Daria and Jane were in the pretty Rivendell Council meeting area. Leaves were falling gracefully from the surrounding trees –

"We GET the PICTURE," said Mr. DeMartino (Elrond). "Now be QUIET while I call this COUNCIL into session."

Among the attendees of the Council of Elrond were Daria's Aunt Amy (Gandalf), Upchuck (Boromir), Quinn (Gimli), and Sandi (Legolas).

"Sandi is Legolas?" Jane shook her fist at the sky. "Why, narrator, why?"

"I know, I wish things could be different," replied the narrator sadly. "But he would be out of place."

"You could have at least given us Figwit," said Jane.

"Figwit doesn't do much for me," said the narrator, shrugging. She then went into hiding to escape some crazed Figwit fans who had just formed a plot on her life.

"Humph," said Jane bitterly. "Daria at least gets Trent as Aragorn."

"According to the movie (and the book), Aragorn and Frodo never display quite that sort of interest in each other." The narrator smiled wickedly. "Now, Sam and Frodo, on the other hand..."

"Don't even think about it," said Jane. "Where the hell are Stacy and Tiffany? I'd better go off and get them."

"How come Sandi gets to be the elf?" Quinn whined.

"Gee, Quinn, are you saying that you would make a better elf than me?" asked Sandi, affronted.

"Oh, no, Sandi, I could never be as good an elf as you," said Quinn her "faux polite" voice.

"All RIGHT! Settle down!" said DeMartino. "We must DECIDE what to do with the RING!"

Upchuck leered at Quinn and Sandi. "Give me the ring, and I'll use it well. Grrowwl!"

"Yeah, right," said Amy. "You'll just use it to sneak in the ladies room. For that reason alone this ring must be destroyed."

"Any TAKERS?" asked DeMartino.

Crickets chirped.

Daria sighed and raised her hand. "I'll do it."

The narrator beamed. "Good! I didn't even have to threaten you this time."

"Bite me."

Upchuck looked over. "My pleasure...mrow."

Daria got a pained look on her face. "Why couldn't you have made him Gollum, or something? At least then I wouldn't have to interact with him."

The narrator laughed evilly. "You're forgetting The Two Towers."

"Crap," said Daria, looking stricken. "Well, who's coming with me?"

"I'm in, of course," said Amy. Daria gave her aunt a grateful look.

Everyone else stared at Trent, waiting for him to reply. He was asleep again. Amy poked him with her staff. "Wha? Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm in, too."

Everyone then looked at Sandi and Quinn.

"As if I'd go anywhere with Quinn's loser cousin, or whatever," scoffed Sandi.

Daria scowled.

"Oh, yes, you are, or I'll make you be the dwarf," said the narrator.

"Erp." Sandi made no more protests.

"Do I have to do this?" whined Quinn.

"Not unless you want a beard to go with your helmet," the narrator replied.

Quinn put her hands to her face. "Augh! You better not! Okay, I'll go on this dumb thing, too."

"You will need protecting, and I'm just the one to do it," said Upchuck nobly. "Besides, how could I pass up this golden opportunity...journeying far and wide to exotic lands with four luscious ladies, sharing but one tent...perhaps even one sleeping bag..."

"Ewwwww!" cried Quinn.

"In your dreams, loser!" Sandi added.

"Well, it SEEMS we're still short by THREE!" said DeMartino.

Jane, Stacy, and Tiffany rushed in, right on cue.

"Sorry we're late," said Jane. "Tiffany and Stacy got so distracted by their reflections in the waterfalls and lakes that they had to stop to fix their hair and makeup."

"Well, our rooms didn't have mirrors," said Stacy.

"Yah...what else could we do?" said Tiffany.

"Now that you're all HERE, you can go on the QUEST," said DeMartino.

"Wait, let me say goodbye to Arwen first," said Trent.

DeMartino scowled. " OKAY, but HURRY up! I want to go HOME!"

Trent walked off to Monique, who was standing in the distance. As they disappeared behind the trees, Daria lowered her head in disappointment.

Jane put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Cheer up, Daria. There's a five-million to one chance that they'll never get together, given that he's a man and she's an elf scheduled to sail to the undying lands."

"What are you talking about?" Daria said defensively. "I lowered my head because of the glare from the sun."

Everyone waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...until finally...

"Okay, let's go," said Trent, reappearing.

Everyone started walking out of Rivendell.

"Geez, Trent, that was some goodbye," said Jane teasingly.

"Oh...well, we broke up."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Again!"

Trent nodded. "Yeah, going on this quest and all, I probably won't be seeing her again for awhile."

"It took an awfully long time for you two to break up," said Jane suggestively.

"Well, we had a lot to talk about. Issues and stuff. And she gave me this necklace thing that she always wears around her neck. Says it's a good luck charm."

Daria's eyes widened. Jane rolled her eyes at Trent's cluelessness. Everyone continued walking.

"That last sentence was unnecessary," said Daria.

"Shut up and keep walking!"