Chapter Sixteen

Ed Deline sighed heavily as he stared at the headstone. The dark box, which had found its way into his hands, was settled in his lap. Swallowing hard, Deline set the box on the bench and then went over and knelt at the grave. "I'm not good at this," he said softly, his gravelly voice thick with emotion, "I've never been good at it." Sighing, he looked down and smiled softly at the small clump of wildflowers that grew beside the stone. "Your sisters planted those," he said, needlessly.

"Christ," Ed choked out as he stood up. Pacing a few seconds, he turned and looked at the stone, "You didn't have it do it, Joey, your mom and I would have gotten you through it. We would have gotten you help, made sure you got into rehab. You could be clean and sober today if you hadn't have done what you did. Hell, you and I could even be working together, but now, instead of seeing you at work, I see you here, six feet below the surface of this planet." Shaking his head, he went over and sat down on the bench. "You were upset, you were scared, you were pissed off at me, okay, I get that, but why put your mother and sisters through that hell? Why not just say 'to hell with you, Dad' and storm out of the house. Why did you have to eat a friggen bullet?"

Feeling himself starting to tense in anger, he began to shake his knee, a trait that he picked up while at the funeral for the man whose grave he's visiting. Resting his hand on his knee to stop the shaking, Ed shook his head, "I have to believe," he said quietly, "that you sent Danny in my life as some sort of replacement for you, Joseph. I have to believe that. Danny, while he doesn't replace you in my heart, is like a son to me. I love him. I love him very much, and when he was recalled again and I called everybody I could think of, and I found out that he was being sent over to Baghdad, I have to believe that it was you who got him back here in one piece. Sure," he admitted, "he was messed up and had seen and done a lot of stuff, stuff that he probably won't share with a soul, but he came back. I have to believe that you did that."

Swallowing hard, Ed felt his eyes water up with tears, "But why did you have to put that gun to your head, son? Why? What kind of demons were inside you that made you think that that was the only answer? We could have helped you, your mother and I, we loved you so much, honey, we really did. We only wanted what was best for you. All we have ever wanted for our children is for them to be healthy, happy and good people. We've never expected or wanted anymore than that. We tried to never put unreasonable demands on you, Delinda or Nessa. We just wanted you to try your absolute best to be as good of a person as you could. That's all." Shaking his head again, he felt the tears falling freely from his face. "I love you," he whispered softly, "I will always love you and when my time comes and I pass through those pearly gates, you and I are going to sit down and have a long talk, son."

"Ed?"

Standing up, Ed quickly turned around and found Danny standing behind him, a bouquet of yellow roses in his hands. Looking between his boss to the granite headstone behind him, Danny's face was a mask of confusion, "What are you doing here?"

Sighing, Ed walked over to Danny, "Visiting my son."

Blinking in surprise, Danny kept his gaze on the older man, "Your son?" Looking over Ed's shoulder, he looked again at the headstone. Handing his roses to Ed, he went over and knelt before it, "What happened?" he asked softly.

"He fell into the wrong crowd," Deline answered softly, "started to slip in school, made choices that had a negative impact on his life."

"What kind of choices?"

"Drugs." Sighing, he said, "Drugs, Danny. Joey, he... he became an addict. At the time we thought that it was just cocaine that was his pleasure, but after..." pausing, Ed swallowed, forcing himself to continue, "after, we found out that he was also addicted to heroin." Walking up behind him, Ed set the roses on the bench and knelt next to Danny, "I walked in on him," he said softly, "and I confronted him, and let me just say it was the most intense confrontation in my life. I tore the whole damn room apart and we shouted, but it wasn't just a normal shouting match, Danny. I said a lot of things that I regret saying, that I never should have said." Sighing, he said, "Jillian had to practically pull me out of the room and we went downstairs and talked and that's when we heard it."

"Heard what?" Danny whispered softly.

"The gunshot," he whispered. "Jillian and I, we raced upstairs, but it was too late. He was already dead."

Looking at Ed, the former Marine swallowed hard, "I am so very sorry, Ed," he said softly.

"So am I." Standing up to his feet, Ed looked down at him, "So, what are you doing here?"

Reaching down, Danny picked up the roses wrapped in green tissue paper, "My mom is buried here," he said, pointing off to a short distance, "right over there, behind the sycamore."

Ed nodded as his blue eyes scanned the area being pointed out, "That's a nice spot," he remarked quietly. "Listen," he said abruptly, "I'm going to get going, I don't want to step on your time here."

Turning to go, Ed headed back to his car.

"Ed, wait."

Turning around, the older man looked at his young protégée. Pointing to the dark box, Danny asked curiously, "What's in the box."

Ed smiled softly as he walked over and picked it up, "I forgot about this." Sighing, he gave him a pained smile, "When he was younger, Joey carried around this little brown stuffed horse that my mother made him when he was born. He loved the animal like there was no tomorrow and sometimes it was the only thing that would calm him down. When he was sick, all he wanted was the horse, when he was scared or upset, he wanted that horse, when he was mad, he wanted that damn horse." Pausing, Ed chuckled, "He named it Nail Clip."

Danny grinned, "That's kind of an unusual name for a stuffed toy."

"Yeah," Ed agreed, grinning himself, "it came about one day when he was two. I came home from work one night and I was in the living room and I had taken my shoes and socks off and was getting ready to trim my toenails and I asked Jillian to bring me the nail clippers, and for some reason, those two words, 'nail' and 'clip' were the only ones that stuck in his head and they were his first words. Not 'mommy' or 'daddy', but 'nail clip'. Anyway," he sighed softly, "Jillian and I thought that we'd have to send that horse with him to college or something. Even when he..." pausing, Ed swallowed hard, "left us, he still slept with the toy."

The other man nodded thoughtfully, "You didn't want him to be afraid of the dark."

Looking at the former Marine, Ed nodded, "Yeah," he said softly, "that's exactly it."

Danny nodded again and then sat back down on the bench. Keeping his brown eyes focused on the ground, he said, "I used to have my own Nail Clip when I was a kid."

Intrigued, Ed went over and sat down next to him, holding the box in his lap.

Continuing, Danny said, "He was this little stuffed raccoon," pausing, he grinned at Ed, "I called him Stimey."

"Oh, and that's not an unusual name," Ed said, grinning.

Shrugging, he said, "My mom got him for me when I was a year old, for my first Christmas. I can remember once my parents and I stayed in a hotel room and I left the raccoon behind on accident and my poor dad had to drive three hundred miles to get that toy because I was just screaming my head off."

The older man smiled, "The kinds of toys you kids kept."

"Oh and you didn't keep any?"

"What, are you kidding me?" Ed asked, "I grew up in the Bronx. Guys in my neighborhood get word that I lugged a stuffed animal around and they'd make it so I couldn't reproduce."

"So then, that little story that your mom told us the last time she was here about a certain octopus named Barnacle was a complete fabrication?" Danny asked, grinning.

His face going to a frozen mask, Ed said, "She told you about Barnacle?"

"That she did," Danny grinned, "Barnacle and she also said you had some nickname... Binky."

"Okay, first," Ed said, holding a finger up, "you say that to me again, and you are fired. Second..." he paused, "you say anything at all about anything and..." he paused again, smiling, "you are fired. Understood?"

Swallowing, Danny nodded, "Understood."

"Listen, kid," Ed said, standing up, "I'm going to get out of here, let you go spend a little time with your mom. I'll see you back at the Montecito."

As he was leaving, Danny stood up, "Hey, Ed." Once the older man had turned around, Danny smiled, "You want to meet somewhere later on for a beer or something?"

Ed looked at him and nodded, smiling, "Yeah," he said, "that'd be nice. I'll find you later today and we can work out the specifics."

Danny nodded as he watched the other man walk towards his car. Once Ed had driven away, Danny sighed as he walked over towards his mother's grave. Setting the roses down, he sighed as he sat down on the bench, "Hey, mom." He stared at the headstone of his mother and sighed as he took a few minutes to remember the times he had with her, and to rehash the memories.