"The Darkening"
"What do you mean you want me to go back to Edenia?"
Bo' Rai Cho knelt in front of me and gently placed his hand on my shoulder and said "Kitana...tell me honestly...how do you feel about what just happened here?"
"I...I don't know..." I answered. "I don't know what to think..."
Bo' Rai Cho shook his head and let out a disappointed sigh. "That is why I want you to go home. You are not ready to face Quan Chi in this state."
I was dumbfounded. After all this training and everything that's been happening...he's forcing me to leave? He stood up and started to walk away and I said "What! I...I can defeat Quan Chi! I know I can!"
Bo' Rai Cho looked at me, and he honestly looked a little saddened. "I am sorry Kitana, but you keep resisting. Perhaps, if we had more time, I could help you let go of your fear...but I'm afraid time is not on our side."
"What do you mean?"
"The Deadly Alliance is almost done reviving the Dragon King's army. They'll be complete in less than a week. At best." I just stared at him, uncertain of what to say and he continued "The time for training is over. Now we need a plan to get into Shang Tsung's Palace. I will go with Kung Lao and join with Raiden and his Earthrealm fighters. I will help them fight Quan Chi and Shang Tsung."
"But I can still help." I quickly said. "I know I can defeat Quan Chi, Master..."
"Kitana...if you still desire to join with Raiden and the others and help us fight then I will not stop you. But for your own safety, I would recommend you do not fight Quan Chi."
"But..."
"You are not ready to fight Quan Chi." he repeated sternly. "Uncertainty of oneself is the most dangerous fear. I know this. Shang Tsung knows this. And Quan Chi most certainly knows this. If you challenge Quan Chi to battle he will exploit your fears."
"I'm not afraid of Quan Chi..."
"You told me Shao Kahn attempted to convince you that deep down you were a killer and could never change, right? How did that make you feel?"
I already knew where he was going and quietly answered "Terrible."
"Quan Chi will be worse"
I understood what he meant and I felt sick. Not even so much because I didn't like what he was saying...but because deep down I knew he was right. "You...you really expect me to just turn my back on this?"
"I am truly sorry, Kitana." he said soothingly. "You are a fine student and I do wish I had more time to complete your training. I shall go with Kung Lao. I suggest you return home...rest...be with your mother...take comfort in knowing we shall avenge Liu."
I nodded slightly and said "Thank you...Master Bo' Rai Cho. I...I do appreciate your teachings. I only wish I could've finished your training."
I left him and returned to my room. I started gathering my things together, but eventually gave up and just sat on my cot taking in everything that was happening. I felt so sick and frustrated. All this training and exercise, all this preparation and I'm still not ready to fight. I spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with my fighting and the answer was right in front of me all along.
It felt so horrible. That all this time it was my own fear that was holding me back. Bo' Rai Cho said it best. I became so concerned with proving I changed I let it affect my ability to fight. I should've seen it coming. Jade even tried to warn me. I...I should've listened to her...but I was so determined to prove Shao Kahn was wrong about me...but I only let what he said get to me.
And even worse...Mileena was right. I was so desperate to prove I changed I let myself get weak. I know it's my own fault. I let what she and Shao Kahn said get to me. I let them make me afraid of myself. I very much hope Mileena can't read my mind from across realms. Because if she can, I'm sure she was laughing non-stop the rest of the night.
I spent the rest of the night brooding. As dawn came I heard Kung Lao and Bo' Rai Cho moving outside my room and figured they were getting ready to leave. I stepped outside my room and walked down the hallway to Kung Lao's room, where I found him getting ready to leave.
"You're leaving right?" I asked.
"Yes." he answered. "Master Bo' Rai Cho and I plan to rendezvous with Raiden and the others near the village of Makeba. There we'll make a plan to get inside Shang Tsung's palace."
"Did you know anything about Tsung's palace?"
"While Bo' Rai Cho and I were trying to find out the meaning of the tournament we met a young girl named Li Mei. Her village was enslaved by the Deadly Alliance and forced into building the palace. She's going to help us find a way in."
"That's good." I said quietly.
We were both quiet for a few moments until he said "Bo' Rai Cho told me what happened last night." He paused a moment then asked "Are you really going to go back to Edenia?"
"I'm going to go back to my army. I guess we'll stay until we're sure it's safe."
"I could speak with Bo' Rai Cho or maybe you could..."
"No, Kung Lao. This is for the best." I cut in. "You were right...I wasn't ready for this. I shouldn't have rushed into this so soon after Goro and Liu's deaths and...I put too much pressure on myself."
"You don't have to fight Quan Chi. Shang Tsung's palace is guarded by a legion of Tarkatans. We could still use your help."
I thought about it and realized that even if I wasn't going to fight directly, I could still help. "Keep in touch. Let me know before you assault the palace and I'll send my some of my army. Help you get into the palace and buy you and the others time to fight Shang Tsung and Quan Chi."
Kung Lao nodded solemnly and just said "You sure this is what you want to do?"
"It's for the best."
We both fell silent and after several moments we awkwardly shook hands and he said "In case we don't meet again...I hope you find happiness in Edenia, Kitana."
I smiled and answered "You too, Kung Lao. You too."
Kung Lao turned and stepped back into his room and continued getting ready. I made my way to the front door of Bo' Rai Cho's home. As I stepped outside, I stopped a moment and looked back in and saw Bo' Rai Cho standing by the door.
"Farewell Princess." he said quietly. "I hope someday you make peace with yourself."
I nodded and said "Thank you. I wish you good luck." I bowed and left Bo' Rai Cho's home. I made my way to the nearest Dragonfly and started traveling west where my armies were camped.
As I sat on the Dragonfly by myself, I felt so horrible. I felt so horrible...the realms were in danger...my friends were going into battle...and I'm going home. Because of my own fear. Because I let my fears get to me and make me weak.
I used to be so much stronger. I used to be fearless. There was a time when I would never be afraid of someone like Quan Chi. But...during that time I was also hated and feared throughout Outworld. During that time I was cruel, hateful, and even sadistic. I've become so desperate to prove I'm not like that anymore, I gave up everything that made me strong. I gave up what distinguished me on the battlefield.
I know now when and why it started. Back then, I believed Shao Kahn was my father. My place in the world was his enforcer. His killer. And that was all I needed. But then I learned it was all a lie...I learned my very identity was a lie. Words can't describe how horrifying it is to learn everything you believe you are is all a lie.
I built a new identity for myself, and I guess...whether I was aware of it or not...I believed becoming the opposite of what I was would be the best thing. Since my old life was a lie, the opposite would have to be better. Instead of "evil," I became "good." And everything I associated with my old life, became bad and needed to be avoided.
It wasn't even just my search for my new identity. I needed to earn the trust of my people. Of the people who could help be overthrow Shao Kahn. I needed to prove I changed. I am much nicer now than I ever was as Shao Kahn's assassin. Far more patient and humble. More generous and giving than I'd ever dream when I served Kahn.
My new life...my life as Princess of Edenia...is better. The brief moments of peace I've experienced since I turned against Shao Kahn were the happiest I'd ever been in my life. I do prefer being this way. It's just that somewhere along the way I gave up my edge in fighting. I started to notice during Shinnok's invasion...but now it's become all too clear. I don't fight nearly as good now as I did when I served Shao Kahn.
It's just I love my new life so much...and I know how fragile it is. Like I told Kung Lao...I'm so afraid of what may happen if this life falls apart, too. I'm afraid if I start to fight like I did when I served Kahn...everything will fall apart.
Bo' Rai Cho said it perfectly. I keep seeing things in black and white. Why is it so hard for me to accept it isn't this way? Why can't I fight like I did then...but for a good cause?
And suddenly I realized...everything...every problem...every insecurity, uncertainty, and anxiety...it can all be traced back to Shao Kahn. It was he who made me doubt myself and that I changed. But even before that...when I was loyal to him. I could never do anything right. When I was being trained, nothing was ever good enough. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did...somehow it was never enough. Whenever something went wrong, it was my fault.
Ten thousand years of that takes its toll. That's why no matter what I do I can't seem to let go of my guilt. Everything becomes my responsibility. No matter how much I try, I can't seem to do enough. God...it feels like an eternity since I turned against Shao Kahn. But even to this day...even after he is dead...Shao Kahn still haunts me.
It was still pretty early when I reached the encampment. I was welcomed back by some guards and I asked where Jade was. The led me to a tent at the far end of the encampment. I looked inside and saw Jade sleeping at a desk. I decided to wait until she woke up and dismissed the guards and quietly sat down near the desk. To my surprise, I actually didn't have to wait long for her to wake up.
As if she somehow knew I was near, she suddenly sat and mumbled "I'm up...I'm right on top of it..."
"Been busy?" I asked.
She took a moment to wake herself up and said "Kitana..? What are you doing here?"
"I'm back. My training with Bo' Rai Cho is over."
"What about Quan Chi and Shang Tsung? Are they...gone..?"
"No. Kung Lao and the others are going to start planning on how to get into Shang Tsung's Palace."
"Why aren't you with them?"
I thought about telling her what Bo' Rai Cho said, but I held back. Partially because I didn't want to worry her...but also I was also kind of embarrassed about it. I just said "It's...a long story."
Jade just stared at me and I think she got the hint I didn't want to talk about it. "So what happens now?"
"Kung Lao said Tsung's Palace is guarded by a legion of Tarkatans. I told him to send word before they begin their attack so we could send some troops to back them up."
Jade nodded and said "Okay. I'll tell Seifer and the generals to stay alert."
"Would it be a problem?" I asked. "How's the men's moral?"
"Hard to say. I don't want to say they're bored, but...I think the general consensus is they either want to fight or go home, because right now it feels like we're staying here for nothing."
I nodded and said "Well, Kung Lao said they'd be attacking Tsung within the week, so we'll see what happens."
Jade was quiet a moment then suddenly said "Oh, that reminds me..." She then handed me a small sheet of paper which seemed to have the Shokan Royal Seal on it and said "A Shokan emissary was here two days ago looking for you. They said to give you this."
"What is it?"
"Goro's funeral. You asked them to let you know when it would be."
I read through the note and saw the date for the funeral. "Tonight? It's tonight?"
"I told the Shokan you were training to fight the Deadly Alliance and might not make it." she said. "I thought about sending someone to Bo' Rai Cho's to let you know, but I didn't want to interrupt your training."
"I understand."
As I was reading the note, Jade asked "Are you going to go?"
I thought about it briefly and said "Yes."
"Are you sure? I mean it's short notice..."
"It doesn't matter. I should be there. Besides we're not far from the Kuatan lands."
We were both quiet for a few moments then Jade stood up and said "I should go tell Seifer and the other generals to be ready." I nodded slightly and she stopped and asked "Are you okay? You look like you have something on your mind."
"No, I'm fine. Thanks."
As Jade left my thoughts went back to what Bo' Rai Cho said. Then suddenly I realized Jade's been trying to warn me of this all along. Even before Shinnok. She told me when Kahn invaded Earth. Don't chase ghosts. I never realized until then how right she was. I can free Edenia. I can bring peace to Outworld. I can do so much but for all my fighting and struggling...it's for something I can never get.
I did all I could to free and restore Edenia. I didn't stop. I wage war against Shao Kahn to bring peace to Outworld. Will that be enough? I have to let go. I have to stop carrying this burden. My mother, Liu, Jade, Kung Lao...so many people try tell me I've done enough, but I know now it won't matter who says it or how many times I'm told. I have to be the one to move on.
Thoughts of finally returning home comforted me. When the Deadly Alliance is destroyed, maybe then there'll finally be lasting peace. Perhaps then...when there's no one left to fight...I'll finally be able to retire myself. I can appoint diplomats and emissaries to help organize Outworld. I'll put Jade and Seifer in command of the armies. And when there's no longer any need for me to fight anymore...then hopefully I'll finally let go. I'll be able to finally live my life in peace.
I only regret...Liu won't be able to see it.
I spent the rest of the day trying to relax. It was hard with the Deadly Alliance still at large, but I tried to remain confident. We'd find a way to win, like we always have. I still wasn't sure if I'd fight myself though. If I did, I'd probably stay with my army and help fight the Tarkatans.
Honestly, I still wished I could fight Quan Chi. For Liu, but also to pay him back for when he helped Shinnok take Edenia. I remember the night he told me I was being used as bait for Liu. There are few things I would love more than to make that smug bastard pay.
But regardless of what I wanted, it was probably for the best I didn't face him. If I could not defeat him, then he could use me as a hostage, endangering everyone else. If I go to fight, I'll leave Quan Chi and Shang Tsung to Kung Lao and the others. I'll stay with my troops and help hold off the Tarkatans and any of the Dragon King's soldiers that are there. Hopefully when the Deadly Alliance is destroyed, those things will lose their power or die.
As the evening came, I got ready for Goro's funeral. As I was about to start for the Kuatan lands, Jade offered to come with me and I accepted. We left the encampment and took a nearby Dragonfly to the Kuatan Palace. Although I appreciated her company, Jade and I didn't speak. I can't say for her, but I was in a pretty somber mood...like you'd expect going to a funeral.
When we reached the Palace I told the front guards who we were and they took us inside. We were led to the throne room were many Shokan people were gathered. Sitting on the throne was an aged King Gorbak, who looked very sickly. According to Goro, he had been near death for some time now. To my surprise, there were even some Centaurs there. I guess emissaries were sent to the funeral to represent the Centaurs. I was actually very pleased to see the truce was still standing between the two people.
As I started in I was stopped by Tallyn who said "Princess Kitana. I'm surprised you're here. We had heard you were occupied."
"I was, but my other business is...finished for now."
He nodded and gave a slight bow, saying "No hard feelings, right?"
Even though I suspected he wasn't exactly sincere, I also bowed slightly and replied "None." I decided to speak with King Gorbak and excused myself.
As I approached Gorbak he began coughing and struggled to say "Ah, Princess...Kitana. I am...pleased you were able...to make it."
I bowed before him and said "Thank you, my lord. I am truly sorry for your son."
"It is...the way of things." he said, still coughing. "He fell...honorably in battle...a worthy death..."
"He was an invaluable ally, my lord. And...a good friend. I shall miss him."
Gorbak was about to speak, but began coughing uncontrollably and only nodded slightly. Since he was in such poor health, I excused myself and walked to Goro's sarcophagus. It was solid steal and there were two large chains attached to the top.
By Shokan tradition, a Shokan's sarcophagus is lowered into lava as burial. I'm unfamiliar with the exact meaning of the ritual, but it has something to do with the strength of molten rock reflecting Shokan strength. It is a special honor to be buried within the lava that is within the throne room, only reserved for the worthiest Shokan warriors.
I stood in front of Goro's sarcophagus and thought about all I'd been through with him. It was through him I found the strength to lead my armies. I also learned much from him in leadership. Were it not for Goro, I don't know if I'd have made it as far as I did. He personally saved my life during battle many times. I did wish I could've had a chance to thank him for helping me. For allying with me against Shao Kahn. For being so willing to risk his life for me and my cause.
I kissed my hand and pressed it on the sarcophagus and quietly whispered "At peace, my brother."
I stepped back and stood by Jade. More came to the funeral to pay their respects. After a short time, the ceremony began. King Gorbak wrote a eulogy, but due to his health could not read it. He instead passed it to one of Goro's wives. The eulogy spoke of Goro's great strength and his honor in battle. Saying he was a natural warrior, even when he was young. He knew nothing of fear or restraint. It was because of his skill, strength, discipline, and fearlessness that he was the mightiest Shokan.
When the eulogy finished they started to lower Goro's sarcophagus into the lava. As I watched my friend's body be laid to rest, my thoughts went to Liu. When the Deadly Alliance was defeated, I'd have to ask Kung Lao to tell me of any funeral services for Liu. I then prayed that would be the last funeral I'd have to go to for a long time.
But as I thought of Liu...I wished...oh God I wished so much he had joined me in Edenia when I asked. Maybe if he had come with me...maybe he'd still be alive. Maybe if I was with him, I could finally let go of my fears and guilt. Maybe then I could finally live in peace.
As Goro's sarcophagus sank into the molten rock, I suddenly felt this horrible chill run through my blood. The kind I'd always feel whenever I was with Quan Chi. I don't know...maybe it was because I was at a funeral...or because two people I was close to died so suddenly...or maybe it was something else but...I just got this terrible feeling something bad was going to happen. It's hard to describe, but I couldn't shake this awful feeling this would not be the last death I'd experience.
After Goro's sarcophagus sank into the lava the funeral ended. Gorbak was helped back to his chamber and everyone started to go on their way. Jade and I left with everyone, but we just stood outside the palace. I sat on the ground nearby and just stared out at the view. The sun had just set, making the sky a mix of dark orange and even darker purple.
I kept thinking about the eulogy which seemed to hit pretty close to home. Goro once served Shao Kahn, as I did. And like me, he turned against him. But he didn't concern himself with "good" or "evil." He was a warrior. He fought for his people and his honor. That was all that mattered. Why can I not be like that?
"Kitana..? Are you okay?" Jade finally asked me, after several minutes of silence. "You've seemed very distant since you came back."
"Lot on my mind, that's all."
"Kitana, what's going on? Did something happen at Bo' Rai Cho's?"
I looked at Jade and after a few moments finally said "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm not very proud of myself. I...I'm not sure what's going to happen."
"If you're worried about the Deadly Alliance...we'll find a way to stop them. We still have time."
I let out a slight smile and said "It's not that Jade. And I know...if anything happens...I know I can count on you to keep Edenia safe."
Jade looked taken aback and said "I...I don't know about that Kitana. I...I do what I can but...I'm no leader..."
"You're stronger than you think. You always do what's best. I know whatever happens I can count on you."
Jade looked very nervous and said "Why are you telling me this Kitana?"
"I'm very confused Jade. I'm not sure what to think anymore." I stopped a moment to gather my thoughts. "Jade, I need to know...if something happens to me...can I count you to keep Edenia safe? To keep my mother safe?"
"Kitana...you're really scaring me right now..."
"Can I count on you?"
"Yes...of course you can. God, you know I'd do...anything I can to keep Edenia safe."
There was one last thing I wanted to ask of her...but I was honestly very scared to. I kept thinking about that nightmare I told Bo' Rai Cho about. I probably should've have even brought it up...but for some reason I felt I had to. "Jade...I know I already ask too much of you...but I want you to promise me something."
"What?"
"Promise me."
"If it's within my power...yes, I'll promise you."
"I've been thinking lately...about what may happen if things go bad. After we kept losing the last few battles...then Goro's death...the Deadly Alliance and what happened to Liu...I keep thinking of what may happen if I lose anything else. I keep wondering how much more I can bear." I paused a moment and looked at Jade and said "If something happens to me...where I...go back to being...what I used to be..."
"What are talking about?"
I sighed and just said it "If I ever go back to being 'Kitana the Bloody.' I need you to be willing to stop me before anything bad happens."
Her eyes widened and she just stared at me for a moment before saying "Kitana...you can't be serious..."
"If that happens you're the only one who can stop me. My mother won't be willing to fight me. And I...I really don't know what could happen if it comes to that..."
She just kept staring at me, like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Kitana..."
"Promise me...please."
"You can't ask me to do that..."
"Please Jade. You said you'd do anything to protect Edenia. I need to know you will be willing to protect it even from me if you have to."
Jade looked very upset. I hated putting her through this. Deep down in my heart I hoped nothing would come of this. That I'm just being paranoid. But I just can't shake this gut feeling something bad is going to happen.
After a few moments she quietly said "Okay. I promise."
"I ask too much from you Jade. I'm sorry for that, I truly am." Jade only nodded slightly, but she still looked very upset. After a moment I asked "Why do you put up with me, Jade?"
She looked at me and let out a pained smile and said "You're the closest thing to family I have. I owe you so much."
"You owe me?"
"Where would I be if not for you, Kitana? I would've been a damn cook. Once I grew up they probably would've made me one of the slave dancers or worse." She paused then continued "I left Shao Kahn because of you. Where would I be if I hadn't? I'd probably be dead now. I joined you...and I can live in a paradise with my own people. You...your mother...the only family I have. Everything I have, I owe to you." I smiled, but she looked upset and said "That's why it hurts so much...it hurts to watch my best friend who's like my sister slowly destroy herself."
"I know. I'm sorry, I really am. I wish I didn't put you through this."
"Why can't you just let go? Why is it so hard for you to just move on?"
I sighed and said "I know I have to let go. You...everyone always tells me...but..." I paused and then said "It's my burden Jade. I have to be the one to let it go. I know it's up to me." We were both quiet for a few moments then I said "Let's go back to the encampment."
Jade and I stood up and started back to the Dragonfly when I suddenly heard someone yell from behind me "Kitana!"
I turned and was shocked to see Kung Lao running towards me with a concerned look on his face. "Kung Lao! What are you doing here?"
"We're out of time Kitana. We're fighting the Deadly Alliance tonight."
End of Chapter XXXII