"Broken Dreams"
There was a peaceful calm in the field outside Master Bo' Rai Cho's home. It was late in the night, only an hour or two away from dawn. There was a gentle breeze that blew through the trees, creating a very serene feeling. Bo' Rai Cho's home and surroundings were actually very beautiful. I wondered if this place was somehow spared from Shao Kahn's corruption of the land, or perhaps the land was already healing itself now that he was dead. In any case, the peace of my surroundings did little to calm me. The serenity of the field was a firm contrast to what I was doing and how I was feeling.
I could feel the blood in my veins burn as I punched and kicked at the air. Attacking nothing, but imagining it was Quan Chi's face I was beating to pulp. I had been practicing and exercising for hours. So much that every muscle in my body ached with pain. It had gotten to the point where the my slightest movement hurt. But I didn't care. In actuality, I welcomed it. Because my physical pain distracted me from what was really hurting me.
After Master Bo' Rai Cho accepted Kung Lao and me as his students we immediately began our training the next morning. Mostly, we refined what we already knew, but Bo' Rai Cho also taught us new ways to use our techniques. Individually, Kung Lao and I focused our training on different things. He was trying to master some sort of special flying kick attack while my training focused primarily on branching my attacks through different styles. I'd been taught how to do this in the past, but not to the extent Bo' Rai Cho was teaching.
As I learned from Bo' Rai Cho, I would remember Master Zangyaku's training. He would mention Bo' Rai Cho often. Saying he was weak and soft-hearted. Bo' Rai Cho was stricter than Zangyaku gave him credit for, but I will say he was certainly much warmer and far more encouraging that Zangyaku ever was. To my displeasure, he was also much more jokey than I'd like him to have been. Because I lost my temper in front of him so easily, he was quick, even eager, to constantly test my patience. I suspect Bo' Rai Cho also enjoyed antagonizing me because I'm a princess.
Despite Bo' Rai Cho's constant and often disgusting harassment, I maintained my discipline. I buried my pain over Liu's death deep inside. I had to be strong. I couldn't afford to let it get to me. Not until Quan Chi and Shang Tsung were dead and the realms were safe again. Concentrating on my training helped me cope. Putting up with Bo' Rai Cho's maddening flatulence and belching also helped distract me from my pain.
But it was at night that the pain would snake in. Every night I was haunted by terrible nightmares. Mostly about Liu dying. But it wouldn't stop there. I would see Quan Chi going into Edenia...slaughtering all my people. My mother...Jade...everyone I ever cared about. When I would lie awake in my cot, my mind would wander and I'd keep thinking about Liu. I would think about how he died. And I'd wish so much that he...
Since I couldn't sleep, I'd spend my nights outside training by myself. Focusing my mind on my training. Concentrating on being at my absolute best when I would face Quan Chi. Blocking my pain inside. Burying it deep down.
But by focusing so much on my training, I started to pick up on a flaw. There was something missing. Something holding me back. It wasn't my grief over Liu's death. It was...it was the same thing when I last fought Mileena during Shinnok's invasion. I hoped by training so much I could find what was holding me back and overcome it. I couldn't afford any flaws or weaknesses when I fought Quan Chi.
"Still no sleep..?" I heard Kung Lao ask behind me.
I stopped to catch my breath and asked "You know.."
"That you've been training every night while we sleep?" he replied. "Yes. Master Bo' Rai Cho knows too and wants you to know that's not helping."
"There's something wrong." I said. "There's something off about my fighting I can't figure out."
"Has Bo' Rai Cho said anything?"
"No. But I can just tell there's something wrong. Something...holding me back."
"Maybe it's your grief?" he said.
"I don't know. I'm trying to find out."
"Pushing yourself too hard won't help you."
"Maybe so." I answered. "But I need to do something anyway, to get my mind off..."
"You know Kitana...bottling it all up may not be the best thing to do either."
"I know, but I can't let it get to me. I have to stay strong."
"Perhaps you can try talking to me."
I thought about it a few moments, and said "It's just...I'm tired of having to be strong. I want so much to just...go home and be at peace."
We were both quiet until Kung Lao finally said "He missed you, you know." I didn't answer and he continued "He talked about you a lot. Wondering if you were all right. If Edenia was safe."
"He...he did..?"
"Yes." he answered. "Honestly, I don't think a day went by where he didn't regret going to Edenia with you."
"It wasn't his choice."
"I know." he said solemnly. "I hate to say it...but I don't Liu truly understood the sacrifice of the Mortal Kombat Champion until he was forced to turn you down."
"And you did?" I asked. "That's why you didn't join the tournament?"
"I told you I wasn't willing to make the sacrifice. After I made my truce with Goro I returned to Earth and tried to retire again."
"So why come back now?"
"Regardless of what I want...Liu deserves to be avenged. Once Shang Tsung is dead, I intend to return to Earth. Hopefully then, I'll be able to live in peace."
"Why are so against being the Champion of Mortal Kombat?"
"Everyone expected me to enter the tournament and face Shang Tsung. Since I was the last decedent of the Great Kung Lao...everyone thought I would be the one to save the Earth and avenge my ancestor."Kung Lao was quiet for a few moments, then finally continued "My great ancestor became Champion of Mortal Kombat by defeating Shang Tsung. And he remained Champion until he died. Liu became Champion...and remained Champion until he died. I do not wish to live my life in constant battle. I don't want that responsibility. I never did."
I smiled lightly and said "I guess we have something in common." Kung Lao looked at me and I added "We just want to live in peace...but somehow we keep getting pulled into battle." He let out a slight smile, then suddenly I felt very depressed.
Kung Lao must have noticed my change in expression because he asked "What's wrong?"
"It's just...lately it seems no matter how hard I try...I can't escape endless battle. Every time it seems like I can finally go home and live in peace something horrible happens that forces me to fight again. I'm starting to fear I may never get to live in peace."
"You shouldn't think that way Kitana. Someday this will all be over."
"It's more than that Kung Lao."
"What do you mean?"
"With everything that's happening...Goro dying...Liu dying...this Deadly Alliance...I keep feeling like something terrible is going to happen. I'm afraid my life is coming apart and there's nothing I can do to stop it."
"Kitana..."
"And you know what really scares me Kung Lao?" I interrupted. "That this may be my punishment for all the evil I did in my life. That I come so close...so close to living in peace...with my mother and friends, and the people I love...and it all gets taken away."
"Kitana...don't think like that. You've already made up for what you did for Shao Kahn. You're not being punished for anything."
I was quiet for a few moments, then I finally said "It's just that I watched my life fall apart once. I once watched helplessly as everything I loved and believed in fell apart right in front of me. It almost killed me...but I managed to pick up the pieces and build a new and better life for myself." I paused, then finished "I don't know if I have the strength to do it again."
Kung Lao was quiet a few moments then finally sighed and said "I wish there was something I could say to comfort you. But Liu was better at that than I am." I let out a pained laugh and he continued "All I'll say is: don't give up hope now. You're not being punished. Fate isn't out to get you. It's just...bad things happen. We have no control over it. All we can do is try to stop these things from happening. And if we can't...see to it they are brought to justice." His words actually made me feel a little better and I let out a slight smile. Behind me the sun began to rise and he said "It's almost morning. You should try to get at least a little sleep before we continue training."
I nodded and said "I suppose." He started to walk away but I quickly said "Kung Lao...thank you." He nodded and went back inside Bo' Rai Cho's home. I waited outside for a few moments then went inside as well to get some sleep. I thought about what Kung Lao said. He was right. I need to stop thinking I'm being punished. It's just with everything that's been happening and it's making me paranoid. I can't let it get to me. I have to stay strong.
I slept on and off for the next few hours, occasionally waking up because of nightmares. Later in the morning, I decided to get up and continue my training with Bo' Rai Cho. I found him and Kung Lao standing outside, but they weren't training, which surprised me. They actually looked like they were about to go somewhere.
As I stepped outside Bo' Rai Cho cheerfully said "Morning Princess. Pleasant sleep?"
"Not really." I answered. "Are we going somewhere?"
"Master Bo' Rai Cho and I are headed north." Kung Lao answered. "There's word of some sort of tournament the Deadly Alliance is holding. He and I are going to find out what this tournament is and its purpose."
"Suspect the Deadly Alliance is up to no good and would to see what it is exactly."
"I see." I said. "Would you like me to go with you?"
Bo' Rai Cho smiled and said "That won't be necessary. You should stay here and rest up. We'll be back by tonight." I nodded and they started to walk away. Bo' Rai Cho then stopped and said "Oh, and Kitana...be prepared for tonight. I need to speak with you in private."
I nodded and stepped back inside. I waited in my room and tried to get more sleep. When I was awake I'd wonder about this tournament. What could the Deadly Alliance be holding a tournament for? It may just be for distraction...but I had a feeling it was for something worse. More than likely, this tournament wasn't much different from a Mortal Kombat. And in a Mortal Kombat, there's always more happening than appears.
I then started to think about what Bo' Rai Cho was going to talk to me about. He actually hadn't commented much on my progress. He would occasionally commend me on my skills and he said I was learning the new techniques well. Perhaps he did notice something off about my fighting. If he did I hoped he could help me overcome it.
Aside from training I didn't talk much with Bo' Rai Cho. Besides my being put off by his rather lowbrow sense of humor, I just wasn't interested in speaking much at all. I preferred keeping to myself the whole time. I'm sure Bo' Rai Cho had his reasons for being so jokey in times like this, but that's not how I see things. Actually, I wonder if that's why Liu was always so upbeat, no matter how bad things would get.
As night fell Kung Lao and Bo' Rai Cho returned. I met with Kung Lao and asked "What did you find out?"
"Not sure." he answered. "From what we learned this sounds like a legitimate tournament. Why the Deadly Alliance is holding one, I can't say yet."
"Knowing them it can't be good."
Kung Lao nodded and said "Master Bo' Rai Cho wishes to speak with you. He's waiting in the dojo."
"Did he mention what he wanted to speak about?"
He was quiet a moment then only said "I think you should hear it from him." He then turned and went to his room. Him saying that honestly made me feel nervous, but I shook it off and went to the dojo. I stepped inside and saw Bo' Rai Cho sitting at the other end of the room drinking his wine.
"Ah, come Kitana. Sit." he said. I sat in front of him as he continued drinking his wine. After few moments he asked "How are you feeling, Princess?"
I was honestly more than a little perplexed by that question and after a moment answered "As well as I can be, I suppose."
"Are you sure? I know you haven't been sleeping." I didn't answer, really not sure where this was going and he continued "My home not comfortable, Princess? I tried to make it as fitting for you as possible..."
"Is there a reason for this, Master?"
He shrugged and calmly answered "Just talking. All this training, I don't really feel like I know you."
I just stared at him for a moment then said "Well...there are more important things going on..."
"You don't like me, do you?"
That caught me off guard and after a moment I answered "I just don't share your sense of humor."
He chuckled and said "You shouldn't take things so seriously. You'll live longer." I didn't answer and after a moment he asked "You were trained by Master Zangyaku, yes?"
"Yes."
"I knew him. Not a particularly pleasant individual, I'm sure you'd agree?"
I let out a slight smile and said "He...he had a...different way of showing affection."
Bo' Rai Cho laughed and said "Ahh, see. You should smile more often Princess. Pretty girl like you..."
"Is there a reason for this, Master?"
He took another sip of wine and answered "I know you haven't been sleeping. And Kung Lao told me of your discussion last night. He's concerned about you."
"I just have a lot on my mind."
He was quiet then began "They said Zangyaku was killed by one of his students. They said it was his finest student who stabbed him in the back then used his own Touch of Death technique on him." He paused to take a sip of wine and finished "They said it was a raven-haired woman who favored Steel Fans as her weapon."
"I know what 'they' used to say about me." I answered grimly. "I used to pride myself on what 'they' would say about me."
"Now you're afraid of it."
"No, I'm not."
"Then what?" he quickly asked. "What are you afraid of?"
"What are you..."
"Kitana...you have the skill to defeat Quan Chi. There is no doubt in my mind about that. But there is something holding you back. I have noticed it, just as you have. At first I thought it was you're grief over Liu...but you've been successful in holding you pain in check."
"You think it's because I'm afraid of something?" I replied.
"What else then?"
"I...I don't know..."
"I think you do." he said. "I think you know, but you just don't want to admit it."
"That's not true." I quickly said. "I never let my pride cloud my judgement."
"I wasn't referring to your pride."
"What then?"
"I know how Zangyaku taught his fighters. He taught them to fight with anger and hate. He trained killers. But as I've been training you...I've not seen any of this. It's as if you're holding back."
I got very frustrated and said "I'm not afraid of my anger!"
Bo' Rai Cho gave a slight smirk and said "I take it this isn't the first time this has been suggested to you?"
"I am not afraid of my anger." I repeated. "I am not holding back."
"Did you ever stop to think you may not even be aware of it?"
"What do you want me to say? I was different when I fought for Shao Kahn. But I've changed. That's it." Bo' Rai Cho just stared at me like he didn't believe it and I said "That's it. I'm not Kitana the Bloody anymore."
"That's what holding you back."
"What is?"
"You're so concerned with proving you've changed you're letting it hinder your ability to fight." I didn't answer and he continued "I'm right, aren't I? Kung Lao told me how you're afraid you're being punished. Your people have accepted you as their princess. Why is that not enough?"
"It's not that simple..."
"Why not?" he asked. "Kitana...you have to stop looking at the world in black and white. I realize it's difficult because of lunatics like Quan Chi and Shao Kahn who are truly evil...but you are a human being. You make mistakes. Sometimes you don't always make the right decision. There's nothing wrong with that."
I was quiet for a few moments then said "It's more than just that."
"What is it then?"
"I don't want to talk about it..." I said looking away.
"Kitana...look at me!" he said. "Whatever this fear is you have to confront it. Because as long as you let it haunt you, you will not defeat Quan Chi. That much I'm certain of. It will hinder your abilities and Quan Chi will capitalize on it. He will use it against you and he will destroy you. If you hope to fight Quan Chi and win you must face this fear."
I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell anyone. I hoped it was nothing and it would just go away when this was over. But I had to tell him so he'd understand. "I keep having this one nightmare. It started when my armies started losing battles to Kano. It's been worse since. Now after Liu died I keep having it more and more."
"What happens in your dream?"
"In my dream I wake up in Outworld. But it's not Outworld now. It's not even Outworld as it was at the height of Shao Kahn's power. It's worse. Darker. I see the people around me...suffering...starving...all around me I see death and pain. Everywhere I see banners and flags that have Shao Kahn's symbol on them. When I see them I realize, Shao Kahn is alive and has regained his power."
"Go on..."
"So I make it my mission to destroy Kahn. I manage to infiltrate his fortress and I start to make my way up to the tower where his throne room is. There's this long spiraling staircase that goes up the tower. As I go further up, I start to pick up on this horrible smell. It keeps getting worse, and it's painfully familiar. Then I find out what it is."
"What?"
"I see dead bodies. Some are pinned to the wall. Others are hanging from the ceiling. They're rotted and almost down to the bones...like they've been hanging there for years. But it's worse...the bodies still have clothes on them...and I recognize them." I paused a moment then continued "They're my friends. They're all there...Jade...my mother...Kung Lao...Johnny Cage...Sonya...all of them. They're all dead and what's left of their bodies are hanging all around me. I stop a moment to swear I'll avenge them somehow...or die trying. I keep running up the stairs until I finally reach the entrance to the throne room. I take a deep breath and go in. At the far end of the room, I see Kahn sitting on his throne...but his back is to me. I move closer and tell him he's going to pay for what he's done."
I stop a moment and Bo' Rai Cho says "It's okay. Continue."
"He stands up and turns to face me...and it...it isn't Shao Kahn. It's a woman...and she takes the helmet off and...and it's me." I paused a moment and continued "She says this is where I'm going. This is the way I'm supposed to be. She says it's inevitable. And that's when I wake up."
I look at Bo' Rai Cho and his face was neither shock nor disgust. Rather...it was pity. As if he understood why I'm still haunted by this and I can't let it go. He shook his head and began "Kitana...it's just a dream..."
"But don't you understand? That's what I'm afraid of. That someday...something so bad will happen that I'll just give up and go back to what I was. Goro dies. Then Liu dies. I'm afraid of what may happen if...it goes too far...and I can't take it anymore...and I just give into my anger." I then stopped and suddenly realized what I said. "I...I am afraid of my anger."
"Why are you so convinced your anger will lead you down this dark path?"
"Because it already happened!" I yelled. "When Kahn invaded Earth...I was captured and...he kept telling me that I could never change. That deep down I was a killer and I was only deluding myself. He then made me fight my mother and...without even really trying...she unleashed every cruel, evil, hateful feeling I ever had. I almost killed my own mother that night. It was my anger that made me Kitana the Bloody. My anger that made me..."
Bo' Rai Cho suddenly slapped me in the face very hard. "Enough! I know that's not what Zangyaku taught. That's not what I teach. It's the one of the few things Zangyaku and I actually agreed upon...your anger is not evil. You emotions are not dangerous. It's what you do with them." He paused then continued "Some fighters let their anger cloud their judgement. Some let it consume them and turn them into monsters. But others know how to harness it and use it to focus. They use their anger...their emotions, and become stronger fighters. Don't you see? That's how you used to fight. The problem is Shao Kahn made you do evil things with it. And he's convinced you that's what defines who you are, but it isn't."
What he said...actually made sense. I didn't know what to say. I sat there trying to think of how to respond when Bo' Rai Cho suddenly kicked in the chest. I tumbled onto the floor and quickly said trying to regain my breath "What...what are you..."
"This is your final lesson Kitana." he said approaching me. "Now that we know your fear you must face it."
I stood up and readied myself for a fight. II moved in and started attacking but he easily evaded my attacks struck me twice in the face with his walking stick, the one more time behind my knee which made me fall to the floor.
"No." he said circling me. "Wrong. Fight the way you used to. Use your emotions...but don't let them control you."
I stood up and moved in again. Again he easily dodge my attacks and started hitting me with his stick. I managed to kick it away from him, but he only started hitting me and kicking me. He then took me by my arm and tossed me across the room.
"No!" he yelled. "You're still holding back!"
"What do you want me to do!" I yelled back in frustration.
"Stop being afraid! Using your anger does not make you evil!"
"But I can't..."
"Yes you can! LET GO!"
"I can't!"
"You told me you were afraid of losing the people you love." he said grimly. "You're killing them right now."
"Stop it..."
"Your fear is killing them. Because you can't overcome your fear Quan Chi will defeat you."
"Stop it!"
"Because you can't overcome your fear your mother will die. Your people will die. You're so afraid of your nightmare coming true, but you're LETTING IT HAPPEN!"
"SHUT-UP!" I screamed as I charged at him. I started throwing punches and kicks and this time he could barely evade them. This time I was dodging every one of his counterattacks. For the first time in a very long while I fought with no inhibitions. I forgot everything that was happening around me. All my pain and fear was gone. I just let go. I hadn't fought like that in years.
I finally managed to knock him down to the floor and before he could react I was on top of him, ready to punch his throat in. Just before I struck I stopped myself, realizing what was happening. Bo' Rai Cho was smiling and said "Well done." As I slowly started to back away he asked "What's wrong?"
"I...I don't...I'm so confused..."
"Kitana...there's nothing to be ashamed of..." I didn't answer. I sat on the floor trying to come to grips with happened. I didn't know what to think. Bo' Rai Cho just watched me, then sighed and said "Kitana..."
"Yes..?"
"I want you to gather your things. Tomorrow I want you to leave my home and go back to Edenia."
Chapter XXXI