just not wanting me to remember and properly cope with it, " Harry sighed.

"He'll help you remember. No matter how painful the memories may be."

Harry barely managed a weak smile, "Severus said something similar to me a while ago. He'd rather live with the painful ones, than forget the faces of loved ones."

"He's got a point. I want to keep remembering my brother. Losing those memories of him would be painful. For anyone, " Ginny paused for a few moments, clasping his hands tighter, "Harry, I'm sorry if I've been too blunt about it all. I've been worried about this with you for ages. And I'm glad you finally realise how serious it is."

"No, you've been right, as always. I've just been too stubborn and in denial about it. Sometimes Teddy would ask me to recall what his father would look like, and I can barely remember myself. That kills me to forget, even the simplest of things."

"He'll help you get to the bottom of this. You've been fighting this for so long."

Harry took a brief pause in the midst of his sickening worry, "What if the memories hurt more when I do get them back?"

"You'll remember them, and then at least the pain is worth keeping them alive in your memory. Don't let them fade away without trying."

Harry paused in thought, "And maybe, just maybe, these lessons might help me better deal with my nightmares. I'm sick of seeing everyone dying in them. Everyone…Including you…" He hung his head, almost shamefully as soon as those last words left his lips.

"I know, " Ginny whispered, "You talk in your sleep. Yell, sometimes."

Harry's cheeks tinged scarlet, and he felt his stomach plummet, "…I was afraid of that."

"Was this about when I was taken? At the fight at Godric's Hollow?"

Harry nodded glumly, struggling to draw in a safe breath. He felt sick at the mere thought, "Yeah. I can't help remembering how utterly helpless I was that night. Ginny, I've never been so scared. To lose you…"

Ginny released her hold on his hands and instead rested them against the sides of his face, leaning forward to kiss him softly on his forehead, "You won't lose me, Harry. I'm right here…You're going to have to do better than that to get rid of me, or Merlin forbids, mum will have your head."

Harry gave a miserable chuckle, leaning into her touch, "Ginny, I'm sorry."

"For goodness sake, don't apologise. Your nightmares are not of your making, " Ginny lightly scolded, "Severus is right. These lost memories, these nightmares…They must all have something to do with everything you've been through. It makes sense."

"Now I feel like I should see a counselor or something. I'm a hell of a case."

"Severus can deal with that, " Ginny assured, "He offered to help you, so that is what he'll do. Start there."

Feeling a small weight off his shoulders, he was able to summon a smile in relief, "Thank you, Ginny."

His leaned forward from her chair and enveloped him into the warmest embrace. Her arms looped over his shoulders, and he released a heavy sigh of relief as they sat there for several comfortable moments. She snuggled against his shoulders, and he did the same. The subtle scent of lavender from her hair tickled his nose, but the familiarity of the warmth of her presence reinvigorated his soul. He felt so much relief that he was able to share this with her, and not have to worry about being mocked or judged. Not that she would of. She understood him, and even though he felt the need to explain himself, he knew he never truly needed to with her. She was able to read the words he couldn't bear to muster, and a mere look on his face told her all she needed to know. Because sometimes words weren't always enough to express how he truly felt, and the torrent of emotions that ran rampant within him. Sometimes it was simply too much to bear, sometimes.

"Will you be staying with me, tonight?" Ginny whispered in his ear.

Harry smiled a little mischievously, "I plan to."

Gently pulling her away from his shoulder, he leaned forward and kissed Ginny passionately and with such longing, that he eventually led her to their bedroom and closed the door behind them.

…The lasagne can wait.

October 23rd, 2002

[Severus Snape]

Piloting the Slytherin Quidditch team was almost as disastrous as the recent staff meetings. It didn't help that half of his students refused to cooperate, and some even now still cowered in his presence. Even when he did so much as glare their way, set them off. It was actually rather irritating. How could he ever discover the root of their problems when one of them was their own Head of House? Neither of his students trusted him enough to confide in.

He had barged into the Slytherin Common room to seek out the new Slytherin Captain to instruct them on recruiting an able Quidditch team for the season. He didn't know any of these students, thus had no idea as to their abilities in the air. It was more so a guess on his part, but for now, thinking about Quidditch was the last thing on his mind.

He began his task subtlety and discreetly as possible, even despite having one student blame him for the death of one of their Death Eater parents for his betrayal. He had no choice but to ignore some of those comments, but they were things he could never stop thinking about.

He has since made it a habit to look through the Slytherin common room on a daily basis as he did for the last week. With any free moment of the day, he would scour the Common Room and finds books on Dark Magic and confiscate them immediately, earning immediate distrust from the students. Instead, he urged them to seek him out if they so desired to learn more in a safer, more controlled environment, however, no student cared to see him on the matter. He didn't really care, so long as they were not attempting Dark Magic unsupervised, and against other students. He did catch a Third Year Slytherin hexing a Hufflepuff's ears off before breakfast, which left him rather irate for the day, and he was always on a careful lookout for any traces of dark objects, even if they were simply joke items.

Severus just couldn't take those chances.

Later that afternoon, Severus had made a visit to the library's Restricted Section to scour the Herbology tomes on ferns that contain anti-sleep properties. He has been working slowly through his project making adjustments as needed. The potion he had thus far managed to create, was creating drowsy side effects. He had taken only a mere few drops the night before and it made him feel almost hungover that morning as if he had returned to binging on the bottle of whiskey as he did several months ago. And as with dreaming of Nagini again, the combination made him snarkier than usual.

But again, for the second time that week, he saw Dawn there sitting at the table in the corner reading by candlelight. She had several tomes stacked up beside her and appeared to be deep within the book she was reading. He watched as she rested a single hand against her cheek, leaning on the table with her elbow completely and utterly immersed. Occasionally, she would bite her lip and heaved a large sigh growing more visibly frustrated by the moment.

Severus snorted lightly under his breath. She doesn't appear to be satisfied with her read.

He didn't know why he found it amusing, but it was. That would likely be him within the hour if he didn't find what he was looking for.

With a shuffle towards the shelf beside her where his intended books lay, she looked up to find he had broken the silence. She seemed a little relieved for the small distraction in her reading, giving Severus a friendly smile upon his arrival. That had already caught him off-guard.

"Severus, " Her face lit up as she greeted him warmly.

His eyes scanned the book she was reading and then back to her, looking more than a little amused by her attempt, "No luck, I presume?"

Covering the book and its contents with her arms, she leaned forward as if to hide the book she was reading, "You guessed correctly."

Scanning the shelf for the book he desired, he retrieved it from the edge and sat down across from Dawn, placing the heavy book before him. It was nice to sit in a section of the library without students in the vicinity and Irma shrieking at them every ten minutes. He remained quiet for a few moments, whilst he opened the book and began to sift through the old, crinkled pages. But it was barely a minute later did he realise she was still watching him. He frowned, "What is your fixation?"

Dawn didn't appear all too disarmed by his statement. Instead, she watched him even more closely, until a small smirk twitched at the corner of her lip, "Hard to believe you were ever a Death Eater."

He frowned, "Hard to believe? Do you require glasses?"

She leaned back in her chair, clearly amused by his retort, "Do you prefer I call you the devil?"

He barely looked up from the page he was reading, "That is better suited." His eyes glanced up quickly at her and noticed she was still watching him carefully. He found this highly annoying.

"Severus, you are not the devil, " Dawn responded, firmly.

Severus appeared to scoff under his breath, "You're an Auror. You hunted people like me."

"And you were a Death Eater, " With a careless shrug, Dawn raised her chin, completely abandoning the book she was reading, "Times have changed now. It is true you were one of our most elusive after the war, however, you fought on our side, regardless of position. I only did my duty at the time. As did you."

"I'm surprised you ceased sending more after me."

"The Ministry dropped their charges against you. Why on earth should I have?" Dawn shook her head, "I am not a Ministry stooge, Severus. And I was never tainted by the Ministry under Voldemort's hold. My team and I, before our reformation under Kingsley, went rogue. We fought hard to keep it from bursting at the seams, but we did our best to protect the vulnerable people regardless of the vitriol the new Ministry was feeding us. We were sent to collect Muggleborns, for Merlin's sake! Instead, we helped them escape the country, risking our lives to return empty-handed. One of my oldest colleagues was almost detained for it."

Severus couldn't help but sneer, "So why are you here teaching? Surely there are other things you much rather be doing than educate young children to be somewhat responsible with magic."

Dawn looked at Severus with such intensity and absolution, "I teach because children are vulnerable and easily influenced by other forces, " She drew in a deep breath, in order to calm herself and tackle the question with precision, "We can't leave these students defenseless if something were to happen again. We lost so many, Severus. These children are our future, and we must guide them in the right way. Minerva requested I take over the post after the Carrows departed because she wanted someone who was well-versed in the subject and capable of guiding the students during the school year following the Hogwarts battle. The rest of the staff have been working tirelessly to help them all, but sometimes it's not always enough."

"You had a lot of mess to clean up after my departure."

"All part of the job, " Dawn said, coolly, "Besides, It was more of an emotional clean-up after the war. Students and staff needed time to recover. We all grieved together, " She paused for a moment, softening her gaze, and clearly taking care to maintain her passion with the issue, "Severus, I see why Minerva wanted you to return so badly. You have a connection with the Slytherins that neither of us has. They are still in a terribly dark place and are scared senseless of the same thing happening again."

Severus looked warily at Dawn, "I am not the right person for it. I can't…I can't console them, Dawn. I could never be that person."

"You are not being asked to hug them all, and tell them fairy tale bedtime stories, for goodness sake, " Dawn's lips tugged with amusement at the thought, finally resting her palm on the table before her, "Just seek out those who are obviously silent and wounded. Pay closer attention to the students who struggle with handing in homework or being unable to engage with others. Carefully watch those scribbling pictures on parchment corners or textbooks, or even those not paying attention. The signs are there. You just have to look a little deeper. Put yourself in their shoes."

That hit Severus far closer to home than she would ever dare to realise. He once was in their shoes.

"I scare students. Are you not aware?"

Dawn gave a small laugh, "Then stop being so imposing, and make yourself a little more approachable. I can be that way if students misbehave in my class, but the difference is, I ensure my students are aware that they can ask for help at any time. I help create a safe space for them, which is the ideal learning environment."

"You're a far better person than I am, " Severus couldn't help but sneer through clenched teeth, "I cannot do it so effortlessly. They all know who I am, what I am, and who I worked for. They know it all."

"You should be listing all of those in the past tense, Severus, " Dawn offered a small smile, "As I said, times are different now. You can drop your guard a little bit. Allow the students to feel safe with you. That's all."

"You remind me of Harry, " Severus pursed his lips, a little bitterly.

"And that's such a terrible thing? He has the right idea. Wise beyond his years, given all he's had to endure at such a young age, " Dawn responded, carefully, "We all heal in different ways. Some wounds run incredibly deep, but all wounds have the opportunity to heal with time and care. But we have to make the effort, Severus. We can only change if we truly want to and accept the help that is offered to us."

Severus clenched his jaw and looked down at his hands, which he realised were slightly trembling again. He hated when that happens. He couldn't even begin to look back at her.

Dawn lowered her voice, close to a whisper, "You have so many people willing to be here for you now. To make up for a time that caused such a frightful rift in your past. You don't have to be that person anymore. The war changed us all, that is certain. But please don't be ashamed of that. Let that change help you grow and overcome the things that were once weighing you down."

Severus quickly glanced at Dawn; his dark eyes locking that with Dawn's ocean blue ones. Her face so welcoming and filled with the warmth his life had been devoured of for so long. He appeared caught between words, struggling to express himself in a way that did not make him sound so pathetically vulnerable. Eventually, he drew in a soft breath, "…I'm afraid of who I might be now. After all this. Throwing myself back into teaching and keeping busy helps me to deal with it…I do not know if being here is beneficial for me, however."

"You made the choice to be here. Influenced by Harry and Minerva, yes, but it was still a choice of yours to make, " Dawn responded firmly, "You chose to return. To take that leap of faith and change the course of your life. To give back. To open up another pathway in your journey with an opportunity you never had before. Welcome it. Embrace it, Severus."

"You're far too optimistic."

"And you are far too negative, " Dawn closed her books and with a wave of her wand, vanished the books back to their rightful place on the hidden shelves. To his disappointment and curiosity, Severus was unable to read the titles of those books before they were sent away. She rose from her chair and clasped the back of it facing him again, "I have to go as I have somewhere I need to be…Approach me at any time if you so need my assistance. Or even company. Take care, Severus."

With a nod, Severus watched as the woman left the vicinity of the Restricted Section. Once she was out of view, he hung his head and buried it within his still tremoring hands, taking solace in the new silence he found himself in. His own head felt heavy and all he could think about was her words, and how they seemed to hit him harder than he ever imagined them to. He didn't know what he was doing, or how to deal with it all. Returning to Hogwarts had been the hardest thing he ever had to face since the months after the War had ended. But again, he found himself in the predicament in losing his way again. He didn't know how to proceed and deal with his current problems. Merely pondering them all hurt deeply, and once again, he felt inadequate and useless.

But she was right. In a sense.

He looked up at the slowly ticking clock to notice time drawing near to the first Occlumency lesson.

Was he making the right choice to do this? Well, he wasn't doing this for himself, but for Harry. He didn't even know if this would work, but he had to try something that may help him. His potion was months, even years away from completion and he knew Harry's decline in mind would be far too great to wait that long. But he had to try, or so forever be a selfish fool.

Scouring through the book he had pulled, he barely managed to find what he was looking for. After his conversation with Dawn, his mood had further soured and his mind racing too quickly to focus. Giving up the attempt, he placed the book back in its place and made an exit from the library.

As he left the main doors, he felt the brush of a racing student against his flowing traveling cloak and realised it was Cyrus making a hasty exit. The student's book bag was clasped tightly to his side.

"What is your hurry?" Severus retorted, sharply, enough for the child to halt in his tracks. He paused once he noticed the boy had begun to withdraw from him, leaving Severus to narrow his eyes, "…Why do you cower?"

The student whimpered, and he noticed how quickly his light brown eyes were welled with tears but said not a word.

Severus folded his arms over his chest, staring the student down a little impatiently for his liking, "Mr. Hastwell, I will not ask again."

"I don't want to talk…here."

A small pause fell between them, with Severus noticing how unsettled the child was, as if being caught with the Head of Slytherin was such a crime, "Very well. Follow me to my office."

Without another word, he turned on his heel and led the way down the stone spiral staircase to the dungeons, hearing the small clicks of the boy's boots trailing behind him. They said nothing as they descended, hearing the sounds of the students on the upper floors fade to nothing. Once they reached his office, he swung the door open and allowed the boy to enter first. Immediately, Severus lit up his fireplace and motioned for the student to take a seat. The boy meekly did as he was told. Seating at the helm of his desk, he clasped his hands and rested them on the table, and decided to cut right to the chase, "I have been informed of your constant hesitation to approach me directly, Mr. Hastwell, and I see that it has begun to be problematic."

The boy looked away, clearly a little nervous, "I'm sorry."

"I did not lead you here to endure an apology. I want answers and I desire them directly from you, as opposed to you running away from me, " Severus demanded, a little too angrily.

"Yes, sir, " Mr. Hastwell looked defeated, placing his book bag carefully down beside him. He gave a small sigh, "W-what exactly do you want to know?"

Severus tossed several questions within his mind, and truthfully, he had never really thought of what to ask him. He decided to take the opportunity to interrogate the boy, somewhat lightly, on the subject of the failing Slytherins. Much to his own bitterness, and not that he cared all that much, he had to know something else. "You refused my assistance the other day. Why?"

"I didn't want your help."

"You were injured."

"I didn't want your help, " The boy repeated in the same absolute tone.

"I am your Head of House. Any matters you might have must be reported to me and no one else, " Severus clenched his jaw, feeling tense. His eyes darted to the boy's hands which were tapping nervously within his lap, "Grow a backbone, Mr. Hastwell, and stop quaking in your boots when you are so much in my vicinity."

"I'm not – " Hastwell, lowered his head, quite obviously looking flushed in the cheeks. There was a slight guilt observed there, and there was no denying it, "Its – it's not just me, sir."

Severus raised an eyebrow, urging the boy to continue, "Explain."

The boy managed to summon enough courage to look Severus straight in the eye; something he wasn't expecting, "You gave up on us."

Now he realised this was about the war, "I kept you alive."

"At what cost, Professor?" Hastwell sighed, "Yeah, we are alive. Great. But you didn't keep us safe from, from…Him."

Riddle. Of course.

The boy continued, a little timidly, "We were encouraged to use the Dark Arts and look down upon everyone else. We were forced to comply with Voldemort's ways, and not all of us were in support of that. From what we saw, how can we believe you were with us, not against us? We're more intimidated by what you were…What you're capable of."

"Because I was a Death Eater?"

"Yes, and no, " The boy sighed again, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that, when you were Headmaster, things…changed. Everything was different here. I've never seen so many students and teachers so miserable before. And you…We barely saw you at all."

"I was on a mission, Mr. Hastwell."

"I know that sir. But you let the Carrows torture the school. You let them hurt us. You – " The boy drew in a shaky breath, unable to continue. He looked upset, as if remembering was painful. Severus knew that look well. With teary eyes, the boy looked back at Severus, "You abandoned us, Professor. Why do I feel like we're a burden to you? And now since you returned, things don't feel any different. We are treated like vermin from everyone else in the school and yet our new Head of House doesn't want to deal with it. Just like Professor Slughorn. No one is taking this seriously. That Bulstrode girl ended her life because of this. Some of us are not far off. We just…Sir, we feel alone."

Severus wanted to get angry. He really did. But every word from this young Slytherin felt like another arrow piercing his flesh. And now he felt like he should be the one to apologise, but what on earth was he meant to say? A lot of the Slytherin suffering since he was made Headmaster had been the same every single year, without reprieve. People would sweep their problems under the rug and forget that they endured the worst of it. Segregated, ostracised, and hated for something beyond their control. Severus knew what that felt like. He knew every single thing this boy was telling him, and yet like a coward, was too afraid to do anything about it.

He was right – Severus just didn't know how to deal with it.

Severus struggled for the right words to say, and he knew he was the worst person to even do such a thing. Eventually after a heavy pause and thinking back on Harry's and Dawn's words, Severus finally spoke with the gentlest voice he could muster, "Mr. Hastwell, I do not have the right words to provide any measure of reassurance. What I did, I had no choice, and yet remains unforgivable. But I, too, understand your predicament. I was, once upon a time, a young Slytherin student like yourself at the beginning of Voldemort's reign, " His voice trailed off, forcing himself to stop on that note. He drew in a breath and continued, "I returned to Hogwarts to attempt to set things right and that is still my intention, no matter how long it takes. But there must be some trust between us. I cannot assist if my own students cannot bear to confide in me, or even do so much as look at me."

"It's not just me you need to convince. But it won't stop people from blaming us."

Severus raised an eyebrow, "Blame you for what? The Death Eaters are no more. You have nothing to fear."

"You don't understand, Professor, " The young Slytherin swallowed bitterly, "People look to blame us for those things because that's what Slytherin used to be…A large portion of them were Death Eaters. They think every other crime that happens out there, is our fault. But it isn't. We don't want to be a part of that anymore."

Severus then frowned, "Who is saying such nonsense?"

"Everyone else who isn't a Slytherin. Why do you think I'm always harassed by those two Gryffindors? You keep to yourself to avoid all of it, and suddenly you're their enemy because they think you're hiding something that you've associated with the old Death Eaters, " Mr. Hastwell explained with shakiness in his voice and Severus admired the child's willingness to keep going. He could feel the familiarity in those words and the realisation of that hit him hard, "Slytherin House has never been the same since the War. The other Houses tried for a while after it, but…The animosity and resentment are still there. They avoid us."

Severus' frown deepened, "And nothing was done about it?"

"Given what happened to Bulstrode last year? ….No, sir, " The boy sighed, "Even some of the teachers avoid us. I catch Madam Hooch staring at me sometimes and a lot of the Slytherins are ignored in classes. We've just sort of…given up."

Severus remained silent for a moment. This was not what he wanted to hear. Oh, things were far worse than he assumed they would be, and for the first time in a while, he was at a loss over what to do. He didn't know how to approach this, but he knew he had to do something about it.

"Five points to Slytherin."

The boy looked confused, "For what, sir?"

"For your honesty, " Severus responded softly, "Now go to your class, Mr. Hastwell. I do not want to see those points deducted for lateness."

The child looked completely stunned, "Oh, uh, sure…Thank you, sir. And thank you…for not getting mad at me." And with that, the young Slytherin scurried away with his book bag slung awkwardly over his shoulder.

Severus turned on his heel, and once he saw the child had left his line of sight, he turned and leaned heavily over the potion's work desk as if all of his energy was suddenly sapped from him.

What on earth was this day? He was tired. Emotionally drained. It was still another hour until the day's classes were over but felt like this day was at a standstill with the hours ticked so slowly by.

Barely a few minutes as Hastwell left his office, Harry took that moment to walk in. Severus looked up warily.

Harry must have been shocked to see the state of him, because he hesitated, "Are you alright, sir? You look exhausted."

Severus sighed heavily, "It's been a day."

Harry slid into the seat that the young Slytherin had occupied merely moments before, "Did you prefer we do this another day?"

Oh, hell. Occlumency. He almost forgot. "No, it's fine. Let's get this over and done with."

Harry was slow to respond, merely eyeing the man in curiosity, and even concern. He shook his head, "Let's reschedule this. Clearly, something happened. Let's…let's just talk. If you want to?"

"I don't want to talk, " Severus said, bluntly as he rose from his seat and walked around the table, leaning on its edge closer to Harry. "I'm in no mood to divulge the day's events."

"Okay, " Harry nodded in understanding, "Besides, I can't exactly have my Occlumency teacher lose focus, now, can I? That won't be good for either of us."

"So, I'm supposedly back to being your teacher?" Severus smirked a little too wickedly.

Harry couldn't help but nudge Severus lightly on the arm, "You know you're more than a teacher to me now, Severus. Haven't the years following the War a testament to that?"

"Of course. The thought of you resuming as one of my students again ignites a fire, I wish to be long extinguished."

"Hey, I wasn't exactly all that thrilled either, " Harry gave an offended grin, "Look, I'm glad. So….what exactly happened? I hope the meeting with Cyrus went well."

Bloody hell, Potter.

"'Well' isn't exactly the word I'd use. Progress might suffice, " Severus said, "Painfully slow progress."

"Anything I can do?"

"No. I have much to figure out, " Severus clasped his hands over his lap, but soon noticed Harry looking a little more content, "I suspect your arrival home was a success?"

Harry nodded, with a small smile, "Yeah. I spoke to Ginny. She's relieved I'm finally getting help with my…issues."

"Good. About time you did, " Severus snorted under his breath, "We're both a hopeless pair, aren't we?"

"I can't argue with that."