Tokyo Ew Ew: The Second Chapter

Yes, just when you thought it was safe to read one of those disgusting "new mew" stories, TEE is back. Fear its satirical goodness.

Meh, this is usually where I give replies to reviewers, but typing "I'm glad you liked it" gets tedious after a while. But I do wanna give a shout out to Peggi, 'cause she managed to give a good review even though she doesn't know TMM, and to Savvy-chan, who is absolutely right about this story.

By the way, if anyone has any suggestions for elements that I should include in this story, feel free to review (but don't email me. I can't get email unless you're already on my address book, and unless you happen to be Peggi, you're probably not. But feel free to say in your review that you wanna email me, so I can put your name in.)

Ichigo stormed into the back room of Café Mew Mew.

"RYOU!" she screamed, although he was right next to her. The volume of her voice stunned him a little, but he quickly recovered.

"Um...you're looking very...um...out-of-character today, Ichigo."

"Really? I'm so flattered you noticed! My old personality didn't really move plots along very well, so I'm trying something new."

"Oh, okay. So, was there any special reason you had to scream in my ear, or was that just for dramatic effect?"

"Who the heck are these new Mew Mews?" Ryou was taken aback by the directness of the question, but, true to form, he didn't show it.

"I did some research and I discovered that you and your little friends are going to lose your powers, so I created some new, stronger Mew Mews to pick up the slack."

"What?? Losing our powers? But...how..."

Ryou blinked.

"You mean I need a reason? I thought I was just allowed to make up plot devices to justify the presence of new characters. Just give me a second and I'll think of something..." he paused, thinking hard. Then he snapped his fingers. "Ah-ha! You girls are losing your powers because the animals from which you draw your powers are making a steady comeback, and since they're not as endangered anymore, they don't have as much fighting spirit."

"Damn those conservationists!"

"I hear you, Ichigo."

"So, if the animals aren't endangered anymore, what DNA did you use for the new (stupidimposterloser) Mews?"

"Vegetables." Ichigo's eyes widened in shock. She looked at Ryou as if he should, at any minute, put on a rather stupid hat and yell 'April Fools!', but he just stared back.

"Since when are vegetables endangered?" asked Ichigo incredulously.

"Here's a better question: when was the last time you ate a vegetable?" Ichigo thought hard, a look of intense concentration on her face.

"You know, I don't actually remember."

Ryou nodded smugly. "See? No one eats their vegetables anymore so (a) the veggies are becoming seriously endangered, and (b) the kiddies aren't growing up big and strong."

"That's the most moronic explanation of new Tokyo Mew Mew characters I have ever heard," Ichigo said, shaking her head.

"Oh yeah?" An orange-haired girl stepped out of the shadows about a foot away from Ichigo. "I rather think it's a pretty neat set of powers. And at least we don't have lame attack names like you."

"Wh-who are you?" Ichigo stammered.

"Me? I'm Kitty. But you can call me Ew Kitty. And now," Kitty said menacingly, turning to Ryou, "You have revealed the secret of our powers. For that you shall pay." Kitty struck a Sailor Moon-like pose. There was a flash of light and Kitty was suddenly dressed in an orange Mew Mew outfit with a hat shaped like the top of a carrot. In her hand she held a green Frisbee. The whole outfit clashed abysmally with her hair.

"Ribbon Kitty Smurf!" she yelled, and a lot of little blue people (who didn't look all that great with what she was wearing, either) appeared, tied Ryou up, and carried him away. Kitty smirked evilly, put her Frisbee on her head and abruptly disappeared. Ichigo sighed.

"How come the other Mew Mews are always evil?"

Whee! Another chapter finished. Still too short and dialogue-y, but I sort of liked it. I know that the way the Ew Ews got their powers was altogether too creative to accurately portray this sort of fic, but there's really nothing I could do about that.