"Hi, Ellen? It's Jon Arbuckle. I know, it's been awhile. You're shocked it's been so long? And pleased it's been so long? Well, how about a date?"

There was a click. "Playing hard to get, eh? Well, your loss!"

Jon dialed another number. "Hi, Liz?"

He winced as an even louder click reverberated off his eardrums.

"Women!" said Jon. "Well, you two aren't the only chicks who'd love to date a man like me!" He rifled furiously through his little black book.

Oh, who was he kidding? It was Lisa Lynne he wanted, no one else would do. Jon threw the little black book across the room and buried his head in his hands.

Jon sat up quickly when he felt a heavy object strike the back of his head. He looked down and saw his little black book on the floor, now soaked with cat food. Across the room, Garfield was glaring at him angrily. Apparently when Jon had thrown the book it landed in Garfield's dish and Garfield had decided to show Jon his displeasure by chucking the book at his head.

"Sorry, buddy," said Jon contritely, burying his head in his hands again. He didn't even look up when Garfield stole his dinner.

Jon woke up in a very bad mood the next morning. He sat listlessly at the table. Garfield smirked and stole his food, but he didn't even notice. Even Garfield started to look worried.

Sighing, Jon mustered up enough energy to retrieve the paper. His eyes fell on one the personal ads.

STOP LOOKING

Kickboxing brunette who likes to walk in the park seeks sweet nerd who plays polka on accordion and owns big fat orange parrot. Call me and we'll go for pizza. As a date.

Jon sighed. Why did the world hate him? Some guy who was lucky enough to have a bird would get a woman just like Lisa Lynne. Then his eyes fell on the next ad.

JON ARBUCKLE YOU IDIOT

If after reading the above ad you did not figure out (and you obviously didn't if you are reading this) that it is me, Lisa Lynne, yes, the same Lisa Lynne who takes kickboxing, walks with you in the park, and took you out for pizza with her friends Sheila, Jack, and Benny (who you jammed with just recently), you had damn well better have figured it out by now. These ads are costing me a fortune!

The doorbell rang. Jon leapt out of his chair and ran to answer it, heedless that he was still in his pajamas and hadn't shaved or bathed for at least two days. He threw the door open.

"Lisa Lynne?" he cried breathlessly, flinging his arms around the person standing there.

"No, it's the mailman," said a deep voice.

Jon instantly let go. They stood there awkwardly. The mailman eyed Jon's pajama ensemble. "Nice bunny slippers."

"Thanks," muttered Jon. He took the mail and closed the door dejectedly.

Jon heard snickering and looked down. Garfield looked back at him with a grin.

"You make a lovely couple."

Jon lost his temper. "You're a stupid fat lazy cat who does nothing but sleep, eat, and stomp daisies in the park – "

The bench! Jon showered and dressed in a hurry and raced to the park.

Lisa Lynne was sitting smack-dab in the middle of the bench. "I was wondering when you'd get here. I've been waiting since early this morning!"

Jon froze. He had waited so long for this moment, when a woman would wait for him on a bench, that he didn't know what to do. "This must be a dream," he murmured, not daring to move.

Giggling, Lisa Lynne stood up and walked over to him. She kissed him lightly.

Jon touched his hand to his lips. His first kiss. Well, first good kiss. His real first kiss was in high school. Edna Radnock – their braces had locked together. And Liz had kissed him once long ago, but she wasn't even talking to him now.

He awoke to the fact that Lisa Lynne's arms were around him, and she was kissing him again, more persistently. He responded enthusiastically – perhaps a little too enthusiastically, but Lisa Lynne didn't seem to mind.

"Disgusting!"

"Get a room!"

They broke their embrace and saw a couple of snickering kids standing a few feet away from them. They also saw that pretty much everyone in the vicinity was staring at them with expressions of fascinated disgust.

"Why don't we go to my house," said Jon, laughing. Let them stare, they were all just jealous.

"Good idea," said Lisa Lynne, also laughing. "Let me get my bag from the bench first."

They were silent on the walk home, and Jon had barely closed the door when Lisa Lynne threw her arms around him. Jon let himself get lost in her embrace and was rather annoyed when he was abruptly brought back to earth by a sharp pain in his ankle.

"Feed me, Arbuckle!"

Garfield again! Jon had fled so fast he had forgotten to feed him. Not that he was overly concerned. Garfield could do with skipping a few meals, he certainly wouldn't starve. "I'll feed you in a few minutes," Jon hissed.

He turned back to Lisa Lynne, but found himself kissing air. She had gone to retrieve her bag, which had been unceremoniously plunked onto the floor upon their arrival.

"Garfield, I made this for you," she cooed, taking a pan of lasagna out of her bag and placing it on the floor in front of him.

"What about our lunch?" whined Jon.

Garfield, who had swallowed the lasagna in one gulp, gave Jon a look. "MARRY HER!"

"If it wasn't for this orange 'parrot' we might never have met," said Lisa Lynne. She scratched Garfield behind the ears before retrieving donuts and a thermos of coffee from the bag and setting them before Garfield.

Garfield looked at Jon again. "NO, SERIOUSLY, MARRY HER!"

"Not a bad idea," said Jon, grinning. "But let's have lunch first."

Instead of going off to the kitchen, though he knelt next to Lisa Lynne and they both petted Garfield to his heart's content.

THE END

Yes, it's a bit sappy, I know. But I always felt sorry for Jon. Even though he is a dork and a bit strange, he is also sweet and I thought he deserved a story where he got a girlfriend for once. The difficult part was getting Jon to a place where a woman would actually want to go out with him! I think pity really helped him in this instance. :o)

Please review!