Disclaimer: I don't own Red Drawf never had never will.
Right well me and Sian were talking and this little story idea popped into my head due to a spelling error (masked instead of mashed) so enjoy, the second part will be up later tonight
Curse Of The Masked Potatoes
Beginnings:
Lister sighed and stretched out on his bunk reading a magazine about women and their confessions, he finished reading the article about the woman from Cardiff who "accidently" slept with her husband's twin brother, got pregnant said it was her husband's but then ran off with the black milk man when it turned out the kid was his.
Lister sighed at the cliché and threw the magazine onto the bunk as he jumped onto the floor, he absently wondered how Rimmer was doing in the exam but only for a moment as he heard the door to his quarters open, and two men with Anti Contamination suits entered.
"You've come for Frankie?" Lister asked dejectedly as he reached down and opened her cage door.
"We're sorry Dave, she'll be ok, we'll put her in the Hold and seal it, she and her kittens will be fine till we get back to Earth." One of the men said as he lifted Frankenstien out of Lister's arms and into a special kind of container.
"Cheers Chen, any chance of some grub before I go into this stasis thing? All my credits have run out and I'd kill for a curry." Lister replied trying not to look like he was bothered by Frankie been taken from him and how he was going to emerge in 18 months with no home, no job and a ton of little kittens to feed.
"I'll see what we can dig from Peterson in the kitchens after you've been decontaminated." The second guy said as Lister pulled his hawaiian shirt over his head.
"Right Selby – only if Peterson didn't cook it though! The three men laughed weakly and left the room.
As they walked down the corridor Kochanski passed and smiled her gorgeous flirtatious smile, he wondered if they still had a chance, if they could start again… well he'd find out in 18 months.he sighed again his dream of Figi entering his mind again... As he was led into the medi bay Lister's mind wandered to what Rimmer had said earlier in the day.
"Leaping mutton" he scoffed delicately under his breath,
"How stupid - everyone knows sheep and dolphins can't be crossed – think of the mating difficulties!" He shuck his head and closed his eyes, humming some Rasta Billy Skank under his breath during most of the examination.
As he stood up to leave, Selby – now in normal uniform, accompanied by Todhunter entered the room. Lister saluted half heartedly and looked at the plate of food that Selby was holding.
"Come on man – mashed potatoes and Chinese pork? You've got to be yanking my chain… whats that green stuff?" He asked pushing s mound of green leaves around with his fork as Todhunter led him down the corridor.
"Its Cabbage – soz Dave, its all we could get!" Selby yelled back as he turned to go back to his duties.
"Hang on mate" Lister said as he stopped at a waste disposal unit and scraped the offending green leaves into the bin, he began to eat the pork and even the potatoes raveniously, as they continued down the corridor.
"Your last meal, huh Lister?" Todhunter said trying to make conversation as they neared the top of corridor 159. Lister just shrugged in response and chucked the plate and the rest of the potato down another chute, which by mistake was not a waste disposal but a laundry chute. The plate landed soundlessly in the pile of clothes and the mashed potato remains splatted and land into someones old sleeping mask...
Lister turned back to Todhunter and slowed his pace a little as the stasis booths came into view.
"Come on Dave no-one wants to go through with this…"