When they reached the forest of Lothlorien, they barely had time to notice the pretty leaves falling before they were surrounded by elves with bows and arrows.
"I hate to say this, but the dwarf talks so loud we could have shot her in the dark," said Haldir, who was being played by Ted, that weird home-schooled kid.
"I am NOT a dwarf!" said Quinn.
Daria blushed. "Ted?"
"Oh, hi Daria," he said. "Don't expect me to ask, do you have any gum?"
"You just did," she said.
Ted sighed. "Oh, for heaven's sake, does every Daria fanfic writer have to make me ask you for gum?"
"Eeww! A geek! Let's go back," cried Sandi.
"Sorry, but I've got strict orders to take you to see the Lady of the Wood," said Ted. "Come. She awaits."
After a brief walk to Caras Galadhon they descended into the eerily lit elf chamber on the top of a tall tree. Helen (Galadriel) and Jake (Celeborn) descended slowly from the dais to greet them.
"Hey, aren't there supposed to be nine of you?" asked Jake.
"Gandalf has fallen into shadow," said Helen dramatically.
"Gandalf?" asked Jake. "I thought it was your sister Amy."
"Just be quiet, Jake…er, Celeborn," Helen snapped.
"But – "
Helen glared at him.
"Damn crossover/parodies!" muttered Jake. "Can't ever remember who's who!"
"The Fellowship stands on the edge of a knife – " Helen began.
Sandi interrupted her. "Um, Mrs. Morgendorffer, this is almost interesting, but according to Quinn we are supposed to get gifts of some kind. Could you just give them to us so we can be on our way?"
Everyone, even Daria, nodded in agreement.
Helen sighed in defeat. "All right. But first, Daria...er, Frodo must look in the magic mirror. Come."
"Can I come, too?" asked Jake eagerly.
"No!" said Helen, irritated.
Jake pouted. "Celeborn never gets to do anything fun!"
Daria and Helen entered Galadriel's Glade. A stone alter stood in the center with a metal bowl. That's right, it's everybody's favorite Magic Mirror!
"What a pathetic description," said Daria. "Are you even trying anymore?"
"Will you look into the mirror?" said Helen, trying to sound mysterious.
"Yeah, yeah," said Daria in a bored voice.
"Daria, you could at least try to enjoy this," said Helen in her normal tone. "Look on the bright side."
"What bright side?"
"Uh...it's an extra-curricular activity that will look good on your college application?"
Daria looked at her mother as if she'd gone crazy. "Yes, I can just see it now – 'kidnapped with family and peers and forced to act out The Fellowship of the Ring as the puppets of a sadistic narrator,'" she said sarcastically.
Helen glared at Daria.
"Er...works for me," Daria said quickly.
"So...will you look into the mirror?" Helen was dramatic again.
"What will I see?" said Daria completely devoid of emotion.
"Even the wisest cannot tell, for the mirror shows many things. Things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass."
Daria stepped up and looked. "Whoopee. My reflection."
The water changed. Daria saw scenes from the Fellowship's journey, and then the image dissolved and she saw Lawndale in ruins. Aghast, she pulled away and gaped at her mother.
"I know what it is you saw, for it is also in my mind – "
"Save your breath. I'm not going to offer you the ring."
Helen looked very disappointed. "But then I can't do Galadriel's 'beautiful and terrible' monologue!"
Daria shrugged. "Too bad you weren't cast as Frodo instead."
"Are you freely offering your part to me? I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this."
"As much as I hate to say it, no," said Daria. "I don't think the narrator would let me."
"Then I will remain Galadriel, and diminish, and go into the West," said Helen, making one last attempt to say as many of Galadriel's lines as possible.
Daria started to leave, but had a thought and turned back to look at her mother. "You couldn't tell me, by any chance, why I saw Lawndale in the mirror instead of the Shire?"
Helen shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not the one writing this."
"Just trying to keep you on your toes. Wouldn't want you to get too comfy, now," said the narrator.
"Fat chance of that happening," said Daria, and left.
On the banks of the River Anduin, everyone was packing the boats in preparation for their journey.
"Quinn, it was so nice of your mother to give us all this stuff," said Stacy.
"Yah…these elf blades are so shiny…" said Tiffany, admiring her reflection in one of them.
"Yeah, Quinn, too bad all you got was three strands of your mother's hair," said Sandi.
Quinn scowled. "I can't help it if she's really into this!"
"Mom giving Quinn a love-token...I thought incest was outlawed in all fifty states," said Daria.
Jane grinned. "We're in Middle Earth. Anything goes."
"The river looks cold and deep," said Daria. "They'd never find your body."
Jane waxed melodramatic. "Planning to pull a Boromir on me? Is this any way to treat your loyal companion?"
"What was that about me, my raven-tressed enchantress?" asked Upchuck.
"Oh, nothing," said Jane quickly.
"That was close. Too close," said Daria. "I've been counting down the minutes until he's out of our hair."