Tokyo Ew Ew: Four Chapters after the Second Chapter
You hold now, on your computer screen, the legendary final chapter of TEE. I met my goal of completing it before school started again (school makes me much too lazy to write anything good), but just barely, and I'm neglecting my required summer reading to do it.
The stupid thing took out all my excessive exclamation points. I'm sad.
So, without further ado, here are… The review replies!
Tokyo Mew Mew to the Rescue: I know, I know, this is not "soon." I do apologize.
hm: Thank you. You present your opinion very well without being offensive. A certain anonymous reviewer of the previous chapter should take some cues from you. And Terry Pratchett, in addition to just being a fantastic satirist, is one of the authors who inspired me to write parodies in the first place (the other was Douglas Adams).
Amme Moto: Your cousin made you? Ouch. Again, many, many yays to you for presenting your pairing preferences without being mean and misspelling a whole lot.
Rokhaya: Y'know, Kitty scares me a little too, sometimes, and she's my character. The reason she's so much more abrasive than normal Mary-Sues is that she's aware that she's a Mary-Sue, and therefore thinks that that somehow makes her special. As for your veggie guesses, you only got one right. Squiddy is indeed a tomato.
Shinsei Tsukiko: I sincerely hope that our sprinkled friend read your review. Although I don't think I'm bashing anyone. In my experience with bashes, they tend to be unintelligent attempts to make a certain character look bad, and often the only "humor" they include is the aforementioned character in pain.
I like to think I write kinda better than that.
quicksilver foxx: You're completely right.
Spaceman Spiff (Emily): First off, I am awed by the length of your review. Um, I'm pretty sure the review was longer than the whole first chapter of this story, although I haven't counted word-for-word. And apparently I'm famous now. Neato.
And, y'know, you'd think that if someone was related to Kishu, they'd at least look like him, but they never do. That would make it way easier to find and squash the alien sues! Besides that, I'm glad you liked Kitty's past. It's one of my personal favorite parts of the whole story, too.
In the weeks between the posting of the previous chapter and the posting of this one, Ew Kitty had had plenty of time to consider how best to finish Ichigo off, and the authoress had decided that if the series' main character was going to die to prove the superiority of original characters, it should at least be in a somewhat nifty way.
To this end, Kitty somehow developed a new attack in the brief seconds of in-story time.
Her eyes flashing triumph, the girl with the carrot hat raised her hands and shouted, "Ribbon Kitty Mary-Sues Are Obviously Superior!"
With an attack name that long, you might have expected the attack to do something pretty darn snazzy. But nothing happened.
"What?" Kitty shrieked. She glared at Ichigo for a few brief seconds before realizing that there was no way the unconscious girl could have stopped her attack. Kitty's head whipped back and fourth, trying to spot any reason her attack might have failed, but she found none.
Then there was a tap on her shoulder.
When the dreaded OC turned around, Keiichiro was standing there, pointedly holding up a pink piece of paper.
"Ew Kitty… You're fired," he intoned gravely. Then he paused for a second, his head cocked to one side. "Wait, no, wrong show. What I meant was, uh, you should read this. Out loud. For the sake of the plot."
Kitty snatched the piece of paper from him and read, "New at the Mew Mew Café!!! DELUXE SALADS!!! Now Featuring Tomatoes, Mushrooms, Eggplant, and Carrots!!!!" It is still unclear as to whether that excessiveuse of exclamation points was Kitty's addition or whoever designs the café's fliers is a few leaves of romaine short of a deluxe salad. At any rate, the news of the salads hit Kitty like a large boulder of jello.
"NO!"
"Yep, that's right," Keiichiro said, grinning, "and they're selling like crazy. Apparently salads are a cool food now. There's been a dramatic increase in the number of those vegetables produced, so your powers failed.
"Wow. That's a lame way to beat them," interjected a random passerby.
"Yeah, and who puts eggplant in salad, anyway?" asked another. Then both just walked away.
Keiichiro and Kitty paused for a moment. Behind them, there were other cries of alarm as the Ew Ews' powers failed.
Then Ew Llama walked up and tapped Keiichiro on the shoulder.
"Um… excuse me, but why did my powers fail?" she asked politely. "You didn't put any potatoes in the salad or anything…" Keiichiro just shrugged.
"Actually, I don't know how you got powers in the first place. I mean… Potatoes? Everyone eats potatoes. Mind you, they're usually costumed as chips or fries, but still!" He sighed, then muttered, "Stupid authoresses, never think things out, no sense of plot…"
Llama waited patiently until he finished ranting under his breath and then said, "But we need to come up with a coherent explanation or people will stop reading this because it makes no sense."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"Of COURSE IT'S A BAD THING!" Kitty interjected furiously. "THIS IS MY STORY! WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING AN OC IF YOUR STORY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE?" Then her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. Smoke began to rise from her form, which was shrinking rapidly as she disintegrated, because, of course, this story makes no sense, so there was no point to her continued existence.
With their leader reduced to a pile of dust, Giant Squid, Gecko and Cucumber, who had turned back into regular girls, shrugged and walked away. There is a long, scientific reason why they didn't turn to dust like Kitty did, but it basically boils down to this: they were just there to fill the stereotype of the group of evil Mew Mews, and were therefore more like plot robots than actual characters.
And not even the cool sort of robots that have giant swords and laser guns.
As Kitty disintegrated, all the boys she had stolen arbitrarily appeared. Masaya ran up to Ichigo and hugged her. She returned his affection in full, all the while with a triumphant gleam in her eye that seemed to say, "See, authoress?"
Kish, who still seemed a bit dazed, was floating in wobbly circles singing a song about kittens.
We'll not say what Keiichiro and Ryou did now that they were united, because yaoi just doesn't belong in a story like this, but let's just assume they went off and had some private time. After they left, conversation lapsed into a companionable silence.
"So… are we still within the normal Tokyo Mew Mew timeline? Shouldn't we be fighting Deep Blue or something by now?" Ichigo asked bemusedly, but no one paid her any mind.
The sun was setting as the Mew Mews, Masaya, and Kish walked/flew back towards the café. They made it back just in time to see Taruto being dragged down the street by a group of ferrets whose fur glistened in the last rays of the dying sun.
And so it ends. That whole chapter was a terrible anticlimax, but how else could a story like this one end?
Please review, and stay tuned for "Tokyo Ew Ew: Llamarama", the award-winning* sequel to Tokyo Ew Ew.
*Okay, so it hasn't actually won any awards. Whatever.