A/N: Sorry for the loooonnngg hiatus! I had a terrible case of writer's block, and I'm suffering from clinical depression so my natural randomness generator has stopped working. The last half of this chapter would not exist if it weren't for Emily's brilliant (perhaps insane is a better word) inspiration! Huzzah for Emily! Oh, yeah...mild slash warnings on this chapter (reeeaaaallly mild...not even really slashy or anything...just warning the homophobes!)

Disclaimer: I don't own anybody (well except for Ryan, but he'll never admit it). I don't even own parts of most of the last of this chapter!

I also don't own a watch...or a mustang...or a pet hedgehog. (um, yeah...on with the story!)

Amoeba, My Elf! The Closet

Lindy's POV

He is so cute when he's confused. Huh? Ow! Where's my Legolas! (insert temper tantrum here)

Aragorn's POV

Legolas must have been tired of Lindy hanging around his neck. In one swift motion he unwrapped her arms from around himself and leaped backwards. Lindy lost her balance and fell down. Legolas ran to hide behind me.

"Make her leave me alone. Please?"

"Easier said than done."

Just then Ryan crawled outside. He was wrapped in a cream colored blanket.

"Look at me! I'm an amoeba!" (A/N: except he pronounces it ameebea)

Ryan crawled to Lindy. Lindy screamed.

"I'm a foot-eating amoeba!"

"Owowowowowow!"

Apparently, Ryan has sharp teeth.

Emily's POV

"Look at me! I'm the one-and-only foot-eating amoeba!"

Everyone looked at Ryan.

"What? Why is everyone looking at me?"

Lindy gave him THE LOOK. The (deep breath) you-are-so-insane-that-even-I-don't-understand-you-and-have-no-idea-why-I-even-know-you-in-the-first-place look.

"Ryan, shut up!"

He gave her the puppy dog eyes. Legolas looked really confused. Ryan suddenly noticed the elf standing three feet in front of him, and the puppy dog eyes turned into a look of pure joy. That's generally a good thing. Ryan's puppy dog eyes tend to be deadly weapons.

"Is that Legolas?"

"No it's a madman planning to murder you who just happens to have long blond hair and pointy ears and is dressed like an elf."

"Oh, ok."

He started pouting. Ryan was really slow sometimes.

"Yes, Ryan, this is Legolas, and he's in your backyard."

He started jumping up and down excitedly. (Ryan, not Legolas.)

"Ryan, chill out!"

Ryan, however, did not chill out. In fact, he ran into Legolas' personal space whilst bouncing around and asking him questions and telling him how cool he is. I felt really bad for Legolas. He now had both Lindy and Ryan to deal with.

Lindy's POV

Ryan continued bouncing around Legolas for what seemed like an eternity.

Hey now! He better stay away from my man! Well, actually he's an elf, so that makes it different. No, it doesn't! It doesn't matter! Actually, it does because if Legolas were a man, he'd probably be all dirty and smelly like Aragorn. Ay carumba! Just do something about the fact that Ryan is WAY too close to your man...elf...whatever!

I jumped up and ran over to Legolas. Ryan was still rambling and hyperizing and being way too close to my elf.

"Pfft! Back off!"

Emily piped up, "Ryan, chill out! You're acting gay!"

"I have no problems with you coming out of the closet, just not with my man--uh--elf."

Ryan expertly combined pouting and puppy dog eyes.

"I am not gay!"

"Youcould sure fool us."

"Shut up!"

He stormed into the house.

"Was it something I said?"

Em rolled her eyes at me.

"What?"

Legolas still looked to be in a state of utter confuzledyness.

"Why did you say Ryan was in the closet and what's wrong with being gay?"

"Cuz Ryan is in the closet, and I'm not really sure what's wrong with being gay. You look pretty when you're confuzled."

Legolas looked even more confuzled (and pretty) than before.

"But he's not in the closet!"

"Yes, he is!"

"No, he isn't!"

"Uh-huh!"

"No, he isn't. I can still see him."

"So?"

"Huh?"

"Lindy! Stop confusing the elf!"

"But I'm not being confusing!"

"Yes, you are!"

"How?"

"Legolas doesn't know what 'in the closet' and 'gay' mean now! He thinks you're being literal!"

"Oh yeah, I knew that!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Uh, excuse me, but could either of you please explain what you're talking about?"

Emily turned an interesting shade of pink which turned into red which turned into purple.

My best friend's an everlasting gobstopper!

"Um, no, not exactly, no."

"Geez, Em, you wimp, I'll explain it."

I explained the meaning of 'gay.' Did I mention that when I get into teaching mode I'm very thorough and give details and examples and stuff like that? Even Emily learned something new. She was also turning a lovely shade of green.

Wow! I wish I could change colors like that! Why didn't Emily ever tell me she was half chameleon half gobstopper?

Legolas was also looking slightly horrified; well, more than slightly...a lot more.

"You mean people actually do that?"

"Yeppers!"

"And Ryan is one of them?"

"Well, we're not really sure. If he is gay, he's in the closet."

Em seemed to have regained her composure good enough to speak.

"That means he's keeping it a secret."

"Oh...he is?"

"We don't know for sure."

"But you think he is?"

"Well, I do, but Em doesn't."

"Oh..."

Just then Ryan pranced outside wearing my shoes and my flowery bandanna. He had Emily's box of hairstuff and was wearing about five scrunchies on his wrists.

"Can I do your hair? Pretty, pretty please?"

"Um, who ya talkin' to, Ryan?"

"I dunno. Legolas has pretty hair."

Legolas looked scared, really scared.