Chapter Eleven

Is There Any of Me Left in Your Heart?

"I told you the road would lead back to Boston," Garret quipped weakly from his hospital bed at Boston General.

"Yeah, but you never told me you'd be directing traffic this way," Jordan softly joked back at her mentor and friend. As soon as Jordan had revealed to Jack and Woody what had happened, Woody had been on the phone with the airline, booking Jordan a seat next to his on the airplane. She had run frantically to her room to pack, and Jack had unsuccessfully tried to reschedule his court cases for the rest of the week. Once he had found out that a new schedule wouldn't work, he did promise to fly into Boston as soon as he could.

A few hours later, Jordan found herself boarding the place with a smug-looking Woody, who led her up the concourse with his hand on the small of her back…but not before she had given Jack a lingering good-bye kiss. Jordan could have sworn she saw Woody turn and flip Jack the bird before they got on the plane. She shook her head at her over active imagination.

"So how was New York?" Garret asked. He looked tired and pale, despite the fact that the doctors had said this wasn't a serious heart attack….more like a warning of what could happen to the man if some of the stress surrounding his job didn't ease up.

"It was good. You were right. I learned a lot."

"And met some interesting people?"

"Yeah." Jordan told him about Curtis and Briscoe…Betty and the rest of her morgue staff.

"What about this Jack that Lily was all a-twitter about? She said you were living with him…"

Jordan had the grace to blush for a moment. "Yes," she replied softly. "After my apartment was broken into, Jack was worried about me being by myself….he was afraid that the Albanian mob would come after me…and his place was the safest. Afterwards, I just stayed….never went back home."

"Ah…so you found someone…or rather your heart found someone…in New York." Garret raised an eyebrow.

"I…guess so."

"You guess?"

"Yeah." Jordan blew out a sigh and took Garret's hand. "I can be honest with you, Gar. Woody's….Woody's…."

"A hard act to follow who is still tap dancing on your heart."

Jordan nodded. "Will I ever get over him?"

Garret carefully studied her for a moment. "You know what you said about your one true love."

Jordan hesitated. "Yeah. You never really get over them…you just move on."

"So…then, how do you feel about this DA Jack McCoy?"

"He's a great guy…tall, salt and pepper hair, brown eyes…"

"Sounds yummy…" Garret gave her another weak grin.

Jordan chuckled out loud. "He's smart, pursues justice with a vengeance and his heart, and his dad was a cop…"

"Sounds the masculine version of you. You two getting together could be volatile."

Jordan smiled. "Possibly."

"But you didn't answer my question, Jordan. How do you feel about McCoy? Do you love him?" Garret reached out and caught her chin so that she was looking him in the eyes.

"I…I don't know. Hell, I'm not even sure love really exists. I think it's just something fairy tales produced only to be choked out by the cold fingers of reality."

"You're a cynic…and that's not always a good thing."

"Maybe so…but my heart's not getting broken again. It hurt too much the last time."

"Jordan, I've never been one to give you advice…mainly because you never take it. But love…true love…does exist. It's a once in a life time thing. And even if you only have it for a short while….it's worth it. You'll never feel more alive…and you owe it to yourself to experience it at least once. So if it's with Jack, go for it. Give your heart to the man…I think it will be safe. At least from what I've heard."

"What you've heard?"

"Yeah…Betty called me shortly after you got to New York. Asked me if we were in cahoots with some prank and if you ever had practiced law. When I questioned her about it, she mentioned a Claire Kincaid…said you were a dead ringer for the lady. She went on to tell me Claire used to be Jack's girlfriend…and how the man adored her. Worshipped the ground she walked on….took care of her. If Jack loves you the same way, and you love him, you'd be a fool to turn him down."

"But what if I'm not sure…what if my heart still thinks it wants Woody?"

"Then, Jordan, do you want to risk his rejection again? That's the question you've go to ask."

"When did love get to be so complicated? I thought Prince Charming was supposed to ride up on his white horse, sweep you off your feet, and both of you ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after."

"Happily ever after usually comes with a price, Jordan. Decisions that have life time consequences."

Jordan sighed. "I know…but right now, I just want you to rest and get better."

"I will. I just hate I had to pull you in from New York…but you're the only one I can trust to run the morgue as well as I did."

"Did? Don't you mean do? Run the morgue as well as you do?" Jordan asked, startled at his implication.

Garret shook his head. "Did. At least for a while. The doctor says my heart attack was brought on by stress. I think all the years of work…carrying the load….then Slokum just took its toll on me. I want some time off….and when I get back, I want someone to share the load. And I want that someone to be you."

Jordan just stared at Garret for a minute…not sure of what to say. "I don't…I'm flattered…."

Garret grinned. "The broken road led back home, Jordan. Now you've got to decide who you want to walk the rest of the way with you -- wherever that road leads."

Who to walk it with me?

That question circled around Jordan's head and heart for several days. In many ways, it was good to be back in Boston, back in her old office, back to her old friends, back to her old routine. Since she was effectively filling in for Garret, she didn't answer many calls, and as a result, for the first week or so her contact with Woody was limited to a few passing "hellos" in the hall and an occasional "How are you doing?" Jordan had never known the amount of paperwork Garret had to process was so massive.

She and Jack still talked nightly. She missed him…missed the security he provided. Missed their conversations. But to be honest, Jack was the only thing she missed about New York. The longer she stayed in Boston, the more she realized she didn't want to go back there. Boston was home. That much she was clear on.

Woody….Woody was a different story. Seeing him, despite the fact that they weren't really working together, brought many of her old emotions to the surface she thought she had long buried.

She kept trying to push them back down. But the harder she tried, the more they kept resurrecting themselves. And they conflicted with what one part of her brain was telling her about Jack. Jordan struggled to keep them separate and was doing what she considered to be a damn fine job until one evening at her apartment.

Woody had been waiting…and waiting …and waiting for a chance to talk with her again.

And she had been avoiding him like a bad ten pounds of fluid weight gain you get during that time of the month.

He was a patient man…he also realized that much of Jordan's reaction to him was directly his fault. He had pushed her away. She had retreated. Ran so far away that he didn't know if he would ever be able to get her back. He needed to know if they stood even the slightest possibility of reconciliation. She had told him little at Jack's apartment, and even less during their flight back to Boston from New York – her thoughts had been consumed with Garret.

But even the most patient man has his limits…and Woody had reached his. He was ready to find out if he still had any chance with the whiskey-eyed brunette that had haunted his dreams for the past four years. He drove to her apartment and hesitated for only a second before knocking.

It seemed to take her much longer than that to answer the door. "Woody?" This time her voice was softer and unless he was mistaken, he heard a slight note of confusion.

"Can we talk? Do you have time?" he asked, leaning on her door frame?

"Is this about a case?" She opened her door wider to let him come in.

"No…actually I wanted to continue to conversation we started in Jack's apartment."

"Oh. That."

"Yes. That." He regarded her for a moment…his eyes traveling over her body…from the top of her head to the toes of her bare feet.

"What else do you want to know?" She propped against her the island that ran the length of her kitchen.

"What we had …together….at one time….is it still there? In the smallest way, is it still there?"

Jordan felt her heart rate increase rapidly. She wasn't ready to confront her feelings, because she wasn't sure what she felt herself. When in doubt, avoid…. she thought. "Look, Wood, it's late and I really don't want to be having this conversation right now. I'm tired…you're tired….it's been a long week…"

"No…." Woody cut her off, running his fingers through his hair and circling the room, finally coming back to stand in front of her. "Look…I admit it…I screwed up. I told you to get out of my life…but I never figured you'd really do it…I mean, you never do anything else I've ever asked you to do. But you did this time…You not only left, you went away and found someone else."

"You're the one who said there was nothing for me to stay in Boston for. That you were moving on and so should I."

"But I was wrong."

"You were?"

Woody nodded. "I never really meant it…I mean, I figured it would be like any other time we've had a fight….eventually…we'd find the road back to each other…. That eventually…we'd be back together. I just need to know, Jordan, if there's any of me left in your heart?" He was standing so close to her now that she could feel his breath on her cheek. "I need to know…" he said again, softly, lifting her chin so she was looking him in the eyes.

"Woody…." She never had a chance to complete whatever it was she was going to say. He simply lowered his lips and claimed hers.