Chapter 2
Feelings
I am sitting here in between Audrey and Pacey, and I feel nothing. Why is that? How come I am so numb?
The conversation between this group, my friends, is running long and loud. But I hear nothing, their mouths are moving but to me nothing is coming out. This prevents me from joining in. So I just sit there, I sit and observe.
I watch Dawson, he is talking and laughing. Obviously he is enjoying himself. I notice that every now and then he quickly looks over at Christina. I wonder what he is thinking. Why is he so taken by her? I slowly turn my head her way to find out for myself.
I have decided that the most interesting thing about her is the way she moves. When Christina talks she uses every part of her body. She also likes to use hand gestures, big hand gestures. And she never really sits still, she's very fidgety. All this may make someone look rough and aggressive but somehow she makes it graceful.
Christina has this mouth that you just have to look at. She has these big pink lips that seem to pout on their own. Her eyes are a deep color and if you look closely they almost seem a dark blue. Her looks seem to resemble those of an Eurasian women, she probably is of mixed blood. All in all she would be considered a grade A beauty by the majority of the population.
I turn back to Dawson, who is quiet now. He is looking down at his drink absentmindedly fingering his straw. I can tell that he too is lost in his thoughts. Suddenly he looks up, and we make eye contact. I shouldn't have sat directly in front of him. A smile forms on his face and for some reason that makes me angry. I smile back anyway.
I notice the painting that hangs on the wall in back of Jen. I begin to study it. It is mostly made up of dark colors. The painting is of a male and a female figure trapped inside of what appears to be a tornado. And in between the two figures is an X. As I stare at it I start to remember how numb feel. I reach down in my lap and without taking my eyes off the painting I pinch my left hand. I don't feel it.
There is now this warm tingling on my right knee. I look down to see what it is. It's a hand... Pacey's hand. I reach out to hold it. Slowly the sounds and voices around me come to. Pacey has made the numbness go away and I am thankful.
"You alright Joe?" Pacey asks.
"Yeah. I am now. Thank you."
"Why do I get a thank you?"
"You get one because you made it go away." I say.
Pacey gives me a big smile. I can tell that he is a bit confused but its okay. He slowly starts taking his hand out of mine but I don't let him. I don't let him because I want to hold onto this feeling. And with each minute that his hand is in mine I feel more alive.