Chapter Twelve – Goodbyes and Solutions
When Lilly and Chris returned to the office in the evening – tired, worn out, a little sad, but proud to have solved the case -, Nick Vera received them at the entrance.
"Well done," he said, beaming at them. "I wouldn't have thought you'd manage."
"How come you don't hold us in such high esteem, Vera?" Chris retorted cheerfully. "Lilly and I always solve our cold cases."
"There's a first time for everything," said Nick.
Lilly and Chris grinned at each other. They both remembered very well that they had had a similar conversation five days ago, when Lilly had had her doubts.
"Well, then why don't you come in?" Nick said, bidding them inside as if he was a butler. "You're the heroes of the day, you know."
"Cut that!" Lilly protested. "We just did our jobs."
"Tell that to the marines," remarked Stillman, who suddenly appeared behind Nick. "I watched you, Lil. You were so consumed with the case, and you were so worried about the suspects… This was more for you than just a job."
"It wasn't!" Lilly's protest went unheard as Nick and Stillman accompanied her and her partner into the office.
"Well, I never…!" Lilly exclaimed when she saw the whole crew assembled in the room. They were all smiling; some of them were wearing party hats. Two tables were laden with bowls and plates. Some bottles were lined up neatly behind them. Someone started a CD, and Queen's "We Are The Champions" resounded through the rooms of the Philadelphia Homicide Squad.
"You're out of your mind!" Lilly said, but no one was listening. She turned to Chris and was surprised to see that he did not seem surprised at all.
"Chris," she said sternly, "what's going on here? Did you know that this was going to happen?"
Chris looked at her. "Well, Lilly, it's not as it seems," he said. "You see, this party doesn't only take place 'cause we solved the case. There's another reason."
"What reason?" Lilly demanded to know.
Chris squirmed. "Listen, I wouldn't wanna tell you here," he said, a little uneasily. "You remember I wanted to talk to you yesterday? You were too tired, so we postponed it. Well, I wanted to talk to you about exactly this reason…"
"Tell me now." Lilly stopped and turned to Chris. "I'm not going anywhere until I know what this is all about."
"But, Lilly…" Chris looked around. "It may come as a bit of a shock…"
"Tell me." Lilly was stubborn.
Chris sighed. "Well…" he said, but he did not get any further. Two colleagues from the Missing Persons Department were heading at them.
"Lassing," one of them called; Lilly thought his name was Danesh. His partner, a tall, blonde woman called Rena Thorpe, was following at his heels.
Chris turned to them, clearly relieved at the interruption. "Wade," he said a little too cheerfully. "Hi there. And Rena." A nod at Thorpe. "How are you two doing over there?"
"Fine," Wade Danesh answered, and his partner nodded. Chris looked at Lilly. "You know my partner, Lilly Rush?"
"Sure." Danesh nodded, then smiled at Lilly. "I heard you just made a big deal, solving that cold case. Congrats."
"Thanks." Lilly sighed secretly. Chris and Wade Danesh would certainly talk for a while, then she might as well go and get herself a drink.
She excused herself and made her way to the buffet. Ten minutes and millions of congratulations later, she turned back to Chris and saw that he was still talking to Danesh.
She approached unseen, intending to wait until their conversation ceased. She did not mean to eavesdrop, but she could not help overhearing what they were talking about. And what she heard hit her like a slap in the face.
"… she know yet?" Wade Danesh was asking.
Chris shook his head. He looked a little gloomy. "I couldn't find the right moment yet," he said. "I tried, but something always got in the way. And I don't want her to learn from someone else."
"Well," Rena Thorpe cut in, "if I were you, I'd go and tell her in the instant you and Wade stop talking. I don't know her very well, Lassing, but I know the way I would react if Wade would leave the department. I'd like him to tell me, not somebody else."
Lilly stood frozen to the ground. Were they talking about her? What was this talking about Chris leaving the department…?
This is not happening, she told herself. This ain't true. They must be talking about someone else…
"You have a point there," Chris said to Rena Thorpe. "I'll go looking for Lilly in a minute."
Looking for Lilly. For her. So it was true. Lilly could not move. She wanted to speak, but she could not open her mouth to do so. So this was the big secret! Suddenly it was all clear to Lilly. That was why Chris had been so eager to solve the case. That was why he had sometimes gotten so solemn. That was why Stillman and Nick had reacted so reserved when she had enthused what a good team she and her partner were. That was why, that was why…
A whole number of things came to Lilly's mind. She clasped her glass of tonic and tried to focus. When she finally spoke, her voice seemed to belong to someone else.
"Thank you, Chris, but it's too late for that," she said. Chris turned around, saw her, and the smile crumbled from his lips.
"Lilly…"
Lilly finally could move again. She turned around and went across the room. When she passed the buffet, she placed her glass on the table, then she opened the door to Stillman's office and peered inside. No one was in the room, and Lilly entered the dark office, slammed the door and sat down on Stillman's couch. She rested her chin in her hands and stared blankly into the darkness. She heard the noise from the party and felt no need to go back.
Chris was about to leave the department. Her partner was actually going to leave the department! Lilly felt her throat narrow, and this made her mad at herself. Crying was no solution, and why would she cry, anyway? It was not that Chris would be gone forever. He would simply be transferred to another department – that did not mean that she would lose her best friend.
Still she felt betrayed. She did not even know why; after all, Chris had meant to tell her for days. She had been the one to forget. It was her own fault.
But this knowledge did not make her feel better.
Lilly swallowed a few times to fight back the tears welling in her eyes.
She had been sitting there for quite while when the door opened and Chris appeared in the door. He peered into the darkness, trying to see whether she was there or not.
"Lilly?" he asked hesitantly.
Lilly was tempted not to answer, but she figured this was unfair. After all, it was really not his fault. So she finally said, "I'm here."
"May I come in?"
"Sure."
Chris entered the office and went past Stillman's desk. In passing, he switched on the small lamp that was hidden among the piles of files and documents. Lilly narrowed her eyes.
"Why did you run away?" Chris asked, sitting down beside her.
Lilly shrugged. "I guess I wanted to be alone for a second." She smiled faintly. "Rena Thorpe was right, you know. I really didn't like learning it from someone else."
"I'm sorry." Chris looked so guilty that her smile widened. She sighed and looked out of the window.
"Why are you leaving?" she asked after a small pause.
"Certainly not because of you," Chris replied with a smile. He reached over and briefly squeezed her hands. "I've been thinking about it for some time, but I never got around to do it. We were such a good team, and ur cases were so, well… different..."
"So what made you change your mind?" Lilly asked. "Did anything happen I don't know about?"
"You know I suffer from diabetes, do you?" Chris said.
Lilly nodded. Chris had once told her that it had been mighty hard for him to be accepted at the police academy, since the professors had had their doubts whether a diabetic policeman would be able to cope with the job.
"Well, my doctor's been telling me for months that I should take care," Chris continued. "We had a couple of really tricky cases to solve, and my levels were not ideal. He'd tell me again and again that I should consider having myself transferred to another department or to the administration. And two weeks ago, I finally conceded."
"Two weeks…?" Lilly tried to remember if anything had happened two weeks ago. "You were ill for a few days, weren't you?"
"Yes." Chris looked at her. "We had this case at that time, remember? We had to run all across Philly all day."
Lilly nodded.
"I forgot to inject my insulin," Chris admitted. "I collapsed, and it was only thanks to my neighbor, who heard me fall down and came running, that nothing worse happened. He took me to the hospital, and there I remembered my mistake."
Lilly went pale. "You could have…"
"I didn't," Chris interrupted her. "I'm sitting here beside you, ain't I?"
"I didn't know it was so bad," Lilly said, still pale from the shock. "I thought you'd just caught the flu or something."
"I didn't want to scare anyone," Chris said. "So I told only Stillman why I'd called in sick. We had a long conversation, and then I decided I'd do it. I'm going to be transferred to another department."
"Which one?"
"Internal Affairs. I won't be out and about anymore." Chris grimaced. "It's no my idea of my job, but my doctor told me I really had to pay more attention to my health."
Lilly did not reply. She had to digest this information. Chris would leave the department, and a new partner would be assigned to her. It would not be the same.
"Lilly," said Chris silently. "Are you mad at me?"
Lilly turned her head to look at him. "No," she said, and her voice trembled slightly. "No, of course not. If work here is too dangerous for your condition, then of course you must find another solution. It's just…" She trailed off, uncertain what to say.
"It's just what?"
"You and me, we were…" Lilly was struggling for words. "I mean, we were such a good team. I've had other partners before you, but it never worked so well. We weren't only partners, we were friends. Good friends, I mean."
"Lilly," said Chris, a little helplessly, "just because I'll no longer be your partner… that doesn't mean we can't stay friends. We'll remain in touch, of course."
"Of course." Lilly did not quite know herself why she felt so sad. "It's just… it will be different," she tried to explain. "We'll no longer meet every day, we'll no longer go hunting together… From now on I'll have to call you and set a date if I want to see you. We'll have different things to talk about."
"But that's not too bad, isn't it?" Chris smiled bracingly. "Come on, Lilly, I can't stand seeing you so sad. Why don't you smile?"
Lilly smiled; she could not help it. Chris beamed at her.
"That's better," he said. "I'll still be around, you know. Just a few rooms away. You can come over whenever you need me."
Lilly sighed. "The same goes for you, of course," she said.
"I hope so." Chris smirked. Then he looked at her. "Don't look so gloomy, Lil," he said. "Tonight I'm still here, don't forget that." He reached out his arm and put it firmly around her shoulders, then he pulled her close. Lilly leaned against him and closed her eyes. Her arms crept around his waist, and she held on to her partner, savoring this moment that could, for some time, be the last. Chris rested his chin on her hair, and for a little while none of them said a word. They just kept sitting there in the dark office on Stillman's couch, bidding each other a silent farewell.
Finally Chris raised his head again, and Lilly sat up straight. They looked at each other. Chris wanted to speak, but apparently thought better of it and bent to her instead. He gently placed a kiss on Lilly's forehead. Lilly did not need any words to know what he wanted to say, and her response was a smile.
Before the moment could get awkward, she took a deep breath, got up and took Chris's hand in order to pull him up as well.
"Come on, partner," she said. "We have a party to attend."