Tokyo Ew Ew: Chapter Five
Well, after I posted the fourth chapter, I went and looked at the TMM page to see if it had showed up, and since looking at said page makes me wanna keep writing this story, this chapter cam out remarkably quickly. That said, the next chapter will probably be the last one. But I might do a spin-off starring Llama. (Never fear, it won't be a traditional Mary-Sue story. Because Llama isn't actually a Mary-Sue, remember?)
Look, people reviewed the last chapter!
Peeka-Chan: I return your hugs in full. The Ichigo/Masaya paring (Which I like to call Mayago) doesn't get enough respect.
Quicksilver Foxx: I never woulda pegged you as not detesting Masaya. But you're sooo right about Ryou/Keiichiro (Keiichiryou!). And as much as I like your banana idea, I'm trying to keep the Ews as veggies.
MewMewFanGIRL: Yes, I raather think so.
Spaceman Spiff (Emily): Um…. No one's ever professed their love for me in a review before, so I'm really not sure what to say. And check it out: we've got a 'tater Ew! Are zucchini vegetables?
Cat Rain: I look forward to you and your friends writing a parody! There just isn't enough parody in the world, especially not in the TMM world. And, really, I had no plans to include Taruto in this story, but now he just might have to make an appearance in the next chapter.
Nyaa Neko: You know, I don't think I've ever run across a good New Mew fic. Would you mind pointing me towards some? And you'll never, ever have to worry about Masaya being OOC in this fic, 'cause everyone else is so OOC you won't even notice that he is, too. If you're a fan of yaoi at all, I really suggest reading some Keiichiryou stuff. They're actually really cute together.
Dark Moon Sabbath: Whaddaya mean, you "naturally" don't pay attention to Masaya? Oh well, even if you're not a Masaya fan, at least you're mature enough that his presence in the story doesn't make you stop reading. And as for Keiichiro… Well, he'll have a bigger part than Ryou, I think, just because I like the idea of him fighting to get his boyfriend back. Retasu, on the other hand, probably won't have that big a part, 'cause I'm already breaking cliché to have mentioned her multiple times so far.
Lunar Sprinkles: Yay, my first flame! Anyway, (a) the "vegitable" characters are my OCs, so I can make fun of them as much as I darn well want, which hasn't actually been that much. Sure, they do stupid things, but so do the real characters, (b) the difference between a parody and a bashing is that a good parody is a more or less intelligently written attempt to point out things the writer finds absurd, while a bash is a non-creative way of showing your dislike of a character by means of badly written OOC stuff, and (c) because the word "idiot" starts with a vowel, its correct article is "an."
Rokhaya: Thankies! I like stories like that, too, which is why I write 'em, I guess…
Ha ha! Not one nasty review from a Masaya hater. Just one from someone who kept calling me "a idiot," which only made me smile. Maybe the Masaya haters are all the ones who write Mary Sues (and therefore don't read this)? Actually, that would explain a lot about the bad grammar, horrible plots and crappy characterizations in Masaya-bashing fics.
Sigh. I want to parody those bashes, but they're so ridiculous that you wouldn't be able to tell the parody from the real thing…
Enough with my Masaya rants. You came here to read the story (I think?).
Disclaimer 1: I do not own TMM. I do, however, own legions of reviewbots, which I did not have to utilize last chapter because real people read it.
Disclaimer 2: I do, also, take full responsibility for the fact that the disclaimer on this chapter makes no sense.
They hadn't made an elaborate plan. Heck, they'd barely planned at all. They hadn't had time. What with Ichigo and Keiichiro so distraught over the loss of their respective boyfriends, there had been nothing to do but close up the café early and go on a full-scale Ew Ew hunt. Besides, everyone could feel a plot climax drawing near, and their vague feeling of impending action violence made them all edgy.
Of course, they didn't have to look long. In fact, Purin had just convinced the group to stop for ice cream when the Ew Ews appeared, accompanied as always by a flurry of cherry blossoms. Ichigo, Minto, Retasu, and Zakuro transformed, trusting that no one would recognize them once they were in costume. The hatred that flickered like lightning between them and the Ew Ews-who had appeared fully transformed-was so palpable that it was causing the hair of several bystanders to stand on end.
Then both groups sat down at various tables and waited for Purin to eat her ice cream.
When she had finished and recycled her wrapper (because Tokyo Mew Mew is an environmentally friendly story), Purin also transformed, and then the Mew Mews and Ew Ews faced each other in ritualistic, Sailor Moon-ish poses.
It was Retasu who broke the silence.
"Um… Not that I think you guys are worthwhile characters or anything, but would you all mind giving your names?" she asked softly. "It's kinda required by the story that we learn who you are at some point, and since this is the second-to-last chapter, now's as good a time as any." The Ew Ews huddled up and engaged in hurried, whispered conversation to discuss this.
"All right. I, as you know, am Ew Kitty, Mary-Sue extraordinaire and true heroine of this fic." Kitty declared arrogantly.
"And I'm Ew Llama. But I think I've been mentioned before, so you might have known that already…" The brown-haired girl in the bulky costume added vaguely, with a little wave. The Mew Mews looked pointedly at the three as-yet unknown girls.
"Ew Giant Squid," said a chubby, red-clad girl.
"My name is Ew Gecko." This from a girl wearing red-spotted white.
"'N' I'm Ew Cucumber." The last girl, wearing a dark purplish-black outfit, gave a small salute.
"Hey! I thought you guys were all named after animals!" Minto exclaimed.
"Yeah, and?" Cucumber seemed confused.
"Well, a cucumber isn't an animal!"
"Yes, it is."
No, it's not!" the argument continued in this manner for a time, until Cucumber whipped some form of nature magazine with what appeared to be an oblong lump of goo on the cover out of seemingly nowhere.
"See?" The dark-clad girl explained, pointing to the goo. "It's called a sea cucumber. It's an animal, if just barely."
"Oh, okay."
"Um, can we fight them now? I kind of want my boyfriend (WHO IS MASAYA, AUTHORESS!) back…" Ichigo asked.
Everyone looked at everyone else and shrugged, then started attacking one another.
In addition to the more familiar attacks of the Mew Mews, various other random attack combinations could be heard among the din.
"Ribbon Kitty Smurf!"
"Ribbon Llama Sporks!"
"Ribbon Squid Frying Pan!"
"Ribbon Gecko 1-Up!"
"Ribbon Cucumber Sponge Bath!"
Surprisingly, not even attack names like those could distract the Mew Mews from the battle at hand, and the two groups fought each other to a standstill for a while.
Then Kitty managed to lure Ichigo away from the main battle. Although the Ew Ews and the Mew Mews were, as groups, about evenly matched, Kitty's personal power was much greater than Ichigo's. Kitty knew this as a deep, ingrained part of her personality. Ichigo knew it because Kitty was obviously some sort of horrible self-insertion, which are always more powerful than they have any right to be.
With a sigh, Ichigo realized that if that was true, there was no point in fighting back. If the authoress was stupid enough to kill off the series' main character, well, then stupid people were taking over the world anyway, so what did it matter?
Ichigo followed this train of thought until someone poked her shoulder. Looking up, she realized it was Kitty.
"What do you want, Kitty?"
"You can't be angsting! I'm supposed to be the angsty one here! I mean, yeah, I stole your boyfriend and everything, but that's nothing compared to my tragic life! Both my parents died when I was really little, and then I was left to fend for myself with nothing but the enormous fortune they left me-"
"Why are you telling me this?"
"It's plot exposition, darling. It has to go somewhere. Anyway, after living alone for years, I finally became an enormously successful model/actress/idol singer/sous chef," continued Kitty, who, from the way she was using periods again, had obviously calmed down somewhat. "And then I realized that my parents weren't dead, but that they were really international spies who had to go into hiding to escape their enemies. Then there was a heartfelt, tearful reunion, which ended up with both my parents' holographic forms dissolving. Apparently they're actually aliens, and I'm Kishu's sister."
Ichigo processed this information rather rapidly, given the circumstances. Then she winced in disgust.
"Wait, didn't you say that Kishu was your brother? But, like, didn't you brainwash him and make him your love slave or something?" Ichigo asked, thoroughly disgusted.
"Oh, yeah, I hadn't thought of that." Kitty's nose wrinkled in distaste. "Eww!" When the dreaded OC looked back at Ichigo, the pink-clad girl had fainted from the sheer ickyness of it all.
Kitty smiled sinisterly and prepared to finish her off.
And that's where we'll end for today, kiddies. The next chapter should finish everything up, although now that we know Kitty's past there can't be much more left, anyway. I'm actually very proud of her past. I've been trying to find out a way for her to be Kishu's sister for months.
Oh, and just a note about other stuff. The punctuation in this chapter follows the idea of punctuation use in Maskerade by Terry Pratchett. If you've never read the book, the basic principle is that the more exclamation points a character uses, the less sane that character is. One or two exclamation points are normal, and five means he/she is totally bat crap crazy. Also, the line "It's plot exposition, darling, it has to go somewhere," is from The Great Muppet Caper.
Further points to anyone who can guess what kinds of vegetable matter the other three Ew Ews are based on.
Review, Please!