Chapter Seven

What Did I Just Do?

She's freakin' living with a man when I couldn't get a kiss out of her? Woody thought to himself as he found himself back in his office and couldn't remember how he got there. He slammed the door and slammed himself into his chair.

Jordan was living with a man. Another man. Not him.

His Jordan was living with another man.

His. The possessive pronoun hung in his throat and goaded his heart. His. It mocked him.

His Jordan. Not any longer…if she ever was. She had wanted to be….

And then he screwed up and pushed her away. What had he done?

And now she was living with the district attorney of New York City.

There was no way he could top that.

He had two questions right now….when did this happen and what did Jack McCoy have that he didn't?

The answer to the second question hit him glaringly in the face: Jordan. Jack had Jordan. His Jordan.

In a way Woody never had…maybe never would.

He reached down into the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out the Albanian mob file and flipped through it. Maybe it was time for a road trip to New York to make sure Jordan was okay. For professional reasons only, of course. She was an employee of the state of Massachusetts….he was responsible for her well-being.

He was only interested in he professionally…as one professional to another. And if could convince his heart of this, he'd be doing a great job.

But the most chilling thought he kept pushing from his mind. What was he going to do if Jordan didn't want to come back to Boston? What was he going to do if she had truly moved on in her life and no longer loved him?

He buried his face in his hands and then ran them down his face. He had absolutely no clue what he would do if there was no longer room in her life for him.

But he couldn't blame her…not in any way…she had done what he asked her to do. Leave him alone, get out of his life, and move on with hers. How could he tell her he was wrong?

And would he tell her if he went to New York and found that Jordan was really happy with this Jack McCoy?

Woody swallowed hard. He'd turn around and go back to Boston without letting her know his true feelings.

If Jordan was really happy…truly content…he wouldn't say a word.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Jordan asked Jack.

"If it wasn't, I wouldn't ride it to work everyday," Jack replied, his eyes twinkling at Jordan as she cautiously surveyed his motorcycle. He had spent three days trying to convince her to go for a long ride with him.

She had spent three days telling him every gory detail of all the autopsies she had done on motorcycle wreck victims.

He had countered with an ultra-safe helmet.

She had countered with another gory story. She finally caved when she saw the disappointed gleam in his eyes. "Don't give me that puppy dog look," she warned. "It doesn't work."

"It doesn't?" he had asked as she put on the helmet and climbed on the back.

"Not often."

"As long as it works this time. Now wrap your arms around my waist, lean in, and hang on." Jack grinned back at her.

Jordan hid a self-satisfied smile. She had planned to go with him from the beginning. She secretly like motorcycles…she had ridden with Nigel often enough to develop a liking for the speed, wind, and motion. It was just nice to hear someone really beg her to do something with them because he wanted her company…that's it. Just her company….nothing else from her. Not to help on a case, not to cover a shift, not to probe a possible lead, or to contact an inside source.

Jack just wanted to be with her. The bike was an added bonus. Seeing the man's rear in a pair of slightly tight jean added even more incentive to climb behind him and wrap her arms around him. She usually only saw him in suits.

They rode for over an hour, finally stopping to have lunch at a little diner outside of the city. "So, Jack…is this what you do for fun every weekend?"

"The ones I can get away on, I do. I can't hear my cell phone…there's no traffic…it's a release, you know. So what about you, Cavanaugh? What did you do for fun in Boston?"

Jordan put down her hamburger and thought for a minute. To be truthful, she wasn't really sure anymore. For a long time she would work at the morgue and then help her father at the Pogue. When she closed up, Woody would always be there to help her and they would dance afterwards…sometimes for a couple of hours…content to be in each other's arms…talking about anything and everything.

But that was so long ago that her heart had even stopped lurching at the memory of the feel of his hands around her waist and on her back. She had sold the Pogue…and Woody had pushed her out of his life.

"Jordan?"

"Sorry…I had to really think. I don't believe I've done anything but work for a long time…"

"That's sad…all work and no play?"

"Pretty much." She swallowed the last of her drink.

"Ever seen much of New York out of the city limits?"

Jordan shook her head.

"C'mon." He got her back on his bike and rode her through the country side, finally stopping at one of the scenic overlooks. "This…is why I ride on the weekends," he said.

"It's beautiful…"

"And hard to believe that such places exist outside all the concrete and steel that we see everyday."

Jordan nodded.

"I bet Boston has a lot of areas like this?" It was a question.

"You've never been to Boston, Jack?"

"Never had a reason to go."

"It's a great city…"

"So is New York…you'll have to do better than that, Cavanaugh."

"Maybe you should come to visit me after I go back."

"I will…if you give me a better reason than that." Jack gently looped his arms around Jordan's waist. The last thing he wanted to do was scare the ME off, but he had wanted this for a long time – nearly ever since he had first met her. Slowly he lowered his head to hers, giving her ample time to draw back if she felt she needed to. Lightly he brushed her lips with his.

Hers clung.

Cautiously he deepened the kiss and felt her respond again, opening her mouth. He gently threaded one hand through her long hair and rubbed his tongue against hers.

Jack felt her move closer. He held her for long minutes until finally, reluctantly he began to break the kiss. "We'd better get back…" he whispered against her lips.

"Hmmm," she murmured back, slowly letting him go, blinking her way back into reality…back into the present. Her chest tightened. Oh Jesus, what have I just done? she asked herself. I came on this rotation to get over Woody…not get involved with another man…Jack smiled at her. Jordan felt her knees give just a little. Shit…now what am I supposed to do?

I just French kissed the DA of New York City.

And I enjoyed it…

That was the startling part for Jordan. She enjoyed another man's kiss. After Woody, she never thought she would…honestly, she never thought she'd have the opportunity. If Woody didn't want her, she had reasoned no man would…she was too slow to warm up to another person emotionally, she didn't trust anyone easily…she pushed away when she should have pulled people to her.

But here was Jack McCoy…a man who wanted her…just her. He didn't care about her past, didn't mind her issues, wasn't asking her to change. Just be with him.

There was a lot to be said for that. Even if he didn't have crystalline blue eyes.