"True Nature"
"Do you have any idea how good you have it?"
I slowly woke up on a hard stone floor with the familiar stench of death around me. I was locked in a darkened dungeon where I saw Mileena sitting in front of my cell. She was staring at me with piercing faded yellow eyes and again asked "Do you?" I didn't bother to answer. I knew this was leading to another rant of how much Kahn "loves" me more than her and how jealous she is of me.
"He does love you more than me and I am jealous of you." she suddenly snapped. I stared at her wondering how she knew what I was thinking when she said "A little gift I received after my resurrection. I can hear your thoughts." she then hissed and grumbled "'Gift.' More like a curse. You have no idea how maddening it is to have the thoughts of an ungrateful bitch like you in the back of my head."
"Ungrateful? Mind telling me how I'm so ungrateful? Maybe you can clue me in on why you think Kahn 'loves' me so much?"
"You really have to ask? Look at this. Even after all you've done...he's still willing to take you back. You do know that's why you're still alive right? He's going to try to get you to rejoin." she paused and shook her head and continued "You think if I did what you did? You think if I jumped ship and joined with the Earth warriors I'd get another chance? You think you're little friend Jade's going to get a second chance? No. Just you. Only you. And it makes me sick. It sickens me that you have this privilege and you throw it aside."
"Don't you dare talk to me about ungrateful, Mileena." I began, "I gave him everything. I would've done anything for him. You know that as well as anyone. So what do I get return? You. You were supposed to take my place. I was to be killed and you would go on in my place like nothing happened. And you know what makes me sick, Mileena? That he can treat you like this again and again and you just take it. You, more than anyone...even me...have more reason to hate him. He created you for a purpose and threw you aside. Ask yourself Mileena...if you had taken my place...would you even be 'Mileena?' No. You'd be me. You'd be 'Kitana.' Do you have any idea how sick that is? You don't find that at all disturbing? You above all people should hate him more than anything. But no. You blame me for all your problems. It's always my fault."
"It is you fault..."
"Did I make your face look like that Mileena? Did I force you to be my twin sister? Did I force you to be my watchdog? No! He did. He did that to you, not me!" I paused and added "Do you really think your life will be better if I'm gone?"
Mileena was quiet for a few moments then answered "I did. Before. Before you killed me. But now...it doesn't really matter." She fell silent for a few more moments then quietly said "Do you know where I went after I died? Do you know what I've seen? You couldn't possibly know what horrors I've witnessed. You put me in that place and for that alone I will hate you forever. It's not about jealousy anymore Kitana. That time is over. All I have now is the hope that I can make you suffer as much as you've made me suffer."
Mileena and I stared at one another for several minutes when a Shang Tsung entered and said "The Emperor demands your presence, Lady Kitana." Several guards took me from my cell and started to escort me away and Tsung said to Mileena "You are to remain on guard. The Emperor suspects an attack soon."
The guards took me from the dungeons to my step-father's throne room. At the entrance I saw the Shokan woman Sheeva standing guard. She gave me a strange look as if she felt pity for me as they took me into the throne room. My step-father was sitting on his throne waiting. The guards forced me to my knees in front of him and he said "Leave us!"
With that guards left. I heard the entrance doors slam shut, leaving my step-father and myself alone in the throne room. I kept my eyes locked on the floor, but I could feel him staring a hole through me. I didn't care much for what he had to say, if anything. I was bracing myself for death, which I was fairly certain was inevitable. I was trapped, locked in a room with Shao Kahn and alone. My fate was sealed.
"Well, you've certainly been busy." my step-father finally said, strangely calm. "I've had some time to think about you." I didn't even look up at him. I was expecting him to kill me at any moment. I assumed he just wanted to see me sweat. "Where did I go wrong?" he sighed.
"I have nothing to say to you." I said quietly. "If you're going to kill me, then just get it over with."
"I told you once I had no desire to see you dead, Kitana. I still don't."
"Then what do you want from me?"
Kahn stared at me for a moment then asked "Why did you betray me?"
I was shocked. I could not believe he would have the gall to ask me that question. "You really have to ask me?" He didn't answer me. I was dumbfounded and continued "I really have to explain it to you?"
"I know your reasons. But I want to hear it from you."
"You killed my father. You drove my mother to suicide and let me believe it was my fault. You enslaved my people and turned me into a killer."
Kahn just stared at me and then asked "And what's your real reason?
"What!"
"Come now Kitana. I killed your father, whom you never knew. Your mother committed suicide out of weakness and you never gave a damn about your people. You, better than anyone, should know what happens to those who oppose me. I cannot believe you would risk your life and your soul for a lost cause simply because of the principle of it all. So what was it? There had to be something that drove you to this."
I knew what he was talking about. I didn't know what he hoped to accomplish by hearing my explanation, but I decided to give it. "I would've done anything for you. I did do anything for you. I would've gladly given my life for you. How much pain did I put myself through to live up to your standard? What did I go through to make you proud of me? How many people did I kill for your approval? And it wasn't good enough."
"Ah." he sighed. "This is about Mileena."
"Yes. And just the idea...that she didn't take my place because of her face...that I would've died if Shang Tsung had gotten her face right...I betrayed you? No. You betrayed me first."
Kahn was silent for a few moments then said "I'll grant you that Kitana. I will admit...Mileena's creation was a mistake." That he said that surprised me. I never expected him to admit he was wrong. "But for the record...Mileena's face was not the reason she didn't take your place." he paused a moment then continued "One thing I appreciate, Kitana, is loyalty. Genuine loyalty is very rare. I know full well that Shang Tsung is merely biding his time and waiting for a chance to strike me down. Baraka...Reptile...all unreliable. I can count on Ermac and Mileena...but they were created to be loyal. It's not the same. But you Kitana...you were loyal. You were perfectly dutiful to me and it wasn't out of fear or because I forced you to...but because you were truly devoted to me. As Tsung was trying to perfect the clone of you I realized that I did not want to lose that, so I called it off. That is why Mileena never took your place."
I couldn't believe what I just heard. That...it couldn't be true. He was probably just trying to deceive me. I shook off his words and said "Even if that were ture, is that supposed to make it better? After I learned the truth about Mileena it all came together for me. I realized what my life could've been had it not been for you. Had I not been turned into a killer. If you hadn't taken away my life..."
"Just one moment." Kahn cut in. "Repeat that."
"You took away my life and turned me into a killer."
"You make it sound as if I stole something from you." Kahn sneered. "Tell me Kitana...what life did you have before me? What was your precious life that you're so angry about losing? You were but an infant when I took Edenia. You had no life before me. I gave you your life. I raised you. Does that not make me your father?"
"I could've had a better life. A peaceful life where I could've been happy. That's the life you stole from me. Instead you gave me a life of misery."
"Oh come on!" he snapped. "You really expect me to believe that? Really think about what your life would've been like had I not taken you. Take a good long look. Is that what you want? To be a perfect little princess who sits in her pretty garden and sings lovely songs? Would that have appealed to you? I made you strong! I made you a warrior! And don't you dare act like you don't appreciate that!"
"No..."
"Think about your 'perfect' life that I 'stole' from you! You would've grown up to be a prim and proper little princess and you would have been miserable! Deep down wishing and dreaming of the life I gave you! Say what you will Kitana, but I did not turn you into anything! You are a born warrior! Anything else would've driven you mad!"
"No! No that's not true! You made me this way!"
"I did no such thing. I forced you to train for only two years. Everything after that was all you and don't deny it. You trained everyday, all day. You took to everything almost by nature. You insisted and practiced everything until you got it down perfectly. That was you Kitana. Not me."
"It was you! You made me think I needed your approval! Any less and you'd call me a disappointment! A failure!"
"Is what I said to you any different than what Shang Tsung would say while he trained you? Or Zangyaku?"
"But I was just a child!"
"It's called motivation Kitana. I did nothing to you that no other teacher would have." Kahn paused a moment then added "And one last thing: say what you will about me and what I did to you, Kitana...but don't you dare say I turned you into a killer!"
"You did so! It was you who pushed me to murder!"
"Wrong Kitana. You are a killer. I've known that since you were young. I looked into your soul and I saw the heart of a killer. I didn't turn you into anything. I simply nursed what was already there."
"NO! NO! I won't believe that! I'm not like that!"
"No? Need I remind you of Zansastu? I sent you to kill Jeice. Did I tell you to gut every child in the village? Did I tell you to slaughter over thirty parents? Did I tell you to burn the village to the ground?"
"...stop it..." I tried to shut out his words but they sank into me.
"You did those things. Those were your actions and your choices. Not mine."
"...no...I'm not like that...I'm not a bad person..."
"What about after Zansatsu? I once sent you to kill the leader of the Resistance. Did I tell you to wipe out his entire family line? The Shokan-Vampire Coalition against me 8,000 years ago? I sent you to kill the key leaders. Did I tell you to slaughter their families? Did I tell you to burn the homes of their friends? The list goes on and on, Kitana. Your choices. You did those things! YOU!"
"NOOOOOO!" I screamed trying to shut him out, but I couldn't. He was right...I did those things. My own choices.
"Why keep deluding yourself Kitana? As long as you deny who you really are you will never find peace." He paused and then continued "Tell me, honestly, even if somehow I were to be defeated and Edenia were restored...do you truly believe that life will work out?" I stared up at him and felt the tears come down my face. I knew the answer...but I didn't want to admit it. "I was not the first to threaten Earth. And even if I were defeated...I would not be the last. You know better than anyone what the life of a 'hero' is. You've ended plenty. The life of a 'hero' is a life of defeat, pain, and loss. Is that what you want Kitana? To condemn yourself to a life of misery and lost causes while you secretly go mad deluding yourself into believing your something you're not."
"...no."
"I was watching your fight with Mileena earlier. I sensed your anger. The old rage you used to feel when you fought. I'm sure you felt it too, yes?"
"...yes."
"It felt good didn't it? It felt right."
"...yes."
"You missed it didn't you? You missed the old rage. The power to hurt someone who hurt you."
"...yes."
"Then why fight it? Why hurt yourself denying what you really are?"
Everything he said cut into me like knives. Maybe he was right. Maybe I'm only deluding myself and denying myself any chance at true happiness. But then I remembered how I'd feel when I was with Liu. I remembered the hope he'd give me.
"You're wrong!" I yelled. "Maybe there is a part of me that enjoys being hateful and evil...but I've also felt what it's like to be good. I've experienced true kindness and that made me happy! Happy in a way you wouldn't understand!"
Kahn chuckled and said "To be good, eh? You do realize this 'goodness' that you think is in you is but an illusion. Something I learned centuries ago Kitana: 'goodness' is just a veil. A deception used to hide what people really are. Something I learned a long, long time ago: until we shed our veil, we will never be free. You may hide behind your veil Kitana, but the truth is it can be just as easily torn away in an instant."
"You're wrong. I have changed."
"Oh? Let's find out."
With that, Kahn waved his hand behind his throne and I heard a door open and shut behind him. From the shadows I saw my mother emerge, still wearing an evil grin. She slowly approached me, and I suddenly got a very bad feeling.
"M-Mother...I..." I was cut off by her violently kicking me in the stomach. I stumbled backwards and tumbled to the floor.
"Goodness is just a veil, Kitana." Kahn hissed from his throne. "Take it away and you'd even kill your own family."
"Mother...please! You have to..." I was again cut off by her striking me in the face. She hit me again and one final time before giving me another stiff kick to my stomach that made me crumble to the floor at her feet. I looked up at her and tried to say something but she kicked me in the face.
"Come now." she moaned. "I've been hearing so much about you my daughter. Please don't tell me this is your best."
I pulled myself up and slowly started to back away as my mother came closer. "Mother...please...don't make me do this..."
She smirked and suddenly started screaming at me. Her scream reached a deafening pitch and I felt as if my ears were about to pop. The force of her scream started to cut into me, literally. I felt blood seep out from cuts all over my body. I sank to my knees and started to scream in pain, but I couldn't even hear myself.
I tried to regain my bearings, but suddenly my mother's hair wrapped itself around my throat and violently tossed me into a nearby pillar. I attempted to pull myself up, but my mother was already on top of me, tearing into my face. After she pounded my face a few times, she grabbed my throat and started squeezing.
"Pathetic!" she snarled. "Look how weak you are! You worthless, pitiful waste! You're a disgrace! A disgrace to me and your father!"
I could have easily kicked her away and freed myself, but I just froze in fear. One of my nightmares had suddenly come to life right in front of me. As my mother strangled the air from my lungs, I wondered if this was my fate. My punishment for all the things I've done in my life. Strangled to death by my own mother as she degraded me.
I slowly sank to the floor as my mother smothered me, enjoying herself immensely. I failed. The merger of the realms was almost complete and I couldn't help my mother. She wouldn't listen and I wasn't willing to fight her. It was over and I was going to die.
My mother let go of her grip and tossed me to the floor. I didn't bother to get up. "What is this!" my mother yelled. "This is my daughter! This pathetic whelp!" She then started kicking my stomach as I was down. She then put her foot on my head and started to press down, but I did nothing to make her stop. I had given up.
"Worthless! Look how pathetic she is!" my mother yelled to my step-father.
"If she isn't going to try, then just finish her."
"Pity." Sindel sighed. She lifted her foot up and was ready to stomp my throat which would crush my neck. But before she hit me, I suddenly sprang up and quickly hid in the shadows, among the pillars of the throne room. I didn't want to die like this. I wasn't ready. I couldn't give up yet. There was still time...I needed to reach her.
"Now you hide. Haven't you disgraced yourself enough?" my mother called out, trying to find me.
"Mother! Please you have to listen to me!" I yelled, still hiding in the shadows. I hoped I could get through to her without fighting.
"Listen to what, Kitana? Your father has already informed me of the lies you've been deceived by."
"They're not lies! He's not your husband! He killed your real husband, my father! He's the reason you killed yourself!"
I heard my mother laugh and say "Poor, poor Kitana. So easily deluded."
"Mother, please! You have to believe me!"
"The truth is Kitana...I killed myself because of you. Because who would want a pathetic little brat like you for a daughter?"
"No! I know you don't mean that!"
My mother laughed and said "You know nothing. You've no idea how I much I hated you. Your irritating presence a constant tax on my sanity. My only escape was death, that's how much you sickened me."
"...please stop this..." I whispered.
"Listen to yourself! Look how pathetic you are! You sicken me! You hide like a coward, you worthless, spineless whelp!" my mother snarled.
"I don't want to fight you..." I said quietly, covering my ears. Every word cut into me. She knew exactly what to say and how to say it. There was a part of me that wanted to shrink away and die. But there was another part of me...a painfully familiar part of me that wanted to rip out her throat.
"Of course you don't! Because you're a disgrace! Because you let yourself get weak! How can you share my blood?"
"NO! You're not like this! I know this isn't who you really are!"
"Yes, keep telling yourself that. Keep telling yourself that I can change. Keep telling youself that you can change." She then paused and then continued "To be honest Kitana, since your father brought me back, I've been hearing much about you. He told me that you weren't as pathetic as I thought. I heard how you killed your old teacher, Zangyaku. About your exploits in Zansatsu. All the great things you've done. And as I did, I felt such pride. I almost thought that perhaps I was wrong. That maybe you weren't a spineless whelp after all. I can't describe how much it made me proud to hear my daughter could be so strong. So feared."
I tried to shut her out. I didn't want to hear her say that. But, as she talked I no longer felt fear or despair. I felt my anger growing. I was so sick of my life being defined by things I did thousands of years ago. What do I have to do to make that go away? Why can't anyone let me change!
"Since I've been brought back, I've been looking forward to meeting you." she continued. "I still am, frankly. The real you. Not this whimpering shell that you've become. I was hoping to meet my daughter...my true daughter..."
"...don't say it..." I whispered quietly, trying to contain my anger which I could feel was about to explode.
"Kitana the Bloody."
"NOOO!" I screamed out. I had it. I was sick of that name. I was sick of being called that God damn name! I charged at my mother and violently tackled her. I felt the same rage I felt with Mileena before. Without thinking I started pounding my mother's face. She opened a floodgate. I hated her. I hated that she left me, so long ago. I hated that she put me through this. It wasn't my fault she killed herself! She was weak! She was a weak, self-centered bitch! I hated her for abandoning me. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to feel the pain she made me feel.
More than that. I hated everyone. I hated the world and I wanted everyone to suffer. I never asked to find out about my real parents. I never asked to be the Princess of Edenia. I was happy as Shao Kahn's daughter. But no. My life was ruined by self righteous do-gooders. And I tried to change and turn good...but no. That wasn't good enough either. Apparently no one wanted me to. No one wanted me to be good. How much would I have to give before anyone accepted that I was different? If I was so unwanted by those ungrateful bastards then why should I bother trying anymore?
With each blow I landed on my mother's face, I felt rectified. I just didn't care anymore. I held my mother's head in place and raised my fist up. I was going to crush the bitch's throat and watch her die and enjoy every second of it. Revenge for leaving me. For abandoning me. Just as I was about to hit her...I snarled "Die...you weak, pathetic fool."
Before I struck, my hand was suddenly caught by Shao Kahn who calmly said "That's enough. You've done well."
After he stopped me, I regained my senses and realized what I had done. I slowly backed away and sank to my knees as Kahn helped Sindel to her feet, her face bruised and bloody. I just stared in shock. Kahn was right. I was so easily pushed into going back. With just a few choice words my mother unleashed every nasty, cruel, mean-spirited feeling I had. I...I was actually ready to kill my own mother with my bare hands. And what I said...my step-father's words...coming from my mouth...
Kahn came to me and said "That felt good didn't it? It felt right?" I didn't answer. I didn't even look at him. I just sat there, frozen in shock. "You don't have to answer. I can see in your eyes." He paused a moment then continued "You see now, Kitana? This is the way you're supposed to be. Stop deluding yourself and accept who you are." He then extended his hand to me and said "Come back to me. Why hurt yourself any longer? Take my hand, and we can go back to the way it used to be. Be my daughter again."
I looked up at him and...I slowly started to extend my hand...to take his. I wanted to take it. Oh God...I wanted to so badly. I wanted so much to just go back and accept it. No more pain. No more loss. What was stopping me? My mother was with him. He told me the real reason why Mileena didn't take my place. Liu and the others didn't want me. Why shouldn't I take his hand?
I slowly got up and said "I...am not...your DAUGHTER!" I have to believe there is good in me. I have to believe that somehow things will work out...that good will win...even if I don't live to see it. I'm not a bad person...I'm not. "And you are not my father!"
Kahn just stared at me...as if he had no reaction. After several moments he said, very calmly "I am many things Kitana. You wouldn't understand half of them, But it seems for now, I must play the role of executioner."
Suddenly a bolt of green energy fired from his hand and shot into my body. I flew back about five feet before hitting the floor. "One final gift, my wayward daughter." Kahn continued as another bolt fired from his hand into me. The pain...it was unbearable. It was unlike anything I felt before in my life. It felt sort of like electricity...or fire. My skin burned...my bones felt like there frozen and about to shatter...but even deeper...it felt as if my soul was being torn apart piece by piece. "A fast death. Infinitely preferable to the shame of returning to Outworld." Another bolt. I tried to pull myself up, but the pain was too great. I could do nothing but writhe and scream on the floor. "To the people of Outworld your legacy would be that of misery and shame." Another bolt. "You'd be remembered as a pariah, desperately seeking the forgiveness and approval of the people who cursed your name." Another bolt. I almost wished he would kill me. I couldn't stand the pain. "At least this way you can die with your reputation intact."
He continued firing the energy into me, and I continued screaming and writhing on the floor. I looked up and I saw my mother standing beside him, watching me be tortured to death. "...MOTHER...PLEASE..." I managed to scream out.
The torture went on for a few more seconds, although to me they felt like hours. My step-father stopped and stared at me on the floor for a moment. He then quietly said "It pains me to see you this way Kitana. Believe it or not...through the years, I truly did see you as my daughter. Perhaps...there was even a part of me that...cared." Despite my agony...I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "At the very least, I still care enough to end your misery right now."
With that, he lifted me up by the collar and raised his fist. The blow would shatter my skull and I'd die almost instantly. My body was too wracked with pain to put up any defense. I shut my eyes and waited. I failed. I was going to die that night. Alone on Shao Kahn's floor. No one would care or miss me.
I waited for the blow...but it never came. Instead, I heard someone scream out "NO!" which was followed by Kahn grunting and I was dropped to the floor. I looked up and I saw...I couldn't believe it...my mother, standing over me...between Kahn and me.
"What do you think you are doing!" Kahn snarled.
"I remember!" my mother yelled back. "I had a husband! His name was Jerrod and we ruled Edenia...until you came! Until you killed him!"
I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be possible. Somehow, my mother's memory returned. When I attacked my mother...did it somehow jar he memory? Or was it watching me be tortured? I didn't really care. My mother had broken free and she was against Kahn. I did it.
"So the Queen has finally woken up." Kahn grumbled. "This was most unwise of you Sindel. I only need you alive until the realms merge. Afterward...you're inconsequential."
"I don't care. I'll kill myself again if I have to! Either way...I swear to you...you will not touch my daughter again!"
I don't really know what followed...I was still too out of it. I heard my mother and Kahn fight for a few moments before he slapped her aside. She was knocked to floor and Kahn yelled "You Edenian bitches do nothing but torment me! Once the realms merge I will deal with you!" He then walked to me and said "Right after I deal with our insolent little daughter!"
Kahn was about to strike me dead, when all of a sudden I saw someone's foot slam itself into his face. Kahn groaned in pain and took several steps back. My eyes focused and I saw him...Liu, standing over me. Somehow...he was here...he came for me.
I then felt someone pulling me up off the floor. I turned and saw it was Jade. "It's okay, Kitana. I got you." she said softly.
"J-jade...what are...what are you doing...here...?"
"Don't worry about. Everything's going to be all right."
"Jade...take Kitana and get out of here." Liu ordered. "Kahn...we finish this tonight."
Jade helped me up and we slowly started towards the entrance of the throne room. I didn't know what was going on...I was too out of it to figure it out or ask questions. I took one last look at Liu as he and Shao Kahn stared each other down. I realized that this was it...this would be the final battle. I quietly wished Liu luck as I blacked out. Liu needed to beat Kahn before the realms merged...there was so little time left...but I didn't mind. Somehow...I knew things would turn out okay.
End of Chapter XX