Author's Note: So was I the only one who didn't realize that Urala marries Hans? I wrote this to cover my tracks.

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The Princess and the Idiot:

Her children are beautiful. They have her eyes. And her bird-like frame. The boy, Nobu, may have to worry about that when he grows up. Being too beautiful. But Ren will be fine.

By fine, I mean hounded by idiot men. Her pop is going to have a hell of a time.

I guess I should be grateful, not having to put up with that crap. After all, I'm just the bastardly uncle figure. I'm there to teach them dirty jokes and slip them candy before dinner.

I should just be glad that she still lets me hang around after all these years. I mean, diving after a woman's husband with a broken loqua bottle isn't exactly regarded highly. She forgave me, though. Invited me to dinner too.

I declined that time, but eventually came crawling back to their doorstep. Her husband's a strong man. I don't mean physically, I'd whip his pansy arse in a bar brawl any day of the week. But that character of his, nothing fazes him. At least, nothing that I can throw at him and believe me I've tried.

I'm done with running through what could have been. What should have been. That changes nothing. I was given the opportunity of a lifetime and I took it.

The Esperanzan Navy needed an admiral. Since I was no longer technically a pirate, I was looking for work. With the solid recommendation of the Emperor, I was sent merrily on my way.

I could have stayed on Crescent Isle. But what kind of future does a woman have with an out of work pirate that just bums around? I'll tell you, no kind of happy future.

Maybe I should have taken her with me. Just tear her away from her home, her sister, her work at the tavern. But at the time that sounded cruel and maybe I was just too confident in my standing with her.

So I asked, "Wait for me?"

She never answered.

I should have known what that meant. It meant wrap the woman up in your arms and kiss her with as much bravado as you can possibly muster. While she's still trying to catch her breath, you throw her over your shoulder and run away with her.

I know. I was an idiot. I settled for squeezing her hand and promising to return as soon as I secured my career.

I made good on my promise too. Five years after I set off for Esperanza, I returned. She was waiting alright. With a toddling Nobu and Ren eight months on the way. I didn't take it well.

So like a bastard I said some horrible things and like the kindhearted woman she was, she accepted it all. She just stood there listening to my tirade as if it were fact and not the slurs of a man angry at his own mistakes. Her husband finally had enough of it and tried to intervene. That's when I attacked him with the loqua bottle.

I don't quite remember what happened next, though I know Kirala's fists were involved. That woman was always fiercely protective of her sister. And she seemed to like any excuse to pound me.

For a while after that I stayed away from them. I figured I'd given them more than enough reason to hate me. But that ended when Ren arrived.

Ren has always been troublesome, because the pretty ones always are. It was no different the day she was born. Apparently Ren didn't want to enter the world through normal means. So while her mother screamed in agony, Ren was content to try and exit the womb belly first.

This was problematic for her father as well, because although he desperately wanted to be there to soothe his wife, he was given the task of watching Nobu. He tried to remain as calm as he could, but every time he heard his wife call out in pain while he was explaining where babies came from to his son, he began to go a little crazy.

I had to do something. Even though my initial thought was to forget everything and run to the woman I loved, I knew where I was needed more. I scooped Nobu into my arms and grinned at his father.

"The kid and I are going on a treasure hunt," I said. "I'm sure you'll find something to keep you occupied."

Nobu's dad nodded, before he turn and ran towards the birthing cabin.

"Treasure?" Nobu asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "Something to celebrate the baby being born."

"Like what?" the boy wanted to know.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Cigars maybe?"

"Cigars?" he asked.

"Nothing that you'd want," I said quickly. "You smoke too many of them you'll end up looking like Osman."

"Ewww!" Nobu exclaimed.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Maybe cigars aren't such a good idea."

"How do you know Mommy?" Nobu asked.

I sighed and set the boy down.

"That's a long story, kiddo," I said.

"You made Mommy cry," Nobu said solemnly.

"I suppose I did," I replied. "I was a real pisser last time we talked."

"Pisser?"

I chuckled.

"Those aren't words you should go repeating," I told him. "People here don't think very highly of me because of my language. You shouldn't aim to talk like me."

"Does Mommy hate you?" Nobu asked.

"I wouldn't blame her if she did," I answered.

"If Mommy hates you, I'll fight you," the boy decided. He balled his pudgy little hands into fists and held them up at me.

"Well, we don't want that," I said quickly. "How about we wait for your mom to get done with this baby stuff to ask if she hates me or not?"

Nobu nodded.

"Okay," he agreed. "What can we do now?"

"Why don't I tell you a story?" I suggested.

"A story?" Nobu exclaimed. "Does it have a turtle in it?"

"Even better," I said. "It has a princess and an idiot."

The boy's lips pursed in a frown.

"I think I've heard it," he said.

"You have not!" I retorted. "This is a story I've made up just for you."

"Really?" Nobu grinned as he scrambled into my lap. "Tell me. Tell me!"

"Okay, here goes." I cleared my throat. "Once upon a time there was a princess. I just say princess, because her face wasn't exactly what a person would call breathtakingly beautiful. Don't get me wrong, she was cute, just not stunning.

"Anyway, this princess was all too aware that her personal beauty paled in comparison to that of her sister and the other princesses of the land. So, because of this knowledge she kept herself holed up away from everybody. Sure, she'd make the obligatory appearance at the dinner party, but as soon as she said hello, she'd run right back up to her room.

"It was a sad life for such a lady, but she lived it. Until one day she met this idiot. Now, the idiot was just that: an idiot. But the idiot had something special. He had this magical mirror that had the ability to reflect the soul of the person who gazed into it. So by using his mirror and seeing into the princess' soul, the idiot knew that there truly wasn't a more beautiful person in the entire world. This is where the trouble started, because the idiot knew he was falling in love with the princess."

Nobu snuggled into my chest.

"Falling in love?" He looked up at me and crooked an eyebrow.

"Yeah." I grinned.

"How did that cause trouble?" Nobu asked.

"Something you'll find out when you're older is that love is troublesome under the best circumstances," I answered. "Not to try to scare you away from it or anything. That's just the truth.

"Anyway, determined to impress the princess, the idiot traveled the world searching for the perfect gift. He finally found the perfect item, too. A handkerchief. Simple and functional, just like his love.

"Well, the princess accepted his gift and the idiot's heart swelled with pride. He realized too late, however, that he had whittled away what little money he had in his quest for the gift. He had nothing more to offer her other than himself.

"But the idiot had also used the mirror on himself and knew the truth about his own soul. When he looked into the mirror, he saw a man and nothing more. His very life couldn't be compared to the majesty of the princess' heart."

"I have heard this!" Nobu interrupted. "Mommy's already told me this story."

"She has, has she?" I mused. "Why don't you tell me the ending, then?"

"The idiot wasn't an idiot at all," Nobu said. "Mommy says the idiot was really a child of the sun."

"A child of the sun?" I murmured. "What does that mean?"

"It meant that his destiny was too good to be kept just on Crescent Isle," the boy explained. "He needed to travel around the world saving dying countries."

"Is that so?" I asked. "What happened to the princess?"

"She understood," Nobu replied. "She'd watch the sunrise every day and think of him. She knew just like the sun would rise every morning, the idiot would return one day."

"Funny, that wasn't the ending I was going to use," I whispered.

"There's another ending?" Nobu looked at me anxiously. "Tell me!"

"No," I said. "I think I like your ending better."