Her chest seemed heavy as she tried to take a breath. Not only was she too tired to breathe but the extra weight on her chest wasn't helping her. Her deep black hair was drenched with sweat and her face felt moist and tight at the same time, her hands shook from a number of emotions running through her body. One of the emotions was exhaustion, another was, happiness. Happiness. If she only experienced this type of it before she had no memory of it. She found it hard to believe that one little thing or person could cause so many emotions in a span of one minute and could cause such a chain reaction of devestating and joyful events at the very second upon learning of its existance.
Another emotion that found its way to the surface which was probably the most strongest of all: Fear. There was no turning back. This realization set in now that she had under gone all the other emotions that a woman could go through in nine months, and once that set in, it set in hard and she couldn't stop the tears that came on their own. Not only did this particular realization find its way to her heart and mind, but it demanded answers to certain questions. Questions like: what do I do now? How am I going to deal with this? How am i going to survive the future that will come?
What kimd of future does he have?
Why wont they just give him a chance?
Her tears, she realized, weren't for her, she knew how to take care of herself, that wasn't the problem. Her tears, as they flowed freely down her face and splashed gently onto the cheek of the one whose very known existance has caused so much chaos, her tears were for him and only him and what he will have to go through in order just to survive.
-Fear-
What have we done?
Why aren't I happy?
But that wasn't it at all. She was happy. so very happy and afraid at the same time. Thinking back she couldn't resist the smile that came to her lips as she rememered just how she was when she discovered his existance.
Pure bliss.
That is what it was, it was the only words she could think to describe it. finally, a chance to be normal-
NOT A CHANCE!!!
and as soon as those words were spoken in a wisper that only her mind could hear, they quickly drowned out the pure bliss, very quickly.
"Not a chance! No way! Not in this lifetime! If my mate were to find out, the both of you will be my packs dinner! and for it to be you of all humans!" That's what he had said to her. She remembered it clearly. Why for it to be her? She knew like she could forget who and what she was, even with the child that lay in her arms, she couldn't forget.
and that's why she was afraid for him. For, not just her, but for him to have fallen weak at one moment and to have allowed this to happen. It only complicated her already complicated life.
"Not a chance! You can't do this! How can this have happened? Didn't you remember who you were? Who you are? You can't go through with this, you have to get rid of it."
She remembered that conversation clearly as well. How could she forget who she was? That was what her mother wanted to know, not only was she her mother but a fellow priestess in thie village, and a good one. Everywhere she went, she was reminded of who she was!
How can this have happened?
How?
Well
The anger she felt at being asked that! They wasn't going to like the answer to that one. She almost....
Almost gave her her answer, but bit her tounge and kept silent as she watched her mother and several other priests and pristests of surrounding villages stare at her. She knew what they wanted her to say and it was the exact oppisate of what she really wanted to say.
She just wanted to be normal
To fall in love, get married and have children. Watch them grow.
Ha! Smiling to herself,
"Not a chance!" she said slapping away the elixer handed to her. She hadn't asked but it was obviously a drink meant for her body to instantly abort the baby.
She just couldn't! even though it was as much of a shock to her as it was to everyone else, it was only once and that was four months ago. She just couldn't destroy a life when her sole purpose, her being the very reason everyone, including the father, kept reminding her of was to save! How could they be this way?
She still had a chance to fix everything,she kept telling herself. If only they woould give her a chance.
Everyone stared at her, obviously, her decision made. they had no choice, and she knew it but it didn't make hearing it any easier either.
"You are a priestess above all else. You cannot alter in this, not even once. You are the protector and guardian of the four elements and cannot be replaced by some other trainee. You cannot allow yourself to fall into the epitamy of your heart and think such things as wanting to be normal. Your behavior is highly unacceptable and with a youkia of all things!" As high priestess Kira spoke these words to her she couldn't help but give herself a reality check. Thos things were true.
so true...
Especially the normal part she almost felt ashamed for her moment of pure bliss, but it was apparent that she was the only one who felt this way. As for the youkai part. well. that couldn't have been more true. Fate must be on a roll. Was't she supposed to be destroying these things? That's what she was trained to do, especially with her special ability to purify their soul. all other youkia's were purified by her. Why wasn't this one? She knew, he deserved a chance, just as the humans with darkened hearts.
She didn't have long to ponder answering these questions before what she thought to be another lecture, word was spoken.
"We have decided that in the instance that you should decide to keep the child, our village will allow you to stay so the condition that you still protect the people and surrounding areas as you have done before, however, don't expect favors. You are responsible for your own clothes, food and shelter for you and the hanyou that you will be bringing into this world!" And with that spoken, everyone got up to leave, but not before her mother turned to her and said as she was closing the door, "and if anything should happen to you, your child is no longer welcome here." they left her there to ponder more on their words as her lip trembled and her eyes began to moisten.
That word! If she had not heard it herself, she wouldn't have believed it! It hurt, with a pain one had never felt, not even in training, those kinds of pain went away, could be learned to be dealt with, but this was different, this was a mothers love kind of pain. and comming from her own mother at that. Her future grandchild! she had heard the name or title or word before but that was different, that was for their parents to deal with!
".......and the hanyou you will bring into this world."
"hanyou" Now that hurt, it was too harsh. werent mothers supposed to protect? why had her mother chosen to use that word?
Two words: Reality Check
It made sense, thats what the child would be after all. A human with the heart of a woman and a youkia with above average poweres and abilities. she though it just might actually be a good mix, if fate was off its humor trip. but still, and it returned, that word that clenched her heart.
"hanyou" Maybe it won't be so bad, she thought to herself. Maybe as long as it doesn't grow up to have a nasty mouth like its father! Wait had she just thought that? Well hanyou or not, she had made her decision and one doesn't get anywhere looking down out all the time.
With this thought in mind she wiped the tears that were forming in her eyes and flung ger long silky black hair back and raised violet eyes to the celing hoping to see stars and at the same moment to wonder what this "hanyou's" father was doing right now "I hope he's enjoying himself while I'm in Hell."
She said out loud while throwing her hear back to look for a new day in the stars above. but what she waw was not stars or anything that even resembled a celing.
As she looked up, her eyes becme wide with shock as she stared straight into the eyes of someone else. Focusing her eyes in the poorly lit room some more, her eyes grew wider as she realized tha they were gold and focusing some more she saw white hair surrounded her as he leaned over her from behind and licked her nose.
"Hey aren't you going to say hello?..... stupid woman."
"Smelly mutt"
"Wench"
"Butt sniffer"
"That isn't anywhere close to saying hello, and that kind of talk isn't becoming to a priestess of your level."
Still leaning over her, not having moved from their positions, she closed her eyes again, realizing he was right. she was too mature for this.
Taking in a deep breath and letting it out, she opened her eyes and again looked back up to look at said youkai in the face once more.
After a few seconds of the staring contest she broke it when she said,
"Hello to you, Sugimi"
"And hello to you, Midoriko."
Another emotion that found its way to the surface which was probably the most strongest of all: Fear. There was no turning back. This realization set in now that she had under gone all the other emotions that a woman could go through in nine months, and once that set in, it set in hard and she couldn't stop the tears that came on their own. Not only did this particular realization find its way to her heart and mind, but it demanded answers to certain questions. Questions like: what do I do now? How am I going to deal with this? How am i going to survive the future that will come?
What kimd of future does he have?
Why wont they just give him a chance?
Her tears, she realized, weren't for her, she knew how to take care of herself, that wasn't the problem. Her tears, as they flowed freely down her face and splashed gently onto the cheek of the one whose very known existance has caused so much chaos, her tears were for him and only him and what he will have to go through in order just to survive.
-Fear-
What have we done?
Why aren't I happy?
But that wasn't it at all. She was happy. so very happy and afraid at the same time. Thinking back she couldn't resist the smile that came to her lips as she rememered just how she was when she discovered his existance.
Pure bliss.
That is what it was, it was the only words she could think to describe it. finally, a chance to be normal-
NOT A CHANCE!!!
and as soon as those words were spoken in a wisper that only her mind could hear, they quickly drowned out the pure bliss, very quickly.
"Not a chance! No way! Not in this lifetime! If my mate were to find out, the both of you will be my packs dinner! and for it to be you of all humans!" That's what he had said to her. She remembered it clearly. Why for it to be her? She knew like she could forget who and what she was, even with the child that lay in her arms, she couldn't forget.
and that's why she was afraid for him. For, not just her, but for him to have fallen weak at one moment and to have allowed this to happen. It only complicated her already complicated life.
"Not a chance! You can't do this! How can this have happened? Didn't you remember who you were? Who you are? You can't go through with this, you have to get rid of it."
She remembered that conversation clearly as well. How could she forget who she was? That was what her mother wanted to know, not only was she her mother but a fellow priestess in thie village, and a good one. Everywhere she went, she was reminded of who she was!
How can this have happened?
How?
Well
The anger she felt at being asked that! They wasn't going to like the answer to that one. She almost....
Almost gave her her answer, but bit her tounge and kept silent as she watched her mother and several other priests and pristests of surrounding villages stare at her. She knew what they wanted her to say and it was the exact oppisate of what she really wanted to say.
She just wanted to be normal
To fall in love, get married and have children. Watch them grow.
Ha! Smiling to herself,
"Not a chance!" she said slapping away the elixer handed to her. She hadn't asked but it was obviously a drink meant for her body to instantly abort the baby.
She just couldn't! even though it was as much of a shock to her as it was to everyone else, it was only once and that was four months ago. She just couldn't destroy a life when her sole purpose, her being the very reason everyone, including the father, kept reminding her of was to save! How could they be this way?
She still had a chance to fix everything,she kept telling herself. If only they woould give her a chance.
Everyone stared at her, obviously, her decision made. they had no choice, and she knew it but it didn't make hearing it any easier either.
"You are a priestess above all else. You cannot alter in this, not even once. You are the protector and guardian of the four elements and cannot be replaced by some other trainee. You cannot allow yourself to fall into the epitamy of your heart and think such things as wanting to be normal. Your behavior is highly unacceptable and with a youkia of all things!" As high priestess Kira spoke these words to her she couldn't help but give herself a reality check. Thos things were true.
so true...
Especially the normal part she almost felt ashamed for her moment of pure bliss, but it was apparent that she was the only one who felt this way. As for the youkai part. well. that couldn't have been more true. Fate must be on a roll. Was't she supposed to be destroying these things? That's what she was trained to do, especially with her special ability to purify their soul. all other youkia's were purified by her. Why wasn't this one? She knew, he deserved a chance, just as the humans with darkened hearts.
She didn't have long to ponder answering these questions before what she thought to be another lecture, word was spoken.
"We have decided that in the instance that you should decide to keep the child, our village will allow you to stay so the condition that you still protect the people and surrounding areas as you have done before, however, don't expect favors. You are responsible for your own clothes, food and shelter for you and the hanyou that you will be bringing into this world!" And with that spoken, everyone got up to leave, but not before her mother turned to her and said as she was closing the door, "and if anything should happen to you, your child is no longer welcome here." they left her there to ponder more on their words as her lip trembled and her eyes began to moisten.
That word! If she had not heard it herself, she wouldn't have believed it! It hurt, with a pain one had never felt, not even in training, those kinds of pain went away, could be learned to be dealt with, but this was different, this was a mothers love kind of pain. and comming from her own mother at that. Her future grandchild! she had heard the name or title or word before but that was different, that was for their parents to deal with!
".......and the hanyou you will bring into this world."
"hanyou" Now that hurt, it was too harsh. werent mothers supposed to protect? why had her mother chosen to use that word?
Two words: Reality Check
It made sense, thats what the child would be after all. A human with the heart of a woman and a youkia with above average poweres and abilities. she though it just might actually be a good mix, if fate was off its humor trip. but still, and it returned, that word that clenched her heart.
"hanyou" Maybe it won't be so bad, she thought to herself. Maybe as long as it doesn't grow up to have a nasty mouth like its father! Wait had she just thought that? Well hanyou or not, she had made her decision and one doesn't get anywhere looking down out all the time.
With this thought in mind she wiped the tears that were forming in her eyes and flung ger long silky black hair back and raised violet eyes to the celing hoping to see stars and at the same moment to wonder what this "hanyou's" father was doing right now "I hope he's enjoying himself while I'm in Hell."
She said out loud while throwing her hear back to look for a new day in the stars above. but what she waw was not stars or anything that even resembled a celing.
As she looked up, her eyes becme wide with shock as she stared straight into the eyes of someone else. Focusing her eyes in the poorly lit room some more, her eyes grew wider as she realized tha they were gold and focusing some more she saw white hair surrounded her as he leaned over her from behind and licked her nose.
"Hey aren't you going to say hello?..... stupid woman."
"Smelly mutt"
"Wench"
"Butt sniffer"
"That isn't anywhere close to saying hello, and that kind of talk isn't becoming to a priestess of your level."
Still leaning over her, not having moved from their positions, she closed her eyes again, realizing he was right. she was too mature for this.
Taking in a deep breath and letting it out, she opened her eyes and again looked back up to look at said youkai in the face once more.
After a few seconds of the staring contest she broke it when she said,
"Hello to you, Sugimi"
"And hello to you, Midoriko."