As alike that fazed him, because he loved Loki completely, but he's known these people his entire life and walking out on them is not easy.

Inevitable as was leaving delaying it too for as long as he could seemed like an option till he was able to come to terms with departing, and the very probable possibility that he would not be able again to reach them, see or even communicate – he finds he's clueless as to what'd come when drops that shoe they all were for waiting.

To think just for minutes on this exhausts him and follows always the urge to see Loki.

He wonders how he's like,

now that Byleistr and the hybrids were dead, and his mother's avenged.

…He knows, and he must speak with him and explain, what he wished years ago someone to him would've when he was hurting as sorely.

XXX

He returns irritably groans at the ever-pending strain post-transforming, hates how it weighs his magic down, off brushed the vexation stripped climbed into the shower. As heavy a weight in his chest forms, as intense as before and he realized in part,

it didn't matter,

futile tries to believe it had but struggles so as the hours pass and he feeds on blood-bags almost exceeds the limit he'd for himself set in anger, shuffles agonized out longing for his lover flopped onto the bed and turned beside him, where there the day before Tony'd slept he breathed in his scent chest ached in a sliver of relief and he drifted exhausted, fell to sleep didn't hear when hours later Tony'd apparated snapped awake when he had alarmed, recognized the footsteps and eased, sat sorely up as into the roomed Tony trod. The lamp on the nightstand was still on Tony saw him at the edge of the bed sat, smiled and approached him. "Hi," sweetly said made smile Loki's weary features responding:

"Hey." Closer he came could see on him the physical strain needn't ask he knows it's more than exhaustion, before him kneels takes his hand put to it a kiss and Loki smiled warmly, caressed his lips and face browns up at him gaze softly, he asked lowly:

"…How does it feel?"

"What?"

"…Taking revenge." Smile falls greens decline, shook slowly his head shrugged mouth parts to talk and pauses, unable to explain and Tony tells him:

"I know," squeezed his hand measuredly adding: "Like nothing's changed." He takes a breath, gently as he could states: "…That feeling. It's not gonna go away, Loki. Because something did change. She's gone." Promptly greens well he stiffly frowns and Tony loathes it on his face loathes what he has to say but he has to. "…Accepting that, living with it. It gets easier, I promise," reassures him firmly tries to persuade him then with what Loki has been to himself all day. "And you'll sleep better knowing that those who took her away got what was coming to 'em," more stolidly said greens concurring harden like needed to hear it from someone else to believe it, or from him. "Trust me if they were still out there. Would've been a lot worse. At least now you can try and move on, and that doesn't happen in a day. Give yourself time, and Loki. Stop, telling yourself that you could've done more." Chest pricks he knows he could've he knows he- Tony gripped his hand called back his eyes that'd dropped in grim dejection, keenly tells them: "Because you can't go back and the only thing regret's gonna do is hurt." Terribly, a pain like nothing else- "Won't change anything." No it won't…Gaze dims relents realize this, again. Greens in a horrid shade of self-hate taint that there's little more else Tony can do to of dissuade him. He tells him: "…The time that you spent together, the memories you have the good ones, hold onto those. It's okay, to be sad be angry." Falls a tear in spite of himself that away Tony wipes stressing softly: "it's okay to cry – in no way does it make you look weak no matter what anyone tells you." He hadn't of that thought can't not with Tony, deduced why that he would say would think – it saddens him deeply; he hates Howard so fiercely. "When you grieve, it shows that she mattered to you, that she mattered – and not grieving, makes it look like she didn't and that's not right." Words that hadn't occurred to him before and he, holds them and him in such high regard taking everything he says so to heart no one ever on him'd held such impact. "Don't bottle up the pain like it'll go away because the only way to get rid of it, is to let it out." A sigh leaves his lips more tears stream he can't control and Tony rises swiftly pulls him into his arms. Steely Loki grips him clutching silent cries and Tony in spite of the pain so dreadful when he hears his sobs when he feels him shaking he holds him close levels his voice repeatedly, quietly reassures him.

A minute pass then two and promptly Loki calms, pulls closer to him Tony pleads:

"…Don't leave."

It's all it takes, because he knows he's not referring to now, he knows what he's asking he knows that more than ever now he needs him and he must, he must stay, he wants to stay. He tells him:

"I'm not going anywhere," pressed top his head a hard kiss cupped his face brushed another to his warm, damp cheek told him to lie down, got into bed with him it was late, consoled him into deep sleep thinking over thoroughly, soberly how to do this, slip out tie any loose ends predict outcomes. It shouldn't be a challenge; his mind relents alas lulled alike to sleep in musings, of days to come unrestricted but countless, with him.