Breakin' The Habit

Song By Linkin Park

Hiei

Memories consume

Like opening the wound

I'm picking me apart again

Their faces loom before me in the cold emptiness. All the ones I have killed, or hurt. All the ones who fear me and all the ones who scorn me. They are all leering at me, and waiting for me to fall.

You all assume

I'm safe here in my room

(Unless I try to start again)

You all think I am safe here behind my wall. "He can take care of himself." They always say. You think I am nothing more than a mere cold killer, an ex-thief and a Spirit Detective. Sometimes I often think of myself that way. It is easier to think like that.

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

Do you not realize that this is merely a shadow of who I really am? Sometimes I doubt that I could be anything other than this person I have created. Sometimes it all gets so tangled up, and the threads reveal things you shouldn't see. My emotions I keep hidden, although sometimes I forget why. All I know is that my character is not supposed to let them through the wall. I cannot let you see my fear, my confusion, my uncertainty.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm

Breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

I have to try to change, before this character becomes me. I know this is wrong, that nobody can be this cold. I know it is unhealthy to hide your emotions, but I can't help it. It has become so much safer to hide behind my wall, and never let anything through.

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more

Than any time before

I had no options left again

I have to break free and become the stronger one. I don't know how to do this, but I have to try. I have to try before this darkness consumes my soul.

I'll paint it on the walls

'Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this is how it ends

I need someone to talk to. Someone new who doesn't know the other me, someone to help me get out of this hole I have dug myself into. Maybe then, part of the real me can emerge, and find a place in the world.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be alright

So I'm

Breaking the habit

Breaking the habit

Tonight