Breathe.

In and out – too rapidly.

Then such a force had left him,

such rage – everything around shot up into the air and fell breaking – with his bare hands he flipped the couch over crashing into the tv that dropped to the ground aloud smashing,

then he collapsed,

such a searing pain in his chest fire in his heart tears tenaciously falling – he fisted his hand so stone-like his own nails cut his skin and he bled and it wasn't enough to keep them from relentless falling.

XXX

After midnight he'd stepped into his room returning, switched on the lights, and there was Loki – he shut the door swiftly, althemore had fallen distressed to see how he was curled up top his bed so deep in sleep seemed he'd barely heard him enter, was slowly then sitting up as softly Tony called: "Hey," tossed down his bag paced towards him.

The closer he got clear as day could see, the state he was in his ghost-pale face, chapped white lips and eyes swollen. So agitated he grows perching to his side controls his tone quietly calling: "Lokes, sweetie," touched a ginger hand to his shoulder that frigid was unmoving as greens ahead were fixed absent. "You okay?" it's so stupid to ask he doesn't expect an answer running up and down his back a hand cups his cheek lightly. "Hey," turns it slightly and the instant their eyes meet, weary greens in spite of Loki tear after having nonstop gushed for what felt like hours. His face contours almost pained and at it Tony's heart raced browns vastly softening. "Oh, honey, come here," sitting up Tony pulled him into a tight hug that Loki succumbed to and in yielded. "It's okay," he rubbed firmly his body that for no reason was aching sorely, warming muscles that like were frozen then his presence consumed Loki's senses made him clutch at his lover – clench his jaw purse his lips tries not to but he gasps convulsing and cries into his chest loudly, as the hurt in his burned not but like was painfully, slowly welting. Tony's arms bound strongly around him his own heart throbs browns welled – he hates, how powerless he feels in that moment so helpless unable to think of one sound way to help him because nothing will not then but he tells him hoarsely: "I know. I know." Loki's grasp on him hardened was still careful not to pain him but his sobs grew more aggressive and he violently shook – Tony tightened his grip hurt so to hear, feel his pain so raw – that it was Loki, someone of such strength and obstinance to cry and in such anguish, it was killing him and that he knew so well knew exactly the kind of torment the kind of hurt he was feeling he knew. More than anyone Loki understood him but he never wanted him to understand this nor ever face a loss so crippling – he couldn't block his own tears best he could evened his tone reassured him softly: "It's okay, let it out. It's okay."

For a full four minutes he holds him whispering gently when he'd manage to compose his voice keep it from breaking because his own tears for his wailing lover followed rapid. Amid sobs Loki gasped: "I never even…" pulled asudden back face stiff and red, tears from blood-shot eyes streaming and he hissed: "Six fucking years – Odin's right," in such despair greens realized, such agony he whispered: "After everything…All she'd done for me, I…" Comprehends of what he speaks Tony cupped his face hasting told him:

"Hey, stop it." Loki frowned deeply muttering horridly:

"I should've been there."

"Loki."

"It's my fault."

"No, hey. Stop," more sternly said he shook him slightly reattracting distant greens and firmly tells them: "You could've been there. Doesn't mean, that you could've saved her."

"Or I could've."

"Maybe…What I'm about to say, might sound cold; I'm not trying to upset you. But, everybody dies Loki, you'll always find a way to blame yourself, that you weren't there or fast enough or you didn't do enough." Very aware abruptly Loki grows of the fact that, Tony spoke from firsthand experience. "The truth is people die, and that's not something you can stop even if you try." As swiftly of him Loki thinks falls so horrifically fearful at the thought that at any given second, he could just as suddenly lose him and Tony's intention to reassure does the opposite. "You're just…delaying it. I know how horrible that sounds, but blaming yourself, for something so out of your control, is a thousand times worse…"

To accept, that to possess such strength resource and power, could as equally render him powerless,

in protecting those he loved and those were scarce, {but you…} Tenderly Tony caressed his skin red-rimmed browns troubled both and gentle. {I can't…}

"She wouldn't want that," he measuredly but kindly said, to which Loki doubtless and shameful responded:

"…She would've wanted me to be there."

"Or she would've wanted you as far away from the danger as possible." But he referred not only to that day, but the years he'd let pass without even a word over the phone spoken.

Tony took in his his hand steadily looked him in the eye and timid as he could asserted: "…Nothing, that I or anyone can say, is gonna make this better. It hurts like hell, and it's gonna, for a while." How he looks at his lover whom had endured the very same nightmare who better than anyone, anyone understood…everything. "…I can promise you two things. One," he took his other hand gripped and firmly told him: "You do not have to go through this alone. I am right here, whenever you need me for whatever you need me for," he touched his cheek from it wiped a solemn tear of few left in turn rolling. "I'll listen, I'll hold you," closer inched cupped his face his own and his voice softening. "I will not let you fall apart, no matter how bad it gets I'm here. And I swear to you," gaze shifts to one sterner tone cold, "we will make them pay." Chest clenched, greens stilled, and hardened.

Tony pulled him into another embrace and in the distance Loki glared a rage in his heart thirsting, turned then his face buried it in the curve of Tony's neck and fisted his shirt tensely. He breathed deeply in and some form of numbness trickled through him, made him draw into Tony closer sink in his hold that remained solid unwaning. As determined was the latter near as fiercely as if those who stood to oppose Loki as equally opposed him, as equally afflicted and enraged him. Every thought every feeling through Loki coursing he heard and channeled, as if they were one.

Pulling back gravely then he informs him: "Tomorrow, I'm gonna do a little research, make up names and backgrounds and tell you exactly what we need to slip in and out of the facility. We get the relics, start arming up, then talk tactics." He draws a plan because he could hear the cogs in his mind fast turning, needed them then to stop so weary Loki was he must rest he must persuade him. "I know, you wanna get this done today sooner than later. But we gotta do it right, wipe the bastards out for good this time."

Green eyes set Loki nodded, overlooked not Tony's gaze and words how as set he was to aid him how he actually could how it genuinely feels like, he is the only person that he can rely on,

realized how starved terribly he was for his touch and his closeness, when softly Tony grazed his cheek told him: "I'm gonna go change and we'll get some sleep okay?" cupped brief his chin made to rise but by the wrist Loki held him. Back he stills at him gazing, studied the look in his tired eyes calling. Features lenified he replaced his palm to his skin, the other top his taut chest where he knows it hurts most, rubbing slowly. Loki held his hand there moved it over his aching heart and Tony pressed and Loki shut his eyes sighed lowly. Brows furrowed he slightly shook his head, strenuously murmured:

"…What would I do without you Tony?" Browns warmed Tony leaned over and kissed him. Loki's features knotted he grasped Tony's face kissed him hard with his lips tore at his nibbing fervent, tilted shifting Tony back pulling at him and his mouth that from slipped a moan and they parted, inches just and browns could see, a look in greens, a, desperate, need, the shaky breath that leaves his quivering lips how stiffly his hands hold him.

More than he'd ever seen him in that moment Loki was vulnerable, and of that he would never even think to take advantage not on any base but…greens were asking, begging, so in pain and he must alleviate them.

"…Your room. Take us."

In an instant they're there the apparation not in the least fazes Tony, who as swiftly locked their mouths and as feverishly Loki kissed him, already yanking up Tony's shirt and Tony breaks the kiss to off peel it. Hasteful Loki up pulled his own and not waiting for prompt Tony leaned pushed him back kissed him strongly, coaxed open his lips warmed with his tongue every inch of his mouth and Loki groaned, tugged at Tony's jeans unbuttoning them and the latter moved removed them as quick with his does Loki. Wholly then bare Tony kissed him and down his stiff body, slowly eased him but Loki was too impatient and told him: "Tony, I need you. Now," muttered minutes after as hovering over his flushed face Tony worked shooting spikes of pleasure through his strained nerves, worried gaze he'd protest but panting Loki urges: "Just do it, please." Tony sighed tensely grazed softly his cheek, deeply kissed him, obliged very careful and cautious and Loki'd shouted made him frown, before he'd grasped his face ardently kissed him.

Whatsoever Loki maintained no fragment of control as grunting Tony pleased him, replaced his aches with pleasure waves made him moan, keel and whimper, come hard hissing, and Tony after'd followed shortly.

So grateful sleepy greens to spent browns gazed Loki caressed his sweat-seamed face and in a kiss Tony embraced his lips warmly, pressed another to his forehead turned to by him lie and Loki shifted drew into his arms that around him wrapped promptly. To his chest close Tony holds him whispering sweet nothings in his ear diverting any form of thought from his mind till he'd fallen fast asleep slackening, breath evens and Tony squeezed shut his eyes stiffly inhales,

vowing, to stand steadfast by his side, unflinching.