Daria emerged from the forest and saw that Jane was already sitting in one of the boats.

"Aren't you supposed to come after me?" she asked.

Jane shrugged. "Eh, since I knew in advance that Sam goes with Frodo, I decided to skip the rush."

Daria smiled her Mona Lisa smile. "Well, to Mordor we go, I suppose. It's just too bad that we'll miss seeing Upchuck's mangled body going over the falls."

"Yeah...Hey, we haven't heard from the narrator for awhile. Why don't we take a five minute break?"

"Oh, hey. Sorry, had to leave for a moment. Bathroom break. So what'd I miss?" asked the narrator.

"Nothing important," said Daria quickly.

"Just a heartwarming goodbye between Frodo and Aragorn," said Jane.

Daria was stunned. "How did you know?"

"I saw a little of it before I decided to beat you to the boat. It was very cute. Heavy awww factor."

"Damn you, Lane. And damn you, too, sadistic narrator."

The narrator shrugged. "Hey, I had to throw in something to keep the Daria/Trent shippers happy."

"What about Tom, then?" asked Jane. "Does he make an appearance, too?"

"I figured since Tom Bombadil was left out of the movie, why not leave Tom Sloane out of the crossover?" said the narrator.

"And pass up another opportunity to torture me?" said Daria, incredulous. "You're getting soft."

"I wouldn't start singing praises yet. You never know what will happen...there's still The Two Towers and The Return of the King. Muahhahaa."

"I'm really going to have to do something about this mouth before it kills me," said Daria.

"If Mordor doesn't first," said Jane.

"If only I was that lucky. Too bad I couldn't pilot this boat over those nearby falls."

Back on the banks of the Anduin, Trent, Quinn, and Sandi unceremoniously dumped Upchuck's body into an empty boat and shoved him toward the direction of the falls.

"So it's true, then, that Stacy and Tiffany have been kidnapped?" asked Sandi.

"We've got to get them back!" said Quinn.

Trent looked extremely pained at the prospect of having to spend time with the fashettes. He looked longingly at Daria and Jane as they exited the boat and disappeared into the trees on the other side of the river.

"Oh, let them go," said Sandi, waving her hand dismissively. "That ring was tacky, anyway. Yellow gold is so last season."

"I guess holding true to each other is out of the question," said Trent. "Well...I guess we have to go rescue them. Leave all that can be spared behind."

"Not my eyelash curlers!" Sandi protested.

"What about my ultra-sonic jewelry cleaner?" asked Quinn.

Trent's eyes narrowed. "All that can be spared. Or stay behind and starve to death. Whatever."

Quinn and Sandi grumbled but made no more complaints.

Trent brandished his sword. "Let's hunt some orc! I always wanted to say that."

"You said it in the wrong spot," said Quinn spitefully.

"Oh, shut up...Daria's sister."

Sandi smirked as Quinn steamed.

Daria and Jane paused for a moment before descending into the rocky chasm of Emyn Muir. The flames of Mount Doom shot above the nearby mountaintops of Mordor.

"So this is Doom," said Daria.

"Mount Doom, or our doom?" asked Jane.

"Even the wisest cannot tell," deadpanned Daria.

"Ha, ha, funny girl. Another lembas?"

"What the hell," said Daria, taking one.

"At least we don't have to see the fashettes or Upchuck again," said Jane.

"Is that so?" asked the narrator.

"You're evil," said Daria.

"Being evil is so much fun."

"Someday you'll pay for this."

"Perhaps...but until then, on to Mordor!" cried the narrator.

Daria sighed resignedly. "Let's go, Jane."

Daria and Jane started making their way into the chasm.

"Poor Trent," said Jane. "Stuck with Quinn and the rest."

"Yeah. I'd say we got the lucky end of the deal," said Daria sarcastically. "We only have to face more orcs, a treacherous former hobbit, a giant spider, and Sauron himself."

Jane smirked. They walked in silence.

"Jane?"

"Yeah, Daria?"

Daria smiled her Mona Lisa smile. "I'm glad you're with me."

Cue Enya.

"This ending is too sappy," said Daria.

"Sssssh!" said the narrator. "Don't ruin it or I'll make you fall into the nearest chasm!"

THE END….AT LEAST FOR NOW

Liked the story? Hated it? Utterly indifferent about it? Please review anyway! For those who were hoping (or maybe dreading), I will eventually get around to the Two Towers and Return of the King crossover/parody.