Guest Ki: Chapter 37
Associations
Journal: Ranma's Guest - Sunday, 22 September 1991 - Day 29
We continue to study the matriarchal societies known as the Jomon. The more I read of this group, the more I get suspicious of another matriarchal society known as the Joketsuzoku. Here are key points in my study. The Wa was an intermixed group of Mongoloid immigrants and a much older society listed in some texts as the Jomoken whom authorities believe worshipped the cave bear. It is possible that, today, this early culture is represented by the Ainu who dwell on the northern island. The Ainu are very Caucasian in appearance and are the reason why some Japanese have red or brown hair, instead of the more typical black hair, and light colored eyes. Descended from the Ainu are the famous pearl divers known as the Ama.
We frequently call Shampoo 'Amazon'. What you may not realize is that the Amazons were an historical group, controlling at least four communities around the shores of the Black Sea, probably with extensive use of those seafront areas. The Greeks claimed that the Amazons cut off a breast to allow greater ease in drawing a bow. Apparently, archery played a major role in their fighting style. But the Amazons were not Greek. I think this is a case where a foreign word is translated into what sounds familiar. In place of Ama-zon, say instead Ama-jin or even Eme-jin. Horse-people… Some of the best warriors of that time were experimenting with cavalry, why not them? The Amazons disappeared into history, intermarrying a group known as the Scythians. The Scythians, in turn, were mounted warriors like the Huns and Mongols, and have been tracked by their burial sites eastward as far as India. These graves are often occupied by woman warriors wearing armor very similar to early Japanese armor. Needless to say, the Bayan Hara range where the Joketsuzoku dwell is on one of the routes the Amazons and Scythians might have taken east.
The Amazons worshipped a goddess whom the Greeks - who were great borrowers, by the way - named Artemis. Though Roman mythology links her to the moon, she was more creditably listed as a sky-goddess associated with archery. That's the 'moon-link' by the way - the crescent moon is supposed to be her bow. Here's the stretch… Does this sound anything like another sky-goddess, depicted using bow and arrows, called Amaterasu? There's that Ama again! Since words tend to contract over time, it might mean the original name was Amateramasu. Say it fast -Artemis. Another interesting point: Artemis' totem animal is the bear.
I may be crazy, but I think that the origins of the Japanese ruling family, at least, may actually be found in the so-called Greek Amazons. It might also explain why Japanese is so different from other Asian languages. If I can prove the connection, I'm going to see if I can demand recognition as a lost Amazon colony, which would negate the business - I hope - of you being an outsider. I already found that being beaten by an insider is meaningless. Besides, this fulfills the homework assigned by Mrs. Morisato...
School... scrolls... study... spar... sleep...
School... scrolls... study... spar... sleep...
School... scrolls... study... spar... sleep...
Ranma's life was not often enjoyable from the inside. School was spent studying material Barry covered years before, as well as cultural information lacking in both his own and Ranma's memories. The scrolls detailed a world foreign to Barry's experience, one filled with beings that possessed the innate power to change their environment, and experiences that just shouldn't involve a middle-aged horse trainer. Yet, with his ability in ki-vision, he was the resident expert and had no choice if he ever wanted to see his wife and son again. With those who were 'in the know' about him, he was a study resource for school and a teacher of ki techniques. In sparring...
Tuesday night, Shampoo talked him into sparring with her. He managed to ride out Ranma's reflexes once again, yet still win, but had taken bruising punishment, since lately Shampoo was holding nothing back. He suspected that this was due to Akane's open declaration that she loved Ranma. Shampoo felt she had little to lose, and perhaps wondered if Ranma had a little bit of an abusive streak in him. He had to admit that Shampoo was no rougher on him than Akane, but the combined punishment was sapping his reserves.
Today, Barry staggered along beside Akane, Shampoo, Ryoga, Ukyo and Kodachi. It was a Wednesday, which meant that the gang involved, they would all eventually drift along to Ucchan's to kibitz until close and Ranma was free to go to the dojo. He felt numb. The only benefit was that, with working at Ucchan's, Akane hadn't cooked for him lately. Though she was remarkably better, overall, the continued strain of Ranma's absence was making her short-tempered and impatient, bad things for her cooking.
School was... predictable. At least; predictable for Furinkan. Most of it was fairly straightforward, except the elective Hawaiian culture class. The Japanese pushed math far harder than American schools, and they were much more serious about their cultural heritage.
There had been a furor in Mrs. Morisato's class this morning, when Barry presented his paper suggesting that Shampoo's Joketsuzoku and the Japanese were actually related cultures. He went into considerable detail, using what was known of the Jomon and the Chinese Amazons. He also suggested that the latter group was related to the Greek Amazons. Shampoo remained silent throughout most of the argument. Kogara was outraged. Almost as much as Kuno, he was very conservative in his cultural views; he simply didn't delude himself that the Tokugawa Shogunate was still in power. For many of the Japanese, Shampoo was respected as a physical threat, but dismissed as a real person; she was gaijin. The idea that 'the bimbo girl', suitable only for stimulating a man's libido, might actually represent a root culture of his own... He loudly denounced Barry's research and questioned his motives. The discussion degenerated into a shouting match, with Barry, and surprisingly, Shampoo, stuck in the middle.
Before Mrs. Morisato could react to the noise, Miss Hinako barged in. She nailed them all with her ki-draining technique and admonished them for causing Mrs. Morisato so much trouble. Adult Miss Hinako gave them all a stern look before apologizing to Mrs. Morisato and departing.
Enervated, Barry openly admitted his motives, but claimed to have developed them only after finding the evidence. Kogara's reply was a study of unintelligible grunts and moans, as he had been closer to the door when trouble started.
Mrs. Morisato listened to the muttering to which the verbal brawl had been reduced. Finally, she asked Shampoo what were her thoughts on the matter. The purple-haired girl stood shakily, smiled and rattled off what sounded like a rehearsed statement; essentially, if politely, saying it was none of their damn business, before collapsing across Barry's back. Akane shot him a dark look, while Ukyo strove to turn and see what had Akane growling despite the ki-draining.
"How dare you take advantage of the situation, cat-girl," Kodachi chided Shampoo.
"Jeez, Shampoo," Barry grumbled. "I don't mind ya shootin' me down, but I didn't think jumpin' me was allowed."
"Too bad!" the purple-tressed girl murmured and weakly kissed the back of his ear.
Mrs. Morisato had to help her back to her seat over her protests.
"Why are you so secretive?" asked Akane after school, referring to Shampoo's political non-answer about Barry's paper.
"Think about it, Tendo," Kodachi said, tossing her ponytail. "Would you be willing to drop important information where rivals and enemies could take advantage of it?" A hand lifted thoughtfully to her lips and she murmured, "Oh, my! Perhaps that was what Ranma was doing, wasn't it?"
"True enough," Ukyo said thoughtfully, missing her observation. "If the baka here made a solid connection between the Amazons and the Japanese and anyone heard about it, it might make the PRC suspicious and hostile to the Amazons." She nodded to the Amazon. "I don't care how good they are. A couple of small villages can't beat a modern military force the size of China's. And if they somehow could, there are always nukes..."
"They're a pretty grumpy bunch, lately," admitted Barry thoughtfully. "The Chinese people are nice enough, but the officials are always looking for some reason to push ya around." He sighed, leafing through Ranma's memories of China and added. "Sorry, Shampoo. I opened my mouth thinking I was being pretty smart." Shampoo declined to answer and they walked on in silence for a block. "The only good thing about PRC government officials is that they're usually pretty stupid," Barry added as an after-thought.
"Why do you say that, Ranma-darling?" Kodachi inquired.
"Well, take that Workers' Party uniform of mine. Do ya know how I got it?" There was a chorus of no's. "When Shampoo, here, was chasin' me outa China, we ended up in Beijing and I saw her two blocks down, in one of those big public squares they have. They were holdin' some kind of rally, and passin' out uniforms to whoever didn't have 'em."
Shampoo smacked a hand against her forehead, clearly recalling the moment and looking embarrassed. "No, no!"
Barry grinned. "Anyway, this guy comes along, looks at me and panda-baka - we had just been splashed again - and I knew the Amazon was close. He shoves a suit at me and a suit at Pops, doesn't even notice I'm foreign or Pops is a panda, and points at the crowd of people that are linin' up. The rest was simply applyin' one of the Saotome secret techniques."
"Which one?" asked Akane.
"Saotome technique of hiding in plain sight," Barry chuckled. "Just a simple matter of protective coloration. Heh!"
Shampoo looked up and frowned at him. "Has airen been looking at pervert-boys' (Hiroshi and Daisuke) National Geographic?" The girls stared at him.
Barry stumbled and coughed. He hadn't been; but how to reassure anyone of that might be a problem. Oh, yeah! "Why should I?" he asked smugly. "If I want to see femininity, all I gotta do is..."
(POW!) "Look in a mirror. I know, I know," Akane muttered, letting her mallet drop, even as Ukyo slung her spatula back into its clips. Akane and Ukyo both glared after the aerially departing martial artist.
"Aiya! Why you do that for?" Shampoo exclaimed.
Kodachi looked at them archly, then laughed.
Shampoo gaped a bit, then frowned and nodded. "Never mind, Ranma have that coming. So sorry."
"You two could go into business as a special courier service, you know," suggested Kodachi.
"Ah?" Akane inquired brightly.
"Certainly! You could launch your messengers to any location in Tokyo. Of course, you'd use up a lot of messengers that way."
Akane and Ukyo looked at one another, then scowled at the other girl.
Shampoo giggled. "No can do, Kodachi! Only airen, pig-boy, and stick-boy survive it." She giggled again and started to trot off after the departed martial artist. "I find Ranma and take to Nekohanten. Great-grandmother have new scroll for him to study."
"Tell that baka I need him for dinner-rush, Sham-chan," Ukyo bellowed after the departing Amazon.
"Yes, will do!" Shampoo sprang to a rooftop and vanished.
A few streets away, she found the object of her search strolling in the direction of the Nekohanten. She dropped beside him as he waved negligently. "Ranma, you never grow out of foot-in-mouth condition."
"What was I supposed to do?" he grumbled. "Let them beat on me because they've decided I'm a pervert?"
"Airen pick his poison," Shampoo replied with a sniff.
They walked along the canal and Barry leaped up to walk the fence. Shampoo shrugged and joined him, picking her way along in a curiously dainty fashion. She watched his back for a while but, when he didn't glance back or say anything, grew impatient for some kind of attention. Besides, she had some questions she wanted answers to. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Airen," she said quietly, "Akane act funny, say she love you, but no act it."
"Act like it," he corrected automatically. "We all got our problems, Shampoo. Most of us wear masks to protect who we really are. Akane's mask is a violent maniac who hates boys." He didn't stop there. "Ukyo's was the mask of the 'bishonen man', and then the 'cute fiancée'. Hers is changin' again, though. Kodachi's mask was the 'over-bred socialite', but lately it's been changin', too. Yours was the mask of the 'over-sexed bimbo'." She felt his glance and flinched, also felt the smile and was soothed. "Lately, I'd say it's become the mask of the 'competent woman', a variant of what Nabiki has used in the past."
Shampoo objected. "I thought mercenary-girl use mask of 'up-and-coming yakuza'?"
Barry snickered and almost slipped off the fence. "Yeah? Well, that too. But to get back to Akane; I sometimes wonder if something happened before I came, maybe years before I came, that poisoned her against 'boys'. She trusts men, if they're mature and familiar, but boys, even ones she's known for a while, no. It didn't help when the feeble-minded fool of Furinkan High, Kuno, decided to sic the guys in the school on her. She says it didn't happen all at once, but you can imagine what it must have been like."
"So?" Shampoo shrugged and, as he hopped a section of fence that had a loose top-rail, followed with a graceful hop of her own. "Shampoo deal with boys. It not so bad."
"You never had more than two-dozen, Shampoo, and you faced them as a much more competent warrior to begin with," Barry said shaking his head. "When I came, Akane was mobbed by as many as forty opponents every morning. Her biggest advantage was that they never trained to fight as a group. But, I get the feelin' it pushed her closer to her limits than she'd like to admit. It only made it that much harder to deal with when I showed up, engaged to her against her will, and she couldn't even lay a finger on me."
Shampoo shuddered. "Can sympathize," Shampoo said sadly. Barry almost slipped off the fence again. The Shampoo he met when he arrived could not have cared less about her rival. He pointed to the ground and back-flipped off, enjoying the flow and balance of Ranma's reflexes. Shampoo joined him and they continued on their way, side by side. "Ranma?"
"What, Shampoo?"
"What mask you wear?" she asked seriously, touching his shoulder again. Barry wished she wouldn't do that. It was a reaching out, a request for comfort and understanding that was far more alluring than her former, childish bimbo routine. Barry bit his lip and tried to decide what he would tell her.
(SPLOOSH!)
Onna-Ranma and Sham-neko, who hung by her claws from the redhead's shoulders, stared at the figure standing before them, a bucket in hand.
"Huh! huh! haw!" Pantyhose Taro relaxed back and regarded the two. "Probably the mask of the girlie-boy, pretty kitty," he guffawed. "I need to talk to you, kettle-!" he began to add, but Barry had glanced at the weight hanging from her shoulders and decided it was time to react to a cat.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh! Cat!" (ZOOOM!)
The older martial artist groaned and picked himself up from the sidewalk he had been trampled into by a runaway redhead. He took note of the footprints that marked his scaled vest and felt the caked dust of the print that decorated his face. "Hey!" he sputtered indignantly.
Barry fled up toward the Nekohanten. With any luck, Cologne would be there and brain her with her staff before she hurt Shampoo by accident. Poor Shampoo! Chasing a boy who fled in terror from her alternate form. Only a few hundred meters more...
"Dammit, femboy!" snarled Taro, clothes-lining Barry before grabbing her by the shirt. "Why the hell did you run me over? Oh!" Taro took in Barry, running with her feet off the ground and Shampoo, hanging from her shirt. "Haw! Afraid of a itty, bitty kitty, are you?" He grabbed Shampoo by the scruff of her neck and jerked her off Barry's back, ripping the cloth. Shampoo let out an anguished yowl as Taro made as if to throw her in the girl's face.
Barry reacted, all right. Fearing that Taro might hurt the Amazon, she decided that yak-brain needed a taste of the Cat-Fist. "mMMMRAORRRrrr-FSST!"
Startled, Pantyhose Taro dropped them both. Shampoo, knowing how Ranma could be in Nekoken, didn't waste any time, but lit out as fast as she could go for the Nekohanten. 'Call Akane, get her over here and get help!' She banged through the cat-door, almost tripping Mousse and dashed for the kitchen.
Beneath the sink, a showerhead with a short pull-chain, like those found in chemistry labs, jutted from the hot water line. Shampoo jerked on the chain and swelled as she transformed back to human. She leaped to her feet as Mousse hurried into the kitchen, grabbing him by the front of his robe. "Call Ucchan's! Get Akane! Monster-boy fighting Ranma in Nekoken. I right back!"
Mousse glazed as he took in Shampoo's altogether-ness. Then he gasped as what she said sank in. Ranma in neko! Not good, especially for anything that could turn into a small animal or bird. He dashed for the phone as Shampoo's shouts of 'Grandmother!' echoed from the living quarters. Briefly as he dialed, he wondered if Taro had his insurance paid up. Then he shrugged. Maybe there wouldn't be enough left of the obnoxious jerk to save.
Barry arched her back, standing side on to Taro in the classic 'See? I'm huge and I'm gonna rip you up' stance a cat takes when threatened and cornered. Stupid bull-boy! Jerk! She pranced closer, outside foot and hand crossing under inside limbs as she gathered herself to do really painful things to this obnoxious lout.
Taro backed away, nervously. As a martial artist, he was Ranma's equal (or so he believed) in human form and in monster form was nearly unbeatable, but that didn't mean he didn't listen to his hindbrain when something weird happened. Ranma acting like an aggressive cat, fit that description to a tee. "Hey, Saotome! What do you think you're doing?"
Barry's response went something like, "rrrrrrRR-KAHHHHHT!" ...as she suddenly leaped for his face. As Taro tried to punch her away, she slashed with neko-claws. Had Barry wanted to, she could have cut his arms off. She planned to savor the moment and didn't want Taro's death or maiming on her conscience, so she settled for inflicting about fifty shallow surface cuts. About what Taro would have received had he been stupid enough to stick his arms into that long ago pit of cats that had so traumatized Ranma.
"Aaugh! Get off me, dammit!" Taro roared and flung her aside. Barry twisted and landed lightly on her hands and feet, immediately orienting and stalking sidewise, circling in on her opponent. "Gods! What's the matter with you, prick-chick?" he growled, shaking his bloodied limbs. His eyes were a little wild. Ranma had not attacked him like a martial artist, but like a wild animal. "I just wanted to yank your chain and ask some questions." He reached for the thermos he carried at his belt these days and, finding it missing, glanced hurriedly around. He saw it lying on the ground, five meters away in five even cylindrical slices, water already evaporating from the warm sidewalk. As he turned to face the circling form, he saw that the canal was at least seventy meters away. As he turned, he noted a fire hydrant, much closer but still more than forty meters away. He began moving toward that, hoping he could make it before that crazy Saotome attacked again. Suddenly, the redhead stopped circling, standing on all fours between Taro and the hydrant, a sly, evil smile lighting her face. Her yowling turned into a predatory purr that chilled his spine.
"Hey! What's wrong with Ranma?"
Barry and Taro's eyes broke to the side and recognized the approach of Hiroshi, Daisuke and Kogara among others hurrying up. They stopped dead at Ranma's high-backed stance and paled.
"Damn! He's gone neko," exclaimed Hiroshi.
"What's neko?" croaked Taro, cursing himself for the way his voice sounded. He paled a little as Ranma refocused on him and growled.
"He thinks he's a cat, and he's much more dangerous," Daisuke said, eyes wide. "If I were in your shoes, I'd run like hell!"
"If you can keep out of his way till he changes back, he won't hold it against you," offered Hiroshi, helpfully. "He says he doesn't remember what happens when he's in neko." Hiroshi began to edge in between Taro and the redhead.
"What are you doing?" Taro said with a hint of shock in his voice.
Hiroshi turned his head toward him. "Ranma's my friend. I know he hates it when he does this and probably wouldn't want to hurt you. I don't think he'll attack me."
"You're nuts!" Taro said. "Gutsy, but nuts. I can handle myself."
"Just go away for a while," Hiroshi said. "I don't know what you're fighting about, but I know Ranma doesn't like to hurt people. Please come back when Ranma's normal."
Barry watched astonished as Hiroshi interfered. Damn! She almost went through him before she heard him explain himself and his logic to Pantyhose. She sighed and let her back swing down to assume a sitting position, watching Taro intently. She'd let Hiroshi defuse this, unless yak-brain decided to get rough. Her focus changed as she noticed Kogara stare at her in fascination.
"Here, kitty, kitty." What the hell?
"What are you doing, Kogara?" Dai asked, a strange expression on his face.
"Cats have a certain reputation," the kendoist said. "Maybe we can find out..."
"Are you nuts?" Hiro and Dai chorused. "Leave him alone!" Hiroshi demanded. Kogara ignored them and meowed at Barry, edging closer.
Taro stood, blood dripping from his arms and stared at these people. He smirked suddenly. He watched the play of emotion over Ranma's face and saw the flare of anger now directed at Kogara. He almost missed the flash of motion and paled in sympathy.
Kogara stood frozen as the remains of his pants went south and the 'ting!' of brass belt buckle pieces bouncing off the pavement rang in the sudden stillness. He shivered as a cool breeze caressed skin that had been covered only moments before. Ranma remained sitting and ignored them all, washing her face with strokes of her hand, which she periodically licked. Hiroshi and Daisuke sucked in ragged breaths and looked green.
Shampoo hurried up, dressed now in one of her mini-dresses, holding a bowl. "You go away, monster-boy!" she scolded. Taro, of course, bridled at her command. "Aiya!" she exclaimed looking at Kogara. "What little stick-boy do? Is wrong!" she decided. She grabbed the offensive sight of a half-naked Kogara and threw him towards the canal. The three remaining men gawked as her mini-dress rode up, revealing a fine muscular bottom, but no panties; she had been a bit rushed. She glared at them and yanked her dress down again. "What you look at?" she growled at Taro's open leer, Daisuke's glazed, bloody-nosed wince and Hiroshi's deep blush. Shampoo turned back to Ranma. Offering the bowl, she said pleasantly, "Fish? Here, kitty-kitty. Have nice fish from Shampoo?"
Barry was in a hell of a state. This... It was hard not to break into laughter and roll on the ground. She would never have expected Hiroshi to have the courage or insight to act this way. And Shampoo with Kogara, her state of dress... She whined faintly and regained control as all of her audience stepped back in fear. Rising to all fours, she rubbed against the front of Hiroshi's legs, her opinion of him much higher than before, sniffed delicately at the offered fish and began to mince after Shampoo, leaving the other three behind her.
Taro, ignoring his scratched arms, turned to Ranma's friends. "What's that all about?" he demanded jerking his thumb after Shampoo and the apparently finicky neko-Ranma following her.
Hiroshi was still in shock from neko-Ranma rubbing up against him. Daisuke eyed the bloody figure and decided that anyone who could ignore that kind of damage was worth catering to.
"Ranma was in Nekoken. It's some kind of ultimate martial art his father taught him when he was little. But he only does it if he's around cats too much."
"How the hell did that happen?"
" When he was a little kid, Mr. Saotome tied him up in fish sausage and repeatedly threw him into a pit full of starving cats."
Taro gulped. Maybe there were worse things than having Happosai as a godfather. Then, Akane Tendo raced past them and rushed up the hill toward the Nekohanten. After a moment, Taro drifted after her, leaving Ranma's friends to their own devices. He couldn't not go without looking like he was afraid. And like Ranma, he would never admit to that. He slid in the door, careful not to ring the entry bell.
"I have Mousse wait with hot water inside door. When Ranma come in, he splash," Shampoo was explaining to Akane.
"Oh, Ranma!" Akane seemed aggrieved.
"Sorry, Akane," Ranma's voice was rather rueful.
Taro flinched as the front door banged open and Hiroshi and Daisuke barged in noisily. "Hey! Is Ranma all right?" bellowed Hiroshi. Taro shrugged and fell in behind them. No sense lurking when his cover was blown anyway.
"Hey, Hiroshi," Barry said warmly. The more he thought about it, the happier he was that the young man had stepped in. Ranma didn't like to hurt people, and Barry's initial impulse to mess Taro up had been a mistake. He frowned as that individual came in behind them.
"Truce, Saotome," he said, holding up his arms. Akane gasped and frowned at the pigtailed martial artist. He flinched and looked contrite. "I'm just trying to find Happosai," Taro added.
Barry nodded and walked over to the Nekohanten's first aid kit, knowing he would find it well stocked. Mousse hadn't been giving Shampoo reasons to pound him of late; but before that he could have kept a small hospital in business all by himself. He took out some antiseptic and began dabbing at the scratches glad now that stitching was not needed.
"Ow, dammit!" Taro cuffed him, and he glared.
"What? Dooes it huwt?" Barry asked sarcastically. He offered the bottle and swab to the flushing martial artist. Taro snatched them and began treating himself. "The last time I saw Happi was up north at a... sporting event. The last time I've heard about him was when you were chasing him around Mt. Fuji."
"Damn!" Taro lathered antiseptic over the shallow wounds and looked curiously as Barry scanned the injuries with ki-vision. "What did you do there?" he asked suspiciously.
"They'll heal okay," Barry said. "Just a ki-technique, Taro. We've been studying a lot lately."
"Damn magic tricks," the other snorted.
"Really? What do you call turning into a monster?"
"Feh!" Taro snorted again. "How long have you been going kitty-brain?"
"Wonderful," Barry said sarcastically. "I can see you've found whole new realms of possible insults."
"Huh! huh!" Taro grinned and finished treating his cuts. "At least I've figured out how you manage to keep four girls chasing after you!" Barry scowled, while two of the girls in question looked puzzled. "Mmmrrrraooowww," Taro added a very creditable tomcat yell. Barry barely remembered to react.
Akane and Shampoo began to glow blue, and Hiroshi and Daisuke started edging for the door. They were blocked as another figure entered, hopping on her staff, long white hair swinging behind her.
"Shampoo! Akane!" she snapped. "Don't damage the restaurant!"
"Sorry, grandmother," Shampoo backed down.
"I apologize to you, Cologne," Akane said, watching Shampoo for cues on how to act like an Amazon. "This baka," she spat, "is another matter."
"Oooh! I'm scared," Taro smirked. "Fem-boy's macho-chick wants to fight!"
"I challenge you, Pantyhose Taro!" Akane yelled.
Taro waved a hand at her dismissively. "You've got to be kidding." He looked at his arms, grimaced and nodded to Barry. "If you see Happosai, tell him I've gone back to China for a while. When I'm back, I'll look him up."
Barry ignored the fuming Akane for the moment and focused on Taro. "He hasn't been around the dojo lately. So there's no point in hanging around there. Understand?"
"Dammit!" Pantyhose swore. "What happened? Did he get tired of the Tendo beds-and-breakfast?"
"Pantyhose," Akane growled.
"The old fart never got more than a copped feel from any of us and you know it, Taro," Barry retorted, snorting. "No, he probably has a real good idea what'll happen if he pulls anything on us again."
"I said..." Akane continued.
"Sure he does. Watch out for demons or stupidly powerful martial artists that he'll trick into coming your way." Eyes rising ceiling-ward, Taro smirked at the idea of trouble yet to come for his adversary.
"...I challenge..." Barry glanced over at Akane and noticed her aura. He considered warning Taro, but decided to open the front door instead.
"Once he feels he's taught you a lesson, he'll be back." Taro crossed his arms and grinned nastily. He glanced at Akane and then back at Barry, ignoring the obvious signs of agitation in the former. As Akane stepped into arm's reach, he began to take a loose defensive stance, obviously unimpressed by the eternally kidnapped fiancée.
"...you!" Akane struck. She was much faster than Taro remembered. Much, much faster. Stronger as well. Taro considered these facts as her single strike sent him spinning out the door to skid along the sidewalk. Snarling, Akane hurtled out after him. Taro somersaulted to his feet and deflected an ax kick aimed at his temple. He backed away from Akane, working his jaw and blocking or dodging the next dozen strikes.
"Damn!" he exclaimed. He took a shot to the shoulder that staggered him. "She hits harder than you do, fem-boy!"
"Tell me about it," Barry retorted. "I'd really take her more seriously, Taro," he warned. He grinned as Akane set up a trap and watched Taro fall into it, barely avoiding a punishing kick to the groin as he overextended. He winced as Akane finally took a hit, then a few more as the older martial artist began to focus on the idea that Akane wasn't a pushover anymore. Akane took a bruising blow to the ribs, but merely absorbed some of the inertia as she went into a Ranma-style airborne attack series, kicking, kneeing and striking with a blurring suspension of gravity.
Taro frowned as he found that she was utilizing strategy, as well, her landing point cutting him off from a nearby rain-barrel and another fire hydrant. He went to his own form of the Amiguriken and found she was a shade faster, using her Amiguriken technique to block and still strike back. He took hits to unlimber his trademark pantyhose belt to attempt to entangle her. Akane couldn't Nekoken, but she stroked out a blade of ki from her hand and ripped through the fabric like a sword.
Pantyhose was becoming just a bit alarmed. With Ranma, he always got a few moments now and then as Ranma assessed the damage he caused and debated whether or not to continue fighting, short of annihilating his opponent. He was beginning to realize that, while Akane used many of Ranma's moves, she might not be satisfied by anything less than a decisive victory. The girl had turned into a damn Amazon!
He took a back fist to the cheek, instead of the nose, as he twisted his head away. She slid inside his defenses and was hammering on him at a closer range than he could comfortably strike back. He managed to gain a grip on her upper left arm and tried a head butt. She slid aside, twisted and grabbed his collar for a throw, striking back with an elbow at his solar plexus. He managed to foil the move, but took damage, then took more damage as she managed to fall on top of him as they went down.
Barry winced in sympathy as Akane, who was not, appearances aside, running berserk, kneed him then gained a straddle position over Taro's stomach and attempted to grasp his throat. Taro bucked, then curled his legs over, managing to scissor Akane's head with his knees and hurl her away. Akane instantly reinforced her neck with armoring ki, took the throw, somersaulted and began to move in again.
Taro rolled to his feet painfully and backed away. He shot a truly incomprehensible look at Barry. "Tell her to back off, Saotome!" he growled. "I don't like fighting girls, but she's good enough, I'm willing to really hurt her if I have to."
Akane laughed and straightened. "You tried several moves that could have hurt me, Taro," she said relaxing. "I think I've proved my point." She dusted off her tattered uniform and sauntered past. Barry noted she was taking lessons from Shampoo. He almost choked at the look on Taro's face. She'd made quite an impression with him ...on the side of a building ...on a lamppost ...on the sidewalk several times...
Shampoo applauded and smirked, and Hiroshi and Daisuke followed suit. They would have quite a story to tell their friends back at school.
Taro glared sourly at them and fixed Barry with a gimlet look. "All right. Who is this really?" he demanded.
"It really is Akane, Taro," Barry grinned, giving Akane a triumphant smile. "She's been training."
"Hells!" Taro looked at Akane again, but not with anger.
Barry suddenly wondered what it would be like if Taro started adopting Kuno's modus operandi. Hells, indeed! Better nip it in the bud. "What? Don't tell me your home village has laws about girls beatin' guys in a fight?" he demanded. Akane, facing toward Shampoo, stopped and went pale as a ghost.
Taro snorted. "Don't be absurd! Your sex-flipping is rotting your brain." He glanced at Akane again and made a terrible mistake. "Why the hell would I want to bed something as strong as an ape and half as pretty?"
(BAM!)
"You know, Taro," Barry said after the other regained consciousness, "I can believe me doing that, but you?" Taro painfully looked around. Akane was not in sight. "She left, yak-brain," Barry said casually. "You made quite an impression."
"What do you expect?" Taro smirked, then winced. "Better watch it, fem-boy; maybe I'll steal her from you." He struggled to his feet again and dusted himself off.
"I'm not particularly worried," Barry said dryly. "Besides, that wasn't the impression I was talking about." He waved his hand at the collateral damage to the neighborhood. "Akane was just thoroughly pissed."
"What the hell have you been feeding her, Saotome?" Taro noticed that Barry had the antiseptic again to re-treat his arms. He snatched the swabs and fluid and quickly applied it himself, not trusting Ranma's good will.
"I'm not goin' there, Taro," Barry chuckled. "I've just been training her. She's gettin' pretty good."
"You've been teaching her your ki stuff, too?" Taro grumbled in disgust.
Barry grinned and stretched. "Yep! She's doing good there, too." He grinned at Taro and nodded at the pink color the medicine had left his arms. "Ya know ya might consider body paint that color. Looks good with yer bracers."
Taro snarled at him. Barry continued to grin as Taro turned on his heel and stalked away, looking extremely disgruntled.
Ryoga felt the tug of the rope that went from his belt to the harness Katsunishiki wore. He sighed and paid closer attention to the route they were taking. His after-school afternoons and weekends were kept busy talking to priests at various local shrines, with occasional trips to the university to talk to Konatsu Kenzan.
He thought about the encounter Akane and Barry had with Pantyhose Taro and ground his teeth. He had been off with Akari at a local shrine when that happened. He would have loved the opportunity to give old Pantyhose a shock with his own advanced training. According to Barry, Akane, Ryoga and Shampoo were the top martial artists in Nerima. Barry did not include himself in the assessment because he never studied the Art before coming here. Ranma's guest jokingly claimed he was only borrowing Ranma's skills.
Ryoga sighed. He didn't know what to think of the developments but hated what the separation was doing to Akane. He was a little surprised that he didn't pine for Akane anymore. She was still beautiful, still sweet, though he now recognized her temper, but she was not his. Besides, he had enough girl trouble.
"What are you laughing at, Ryoga?"
Ryoga glanced at the girl riding the mountainous pig's shoulders. Akari was lovely today, wearing a purple-trimmed white dress with elaborate lacework. An umbrella shaded her from the sun, even as a huge lightweight cloth blanket substituted for a coat of mud on Katsunishiki. Ryoga vaguely remembered Akari telling him pigs were subject to sunburn and used wallows to protect themselves. The blanket served as advertising, for which the Unryus were well paid, as well as protection from the sun. The blanket's sides carried the logos and legends of several major corporations, as befitted a champion.
He realized he had zoned out again and refocused on Akari. He had to admit, she was every bit as nice and beautiful as Akane had ever been. She looked a lot like Akane as well, and it was that, as much as anything else, which made him doubt his feelings for her. Akari Unryu was too nice to be stuck with a guy who was operating in rebound or emotional confusion.
"Ryoga?"
He jerked back to the present again and Akari giggled. "Um, you were saying?"
"I wondered what you were laughing at? It didn't sound like a happy laugh and I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help?"
Ryoga sighed. "Do you understand what we've been doing at the Tendo dojo and all the temples and shrines?" he asked hopefully.
"No." Ryoga got a pained look and Akari teared up at what she took to be disappointment in her. "Oh, Ryoga, I wish I was smarter…"
"It's not a matter of being smart, Akari," he reassured her.
"Then what, Ryoga? I want to help, to make you happy."
He heard the hurt in her voice. 'It isn't her fault I'm such a jerk,' he thought. He held out his arms to her and, after a shocked moment of incredulity, she slid down off the high hump of Katsunishiki's back and into his arms. He cradled her against his chest like a child and walked along, guided by tugs of the leash that attached him to her pig.
Akari was in heaven, Ryoga's strong arms holding her close, safe from the world. Ryoga was horribly shy and rarely initiated any contact between them. Every time he did was special. She snuggled close and closed her eyes, relishing every moment.
"One extra large special, hold the pork, extra onions," Konatsu sang as he poured the batter, a few hours later. "One pork special with special sauce number five," he added, smiling at Akari. A tremendous 'gggGGRRUUUMMble!' echoed off the buildings shocking everyone into stillness.
"One extra, extra large okonomiyaki with extra everything except pork," chorused Akari, Ryoga and Konatsu staring at Katsunishiki. The huge pig shifted uncomfortably and snuffled loudly in the direction of the yatai. It waggled its ears and waited impatiently. As the 'yaki were finished, Konatsu flipped them onto stiff paper plates and offered chopsticks where appropriate. His customers retreated to a tree and consumed their meals, commenting on Konatsu's skill as compared to Ukyo. The former kunoichi was much improved.
He was also much embarrassed.
"Oh, Konatsu," moaned a pretty female freshman at the young man, who blushed at the attention, "Did anyone ever tell you how much you look like Tuxedo Kamen?"
"Tuxedo K-k-Kamen?"
"Uh, huh!" sighed her friend. "You can throw roses at me anytime."
"R-roses?" stuttered the yatai-ya. He boggled, caught between nervousness and disgust. The only people he knew who threw roses at others were the Kunos. He tried to work up some kind of intelligent response.
"Hey, Konatsu," asked a young man who was sitting across from the Konatsu's-a-hunk fan club. "Who's the ninja babe on this panel? I'd like to meet her."
Konatsu, who knew very well just who that 'ninja babe' was, stuttered and purpled. He thought furiously then raised a hand to his head dramatically. "That's my sister. She's married and has five kids now. Pity it destroyed her figure. She must weigh a hundred kilos." He pretended to weep softly as his customers reacted in horror.
Ryoga snickered as they watched the drama. Akari, who looked horrified at Konatsu's tale, gave Ryoga a hurt look. "Ryoga!" she actually went so far as to hit him, feather lightly, when he persisted in snickering. "That's not nice! That poor woman!"
"He's lying, Akari," Ryoga whispered to her, "That's a picture of him!" He snickered some more. "He was raised as a girl by some of the ugliest, nastiest people of I've ever heard of. He really thought he was a girl! He used to work at Ucchan's as a waitress." He told her the expurgated version of Konatsu's heritage.
"He-!" Akari was flummoxed. "How?"
"It makes you think," Ryoga said almost sadly. "Every one of the top martial artists I know can honestly say they've been through hell." He shrugged. "I wonder if it's a requirement?"
"Oh, Ryoga," Akari said leaning against him. "Why does the world have to be this way?"
"If the light is to shine brightly, it must be placed in a sea of darkness," Ryoga said suddenly. He looked at her and Akari blushed. Regardless of what else he thought it was obvious that Ryoga considered her one of those lights. She hugged him fiercely. Ryoga turned red, then blue. Akari shared another characteristic with Akane, a hug that could crush stone. When she realized how near he was to fainting dead away she released him with apologies. He hoarsely reassured her then stood up, offering a hand to bring her to her feet. Ryoga picked up the folder of stories Konatsu collected and the two visitors walked to the library. The lost-boy would soon be double-checking the interpretations offered against the original texts. After Akari set Ryoga up with his reading material, she would return outside to tour the campus with Katsunishiki.
Usually, she wandered back to the yatai to get another okonomiyaki for the huge pig. Shiki had developed a taste for Ucchan's 'yaki. Today, however, it didn't go as smoothly as usual. Two of the works Ryoga needed to check were on a restricted list and the librarian on duty was new. He didn't understand that the entrants of the martial arts scholarship competition had the same rights as attending students. It took more than an hour before they could convince him to contact his superior for permission to access those documents.
Katsunishiki sat patiently by the entrance to the library, ignoring the people that stopped and stared at the sight of a pig as large as a car. Like most pigs, Katsunishiki was far more intelligent than appearances indicated. He was very trainable and housebroken - well, 'street-broken'. He was unfettered, which was only practical; the sumo pig could break or uproot any object you could conveniently tie him to with anything less durable than a large ship's anchor chain. Usually, when Akari told Katsunishiki to stay, he stayed, much like a good guide dog. But if nature called or if annoyed by stupid aggressive humans, he would move from where he was waiting, though he wandered back periodically. Today was one of those days.
"What is that thing?" Nikki Daikansatsu, the yakuza wannabe, stopped outside the library with two of his goons. Katsunishiki sat on his haunches; the only movement he made was an occasional twitch of his ears. "Is this some sort of joke?" He walked boldly over to read the legend on the blanket Katsunishiki wore.
Katsunishiki of Unryu Farms - Champion Sumo Pig 1987, 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991… Sponsored by… The list of major corporations sponsoring the animal made Nikki's jaw hang open. He looked at his stooges, then at the pig, and huddled for a hurried conference.
Soon one of the men was sprinting across campus to get a truck, while the other went looking for some 'pig-type food' and a rope, leaving Nikki to watch and rub his hands over what a coup it would be to pig-nap such a valuable animal. This might help him recover some of his recent losses to Nabiki and put him solvent again. He was getting nervous, what with the creative bookkeeping and the funds from his yakuza father's accounts that might soon be missed.
When Akari came out of the library, she spared not a glance at the crushed pickup truck despite the steady blaring of its horn or the yelling the driver was doing at a muscular young man trying to wrench the driver-side door off. All she noticed was the absence of her large sumo pig. She hoped she knew where he was headed.
Katsunishiki grumbled to himself as he meandered down-campus to Ucchan's yatai. Some humans were simply too rude and strange for his comfort. If Akari was alone, he would have stayed by the library, but Ryoga was more than competent to protect her, even from those idiots!
He had ignored the pickup truck that pulled up. He had frowned, as much as pigs can, when they tied a thick rope around his neck. He withdrew a little as they offered him food from the campus cafeteria, which didn't tempt him at all. All these little inconveniences had worn on his temper, but not pushed him into action, because Katsunishiki was an intelligent pig trained to fight other sumo pigs, not humans. While it could be argued that he did attack humans when Akari was searching for her fiancé that had been a specifically ordered exception. Besides, as incompetent as Nikki and his goons were, Katsunishiki hadn't made the connection between their actions and their intent - to abduct him.
Then, at Nikki's urging, one of the goons smacked the huge pig across his haunches with a stick. Nikki and said goons found out that pigs could be both dangerous and fast. Fast enough to make the chase around the pickup truck exciting, as he pursued them with furious grunts and open-mouthed roars, showing tusks that could have passed for railroad spikes. Katsunishiki didn't quite break the laws governing momentum, but Nikki and company didn't have time to appreciate that. They managed to jump into the truck and close the doors, only to have the furious swine rear up and skillfully slam his ton of weight down on the truck bed, bending the rear axle as Nikki started the engine and threw it in gear.
Front wheel drive accelerated the truck to a hopping (due to the bent axle), spine-jarring, forty kilometers an hour before Katsunishiki caught them again and shoulder-blocked the truck into a wall, coincidentally crushing the doors shut and shattering the windows. Honor satisfied, the pig left feeling peckish to find Konatsu.
Konatsu finished his latest okonomiyaki creation with a flourish and presented it to his customer. He was guiltily enjoying being on his own. The favorable comments his creations received were doing wonders for his new self-image as a man. He had known, when he waitressed at Ucchan's, that many of the customers came in because he looked like a pretty girl. Of course back then he still believed he was a pretty girl. "Next?"
"One with bonito flakes, corn, onion and wasabi, please."
Konatsu smiled and went to work. Ukyo and Ranma had done their best to help straighten him out; and Kasumi Tendo loaned him some books dealing with gender confusion and self-image, as well as explicit biological texts so he understood the significance of the differences in the plumbing. He hadn't really explored his sexual orientation yet, but the admiration and gratitude he harbored for Ukyo was steering him in what most people considered a normal direction, for a change. "Here you go! Next?"
"Bwee! Buk!" A bass grunt greeted his inquiry. 'Huh?' The yatai rocked from a heavy push. The ninja-trained vender wheeled his arms wildly and oriented on the sound. Soft, ridiculously long-lashed brown eyes peered out from a massive pink-white face.
"Katsunishiki!" Konatsu shouted. "No, no, no! Bad pig!" The yatai rocked again.
"Bu-KWEEEeee! (Translation: 'C'mon, Konatsu; I've had a bad day and I need another 'yaki!')
"Don't hurt Ukyo's yatai," the former kunoichi screeched. "Bad pig!" Konatsu rolled over the counter and smacked the huge swine on the nose.
Katsunishiki jumped back and regarded Konatsu with a hurt look. Then his temper got the better of him and he charged...
...Straight at Konatsu and Ukyo's yatai.
"No, no, no, NO! Bad pig!" Konatsu yelled again, setting himself to defend the yatai with his life.
Akari came over a rise and saw Katsunishiki charging Konatsu and the yatai. She drew in a breath to scream at her pig to stop, but it was already too late. Katsunishiki made contact with the slender young man and somersaulted eerily into the air to crash down, stunned, a meter short of the paneled cart. The ground shook a moment, and silence filled the spaces combat had so recently claimed.
Konatsu dusted himself off and shook a finger at the recumbent pig. "I said 'no', and I meant No! Don't hurt the yatai, Katsunishiki." The pig grunted and rolled onto its chest. "I can't make you an okonomiyaki if you break the yatai. Now, wait your turn. I'll be happy to fix something for you." As the pig rose unsteadily to his feet, Konatsu jumped back behind the grill. "Let's see... An extra, extra large with everything, no pork." He poured the batter.
"K-Konatsu," Akari stammered as he worked. He looked up to see Akari standing beside the grumpy Katsunishiki, her hands clasped before her and her eyes huge.
"Oh, hi, Akari-san," Konatsu said smiling. He glanced at the huge pig and the smile slipped a little. "Sorry about that. But I couldn't let Katsunishiki damage Ukyo's yatai."
"How did you..." breathed the astonished pig farmer.
Konatsu froze and did a good imitation of Ryoga zoning out. "I...I just knew." He opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Oh. Oh, my! Thank you Akari-sama." He bowed to her.
"Why?" was her intelligent reply.
"I would never have remembered," he said, flipping the okonomiyaki. "Did Ryoga tell you of how Ukyo rescued me?"
"Yes."
"Well," Tears began to stream down Konatsu's face, "It's stupid, but fighting Katsunishiki made me remember what it was like before the tea shop, when I lived on a farm with my mother and father and my little sister, Kyoko. I haven't thought of them in years!" The spatula he was using to flip the okonomiyaki was in danger of being mangled. "I lost them in an earthquake."
"Kenna?" Akari blurted.
Konatsu stared at Akari. She smacked her hand over her mouth, embarrassed and wondering why she said that name after all these years. Konatsu blinked and stared at her, until the tension (and the cooking smells) began to make Katsunishiki shift impatiently.
"A... A-Ari?"
"I can't believe you did that to him, Barry," Akane scolded as they walked toward Ucchan's. Shampoo and Mousse would meet them at the dojo later. "Using the Nekoken on Taro that way."
Barry winced. For all that she often tried to learn the traditional lore of a wife through 'bridal training', among Akane's 'successes' was her ability to scold. "You had to have been there."
"Honestly. And how do you justify it?" she demanded in her low intense, 'I'm really unhappy!' voice. "I doubt Shampoo would have offered to jump in your face. Not unless she thought your life was in danger…"
"No, I couldn't claim that," Barry admitted. He sighed as Akane, about to let him off, frowned again and went back to puzzling the situation out. Shampoo had offered nothing about the root cause of the incident. She had been too embarrassed. Which meant Akane was left assigning blame. "Taro just ticked me off…"
"I really thought better of you, Barry!" she exclaimed. "You could have hurt him!"
"What about your little fracas, tomboy?" Barry retorted. "Beating up on an injured guy like that?"
Akane blushed and looked down. "He shouldn't have said that," she mumbled.
"Said what?" Barry inquired innocently.
She glared at him. "You know very well, what! Implying Ranma acts like a cat-"
"He does. It's called Nekoken." She swatted him.
"Yes! But not like… like that!"
"True," Barry admitted. "He acts more like a kitten than a tomcat when he's under."
"Yes! And then insinuating that we… That my sisters…" She flushed this time with anger.
"Taro's a jerk, Akane," Barry supplied for her. "Which is why I used Nekoken." He held up a hand to stop her. "Taro doesn't hold back against Ranma when they fight, Akane. And he's too close to Ranma's skill. Pretending to go Neko, especially when he shoved Shampoo in my face, was a lot safer than fighting him full out."
"He did what?" Akane shouted.
Barry squiggled a finger in the ear that had been oriented her direction and worked his jaw. "Taro was being a jerk," he repeated. "I had to react to Shampoo to stay in character and he thought it was funny I was afraid of her." He grinned ferally. "I merely changed his mind for him."
Akane was incensed! "If I had known that! Why I'd have…"
"Sweeto!" (Sploosh! Gooosh!)
"AAAAaaggh!" (POW!)
Happosai bounced off the wall and leered at the two females. One shocked and the other enraged and dripping wet.
"What the hell you do that for, old man!" shrieked Barry. Having her nipples pinched by hard little fingers gave an all new level of loathing to what she felt for the freak.
"Needed a recharge m'boy!" Happi looked less happy as his focus went beyond them and his eyes betrayed something approaching fear. "Gotta run!" He suited action to words and departed without further attempts at molestation.
Barry shivered and cradled her abused bosom. "Damn freak! What was that all about?" Akane shrugged and they turned look in the direction he had run from.
A dust cloud roared up, a whirring of chain and the roar of wind around a rapidly moving body. It seemed to jump at them! Barry shoved Akane aside and leaped the opposite direction – which was unfortunate. Had she stood her ground the oncoming vehicle and rider would have missed her completely.
"EEEeeK!" a feminine voice shouted as Barry appeared in her flight path.
(Mooosh!) went Barry. As the dust cleared, she was revealed, on her back, arms and legs akimbo with a bicycle track straight up the front of her body. Akane picked herself up and rushed to the downed figure. "S-s-shampoo?" Barry croaked. "B-b-but its p-pink!"
Akane, starting to gently pick up the abused head in her hands, tears forming in her eyes, let it drop at the sound of her rival's name. The red-haired head hit the pavement with a 'thunk'. Akane struggled to resist beating the injured girl, but wondered why the hell she would mutter the Amazon's name… "Oh! The bicycle!" she exclaimed softly.
"I'm sor-ry."
Akane blinked and turned her eyes to a tall well endowed girl who, still stride the offending bicycle, sidled over to peer concerned at her victim. She sounded awfully familiar.
"Is she gonna be alright?" Big green eyes framed by thick, waist-length strawberry blond hair stared at the fallen redhead still doing twirly eyes and twitching on the ground.
Akane swallowed and nodded silently.
"Alright!" The mournful face went joyous and unconcerned instantly. She jumped in place reversing back to her original course. "Wait, Mouse! I still wanna play!" Legs churned and the improbable bike laid down rubber for nearly thirty meters as she accelerated on Happosai's trail. Akane's eyes widened as the strange girl used a technique she'd only seen Shampoo try – bouncing off the pavement to leap the bike over a moving car in her path. The unusual girl and her vehicle were soon out of sight in the busy streets.
"What the hell was that?" Akane inquired to no one in particular.