Tokyo Ew Ew: The Chapter after the Second Chapter
Wow. Anyone look over the Tokyo Mew Mew page lately?
Like half of it's OC stuff.
I'm scared.
Aaaannnyyyway…here are the review replies:
Quicksilver Foxx: Wonderful idea. Her name is Mew Llama, and she appears in this chapter.
Dark Moon Sabbath: This is the rare animal known as "me updating".
Dark Mew Angel: You're entirely welcome.
Kerichi: Actually, I haven't read any TMM Mary Sues either, except in direct research for this fic, because I can detect them and because I detest them. But, y'know, if I really wanted to write a MS, you know what I'd do? I'd write the summary so that it sounded like a normal story and then even the careful, smart people like you would be sucked into my web of Mary-Sueness! Bwahaha!
Um…I just realized that there was no disclaimer on any of the previous chapters, so let's just pretend that I did own TMM, but then the goblins in my closet tried to eat it, so now the people who actually own it can have it back. Even though it's covered in goblin spit.
Later that afternoon, on a street somewhere in Tokyo, a plot was being recapped.
"What do you mean you were attacked by smurfs?" Minto looked incredulously at Ichigo, who rubbed the back of her head embarrassedly.
"One of the new Ews appeared in the diner. She said her name was Kitty, and then she sicced some smurfs on me."
"Smurfs don't exist, Ichigo," Minto said in the tone of voice one would use to explain something to a very small child. Ichigo threw her hands up in a gesture of helplessness.
"Neither do any Mew Mews besides the five of us."
"Good point."
A few feet away, the other three Mew Mews were having a deep discussion of their own.
"I bet that Kitty person and her friends will show up just when we really don't want them to," Retasu said firmly, as if she was just now figuring out that "just when we don't want them to" is always when the bad guys show up. Zakuro might have been expected to make a sarcastic reply, but do to the need for plot exposition and the general out-of-character-ness of stories of this sort, her eyes widened in shock and she raised one trembling hand to point at Retasu.
"Y-you're not allowed to form your own opinions!"
Retasu blinked in confusion. "What?"
Zakuro, still trembling, struggled to explain. "Well, Retasu, you're really hard to write. So, um, most authors who write ensemble fics never even try. You—you just get to be one of the people in the background who goes along with what the "main" characters think. Apparently, this makes you very sad, so when you do get your own stories, they're always angsty."
Retasu, who realized that what Zakuro said was true, merely nodded.
"You're right, Zakuro."
Meanwhile, Purin, another one of those characters who tends to get relegated to bit parts, had an idea.
"Gee, I sure hope those Ew Ews don't show up right now!" she yelled to the empty street. There was a faint popping noise, and cherry blossoms suddenly obscured everything but the five shadowy figures who had mysteriously appeared. The flower petals blew away, turning the figures from mysterious silhouettes into girls who, despite their ridiculous costumes, exuded an aura of power.
Then one of them tripped, falling flat on her face.
"Ow!" the fallen brown-haired girl moaned. An orange-gloved hand shot out from one of the other figures and hit the prone girl.
"Llama, you ruined our entrance!" Ew Kitty hissed furiously. "Now you'll never be a Mary-Sue, because you have shown actual faults!" Ew Llama scrambled back to her feet, holding her head and moaning slightly. Then, as one entity, the five Ew Ews turned to face those abhorrent creations known as the canon characters.
Expecting to see shock on the faces of the green-, purple-, and yellow-clad girls, Kitty was taken aback when Purin stuck out her tounge.
"Nyah, nyah, I was actually expecting you!" The monkey-girl intoned, sticking her thumbs in her ears and wiggling her fingers, "so you broke cliché!"
If Kitty had been surprised before, she was now positively shell-shocked, and her expression was mirrored by the other Ew Ews, with the exception of Llama, who still seemed to be in pain.
This didn't last long, however. Within a few seconds Kitty showed her continuing lack of color-coordination by turning beet-red, either from rage or embarrassment. Then she whirled around to face her still-horrified teammates, and after a few seconds of huddling, they disappeared with another pop.
Zakuro, who had been watching this all calmly from the sidelines, smirked before adopting a look of mock concern.
"Gosh, wouldn't it be horrible if those new mews showed up right now?" She said, her voice dripping with false worry.
Pop.
Retasu looked quizzically at the Ew Ews, who had just re-appeared.
"Did you actually fall for that?" she sounded concerned, too, but she was either genuine or a much better actress than Zakuro.
"Yeah. I mean. C'mon, it's a weekend. Don't you losers have anything better to do?" asked Minto, who had walked up to where the interesting stuff was going on, leaving Ichigo to talk to herself. A couple of the currently unnamed Ew Ews hung their heads in shame, before all five disappeared again.
Just then, Ichigo (who had apparently noticed that Minto had left) wandered over.
"Were those the Ew Ews?"
"Yeah," Minto replied with a shrug.
"Well, I'm glad they're gone. I really don't want to fight them right now." Realizing what she had said, Ichigo clapped a hand over her mouth and looked around nervously, as if trying to undo her last comment.
"Pop."
"Oh my gosh, they're here!" Ichigo began to run in panic circles.
"That was me," Zakuro explained. It didn't appear to have any effect. She rolled her eyes for the first time this chapter.
There you go! I know I made you wait too long, and I'm sorry. I'd like to say that I'll get the next chapter written faster, but, alas, that's probably not true. On the other hand... This is one of the longest single chapters I have ever written...