Tokyo Ew Ew: Two Chapters after the Second Chapter
Again, I apologize for the lack of updates. On the other hand, I realized the best way to motivate myself to write this: look at the TMM fanfiction page. I don't do it very often (because I'm not actively following any stories at the moment), but when I do, I notice all the ridiculous "New Mew" crap, and it motivates me to keep registering my distaste. Here're the review replies:
Quicksilver Foxx: Yeah, I love Llama, too. I might just have to give her her own spin-off at some point. And why are you so much better at coming up with OCs than I am? This chapter is focused on Kitty, 'cause OCs aren't all about fighting the main characters, they have to steal all the guys, too. But look for your mushroom Ew in the next chapter.
Dark Mew Sabbath: Well, he took a while, but the me-updating animal is finally back. And I am honored to have made you write a long review. I love long reviews, so you made my day when you reviewed and then made it again when I went back and looked at the reviews to write my replies.
The disclaimer is still stands.
The next day, everyone was back at Café Mew Mew, doing roughly the same things they generally do while they're "working." Ichigo, who had been looking over her shoulder periodically to see if the Ew Ews had caught up with her yet, noticed that there were only two sources of sarcasm in the Café that day.
"Hey, has anyone seen Ryou?" The other four girls looked at her quizzically.
"Um, no, I haven't…" Retasu, who had been forced into a bit part again, said softly.
"I thought you said he was kidnapped by smurfs." Minto briefly turned blue and chibi to illustrate the last word.
"Why do you care so much about where he is, anyway?" Zakuro asked with a smirk.
"Because I love him with every bit of my soul. Kishu too," she replied automatically. Then, realizing what she had said, she quickly covered her mouth with one hand, making the other into a fist which she shook emphatically at the ceiling while yelling, "Curse, you, authoress! Curse you for making me say I like whatever random boy you think I should! I love Masaya! Do you hear me, authoress? Ma-sa-ya!"
When she stopped ranting, she noticed the café was silent.
Then, from nowhere, a cricket chirped.
And then it was silent again.
After that, the café doors opened.
And now this story will once again be told in normal paragraphs.
Ryou stepped through the threshold into the café proper amid the still-silent waitstaff and customers. Then everyone, realizing that the dramatic moment was over, went back to talking or working or slacking off.
"Ryou, where have you been! Ichigo just confessed her love for you, and you missed it!" Purin exclaimed. When Ryou answered, his voice sounded flat and mechanical.
"I do not love you Ichigo. I love Kitty. She is the only one I will ever love." At this, Keiichiro walked out of the kitchen and stared at Ryou, who barely seemed to notice that the taller boy was almost in tears.
"I thought you loved me, Ryou. And now you're dumping me for an original character?" If Keiichiro said anything else, no one heard it as he turned on his heel and stalked back into the kitchen.
Ryou did not appear to be paying attention. Indeed, his eyes were strangely unfocused and his mouth had remained in the position it had been the last time he spoke. No one said anything for a moment, and then Ichigo noticed that there was one new person in the room, and that person was floating near the ceiling.
"Kishu!"
"That is right, Ichigo." Not only did Kishu's voice lack its customary arrogance, but the alien wasn't even smirking. "I have just come to tell you that you and your little band of Sailor Moon wannabes is no longer worth our attention. You cannot stop us, so we are uninterested in you."
"Let me guess, the new threat to your mission is Tokyo Ew Ew?" Zakuro asked in a monotone that imitated the ones Kishu and Ryou had used.
"That is correct. Not only are they a much bigger threat to us, but their leader is much more beautiful than you. She is more worthy to be my kitty." After Kishu finished speaking, just to further illustrate the point, Masaya randomly appeared in the café.
"Masaya, don't tell me that you don't love me either!" Ichigo said sadly, already knowing what the reply would be. When the boy spoke, it was in a flat, toneless voice.
"No Ichigo. I love—"
"Kitty. We know," intoned everyone in the café who was not either Ichigo or under the aforementioned OC's spell.
"I was going to say Llama." Everyone just stared at him.
"What? But she's not even a Mary-Sue!" Ichigo was indignant that not only had her true love just confess his love to an original character, but an inferior original character at that. "Why don't you love Kitty like everyone else?" Now she was just genuinely curious.
"I am considered inferior. The authoress would not have her pet character waste time with me. I am therefore required to be smitten with a random supporting character, and…"
"At the moment, Llama is the only supporting OC with a name."
"Yes." With that, Masaya, Ryou, and Kishu walked/floated out of the café with their arms held in front of them zombie-style.
At first, Ichigo was too shell-shocked to do anything but watch them leave, tears running down her cheeks. After a moment, though, Ichigo's grief hardened into deadly resolve.
"The Ew Ews will pay." Ichigo felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Keiichiro standing there.
"Yes," he said, "For taking Ryou, they will pay dearly."
Wow, that was a craptacular effort to be dramatic. And it therefore perfectly mirrors the fics I'm making fun of. But it was still really, really bad.
Just for the record, I do believe strongly in the Ichigo/Masaya pairing. (And Keiichiro/Ryou, in case you couldn't tell.)The only reason Masaya was slighted in this story is because most people dislike him, but I'm rather fond of him, myself. You can go ahead and tell me why he sucks if you want; I'll just laugh at your review.